Lost Love
by Delphina2
Summary: Told from Jacob's POV, exploration his motivations, why he made mistakes but ended up wise & loving. Answers most questions that the tv series didn't. Some is from Layna's POV who I've written as Ilana's mother.
1. 1  Ilana

******Chapter 1*****

"The first time I saw her, she was only eight, like you," Jacob said

Illana was sitting across from him at their table in the cabin, as eager to listen as if she hadn't heard the story a dozen times already.

"It was 1898," he went on, as he spun the flax fiber into thread on his hand spindle. "Ten years after I brought her parents to the island. Her father was from France, but he came on a ship from England and her mother's ship came from Greece. The other one I brought..."

"I know, I know, they formed three tribes and there were wanderers and wars before they made treaties and rules," she said. "Can you skip to the good part about mommy?"

Her brows came together in a soft point as she gently pleaded. As usual, Jacob gave in.

"I was coming back from my flax field," he started, checking her face for approval; she nodded. "And traveling high on a ridge to avoid the people. I felt two people very near but paid no attention until I heard a woman calling frantically. It seems," he said, picking up more fiber. "Your mother had found a thicket full of berries and she wasn't coming out!"

"I love berries as much as she does, don't I?" Illana asked as she took a few from the basket before her.

"Yes," Jacob said, noting with affection that their likenesses were nearly endless. He took a breath and said, "From where I was watching and listening far above, I could see her moving in deeper, but her mother couldn't." Jacob wound some of the fiber on the spindle and began again to spin as he continued. "When she found her, she tried to persuade her to come out."

"She didn't want the berries in the middle to be wasted," Illana said. "She wanted to trade any extra she couldn't eat... and give some to Ricardus.."

"She didn't know Ricardus yet," Jacob corrected. "It was for another friend, one her age."

"Oh, that's right, go on." She took three more berries and fixed her eyes on the top like device. Usually Illana would help him, but her hands were stained deep crimson from the thread she had dyed earlier and he wanted this thread to remain clean.

"Do you want me to skip ahead again?" he asked. She shook her head, a forbearing expression on her face. "I had began to move on over the ridge when I heard her mother scream."

"Were you too high up to feel the bad wanderer men coming?" Illana said.

"No, I knew when they were near just like I knew your mother and grandmother were near," he said.

"And you knew they were dangerous," she asked.

"Yes," he admitted. Illana had never questioned him on this part of the story before.

"She wouldn't have been shot and carried off if you had warned her," Illana said. She was so unsure that it seemed a question. Ricardo had asked him a similar question all those years ago and Jacob remembered he hadn't even bothered to answer.

"That's probably true," he said. She blinked thoughtfully and he continued. "But when that happened and I saw the girl was alone, I called down for her to stay hidden."

"I bet she was going to go help her mother," Illana said. It was no question, it was a new, confident comment. "That's what I would have done," she stated.

"I don't doubt that," he said with a smirk. As the spindle twirled he pulled another tuft of fiber from the basket on the floor and continued to spin. This would be a nice long thread.

"Why did you wait to warn them?" she asked. Though still staring forward, her eyes seemed to lose focus as she waited for his answer.

Jacob felt a warning in his heart, he knew Illana well. The older she grew, the more critical she became. He answered honestly, but carefully. "Adults should know better than to pick berries in dangerous territory."

"But_ you're_ the protector," Illana said. "Shouldn't you save us all?"

"If I protect people from their own bad decisions, how will they learn to make the right choices?" he asked. She frowned. He continued. "Children don't have the knowledge and experience yet that's a parent's job to teach them. Like I teach you. Like my mother taught me. And like Ricardus taught your mother after your grandmother died."

Illana wasn't pacified by his explanation. "Ricardus would have warned them," she said.

She'd never met him, but from his stories, she knew his messenger well. Jacob felt a twinge of regret as he said, "Yes. He probably would have."

The sadness on her face cut through him more than any anger would have. He stopped spinning and put the spool down. Illana, so attuned to his every emotion looked down and bit her bottom lip. Being judged, so innocently and reluctantly by his own daughter pricked Jacob's conscience like nothing else could.

In a low whisper he admitted, "Maybe that was a mistake."

Her dark eyes darted up at him. How quickly her faith was restored whenever he admitted any fault! She reached out and touched his hand and soothed, "It's okay, Daddy, don't feel bad. You didn't know."

The sting in his eyes humbled him. "Your ability to love despite flaws is what reminds me most of your mother," he said.

With a sad smile, she got up and pushed his spinning away, climbing on his lap with her arms around his neck. She leaned her head on his shoulder she said, "Can you go on?"

Jacob didn't know that he could without choking up, but he pressed his lips against her forehead and took a deep breath, determined to try.


	2. 2 Layna rescued at 8

*******Chapter 2*****

1898

Jacob rarely summoned Ricardo for anything but an update on the tribes, but the call that went out wasn't a decision he made, it was his emotions that bid his messenger to come here, to this spot. But would he see the girl?

"Little one, do you know of Ricardo?" he shouted in her language as he descended towards the angry men headed in her direction.

"The pretty Spaniard Wanderer?" she asked.

Jacob smiled. "Yes, when he comes, go with him."

He could only hope she would listen, but he had to be careful or he could be struck by an arrow as her mother had been.

Jacob disabled the men who had gone after the child and then found her mother in the nearby Wanderer camp.

Even before he'd taken his oath, Jacob had a temper and a strong fist when needed. Now, the light empowered him to strike any target with accuracy and potency. Rarely did he use his hands when a wave, a storm or whatever was handy could do the work with only a thought. But sometimes, when dealing with cowards, he found it cathartic.

"You should join a village tribe," he suggested as a quip to the women and children in the camp. There were two men who didn't interfere when he dressed the woman's wound, and he left them be as well.

He carried the woman to the elders of the nearest village and was directed to a decent sized hut where her husband lived within a high wooden fence. He was small, quiet man, who, Jacob noted, limped unnecessarily. On their property was also a workshop that seemed to be that of a blacksmith.

"Take these?" the young girl insisted, holding up her large bag of berries. When Jacob shook his head, the sadness in her eyes moved him to squat before her.

"Maybe one," he said, and smiled at her as he put it in his mouth.

She watched him with dark, intense eyes and upon his swallow, the light gave him a glimpse into her future; in a flash he saw her, a grown woman, eyes closed, falling away from him to her death. It startled him so much that he reached out and grabbed the young girl's shoulders.

Instantly he came back into the moment. Her tentative hug around his neck was welcome and he generously squeezed her in return.

As he left, Jacob had fully expected her mother would be made whole, but the light did not choose to heal her. Despite his effort that day and his will for the little girl to have a mother, she died of an infection two weeks later.

Once more Jacob was reminded of his limitations; his compassion was secondary to the intentions of the light. Becoming angry never accomplished anything and he tried for months after seeing the funeral procession to put it out of his head. And then he realized, almost defiantly, the light may not always do what he wanted, but Ricardo would.

"How is she?" he asked his messenger after offering him a cup of tea.

"Who?" Ricardo asked. He took the hot cup and gingerly sipped.

"The girl I sent you to look after," Jacob said.

"Oh... I haven't seen her. I've been watching the wanderers who have joined to the Western tribe. It's causing trouble."

He went on to bring up his concerns for their petty arguing and disputes, nothing that seemed noteworthy to Jacob.

"One bit of good news," Ricardo said, "Instead of chance pairings between the tribes, an inter-tribal marriage trial is being formed. It seems to be a peaceful resolution to the conflict of interests that were leading to most of the hostilities."

In the back of his mind Jacob wondered what his brother was feeling about how these groups were actually working out their differences - likely it would mean he'd feel a need to interfere. And then something in the back of his mind gave Jacob a hint.

"Was that your doing?" Jacob asked.

"Yes, somewhat," Ricardo said humbly. "My marriage was not arranged, and very happy while it lasted... I suggested instead of trading for wives or stealing them, that they provide an opportunity for..."

"Well done," Jacob said, not interested in the details. "I want you to do something else for me," he said. "Find out how that little girl is doing without a mother. Her father seemed... distracted... dishonest even."

"Layna?" Ricardo asked. Then he confirmed, "Her name is Layna... Her father is a good man, but consumed by his work. He's an inventor by trade."

Jacob knew the meaning of her name from reading books that had been brought to the island. When he made the connection he felt a tingling over his face and arms. "That would be her name," he said as much to himself as to Ricardo.

"Why?" Ricardo said.

"It means light and truth," Jacob said. "Something I have a great deal of interest in protecting."

Ricardo gave a smile and said, "What a coincidence."

After nearly two thousand years, Jacob no longer believed in coincidences. "Find out what her father's been doing inventing," he added, tossing dirt on the fire. "I want to know about anything that seems special to you."


	3. 3 Ricardo the kind hearted

********Chapter 3 ******

1898

"Is that Layna, I see?"

"Ricardo!" she yelled, leaving the large jug of water she was carrying and running to him. He stumbled back from the force of her jump into his arms and then knelt down to her. "You came back!" she said. "I thought you said you'd be too busy!"

"It's good to see you too and actually," he said as he peeled her arms off of him. "I have an official reason for visiting, Layna. Jacob wants to know how you are... he asked about you. And that's an honor, his concern is usually only for the behavior of the leaders."

It took Layna a couple of seconds for the question to sink in.

"Well, I am running the house!" she bragged. "My father says my mother taught me well and he's very proud of me."

"What do you mean, running the house?" Ricardo asked.

"He has to invent important things for science and he's got his limp so... I do what my mother did, except cooking. She was always worried I'd get burned."

"But you're such a young girl," he said. "Isn't it difficult?"

"The jug is kind of heavy," Layna admitted. "She made it big so we wouldn't have to make as many trips. My father says I'll grow up soon and be stronger."

Ricardo looked up on the hill and then his dark eyes fell on her again. Without another word he stood and walked towards it. Layna ran after him and though she felt slightly awkward, she didn't complain. Her arms were so sore.

When they arrived back into their family's gate, he set it down and said, "Where's your father, Layna?"

That night she listened as her father and Ricardo spoke about the other two tribes on the island and what types of gadgets they might want to trade for and which of his inventions should be kept secret. She heard Jacob's name mentioned a couple of times, but despite trying to eavesdrop Layna fell asleep.

In the morning she sprung up and her heart sank when she saw the bed Ricardo had stayed in was put away. She ran outside to see him attempting to collect the eggs from the coop. He was trying to lift a chicken and was getting pecked.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "That's my chore."

Ricardo turned around with a smile and said, "Your father has agreed to allow me to stay with you, so long as I earn my keep. It will be nice for me to live in one place for a time instead of wandering about the island."

"But... what will I do if you do my chores?"

"You can play," he said. "Isn't that what young girls like to do?" She stared at him, unable to explain the pain in her heart. He was being kind and she wasn't being very grateful.

As she slowly backed away, staring at the basket, he said, "You can go back to being a little girl. Don't you have dolls?" She felt as if she was going to cry and shook her head. Softly he asked, "What did you do when your mother was still here?"

"I helped her with the chores," she said blankly. "And then we did lessons and she would sing me songs."

"Ah," he said. "I can't sing, but I can teach you what I know if you would help me with the chores."

Filled with relief she nodded. She took the basket and said, "You're doing it wrong."

Ricardo was an excellent student during the day and at night, he took up her schooling where her mother had left off.

"Can't you teach me about Jacob?" she asked him one night after a history lesson.

"He hasn't given me permission, but why don't you tell me what you know, and I can tell you if it's right."

"My mother told me about a man who had greeted their ship when they arrived. She was only five and didn't remember, but the elders told her he taught them many things about living on the island and how to survive here. He told them they could go but if they did, they could never come back. They say there is an island protector who punishes bad people with a dark cloud full of lightning and that if you are good enough he will give you gifts. My mother said it's because I'm so generous that the island gifted me with finding things."

"First, it was me that greeted the boats, not Jacob," Ricardo said. "And Jacob wants people to be good, but he doesn't punish them if they aren't or reward them if they are."

"What does he do then?" she asked.

"He watches... that's all I can say."

"So why does the dark cloud kill people and why do I have a gift?"

"I can ask him what I can say when he calls me again," Ricardo said. "He's not patient with questions, though... so don't get your hopes up."

"Is Jacob good?" she asked. Ricardo didn't seem comfortable with that question and he tried to put her to bed without answering. "I'm going to think the answer is no if you don't say yes," she warned as he climbed down the ladder from her loft.

"I will tell you what I think..." he said. "It doesn't mean it's right." It was so dark that Layna couldn't see his eyes in the shadow over them, but she trusted Ricardo to be honest and she nodded. "I believe," he whispered, "Jacob _wants_ to be good just as badly as he wants us to be good."


	4. 4 If you can't beat technology

***** Chapter 4 ******

1903

As he pulled the flax plant stems by the roots through his rippling comb to remove the seeds, Jacob began to realize he was actually a little worried.

Where was Ricardo? He had expected him a day ago.

Jacob hadn't expected Ricardo to move in and teach Layna when he'd asked about her, but he was glad for it. Not only was it Ricardo demonstrating the exact type of goodness Jacob knew could be found in people, but the people there looked out for their own. They had their issues, but if Ricardo became one of them, he would be safer than a lone wanderer.

His ambassador was immortal, but not invincible. His brother couldn't touch him, but there were many people on the island who could. What if that happened, wouldn't he feel it? Losing him and going back to the way things were before... would hurt.

As the emotion came over him, Jacob was surprised with a vision that flashed and dissolved quickly.

Ricardo was in Layna's home, safe. It surprised him because Jacob's visions were warnings of the future or rarely he would see in present time something to do with protecting the island. Ricardo wasn't any more important to the light than anyone else and Jacob didn't expect this trivial concern to be noticed. Lifting his eyes as he put aside the ripped stems into a vat of water he felt grateful. It was nice to have what he wanted acknowledged once in a while.

"I'm sorry I didn't come immediately," Ricardo said. Jacob welcomed him into his chamber offering a full meal this time and they took a seat at his table in the corner to eat.

"I knew where you were," he said warmly to his guest. "I admire that you care for the child when you don't have to."

"She's not a child any longer," Ricardo said, "She's thirteen." He took a bite as Jacob thought about what that meant. Time seemed to pass more quickly when he knew children. "She's asked many questions about what you can and can't do," Ricardo said. "I haven't been answering, but... I wondered if now that she's older, if I might pose them to you."

Jacob took in a breath and then sighed shaking his head. He had to keep his abilities, and especially his limitations, to himself. His own mind was the only one his brother couldn't read and that meant he couldn't even risk telling Ricardo.

"What's her father up to?" Jacob redirected.

Ricardo hesitated before he continued. "I was late because he just come back from testing an invention on the Southern Shore. I could have brought Layna with me here, but you said..."

"It's fine," Jacob said. "What was he testing?"

"My education was not in the sciences," Ricardo answered. "And I have tried to understand how his pendulums and gyroscopes work but when he tells me his theories I'm at a loss. It has to do with bending light. He can't think of a use for it, but the properties fascinate him. It keeps him busy, but poor."

"Has he been visited?" Jacob asked.

"By _him_? I don't think so. He was a student of Jean Foucalt, a physicist. He was traveling to study in the new world when he was brought here. It's because his instruments function differently that he chose to stay."

If his brother was not involved, Jacob wondered if the light had given Layna's father the gift to see how things worked before they were made.

"Was his trip a success?" Jacob asked.

"Yes! He said there was a focus of light, near the lighthouse that he wanted to tap into. The device measured the energy he predicted."

The lighthouse was one of the places where Jacob received many visions and as the concern came over him he saw a warning. A woman arriving that he didn't bring. She had knowledge greater than anyone on the island and she would know what to do with this work... and the work would help Jacob.

When it was gone, Jacob leaned forward on his elbows, rubbing his stubbly chin as he thought about his brother's invention.

Over a eight hundred years ago Jacob began receiving incessant visions of a need to do more to protect the island. He saw that people were traveling over the seas and their methods and equipment were becoming more sophisticated. In order to keep them from coming to the island on their own, Jacob was led to do something.

Reluctant, he had brought gifted people here and then did not interfere when his brother manipulated them into digging up and installing his wheel. Jacob knew it wouldn't work for his brother to leave, but when the man turning the wheel actually disappeared moving the island in the process, Jacob's surprise was only overshadowed by his brother's disappointment.

"You think I didn't know what you were doing?" Jacob had asked him when he was angrily confronted. "They were here to help me but I appreciate your participation." Nobody on the island had survived the night, but Jacob now had a new way to protect it.

"He's a good man," Ricardo said, interrupting Jacob's thoughts. "He's taken another wife, to help take care of the household so that I can serve you without other obligations."

As Ricardo went on to explain more details of the changes in the small family, Jacob raised his brows and nodded, having very little interest, but not wanting to be rude.

His mind was on the warning he'd just received and what, if anything, he could do about it. The light didn't tell him what to do, it just provided him the opportunity to plan.

"I want regular reports on what he's doing," Jacob said.

Ricardo nodded and when they were finished speaking about where he would travel to next among the people, Ricardo said, "Before I leave, I have been asked to deliver a message to you." He pulled out of his breast pocket a tiny scroll of parchment tied with a piece of blue, braided thread. He handed it over and said, "I apologize for the presumption... I tried to talk her out of it."

Ricardo seemed to be curious for him to open it, but Jacob lifted his brows and waited until his messenger walked out of his chamber. It was the first time Jacob had received a letter to him unrequested. When he saw the printing was in the Latin he had taught Ricardo, he was pleased by her skill and fluency. He had expected questions, but was pleasantly surprised.

"Thank you for caring how I am and sending Ricardo. I wanted you to know, I care how you are too, even if you can't tell me."


	5. 5 Gift of Giving

*********Chapter 5*********

1903

Jacob had no idea how Layna had found his flax field, but throughout the morning he watched her picking his flowers and grew concerned that she might be a threat to his supply. He wouldn't even have recognized her as the little girl he knew, she was so nearly a woman now, but he was close enough to feel it.

Finally he came out from hiding and asked, "How am I supposed to spin thread for my tapestry if you take all my flax?"

Immediately she dropped the entire bundle and ran, never even looking at him.

As she fled down the hill and into the trees, on impulse, Jacob took chase. She was quick, and he kept up, but when she looked back and saw him, her face went pale and she stopped in her tracks. Catching his breath, he stood before her noticing she kept her eyes cast down.

He put his hands on his hips and asked, "Why did you run from me?"

"I'm sorry, that wasn't very respectful."

"That doesn't answer my question," he said. She shook her head, her face twitching. "Are you afraid of me?" he asked.

"No, sir," she said. "You saved my life and sent Ricardo."

"So why did you run?" he asked. Her chin dimpled and she kept her eyes on the ground. Jacob dug deep into his pant's pocket for the scrap of paper he kept with him and held it up in front of her. Lana's eyes widened and her lips parted. "I see you know what this is."

"It's my note," she said, looking up.

"It became my note, when you gave it to me," he corrected with a smirk. Her emotions softened and he asked, "Do you still feel this way?" She nodded. Gently he said, "Me too. Now tell me what troubles you?"

"I am afraid," she said. "But not of you. Of fate. The good you intended for me only delayed the inevitable." He shook his head confused and gestured for her to sit on a nearby fallen tree. She took a breath, her dirty hands on the knees of her worn skirt.

"Ever since Ricardo left," she said, "My step mother has been telling me I must find a husband." She began to show the anger at her situation. "She says I need too much and help too little. She's given me one year or she will choose for me from her tribe in the West. The only boys I know are the sons of a Wanderer, the one who tried to kidnap me!" She shook her head and said, "It's as if fate is laughing at your effort to free me." She looked up towards the field and said, "I thought if I could collect flax and spin enough to trade for materials my father needs, I would be valuable enough that he would argue to keep me." As if desperate to exonerate herself she said, "I'm only here because the flax in the field near our village has been picked to the dirt by women who are too lazy to spin what they take. And I have no rights to it without a husband." She looked at her dirty hands and said, "I thought finding the field was another gift. I would never steal."

"Another gift, what do you mean?" he asked.

"Sometimes I find things." She rolled her eyes as she said, "My stepmother says it's because I can't focus on where I'm going. That I watch the ground. But I feel where things are, I don't see them."

Jacob believed her instantly and asked, "Things such as?"

She tilted her head and smiled, suddenly looking much older than he expected.

"Ricardo said you don't like to answer questions... but you sure ask a lot." Jacob wasn't sure how to take that comment and while he was deciding she made an intriguing offer. "Privacy is your purgative because you are the protector. But, I will answer all of your questions, if I might ask you one... just one?"

He didn't like to bargain for information, but her expression was difficult to resist. "I can't promise I'll answer," he said. "But yes, you have my permission to ask one question."

Layna looked over his face before she went on. "It started when I was four. I found a very old book. My mother said it was in the script of her ancestors and very, very special."

Jacob couldn't help but interrupt, "What was the book?"

"The Odyssey. She was able to teach me to read her language with it."

Excitedly he asked, "Do you still have it?"

"No, I gave it to Ricardo for teaching me Latin," she said. "Why?"

"It's mine," he said. "A very large wave hit the island when Ricardo first came and I lost many things when it washed through my home."

"That is how gifts work!" she exclaimed. "The island took your book and gave you Ricardo! If you want it back, you only have to give Ricardo something! That will complete the circle... though you may not get the book unless you ask, sometimes you have to ask for what you want. Though, the island knows what you want before you ask... sometimes before you even know what it is you want."

Jacob chuckled. "You seem to have it all figured out." From her grin, she also seemed proud of the figuring. Gesturing he said, "Go on, what else have you found?"

"There were crystals in the crater last month," she said. I gave them to my father and he is using them in some of his experiments... and I found a berry that's blue, it's too bitter to eat, but it makes a lovely dye. I used it to dye the thread on your note." As he listened to her long list Jacob wasn't sure he agreed that she was gifted by the light but he decided, the fate she feared was not necessarily inevitable.

"Layna," he said when she was done, "You may have what flax you picked here today as a gift from me." He reached down next to his foot and picked a red flower and reached out, handing it to her. As she took it, he placed his other hand on hers and said, "You have my permission to pick flowers from _anywhere_ on the island." As he said it he felt the familiar flow of energy being drawn through him to her. As he pulled his hands back he said, "Tell Ricardo I said it. You don't need a husband to give you permission if you have mine."

She was silent and in awe at first, but by the time she was ready to be on her way with her arms full, she was beaming and rambling so that he missed most of what she said until finally she asked, "May I ask my question now?"

Jacob prepared himself to dodge what mysteries about the island or himself she might pry into. "Alright," he said carefully, "You may ask. And if I can I will answer."

"It's what I said in my note. I still care how you are. So, how are you, Jacob?

It stumped him as much as anything she could have asked. He repeated it, thinking carefully."How am I?" She blinked in the sunlight looking up at him and feeling pressed for an answer he said, "I have honestly never thought about it before..." He shrugged and answered, "I just am."

Layna didn't seem pleased, and instead of her father's language they had been speaking, she spoke to him first in Latin. "If you speak truth, then I say to you:" In the ancient Greek of her mother's tongue, she finished, "May the gods grant thee thy heart's desire."

At first Jacob thought maybe Ricardo had told her about his tapestry, but even if his messenger had bothered to read the text Jacob had woven,, he wouldn't dare share it with this girl, would he?

Delighted in herself Layna turned and ran away with the flax, leaving him stunned. Then it struck him, she had his book! He must have made a notation. He'd chosen the passage long, long ago. It'd been so long he couldn't remember why anymore or out of which context it had been taken.

Once back in his dark chamber, he wondered, was he giving this young girl false hope about her future? What could Jacob control about fate? Hadn't the light time and again reminded him that it was in charge, and Jacob was bound to use it's powers for it's will and purposes, not his own?

For weeks as he spun and prepared to weave, Jacob considered her situation. It angered him that he had went through the trouble to save someone's life, to have her die, but slavery was worse than death and he had not freed Layna just to see her forced into a marriage to the same type of men that had killed her mother.

But he couldn't force her parents and her tribe to give it to her a choice. As he set about to weave, the opportunity came to him without any vision from the light. Layna had already come up with her own solution and Jacob didn't need the light's power to help her. He had abilities that were his own, skills he had worked for since childhood. He had centuries to weave and put aside the thread.

After a year, he called Ricardo who brought Jacob's book and they then discussed her father's work manufacturing electricity from the island's resources that he was now using it to power his other experiments. And his brother had been seen by travelers

"It's about time," Jacob said. "I think you being here has thrown him off his game."

"What should we do?" Ricardo asked. "Will you protect the people?"

"I can't," Jacob said.

"But you, you gave me my long life, why can't you offer these people anything?"

"For your service," Jacob said. Then he thought about it and said, "See who will align with me. There may be something I can do. And now, I have something for you to deliver to Layna."

When his messenger saw the size of it, he was slightly overwhelmed. Jacob however, had no doubts in Ricardo's strength and agility.

After he left, Jacob sat down to look through his old book. It had some mildew damage on it that looked to have been cleaned, and it was very warn as if read dozens of times. As he read through he noticed he had not marked any pages. When he read the passage leading up to the quote he had selected he realized, Layna didn't know about the tapestry, she was speaking out of this context - it was said to a young girl who desired to find a husband.

Jacob looked up at his tapestry unnerved that he couldn't remember why he had selected it. He put the book down. On this island, there were no coincidences.


	6. 6 The DeGroots

******** Chapter 6 ******

1906

"Rain now?" Layna grumbled on her way home. She had just delivered three large reams of fabric to trade for items her father needed and hoped to be back before now and visit with Ricardo who was visiting.

As it began to pour, she started to run but slipped in the mud and the three orbs of glass in her pocket hit her leg. Layna realized her error and said to the island, "I know... our plan is working, I shouldn't complain."

When she slowed back down, rubbing her sore leg, she felt something she hadn't in months; there was something important nearby. Layna wanted to ignore it but had to believe whatever it was wouldn't be calling her if she wasn't supposed to find it.

She wandered around in the gloominess until she felt as though she should tilt her head back. When she did, feeling the wet droplets of rain on her face, she saw a bloody man hanging in a tree, his arm and neck twisted in an impossible for life position. Inclined to scream, Layna stepped back, gasping and tripped, falling over another body before any sound left her mouth.

The person on the floor of the forest was a woman, dressed in a white coat with long blond hair. She pushed her over and saw her eyes were closed and there was a trickle of blood from a bump on her forehead. Feeling her neck, and then listening to her chest, Layna determined she was alive. She was close to home but it was too far to be heard if she shouted in the rain, yet she didn't want to leave the woman's side.

As soon as she thought it, the rain began to stop. Layna shook the woman's shoulders and spoke in her father's tongue, "Hello?"

The woman blinked, looking up at Layna and then above her to the man hanging in the tree. Her scream rang out clear and Layna sat back, watching her as she started to cry and reach up.

"I'm sorry," Layna said, again in French. "Were you hurt?"

The woman seemed unable to understand her and Layna said it again, this time in her step mother's tongue of English.

The woman answered in English, but with a very strange accent, "Are you a native?"

"I live here," Layna said. "Do you?"

Getting up she said, "My husband and I came to the island months ago, didn't Richard tell you?"

Layna thought of it for a minute, that was the name her step mother called Ricardo. "He has never mentioned anyone new to me."

The woman narrowed her eyes at Layna suspiciously. "Where am I? What part of the island am I on?" she asked.

"You're in the Eastern Tribe," Layna said.

"You people have tribes?" she asked, walking around below her husband. The sound of the tree branch above cracking made Layna pull the woman out of the way right before her large husband fell to the ground, splattering them both with blood from his severed arm. They both yelped and the woman squatted down next to him and shook her head lifting the back of her hand to her mouth. When she stood again she asked, "Can some of your people help me get his body back to our barracks?"

"Are you from the Western tribe?" Layna asked, "Because that is very far..."

"No, I'm not from any tribe," she started, but went silent when the sound of clicking came from around them. "It's back!" she said.

For the first time, Layna saw with her own eyes the dark cloud as it had been described by others. It swept past her more like snake of smoke than a storm. It ignored Layna and came at the woman, who dropped to the ground beside her husband. It hovered over her and Layna looked around for something and found a white rock.

She picked it up and hurled it at the smoke, shouting in Latin, "Leave her alone!"

It jerked away and started to turn towards Layna, but stopped when she ran from it. Ricardo must have heard the woman scream, because he grabbed her arm and started to pull her away.

"There's a woman," she said, pointing. "She knows you, she..."

The dark cloud shot up into the sky before she could finish and they ran towards the woman.

Ricardo said to her in English, "Get up, hurry!"

She did as she was told and the three of them went to a thicket of trees and he pushed them inside just as the clicking returned along with impossibly loud noises like large boulders falling from the sky. Layna held on to Ricardo and felt his hand gripping her shoulder. The woman with them was breathing heavily.

When the sounds outside went silent, he said, "He's gone... You two were very lucky!"

The woman didn't seem grateful and climbed out accusing him, "After all the supplies we gave you people, is this how you treat us, Richard? You send your security system after us? I thought we had an understanding."

Layna and Ricardo climbed out as well and in Latin he asked Layna, "Who is this woman?"

"I don't know," she responded.

"Stop speaking Latin," she demanded.

He said in English, "I'm sorry, I've never met you before."

She looked him over and then Layna. After studying their clothing, her anger turned to panic. "Oh my god," she said. She looked towards where her husband was and started to run back to him. Layna and Ricardo followed and when she got there, she searched around the ground where they had landed. "I can't find it..." She was frantic as she covered the entire area. "It's a black box, help me look!"

"Ma'am, what's your name?" Ricardo asked, not looking.

"Karen DeGroot," she said. "Not that I expect that to mean anything to you." Finally giving up, she ran one of her hands over her forehead and hair, smearing blood and mud over her face. Then to Ricardo she said, "I need to talk to Jacob."

Ricardo laughed. "You think you can just ask to see the protector? I don't even know where you came from or who you are..."

"Listen," she said. "This is critical to the safety of the island, I promise you..."

"I won't send you back, Karen," came a voice behind them. Layna would know it anywhere. She turned and when she saw him all her fear seemed to float away. Jacob's smile was strange, but he turned his attention back to the woman. "I didn't bring you here, so I can't send you back."

"But Jacob," she said walking to him as if she knew him. "I have to continue our work. This was a mistake. It wasn't supposed to happen."

"Are you sure?" Jacob asked.

"I have work to do," she said. "The DI has only just begiun... they need me!"

"Maybe the work you have to do is here and now?"

Karen started to protest, and then her eyes glazed over. She nodded and said, "To change the equation, Daniel said we may have to change the past."

"Jacob?" Ricardo said.

"All you need to know is that she's from off the island," Jacob answered. "But she will now live as one of you. Don't bring her to me, but I will want to know of her work with Layna's father." To a curious Karen he said, "William Faraday. I believe you said once you would give anything to work with that man?" Pale, she nodded. To Ricardo he said, "Bury her husband and take her home with Layna."

When he began to walk away, Layna chased after him. "Jacob," she said. "Please wait." He stopped and this time his smile made her blush. He seemed different. His tunic was more worn than she remembered, stained even. "Thank you for the loom," she said. "It's better than any others on the island, everyone thinks so. And our plan has worked. I am truly free now."

"I'm very happy for you," he said. "But don't give up on love. Some day you may still want to marry."

Of course she did, and Layna felt the courage she needed by his suggestion. "Can you join us for dinner?" she asked. "I've missed you... I mean..." It was too much and she felt foolish.

With a quiver in his voice Jacob whispered, "I miss you too, Layna." He took in a breath and said, "But I can't today. Some day soon, I hope." He glanced quickly at the sky and said, "It's time to say good bye again." He put his fingers on his lips and as he lifted them she thought she saw a tear in his eye, and then, he was gone.

Layna startled and looked around. To Ricardo, she said with more amazement at his words than his ability to vanish, "He misses me?"

"I don't know what he meant by that," Ricardo said. "But probably not what you think."

Layna didn't believe him.


	7. 7 Origin of the Others

************Chapter 7*************

1906

"Who is she, Jacob?"

Jacob hadn't heard his brother's voice in almost twenty years. It was almost good to hear him; almost.

Standing up from where he was washing his shirt in the river, Jacob glanced at him. He didn't know who his brother was talking about, but having only spoken to one female in half a century, he had to guess he meant Layna.

"Why do you want to know?" he asked.

"Because she's not supposed to be here," his brother said. Then, storming towards him, he pointed a finger and accused, "You broke the rules!"

Jacob was really curious now. Layna had been born here and helping her, though it was unusual for him, had nothing to do with their game. He rung out his shirt and noted his brother wasn't playing him, he was sincerely indignant. Jacob's vision! Someone new _had_ come to the island, just as he had foreseen.

"I must need her," he said casually. "But what makes you think I can cheat any more than you can?"

From across the river his brother studied his face and then took a seat on a rock.

"Do you ever get bored of this game, Jacob?" he asked. "Do you ever just want to call a truce and be done with it?"

Jacob moved to a spot in the sun and teased, "Oh, I don't know. It passes the time." As he laid out his shirt on a hot rock he asked, "Why, do you?"

"Yes," his brother countered quickly. "Very bored. And very tired. You keep thinking you've found these special people, but they're all the same. This woman, at her core, she's no different than any of the others. She thinks she is, but she's not."

"You read her?" Jacob asked.

"Of course. I always read people I need to understand, don't you?"

Jacob smirked at the sarcastic jab. His brother likely knew Jacob had to learn by watching.

"And she knows things too," he went on. "Things about this island that I don't even understand, and so I know you wouldn't."

If she was the woman from his vision, that made sense. "And you call that boring?" Jacob asked. "I'm surprised you let her live if she bothered you that much."

His brother glared at him. "She's protected."

Jacob was unable to hide his surprise. His brother in turn didn't hide his.

"How could you do that without knowing it, Jacob?"

"I don't know," he admitted before thinking. He hadn't ever told his brother that the light sometimes chooses people to gift, so it was likely the light could protect someone as well.

"And it wasn't cheating that brought her here?" his brother asked suspiciously.

"No," Jacob said. "I'm bound to the rules I made, just like you."

"So you can't cheat?" he repeated. "Not even to save the island?" Jacob had done it and he looked away in his frustration at his stupidity. In a low voice his brother said,"That raises the stakes considerably, Jacob." Before he walked away his brother added, "I guess you're right. It's not so boring anymore."

When Ricardo arrived, Jacob hid his anger and kept to himself what he knew of the woman. Admitting his weakness could very well unravel Richard's faith in him and Jacob couldn't risk losing his best ally. He had to walk a fine line because most people needed him to be superior in their minds, or they would begin to question him.

"I have your list," Ricardo said as he sat. He handed over a large scroll and when Jacob opened it he added, "It's those willing to align with you."

Staring at the mostly empty page, Jacob was at a loss. There were only _five_ names. It was beyond disappointing; it was a humiliating and made doubly harsh considering one of signatures was Richard Albert. That made it really only four.

He glanced up at Ricardo who readily reassured him, "Many more would have signed if they knew what you expected of them."

"The only thing I expect is that they help protect the island," Jacob said looking back down at the list. Two of the men were elders from the eastern village and he wasn't surprised to see Layna Faraday had signed. But why not her father? And who was the last name, Karen DeGroot? He could only suppose that was the new woman. He didn't know her, but at least she was more loyal to him than the other 400 people on the island.

"Protecting the island is a vague commission," Ricardo said. "Many have ancestors or parents who fought to gain freedom from unfair rulers. They believe in democracy, and want to vote for their leadership."

Jacob was somewhat familiar with the concept from the Greek books he'd read and said, "My job is not up for a vote, Ricardo." Rolling back up the parchment he said, "I guess the rest of the people are on their own."

"Wait," Ricardo pleaded. "Please..."

The concern Ricardo had for others moved Jacob and he nodded for him to continue, gripping the scroll as he crossed his arms and listened.

"Why not... allow the people to choose a leader? I am your ambassador, but they want someone who can represent them... someone they trust to petition you on their behalf if you make a request or laws they don't like."

"I'm not going to make laws," Jacob quipped, increasingly annoyed.

"But... they need something to help them govern their lives," Ricardo said. "They expect it from you."

"No... have them make their own laws," Jacob countered. "Have this leader they elect do it, I'm not going to."

Ricardo's dark eyes were full of concern, but he nodded, looking down. "Then... what requirements do you make to offer them protection?"

Jacob sighed. He was limited in what he could promise regardless of what anyone agreed to or refused to do; his power came from the light and the light only allowed him to claim those he needed to protect it. However, if it was his brother they feared, he had some knowledge he could share. And he might also be able to claim some of them if he saw they were special enough.

"I have no requirements other than what I've already stated," he said and then leaned forward, tapping the scroll on the table. "If they are willing to help me protect the island... let them do it. How they carry it out is up to them. I'll watch and I'll offer suggestions and do what I can to keep _him_ on a leash... But this is going to be more like a friendship based on trust than a dictatorship. If they're special, gifted or wise, I can do more than if they're not. But as I said, if they want laws, _they_ must write them. I'd like to look over to see what they come up with, but I'm not going to enforce anything. They'll have to do that too."

Ricardo was uneasy, but nodded.

"That's not good enough?" Jacob asked.

"It's just that... not everyone is special. It's going to create an elite society if you only protect the special," he said. "I've seen such elitism, it divides, I don't think the people will be good like you want if they are competing like that, the non-special will start to kill the special out of jealousy. And the special will then kill the non-special out of fear..."

Jacob ran his hand over his chin and mouth and thought about how to explain the 'claiming'. "If people align with me, they are tied to me and to my life. They are tied to the island," he said. Ricardo looked at him with question. "Even if they die, they'll remain tied to me and when I die, they'll go where I go."

"Is that heaven?" Ricardo asked.

"I hope so," Jacob said.

"How can you offer them this?" Ricardo said. "You... could not offer it to me?"

"It's not a promise, and it's not forgiveness, I can't do that," Jacob said. "And I don't know what's going to happen to me in the end or where the island will send me for what I've done. I only know I can take people with me, if they tie themselves to me... and the island."

Jacob extended his hand with the scroll and Ricardo took it. "See if more will sign after you tell them that death isn't the end, if they're with me, we'll be together afterward. And here..." Jacob took out a map he had drawn earlier outlining his brother's favorite territory, along with the places that Jacob called his own. He handed it over and said, "Tell the people they would be safer if they stayed out of these areas as much as possible."

Ricardo looked at it and asked, "_All_ the people, not just those who align with you?"

Jacob lifted his brows and offered him a smile as he said, "Just because someone hasn't aligned with me, doesn't mean I want to see them killed."

Something in the way Ricardo looked at him shifted, as if he approved and admired the decision. "Of course," Ricardo said. Jacob wondered why his response mattered to him; he didn't answer to Ricardo. He watched him put the map away in his satchel and remembered, this was the man who had not told him Karen had come to the island. Wasn't that his job?

"Anything else to report?" Jacob asked.

"Yes, actually," Ricardo said. His mood seemed lifted and he spoke quite lightheartedly. "I've come from visiting Layna and there have been a few developments with her father's work with Karen. She's been helping Will see his inventions differently. The glass mechanism he's built that bends light, she believes may also bend time. Most notably, they are working to create a tool for seeing the future. Though Karen believes it may only work for someone who is already gifted with visions."

Jacob's heart raced a bit. The gift of vision was something he had well before he became a protector.

"Is there someone with this gift?" he asked.

"Not that she's found. She has Layna working to find and identify the gifted."

"I want that list too," Jacob said. "Now, tell me more about Karen."

"You said you weren't interested in her, just her work," Ricardo said.

That was disturbing. Jacob had no memory of it and didn't believe the light would allow his brother to impersonate him, certainly not to Ricardo. "I changed my mind," he said simply.

"She's fitting in well," Ricardo said. "She's dedicated to her work, and to you... she's a good friend to Layna as well." He let the words hang in the air as if waiting for Jacob to respond to them. He then went on to describe other inventions which were less spectacular and only helped make daily life easier for the people.

When he was finished Jacob wanted to be alone with his thoughts and said, "You may go."

As Ricardo stood he asked, "Do you have any other messages for anyone?"

Jacob shook his head and glanced up to see Ricardo's eyes were on his open book. The Odyssey. "Should I?" he asked.

Ricardo sat back down. "Layna is very confused," he said. "Why did you tell her that you miss her?"

Jacob didn't remember that either. Hostility was building in his chest; it felt as if the light was betraying him. For the safety of his position, he dared not have contact with only but a few people and here, the light was interfering in those two relationships from him as well. There was nothing he hated more than to be misrepresented, to have his identity stolen and words put into his mouth. And now, he had to answer to Ricardo for it without letting on that he was not in control of what was happening.

More defensive than he would have liked he said, "Maybe I do miss her. What's it to you?"

"I see," Ricardo said, looking uneasy. "Shall I tell her?"

"No," Jacob snapped. "I have no personal message for anyone. Please, just leave."

Ricardo left without an other word.

Jacob needed to weave. He had to stop thinking, stop feeling; to focus on something outside of himself and his mind. When he faced the tapestry instead of using it to escape the mundane aspects of his existence, what he honestly wanted to do was take his knife and cut right through the image of Aten and rip the entire thing to shreds.

What did the fifty years he'd worked on this tapestry mean anyway? He'd served the light for nearly two thousand and was still treated like nothing more than a single thread himself. He was a slave to it's will and it took anything and everything from him that he cared about.

Just as he lifted his knife he heard a foot step behind him and thinking Ricardo had come back, he turned to demand to be left alone. Instead, he was confronted by an unbelievable vision.

"I'm sorry I startled you." It was his own voice as well as a vision of himself! "I thought I should explain to you that I'm the one that misses Layna. And I'm the one who told Richard not to tell you about Karen."

"I can hear you..." he said. None of his visions ever came with sound before.

"I'm a vision of yourself from the future," he continued. "I've come to tell you that the light isn't responsible for what's happening to you, you are... _we_ are. You didn't bring Karen, but you allowed people to create the circumstances that did. I suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop being angry with the Light. Try to learn from what's happening instead of fighting it."

The vision was unlike anything he'd ever seen, but it left just as any other would. Jacob thought, if he had been close enough to it, he could have actually touched it! If it spoke the truth, Layna and Ricardo may have seen something similar when Karen arrived. Jacob had no reason to expect it was a lie or an illusion, the light would never allow it's protector to be deceived, would it?


	8. 8 Shirt with Golden Thread

******** Chapter 8********

1909

For the next three years Jacob spent most of his time weaving. No other visions came to him and the only comfort he felt was in his disconnection from the people and Ricardo. He didn't bother to summon him, he wanted to wait for Ricardo to feel it necessary to come. It was a test to see if whatever or whoever the vision was would interfere again. It looked like him and sounded like him, but Jacob felt it was nothing like him at all, or what he wanted to be.

When Ricardo did finally come, Jacob was still not feeling particularly social. Ricardo entered on his own and Jacob didn't even bother to leave his loom. He listened without responding and felt the entire report was non-eventful. More people had signed, but they couldn't agree on anything but the most obvious of rules; no murder, stealing or false witnessing at judgment trials. The only thing Karen had created that was noteworthy was conceiving a son with someone she wouldn't name. It fascinated Jacob that there was outrage in the village over her indiscretion, but really, it didn't have anything to do with him and Ricardo's trip seemed a waste. Jacob said nothing to him when he admitted it was all he had.

"I'm sorry," Ricardo said after a long pause. "I can see that you're preoccupied, but I made a promise to deliver this."

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ricardo lay a package on the table next to thread Jacob had dyed earlier in the day.

He knew who it was from without having to ask. He still had her note in his pocket, and it occurred to him, he'd never heard how she liked his gift to her. Suddenly, he was curious.

Ricardo was about to leave and Jacob said, "Wait." He stood back from his loom and examined the work. He thought he could actually see a difference this time, but only barely. It took so long... especially since Layna had helped herself to his flax fields the last few years. He didn't mind, he had centuries to finish it; she but a few decades, if she was lucky.

Jacob stepped up to the table and picked up the package. He attempted to untie the knotted blue braid, but it wasn't budging so he took the utility knife he held and cut it. The outer layer of gray fabric turned out to be a satchel but there was some softer, bright white fabric inside. A shirt.

He held it up and saw down the center there were opalescent buttons, as the men in the village wore. There was also a collar, and sleeves with cuffs, none of which he had ever bothered to make for himself.

On closer inspection he saw something else he had never seen before - thin lines of glimmering white gold, each two finger widths apart running vertical in the weave. They reflected the light of the fire like glowing trickles of liquid.

Not much in his long life had taken his breath away; the fist time he'd seen a foal stand after birth, a shower of stars that had unexpectedly filled the night sky over a hundred springs ago, and of course the heart of the island. And this.

Holding up the gift to see it better in the dim light he walked to the fire and verified how expertly crafted it was.

"I have not seen it finished myself..." Ricardo started, following him. On his face was a knowing smile. "She's been working on it for years. I didn't know it was for you until she asked me to bring it here." After a few moments Ricardo asked, "Do you know who it's from?"

"Of course," he said, rubbing the soft fabric between his fingers. To be this proficient , even with the loom he had made, was a beyond mere skill. And how did she manage to spin gold? Jacob realized his hands were dirty and he gave it back to Ricardo who nodded.

"I told her it was inappropriate..." he started. "But I guessed you would be proud of her skill."

"Lay it over there on my bed," Jacob said going back to his loom. "I don't want the dye on my table to stain it."

"You're keeping it?" Ricardo asked.

"It's a gift," Jacob said.

"I understand that you gave her the tool necessary to make it, but this shirt is... it's the type of skill that is highly prized at the marriage trials. She should be presenting it there, not giving it to you."

Jacob turned to him and asked, "I thought she wasn't interested in marriage?"

Ricardo blinked at him, confused and said, "You told her not to give up on love, that she might change her mind... by giving this to you this, she is..." Ricardo stammered and then started over. "She's a nineteen year old woman, Jacob. These mixed signals are confusing her."

"What exactly is the problem, Ricardo?"

His messenger looked uncomfortable and sighed, shaking his head. Reluctantly he spoke. "You mustn't tell her I've told you, but Layna is romantically inclined towards you." He waited and when Jacob cocked his head, curious, Ricardo went on. "Please, do not encourage her by keeping this gift. She's young and impressionable. I fear what it could do to her, how it might hurt her."

Jacob had never received such a gift before in his life, despite everything he had ever done for others. And there was something unique about the gold thread as well that he wanted to study and discover how she'd done it.

"You're right about one thing," Jacob agreed. "She is young and I'm sure in time she'll find someone her own age." He carefully took the shirt and walked it to his bed himself where he laid it out flat, admiring it again. He remembered her young face as a child when he had refused a bag full of berries. "I'm not giving this back," he said.

When Jacob turned around, his messenger clenched his jaw and turned, leaving without any pleasantries.

He agreed with Ricardo on the ridiculousness of her feelings, but Jacob was still flattered. He'd had thoughts before of living among the people as his brother had and even having a family, but he'd never really wanted it. Even now, it was a complication he found distasteful. It was, however, nice, for once in his life, to actually be thought of in some way other than what someone wanted from him.

He went back to his loom, musing on the brief conversations they'd shared. It went well, but his interest was distracted by the new gift.

After only a single thread more was done, Jacob washed and sat down to study the gold. For hours he thought about and probed the fabric, doing everything short of cutting a piece of it out; he wouldn't dare destroy such artwork, not even for his own selfish knowledge.

He'd always thought of himself as a master at spinning, and yet someone a fraction of his age had accomplished something he couldn't begin to understand. It made him curious. He would have to watch her. The thought of seeing her again and learning something new lifted his spirits as well. Jacob had been in such a foul mood for so many years that he welcomed this new feeling as one would a needed refreshment.

As he packed for his trip Jacob realized, maybe he did have something in common with that future vision of himself; he certainly did miss Layna.


	9. 9 Ulterior Motives

1909

Layna's stepmother was constantly picking fights with Karen, the strife was difficult, but at least Layna was no longer the target. Today's argument was over four pieces of fabric Layna had made practicing for the shirt she had made for Jacob. They weren't perfect, and they didn't have the fine gold thread she incorporated after she mastered her skill, but they were very valuable for trade. Her father and Karen wanted supplies for their work while her stepmother had house hold effects she needed and the fight had gone on for hours.

Layna didn't care what was bought, she was just grateful to be of more value in the home than married off. Karen's son Thomas was four now and as usual she did what she could to keep him away from the arguing, playing with him near the back fence behind the hut she had built. Though it was meant to house the large loom, Layna had taken to sleeping there on the floor to give Karen and Thomas her loft.

"Layna?" she heard the familiar voice call. It was from through the fence. It made her jump, but she quickly felt the nerves of knowing Ricardo was actually back from visiting Jacob. Standing she took a breath and peeked out through one of the knot holes. He smiled at her, a good sign! In relief, she scooped up Thomas and ran past her parents and handed the toddler to Karen as she headed for the gate. When she got out, she ran around the fence through the trees to where he stood waiting.

"Come!" she said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to the path that led through the jungle to the river. They found a fallen tree and Layna looked around to make sure nobody was near before they sat.

"He kept it then?" she asked in Latin. Ricardo nodded, closing his eyes as if reluctantly acknowledging he was wrong. She felt a wave of elation and asked, "What did he say?"

"He didn't say much of anything," Ricardo said. Layna pressed her lips together, trying not to be too disappointed. "However," he started again, "from the way he was touching it and looking at it, I'm sure he was impressed."

"How did he touch it?" she asked. "Can you show me?" She could tell by his embarrassed sigh for her that it was a stupid thing to ask. "Oh fine," she said. "I'll be grateful that he at least kept it, but when you see him again you must ask him if he ever wears it."

Indignant Ricardo said, "I won't, Layna..."

"Please, Ricardo," she started, suddenly not caring what he thought of her.

"No, it's not my place to bother him with such things! " he said. Then he calmed himself down and spoke tenderly, "I understand that you would want to repay him for his generosity, but you want more than he can give." Layna looked away, her heart ache acknowledging he was right. "He is not a man as you know men," he said. "He is aloof, and estranged."

"But he _is_ a man," she said. "He has to want friends at least?"

"I don't think he does. He has a task to do and is irreversibly distracted by it." When she looked at him sideways he went on, " He never makes conversion for it's own sake, and if it weren't for the few times he has done extraordinary magic, he would be...boring." It was Ricardo who now pleaded with her. "Please, don't do this to yourself. Jacob is a hero, but not a romantic one."

Layna found his discouragement insulting. "I think you're jealous because I am his friend and you just work for him." Ricardo flinched at that and she instantly regretted her defensive words, "I'm sorry... That was cruel. I'm sure he cares for you..."

"No, he doesn't," he said softly. "Not any more than he cares for you. I've known this man for forty years, Layna, and I he cares nothing for anyone except for how he can use them to do what he must do. That's not to say he isn't a good man, he's just not a personal one." His words hurt and Layna hugged herself to think any of Jacob's kindness had been in vain. "I care, though," Ricardo assured.

"It certainly doesn't feel that way," she snapped. "You're just breaking my heart... it's as if you don't want me to be in love... like you would rather I marry one of the banal men you loath than have anything meaningful." Layna angrily swiped away a tear, knowing she was behaving immaturely, but not caring. When Ricardo stood she glanced up at him and saw a look on his face she'd never seen before.

"If that's what you believe, I won't try to convince you otherwise. But I can't watch this...I've neglected the Western and Northern tribes for too long because of you. I will be back, but only briefly to check on your father's work for Jacob. If you're on an errand, I'm sorry, but I won't stay and wait to see you."

"But," she said standing, "Jacob wouldn't approve of you leaving me. He told you to be my friend!"

"No, he didn't," Ricardo clarified angrily. "He only asked about you _once_, in passing, to see if it was worth his bother to have saved you. Everything else was my decision; living with you, raising you, teaching you... Jacob asked for none of it. He was even surprised that I would do it." She looked down, her insides crumbling, she had always attributed Ricardo in her life to Jacob's providence. "I'm sorry to have to shatter your image of him, Layna, but maybe that's what it's going to take."

As he walked away and disappeared into the trees, Layna recalled in his field how Jacob hadn't denied it was he who had sent Ricardo, and he had made her the loom, and kept her note! She sat again, resting her head in her hands, unable to understand. After a long time, Karen came out to her.

"It's hard when you love someone and you can't be with them the way you want," she said.

Layna could feel nothing but contempt for her words. Karen had been a good mentor to her, but Layna knew despite her denials, Thomas was her father's son.

"Ricardo is a very handsome man," she said.

Layna laughed, but didn't correct her presumption.

"Will you try something for me?" Karen asked. When Layna didn't answer, she pulled out a box from her pocket. Inside of it was a round stone and fixed on top of it was a mirror. "Look in here, and tell me what you see."

She flipped a switch on the bottom and it started to hum. Layna did as she was told and as before, Layna saw an image, but this time, it wasn't blurred, she recognized it.

"That's, my hut!" she said.

Thrilled, Karen sat back and smiled. "You can see something then?" Layna nodded and Karen got up and ran back around the fence. Layna followed quickly but arrived only in time to see Karen take her father aside and the two of them disappeared into the workshop.


	10. 10 The Looking Glass

1913

Jacob was in his field gathering flax when Layna approached and while he could have hidden from her, he continued to harvest. Making a circle with his hand around the flax stems, he yanked them out at by the roots and stacked them in cone shaped tiers to dry in the sun. She watched him pull eight bundles before he smiled and dusted off his hands.

Without turning to her he said loudly, "I'm not used to being the one who's watched." He then tilted his head and looked to her wistful gaze. He gestured for her to approach.

At twenty-three she was a fully grown woman now and her appearance was quite different from the last time they met; for one, her dress was tailored and form fitting.

"It's good to see you, Layna," he said.

"You too, Jacob," she said. Her voice was a touch lower and her dark eyes examined his face for long enough to make him a bit self conscious.

"You came without Ricardo?" he asked. "Do you know why you were able to find me?"

"My gift is finding things," she teased. When he lifted his brows in doubt, she admitted, "I've been here before, remember? It's the season for harvest and I made a good guess."

It only mildly bothered him that she attributed her success to herself, but he wasn't going to correct her.

"Tell me why are you here," he said.

She reached into her satchel and pulled out a smaller bag. He noticed that her satchel was constructed exactly as the one she had made for him.

"Another gift?" he asked, blinking in the bright sun. "Isn't it my turn?"

Her smile seemed to have something hidden behind it and as she slipped out the enclosed box she said, "It's from my father."

Jacob wondered if it was the instrument Ricardo had mentioned! Anxious to see it for himself, Jacob reached out as Layna stepped closer. She cupped his hand in hers and held it as she set the box into his palm. Her hands were warm and her touch felt as intentional as the look in her eyes. Jacob felt his cheeks grow warm and when she let go of the box, he quickly slipped his hand away from hers.

He knew when gifts were leaving him, but this was almost as if she had tried to take something or perhaps she had tried to give him something? He couldn't tell.

When she placed her hands on her stomach, Jacob's mind filled with a vision of her laughing, with tears of joy in her eyes. It dissolved back to the wicked smile she now wore and he swallowed.

"Careful when you open it," she said looking to his hand again. "It's very delicate because it's so small. Karen believes they could make it many times that size."

Jacob put the vision aside and opened the box and lifted the spindle out carefully. The mirrors that sat on the gears reflected the sun brightly and he turned in place to look into it. When he did he saw an image that was not his own face, it was Layna. Confused he looked at her.

"Turn the dial," she said. "Underneath... counterclockwise."

When he did what he saw was another image when she was younger, with Ricardo. He was stunned to see it was a conversation he'd never forget. He'd heard his messenger trying to convince Layna that Jacob didn't care about people or how they felt. It had started a bitter self-evaluation that Jacob still hadn't resolved. He looked up at her now, wondering if she believed it.

"Do you see something sad?" she asked. He nodded, wanting to ask her about it, but not daring.

"I'm sorry... though I'm glad it works," she said. "Try the other way, clockwise. See what happens."

Jacob clicked it twice the other way and beheld the vision of Layna he'd just seen of her laughing!

Could this device somehow captured both his visual memory and future visions? Trembling, he carefully put it back into its box, not daring to see something more. He had always had to wait for visions. He trusted the light to choose the right time, but here it had gifted people to harness and control it!

He held it up, shaking it as he said, "This is exactly what I'm trying to protect the island from."

"Careful!" Layna gasped and her hands lifted to his and gently caught them he released it back into her possession.

"I want it destroyed," he said.

"But..." she gasped. "Ricardo said you wanted your people to help you protect the island?" He studied her devastation and she added, "What good is it for us to align or to have gifts if we aren't using them to help you?"

"I didn't ask for that," he said, pointing at it.

"Ricardo said we were to make up our own way to follow your instructions... why are you angry?"

Again, it was exactly what he had said. Jacob ran his hand through his short hair and sighed. He wasn't used to sharing his job.

Ricardo's commission was to help him prove his brother wrong, and his messenger had never shown anything special but long life, yet the others on the list Layna had collected, they, like her, were gifted by the light. What if the light had done it in order to help him?

Jacob's future self had told him to try to learn by what was happening. Looking on Layna's lovely countenance, sweetly insisting without words, Jacob backed down.

Humbly he asked, "May I have it back?" She nodded and placed the box back into the smaller bag handing it over without the large production. When he took it he said, "I will look for a use."

Layna's smile was hesitant, as if she was recovering from his reaction. Jacob carefully put the device in his satchel and asked, "Have you had lunch?"

Her smile went sincere and she shook her head. He led her to the river where he took out a fishing basket that had nothing in it.

"Guess it's papaya," he said. "I only have one."

"I have a mango," she said.

"We can share then," he said.

He sat on the grassy ground without a word and took his knife out of his bag and did the work for them, placing the cut pieces on a large leaf he laid between them.

"Are you still weaving?" he asked.

"No," she admitted. "I've taught my step mother. Thomas is eight and I've been schooling him and a few other children. I also travel to find and test the gifted. I also work with the leaders of each tribe on laws that would be acceptable to the majority of people. Adding to the numbers who will align with you has been my main occupation this past year."

He knew most of that from Ricardo, and could only focus on one thing she said. "You gave my loom away?" he asked.

She chuckled at him!

"When you gave it to me, it became my loom," she teased and then took a delicate bite.

Layna may have been using his own logic about her note, but it brought him little comfort. He still carried the small scrap with him and would never think of giving it away. When he didn't respond, her tone changed. "It's not that I gave it to her, Jacob, I just didn't want it to go unused... I thought my other work for you was more important." He nodded, looking down and she added, "I do appreciate it still... It is the best thing anyone has ever given me."

He couldn't argue with her reason and glancing at her sorry eyes he shrugged and grumbled, "What I really wanted is your freedom. If it gave you that, it's purpose was met."

"That is exactly what it did," she insisted. Jacob took another bite of mango and she asked, "Dare I ask if you ever wear the shirt I made for you?"

Now it was his turn to be caught. "No," Jacob confessed. "It isn't practical for the work I have to do every day. By the way, how did you make the gold threads?"

Coyly she looked up at him and said, "Can't you just accept it as a gift from a friend?"

Jacob was already insecure after remembering that Ricardo said he was a bad friend and decided to let it go for now. But it was unnatural, he didn't want to and he had nothing else he wanted to talk about. Next to him she sat quietly, eating daintily and after a while he became aware of the juice he was dripping and wiped his chin with the back of his hand.

Taking his metal cup out of his satchel he went to the water to wash and then drink. He started back and then realized, she didn't have anything and decided to fill it for her.

He brought it back and held it out. Layna wiped her hand on a square piece of fabric she had brought and reached up. Jacob didn't let go when she had the cup. She met his eyes and he squatted down to her level.

With her fingers on his, he lifted the cup to her lips and helped her to drink. Then they remained still, eyes locked together. He didn't remember ever being this close to a young woman before and the mystery of how he felt left him entranced. Something _was_ passing between him.

"Thank you," she whispered. Jacob nodded and sat back down. He then continued to stare at her, unable to look away.

Her breathing was light and her fingers twisted the fabric square she held. When she glanced up at him, her eyes seemed to reflect his own desire for her and he remembered he'd been warned about her inclination towards him! It suddenly didn't feel ridiculous anymore, or merely flattering. He liked it, wanted it and would have encouraged it if the Light hadn't proven itself jealous. On every possible occasion it had made it clear to Jacob that his life wasn't about what he wanted; it would take anything that distracted him from his purpose.

"I've kept you too long," he mumbled. And then, to prove to the Light he wasn't ensnared he told her, "You should go if you're going to make the marriage trials."

"What? How did you know Karen had signed me up?" she asked. It hurt to hear she had been planning it. Was he jealous as well? He glanced at her, trying to hide it and she said, as if defiant, "I'm not going."

"Why not?" he asked. "I gave you freedom and it's expanded to all women who now have a say in the decision of who to marry."

"I may have a say in the decision to marry, but I have no say in whom I love," she said. He narrowed his eyes in confusion and she leaned forward, closer to him. "Fate has a trumped your actions again, Jacob. For I am once more completely helpless in the matters of love." In almost a whisper she added, "My heart has decided whom it wants and no counsel from wisdom can dissuade me..."

As if her directness wasn't clear enough, her eyes drifted their gaze to his lips and he felt the strong temptation to give in to her heart and his own. But he would doom them both and when she gazed up at him as if wondering about his hesitation, Jacob took in a breath and looked away.

"We may not chose how we feel," he said. "But we chose what we do with our feelings. And I have seen enough in my long life to know it is better to do what's right." He could sense her opposition and he glanced to see she was going to argue and he added quickly, "Don't you wish that's what your father and Karen had done?"

Her face went pale and emotions clouded her expression. "You know about that?" she said.

"The resemblance is obvious," he said, sadly.

"When did you see Thomas?" she asked. Jacob felt caught and looked in his empty cup, licking his lips. "You've been watching us?" Knowingly she added, "Or is it me you've been watching, Jacob?"

Irritated he said, "I watch everyone on the island, it's part of my job."

"Then why do you need Richard?" Layna asked. He saw in her eyes that same condescending look his mother had when he tried to lie to her. He threw his cup back in his satchel and stood.

"I think you should go to the marriage trials, Layna," he said and took his leave.

"Why should I? The man I love won't be there?" she asked suddenly.

He frowned and continued walking. He had to make it clear he wasn't going to pursue any of this.

"Jacob!" she called, coming after him. He stopped and turned just as she caught up. Her face was contorted in emotion.

"If you see Ricardo," she said angrily. "Can you please tell him that he was right and that I should have listened to him."

Frustrated and hurt Jacob answered harshly, "He's my messenger, I'm not his."

Layna looked shaken by his words. As he walked away he thought, maybe Ricardo was right about him after all.


	11. 11 The Light per Karen

1913

Only four weeks after Jacob had crushed her heart, a beautifully crafted box was left inside Layna's family's front gate. The instruction note and all of the markings on the drawings were written in Latin. At first she was angry that Jacob would presume to ask anything from her, but why shouldn't he? She had not formally stepped down as the leader, and as Richard had said, Jacob likely didn't consider her feelings were important, just his job and whatever use she might be to him.

But while Karen was ecstatic, and wanted to leave the next day to follow the map to where on the island they might find the metal and glass, Layna was unsettled. She couldn't rid herself of the feeling that there had to be more. She toyed with the empty box for hours that night and finally discovered a false bottom. Within the tiny slat was a folded parchment note with her name written on it in Greek. How did Jacob know she could find this and what if she hadn't? Did he really want to leave so much up to her gifting? When she read it her anger turned to hurt.

"I regret how we parted. Don't despair. I still care how you are."

Layna found no comfort in his words, it was like dangling his affection in front of her again. She wanted to take the note to the family fire and burn it, but as soon as it lit, Layna dropped it in the dirt and stomped out the flame. Once it was cool, she brushed off the tiny scorched remains and tucked it in her blouse.

"What was that about?" Karen asked. From the looks on their faces her parents wanted to know as well. Layna didn't answer, just demanded, "Why should we build it for him if he won't even bother to ask for it in person?"

"Because he wouldn't ask at all if it wasn't important," Karen said.

"Important to him, but to us?" Layna asked. "He doesn't care for us any more than he did those that came before Richard. He let all of them die, what's to say after we do this Jacob won't let the dark cloud kill us all too?"

Karen was not a sympathetic person and so Layna was not surprised when she did not coddle emotions, but she didn't expect to be angrily taken by the arm and pushed into the workshop. She sat Layna down roughly and closed the door.

Turning to her she said, "Since you spent so much time with Richard and Jacob I thought you might know more than you let on, and it may not be my place to tell you what I'm about to, but Jacob needs your help or else he wouldn't have put you in charge." She gestured with her hands over the maps and models on the table and said, "All of this that we've been doing isn't about Jacob. And it isn't about us, or your life or what you want. It isn't even about saving your people from that black smoke monster." She paused for emphasis and as serious as Layna had ever seen her she said, "It's about everyone, everywhere. All human life on this planet, and every living consciousness, and every consciousness that has died and hasn't yet passed on."

Layna studied her intense expression. If it wasn't for knowing Karen not to exaggerate or get mystical, she would have thought her telling a fireside tale as the elders do.

"Believe me," Karen said, "If I had to pick a protector to do the job, it would _not_ have been someone like Jacob. But he's all we have and so long as I live, I intend to do everything I can to help him succeed, because if Jacob fails, nothing else I would ever do in my life would matter anyway."

"Did Jacob tell you this?" Layna asked her.

"No. And in my experience, Jacob doesn't tell anyone anything if he doesn't have to," she said. "He waits to see who they are and what gifts they have and what they can and are willing to do. He doesn't even usually ask them to do it, he just doesn't prevent them unless it's going to hurt the island... that is why this must be so very, very important. He actually _asked_ us to do it."

Layna hadn't thought of that, only that he was using them. In retrospect it didn't seem very generous to her to be so suspicious.

"So how _do_ you know?" she asked.

"Where I came from, my husband and I were already well into our understanding of some of this before Jacob ever approached us." Karen sat down and steadied herself as she explained. "A brilliant mathematician came up with an equation that predicted the end of all time and the destruction of everything in the physical world. We hired him to help us prevent it along with a physicist that Jacob suggested. He was able to correspond the equation factors to specific wavelengths within the human consciousness. My husband Gerald and his friend Alvar Hanso worked with these men and decided that if there was a physical place where human consciousness converged, that it would be at the source of great electromagnetism... we believed it to be here, on this island. And Jacob agreed."

Hanso?" Layna asked. "That was the name of the Captain of the ship Richard came on."

"Yes!" Karen said, excited again. "And before Magnus Hanso died here, his grandfather Felix Hanso lived here. Over a century ago, Felix believed he miraculously appeared on the other side of the world from an island he was stranded on. He wrote a book of his time here, a mystical wheel he helped install and the two kings who were fighting in an age long battle. People thought he was crazy and when he had children they hid his book and kept it in the family until Alvar shared it with my husband..."

Layna was staring at a map on her father's work table that was marked with stars where he had found pockets of energy on the island. She didn't know what electromagnetism was, but she believed, from what she had seen, it's power could be connected to thoughts; the island had responded to and affected her thoughts many times when using her gift. She looked at the board on which her father and Karen had written many equations and wondered if everything she'd experienced; everything Jacob was protecting could be explained through those numbers.

"I can see it on your face, Layna,"Karen said, "You are beginning to understand!" Layna looked at her and Karen leaned in. "This task that Jacob has given us is just one of many that he and others have been doing to make sure nothing destroys the connection between our human consciousness and the physical world... but a time will come when,_ is_ coming, when these equations you see here are going to arrive on the island. And any little progress Jacob makes to change them means we are all safer from the end." Layna blinked, thinking about the gravity of the situation and her own selfishness. "Will you help him?" Karen asked.

"Yes, of course," Layna said. She pulled out the letter from her blouse and ran her thumb over the words. Despite everything he had to worry about, the weight of the world on his shoulders, Jacob had taken the time to write this note and he had trusted her gift to find it. She understood now, and yet she couldn't let go of one fact; it made her love him more. Karen's eyes fell on it curiously. "Even knowing all that," Layna said, "it still matters more to me that he still cares... and I want to do this for Jacob, not the world. Just for him because I don't want him to be alone in it."

Karen sighed and shook her head, then admitted, "Well, I don't think it matters why you help, only that you do."


	12. 12 The Lighthouse

1915

It took his people just two years to create a larger scale of the small device Layna had brought Jacob.

He'd specifically made her the overseer so he could have his eye on the progress without having to visit the lighthouse. Having the small looking glass was as much of a blessing as a curse because while it ran a constant stream of present images, like his regular visions the future or the past could only pick up a few points in time.

Which meant, he could stay in the statue chamber and weave but he was also drawn in to watch for hours, afraid to miss anything significant. And more distracting was the affect the images often had on him. Unlike watching from a cliff in the distance or from behind a tree, the mirror images surrounded Jacob and pulled him into the moments and places with the people he watched.

He had learned to read lips long ago but only now were the expressions on faces beginning to percolate empathy in him. He grew tense with the frustrations Layna and Karen went through when problems developed, he often chuckled at their jests over mishaps and was always just as pleased when a problem they'd been struggling with was resolved. But it had all started with the tears...

After Layna had left the device with him, despite his promise to find a use for it, Jacob had resisted touching it for over a week. When he'd finally decided to put aside her harsh words to him and make good on his promise, he'd turned it on only to see her crying. Everything Ricardo had said about Jacob not caring was proven wrong by the pain that it brought him. Admittedly, it was so easy not to think about others when he was locked away with his own sore ego but this device was changing that. Because she wept only in private, he had no way to be sure that he was the cause, but his conscience bore witness that he was and drove him to pen an apology. Perhaps it wasn't enough or even the cause of her weeping, but it relieved his guilt for the time being and he never regretted sending it, even when she'd almost burned it!

"Jacob?"

Surprised, but glad for the visit, Jacob turned to Ricardo and smiled. "This is unexpected," he said.

"I'm sorry..."

"No, please, come in, let's sit over her by the fire," he said. He gestured at the tapestry as they passed it and said, "Can you see a difference? I've made good progress lately I think." Ricardo looked put on the spot and blinked, trying to find something to say. "Never mind," Jacob said, "It doesn't matter. What brings you?"

Ricardo sat on the bench that was there and Jacob pulled up his spinning stool.

"As you know I've been living with the Western Tribe to keep track of the growing darkness there." Jacob nodded unconcerned for one people group out of three, but he appreciated his messenger for not wanting to lose anyone. "While traveling east to the marriage trials with them, I was visited by_ him_," he said.

"He spoke to you, or... random ticking and scaring?" he asked.

His joke went unappreciated and Ricardo said seriously, "He asked me about work on the lighthouse and what you were doing there."

Jacob took in a breath and let it out. He hadn't told Ricardo anything for this very reason. Despite what his brother had said about the stakes of their game including aspects of his job as protector, Jacob was trying to keep the two separate as much as possible.

"It's nothing you need to worry about," Jacob said.

Ricardo looked confused and said, "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Because if I told you everything, he'd be bothering you constantly and you'd have to worry about trying to keep it from him. I don't want you to carry that burden. I will tell you what you need to know for your commission... however, if you want to discus it with Layna, she and Karen know some of it. But again, not all."

"I understand," Ricardo said, but Jacob could tell he wasn't pleased. "So... you've seen her?"

"No," he said, "Not exactly... I left her instructions and she carried them out...does that bother you?"

"You can do what you want, of course," Ricardo said. "I'm just here for whatever it is you want me to do."

Jacob could tell his actions were being judged, but couldn't let it bother him. "What I want is for you to go on your way to the marriage trials and have yourself some fun." Ricardo almost looked offended and Jacob said, "Within your own moral guidelines, of course, Ricardo." He studied how tense he was and said, "You aren't opposed to dancing and I know you like wine."

"I'll do my best," he said. "It's just... there's a shadow over those that come from the West. I fear what darkness they could bring... they are dishonest and violent. Many have been visited by ghosts who instruct them in ways that don't seem right to me."

"Do you correct them?" Jacob asked.

"I do my best," he said. "But few listen."

"You can only do your best," Jacob admonished. "Don't put their decisions on yourself. You're a messenger, not a puppeteer."

It seemed to relieve Ricardo slightly though not completely.

It had been an awkward interaction and Jacob wondered if it was because now he knew what Ricardo thought of him. Taking his own advice Jacob decided, he couldn't change Ricardo's view of him any more than Ricardo could change the people from the West. Jacob had to simply be who he was, do his best and let fate play out.

He took the rest of the afternoon to spin and it was well into the night when he felt the need to rest, or, more honestly, before he felt pulled to watch Layna. His conscience kept him from looking in on her private moments, but often before sleep, Jacob would lay with his lamp low and gaze into the tiny mirror as she slept. He prepared himself for what he might see, for if there was a marriage trial, she was likely thinking of him just as much or more than he was of her.

Tonight as he lay his head on the satchel she'd made for him and propped the looking glass up on his chest, he saw something he didn't expect and sat up holding it. She was not alone!


	13. 13 Ricardo's Tent

"Ricardo?." Layna whispered. There was no answer, but she was sure this was his tent, it was the only one without drunk people carrying on in front of it among the Western Tribe.

Even though Layna had entered the marriage trial celebration with her hair down, instead of in a braid and wearing one of her stepmother's dresses, she wasn't sure if her identity was hidden enough; and she still managed to garner many looks slipping into his tent.

When Ricardo still didn't stir she realized, he was actually asleep admits this noise! Layna got down on her knees next to him and touched his bare shoulder lightly. "Ricardo?" she whispered.

When he turned over suddenly and looked up, he pulled up his blanket. "Layna?" he said, looking towards his tent opening. he looked back at her and said, "You shouldn't be in here!"

She started to speak and then someone outside made a loud noise and she reached behind her and closed the flap. Then she leaned down to whisper in his ear, "I need you to tell me how to find Jacob."

Ricardo put his hand on her shoulder and propped himself up on his other elbow. Shaking his head he said, "I can't do that!"

"Why not?" she pleaded. Hearing her own voice, she sounded like a whining child again, hardly the sophisticated woman she had thought she grew into. With Ricardo, it didn't matter.

"I would need permission..." he said and sat up completely. "You know that... why would you even ask?"

Layna reached into her blouse and pulled out a key on a string. He reached out, lifted it with two finger and his eyes met hers, curious.

She took his hand and turned at the noise of someone shouting outside. It sounded to be a fight, but quickly it became laughter and she turned back around. Leaning forward again she whispered, "It's a key to something we built for Jacob in the lighthouse. I need to give it to him, but the flax harvest is over and I don't know where to look. Just give me a single direction, as simple as north or south east... and I know I can find him."

Ricardo's eyes saddened. "Layna, no. _ This_ is why I left!" He took her face in his hands as he did when she was a child. "I knew you would try to temp me to betray him..."

When she saw the pain in his eyes, she looked down, feeling guilty. She started to put it back in her blouse and he said, "Wait..."

She looked up at him hopeful and Ricardo said, "Maybe I do have his permission... his... instructions are vague. The last thing he said to me..." Ricardo hesitated and then nervously put his hand on his forehead looking down, "I can't make decisions for people... and, you are a leader, he's given you more knowledge than I have with this lighthouse."

He looked back up at her and someone came to the tent flap and called in. "Richard, someone said they saw Layna Faraday in there with you, is she?" It was the voice of an elder from the West. And her eyes went wide.

Ricardo must have had the same thought she did and as Layna climbed over him to hide, he helped cover her with the blanket.

He was about to answer the man when someone else outside said, "Leave them alone, old man... maybe a visit from a local will loosen that Spaniard up a little."

Layna couldn't help but smile at that and Ricardo looked down at her and said, "What I am about to do may God forgive me..." He leaned down and whispered, "North east of here there is..." As he was speaking it they were startled by a sudden, deafening clap of thunder that was accompanied by a flash of lightning. The entire camp went quiet in the fear of how close it was and the man outside ran off. Another rumble, this one long and low, traveled overhead from somewhere in the distance towards them and then past and beyond.

"What was that?" Layna asked.

"A storm," Ricardo said, but his voice broke as if he was hiding his true thoughts. "I think you need to go..." He nudged her towards the exit and said, "Give the key to me and I will deliver it."

Layna shook her head and said, "With what you just told me, I can find him..."

Once she was outside of his tent, Ricardo said, trembling, "Not if he doesn't want you to."

When his tent flap came down, Layna decided not to wait for first light to leave, she headed into the jungle at once without a lantern, only her satchel.


	14. 14 Jacob reassures Ricardo

Jacob lay with the back of his hand on his forehead, eyes closed, trying to console himself over what he'd done. It was just a tool. He still had the gift of vision to serve the light; what did it matter that the looking glass was smashed to dust against the stone wall?

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself and learn something from this!" he said, repeating what his future self had admonished.

As much as he wanted to blame the light for once more shoving what he could never have into his face, this pain was Jacob's own fault. Visions the light gave were never of private moments. He shouldn't have been watching.

And it wasn't as if his decision to avoid personal moments hadn't been tested before. He'd often been tempted to watch people from afar; to learn, he'd argue. But he knew when to walk away, he knew when it was impolite. Yet, somehow, over the past two years, he had lost perspective. Watching Layna had become an easy indulgence and while pushing her away for her sake had obviously helped her to move on, his own feelings were alive and well.

At least for once his temper had done something productive; it was better to have destroyed the portable looking glass. With that temptation removed Jacob knew better now to be more careful with the lighthouse.

The rain outside beckoned him. It was coming down hard enough that sprays of droplets were sizzling into the alchemy fire in his hearth. He lifted his hand and glanced at the flames. He alone could light or extinguish it; not through flint or even a magical incantation, but with the fuel of his thoughts. He didn't understand how it worked, it didn't feel as if he controlled it, he only knew that it responded to his moods in unpredictable ways. Like the storm.

Of all the people on the island, why him? Why the one person he would have to look in the eye and know where he had been. If it was anyone else, Jacob could moved on and forgotten her. But Ricardo would live for as long as Jacob was still alive. He'd made it that way. An urge filled him and unquestioningly, Jacob sprung out of bed and grabbed his satchel off the floor by a pillar. It was still full with items from his last trip; records and maps he'd studied to determined where to tell his people to build.

Rather than sort through it now, he left the contents as they were and only added his metal cup before he put it over his shoulder.

On the way to the exit a reflection of the roaring fire lit in his brother's dagger. He walked slowly to where it lay on his shelf. It was ornate and felt heavy in his hand when he lifted. Jacob strapped it on and left.

Once outside, the shift in the air was obvious. It wasn't a smell, a sound or even the change in humidity that came with the rain, but a foul heaviness that he felt crawling over his arms like fire ants.

It was likely his brother was going to just prowl around for someone to manipulate, or maybe he had murder on his mind; they were both moody and temperamental. It wasn't a stretch to assume his brother was angry about how the storm limited his movements to physical form.

So be it. The rain may delay or intensify his brother's dark plans, but if Jacob didn't need the companionship of the weather it wouldn't still be surrounding him. He didn't make it rain, the rain came to him. His brother could sulk.

The closer he got to her village, the more he felt something was off. He couldn't feel her and yet Ricardo was still there. He'd begun to distinguish many of those who had aligned with him and they were nearly all in the vicinity, but Layna's presence, usually the strongest, was disturbingly absent.

Jacob was walking on a leafy path and moved to mud where his bare feet sunk into the earth. She was far from here, and yet, this was where _he_ was supposed to be. The light had purpose beyond his understanding. He wanted a vision to tell him where to go and what to do, but nothing appeared. He was on his own.

It took Jacob only a minute to decide what to do and yet his messenger took nearly ten to get to him.

Ricardo was clearly tired and rushing as he stumbled through the trees, darting here and there as he searched. Dawn was about to break but he still carried a lantern. It set Jacob on edge; the light would give away their location. As soon as he thought it, Ricardo's light went out; eliciting a gasp from him followed by a whisper of a fearful prayer.

Jacob watched and listened to him pleading to God for forgiveness. After all these years, his messenger was still so afraid to go to hell.

Moving towards him, he felt pity and a sadness that melted any anger he'd had at the light. This is why he was here, not for himself! When he was close enough he said in the language of his messenger's prayer, "Ricardo, why are you so afraid?"

When Ricardo opened his eyes he fell to his knees and a flash of lighting around them lit his features so that Jacob fully understood his suffering. In Spanish he said, "Forgive me, please... Please, don't kill me."

He glanced at Jacob's hip and Jacob put his hand on the hilt of the large dagger that hung there. Ricardo shuttered and closed eyes tightly lifting his hands in the air.

It was time to give Ricardo another object lesson.

Ricardo gasped at the sound of the metal leaving it's casing, but didn't run. And then Jacob turned the handle towards the man. "Ricardus!" Jacob said and then when he opened his eyes and saw the knife handle being offered to him. Jacob asked in Latin, "Are you with me, or do you want to kill me?"

Ricardo's mouth dropped and he looked up at him and shook his head. "Whom have I but you, Jacob? How could you ask me such a thing?"

As the reassuring words left his lips, the rain turned from a heavy downpour into a light pattering.

Jacob slipped the knife back in it's place and then with both hands he grabbed Ricardo by the shirt, lifted him with a sudden jerk, looked into his face and said, "That's how _I_ feel about _you_."

Jacob stared into Ricardo's eyes until they softened. He let go of his shirt gently and put his hands on his shoulders. "You are not just with me, I am with _you_. Don't you understand that by now?"

"Don't you care what I've done?" Ricardo asked.

Jacob smiled. He did care, and he lifted the dagger's sheath and belt off his shoulder to put in his bag. "I care more that you're sorry," Jacob said. "Because when we're sorry, we learn from our mistakes, don't we?"

Ricardo nodded and said, "I suppose so..."

If she still had any feelings for him at all, Jacob guessed that Layna could be in a much worse spot than he had found Ricardo. Maybe it was her guilt may have driven her away. It was possible Ricardo knew where she had gone.

"Now... I can find Layna on my own, but it will be easier if you give me a direction."

Wide eyed, Ricardo said, "That is exactly what Layna said!"

Before he could question Ricardo on what he meant, above them, a bird suddenly took flight. It had been a century since he'd known his brother to take the form of an animal and it was no wonder Jacob hadn't feel him right away if he wasn't touching the ground. If he was this close, if he watching Jacob, he could possibly strike soon; and he always went after Jacob's favorites first.

To Ricardo, Jacob said, "Be ready to move the people..."

"When?" Ricardo asked. "Where?"

"I will tell you where when I decide the time... it could be tomorrow, next week or years... I don't know. But I won't be able to give you much warning... so just stay prepared. Keep them prepared."

He said nothing more and took off running in the direction the bird had flown.


	15. 15 Layna Lost and Lying

The key weighed as heavy around her neck as Layna's wet dress pulled down on her shoulders and legs. She thought to put it in her satchel, but didn't want to risk losing it and she needed to feel it's presence with her; the justification for this journey.

Well into the afternoon with the sun guiding her direction of North East, she still felt lost. Never once did the island help her with any feeling or tingling. Then, she came upon the berry bush where she had seen him as a child! She made her way to the ridge he had been on and climbed it.

For hours the hot sun beat down on her in those high cliffs and she was glad to dry out some from last nights storm. Ricardo had been frightened by it, but she welcomed the rain; Karen said from the witnesses of those that survived, the dark cloud rarely came out in heavy weather and so Layna had felt safe and hidden in the falling water.

From high above she could see the entire valley between the mountain ridges from here, even faint smoke from her own village nearly a day's journey away. But there was no sign or feeling of where Jacob might be.

Deciding to travel further north and then as far east as the coast, she descended. By the time she was down to where she had started, she was very dirty with her dress torn in more than one place.

She gathered enough berries for a meal, wishing it could satisfied her as it had when she was young. Now it seemed everything she loved had become a burden. Her neck ached, even when she lifted the up key to look at it.

Dizzy, in her faint memory of this place she recalled a heavy stream was just beyond the treeline. There it was, one success in finding something, and then, as she drank, something in the water caught her eye. A fish trap!

It looked similar to Jacob's. Maybe he was near by and would be back for it? Maybe she was supposed to find him after all?

Squatting next to the stream to take a closer look she was disappointed to see, it was old and rotting. She pulled it out of the water to see it was actually broken and there was a large, black rock in it. When she touched the gem like stone her hand went ice cold. It was beautiful, though, and she dried it on her skirt before putting it in her satchel.

As she did, she heard whispers to her right. Layna stood and spun around and then they were on her left. Her heart was pounding, this was her first time to hear what others had described when she went searching for the gifted. Karen's explanation was not comforting. Those whose consciousness's haven't passed on still dwell on this island, as if trapped.

They experience time differently, they pass in and out of it at will and they know what is supposed to happen for them to be free. They search for those who can help make it happen and try to reach them through dreams or visions and sometimes...

"Layna!" a worried voice called out.

Layna looked to where it came and there, out in the clearing near the berry bush she saw her mother, looking into it. Karen had said seeing the dead was a gift to some, and Layna had spoken with a man in the North tribe who regular spoke to the dead, but for others in the West they'd seen loved ones only once or twice. Karen said such things could be truly those they knew or deceptions of the consciousness; it was difficult to tell.

She didn't want to speak to a deception, but then realized, her mother was standing exactly where she had been shot with an arrow!

Layna carefully walked towards her mother who continue to star into the thorny bush, as if searching. Searching for Layna! Layna felt the pain she had many times over the years. If she had come out the first time she had been called, her mother might have lived!

"Layna!" she called again. "Are you in there?"

"I'm here, Mama," she said, her eyes stinging. The young woman turned around, a tended wound on her shoulder, but no arrow. "I can see you," Layna said. "Do you have something to tell me?"

"Why are you here?" her mother asked. "I taught you not to lie, not to steal, not to hurt others... and yet you have done all of this to the one you love the most!"

"No," she said at the horror of it. She took a step forward, insisting, "I haven't... " Her mother looked at her, so disappointed. "Have I?" Layna asked, doubting herself. Had all of her romantic inclinations truly turned into such selfishness? "I didn't mean to," she said. "I only wanted..." But as Karen had clearly explained, if she loved Jacob and wanted to help him, what she did couldn't be about what she wanted.

"Go home, Layna," her mother said and then, as she disappeared, the air suddenly chilled with shadow. The sun had gone behind the mountain.

Unlike she was at a child, Layna would listen now. She turned to go, but she also remembered what her mother had said to her when they first came to this special place, "It would be trickier going home because the mountain tells you where it is, but the village does not."

Staring into the trees, Layna was unsure of the direction. "Mama?" she called out. "Which way?" She looked around hopeful and to her surprise she saw in the distance, her mother standing there again, just for an instant and then she was gone. It wouldn't have been her choice of direction, but Layna was grateful for the assistance in this unfamiliar part of the island.


	16. 16 Jacob describes the Smoke

Layna didn't see her mother's ghost again, and yet she had traveled too far to not recognize her surroundings yet. The sun had set and it was too dark for her to feel safe; the air was dry as a bone. She would have to find some natural shelter to hide and began to look around.

But before she could find the trees Ricardo said would protect her, the noise she feared and loathed crept up behind her.

A shadow passed out of the corner of her eye and the sound of chain links passing through iron rings clanked behind the trees.

Too terrified to scream, Layna turned away from it and ran as quickly as she could. Karen said this was a security system to protect the island; it was nothing more than the physical manifestation of guilt residing in the consciousnesses of those on the island. Anyone was at risk, because everyone could possibly hurt the island; fear of of the cloud was just one thing to keep people from actually doing something.

What the people said was different. They claimed it was a demon sent to punish sins. And it did feel as if her guilt itself was chasing her, wanting to devour her.

Whatever it truly was didn't matter to her; right now, only getting away did.

The key pounded against her chest at every step and she reached up to tuck it in as she ran. She looked down for only a second and when she raised her eyes, the cloud was suddenly in front of her and she stopped, screamed and fell backwards. She may be Jacob's leader, but just like Gerald, Layna believed she had broken the rules she had helped write and would be dead any second for her crime.

It's approach was unlike any she'd seen or heard described before, it didn't lash at her; it moved slowly, carefully and just as she thought it would touch her, she flipped over, covering her head with her arms. She didn't want to see the end. She cringed as the ticking crawled up her spine, around her neck like tickling ice and into her ear, a whisper trying to enter her mind.

"LEAVE!" It was the Latin word. And with that one command, the sensations of the cloud whisked away from her, trailed by light clicking. A few blasts rang out in the distance before the forest fell completely silent.

Trembling, Layna didn't dare look up; even when she heard foot falls step up next to her. She knew who it was and would almost rather have faced the demon.

When his warm hand touched her shoulder, Layna cringed and he let go immediately. She lay there and waited, listening for him to make a sound but there was nothing but the jungle noises and the wind. For a second she thought he had disappeared and hoped it was true.

"He can't hurt you," he said, his low voice so close that he must have been squatting beside her. "He was only trying to scare you."

Slowly she turned over and looked up at Jacob's face, it was somehow glowing in the dim twilight.

"Did you send him to punish me?" she said.

Jacob didn't move for several moments and then he ran his hand over his chin; she heard the scratching sound of his whiskers and the long breath he exhaled. "Why would I want to punish you, Layna?"

"Because I broke the rules," she said. "I lied to your people and I was going to lie to you."

Lifting the key from around her neck Layna held it out to him. He reached out and took it and then dropped it from one of his hands into the other and studied her. "You're going to have to explain."

"I knew you were the only one who could use the lighthouse but I used my position to have a key made. I stole the trust your people placed in me for my own purpose... and I hurt Ricardo..."

Confused he asked, "What about Ricardo? Why did you..." Jacob looked to struggle for the words. "Go to him? I knew about the key... I don't understand what it has to do with Ricardo?"

"He almost told me where to find you," she said. "He was about to break his promise when the storm broke... but he stopped." She shook her head and said, "I'm so sorry Jacob... I only wanted to see you. I missed you so much..."

Jacob turned his face towards the sky and Layna was confused by his strange smirk. He then put the key in his bag and said with almost amusement, "I forgive you."

"Just like that?" she asked.

Taking her hand he helped her stand up and said,"Yes. And before you make any assumptions about me sending judgment... I don't control _him_." He looked around and said, "The trees you were looking for are over there. There's a large hollow one that I suggest you rest in until morning."

In the distance another whirring screech let loose and Jacob added, "Next time, don't run. You're under my protection, he can't hurt you. If he sees he can't frighten you, he'll get bored."

"You're leaving me?" she asked. She shook her head and said, "I'm not ready to face him..." She took his hand and said, "I know, I have been selfish and I have lied... but it's only because I've been too afraid to ask for what I really want. And so now I _am_ asking... please, stay, at least until morning. I will never ask you for anything else."

Jacob hesitated and sighed. He squeezed her hand and with a scolding lilt he said, "Yes you will..." And then, "But I'll stay."

Layna was both relieved of her fear of the cloud and yet frightened that Jacob had given in to her. He didn't speak as he led her to the very large tree. It was dry inside and there was just enough room for the two of them. He took out a cloth first and wiped it down and then they both took off their satchels and lay them inside. He let her climb in first.

He sat across from her blocking the entrance. Their legs were leaning apart from each other when he asked if she was comfortable she said she was.

"Are you?" she asked.

"No, but I don t plan to sleep."

"I won't be able to if I think you're sitting over there in pain," she said, partly teasing, but more serious.

Jacob chuckled and adjusted his position, so that when he was done his legs were leaning on hers slightly.

"Better?" she asked. As she did, a shiver trembled her words.

"Yes, thank you," he said. He put his warm hand on her foot and immediately Layna started to feel the chill leaving her.

"If you don't control it, then what is that thing?" she asked.

For a long time Jacob sat quietly; so long that Layna thought maybe he was ignoring her, but then finally he asked, "Do you know what a conscience is?"

"Yes, of course I do," she said.

"He's the opposite," he said.

"But he's so powerful..." she started.

"A clear conscience is more powerful," he said. It didn't make sense, but she didn't want to end up asking him a stream of questions. Thankfully he offered her more. "What Karen teaches you about how the island responds to the consciousnesses of those on it... She's right in many ways. It is affected by us, but it also guides us and teaches us what is good and right, if we choose to listen. But that black cloud responds and amplifies the evil in us."

He said 'us'. That confirmed what Layna remembered Ricardo had said about Jacob wanting to be as good as he wanted _them_ to be. But it frightened her to think the protector had a capacity to do evil, and sitting with him here, warm because of his hand on her bare foot, she didn't want to believe it.

Try as she might to stay awake, being as comfortable as she was, she found it difficult.

"Thank you for staying with me," she said as her eyes closed.

"Thank you for asking," he whispered.


	17. 17 Trusting fate over feelings

How foolish to assume anything inappropriate had happened between Layna and Ricardo. Jacob's messenger had the purest heart of anyone he'd ever met, purer even than his own. He'd never shown her anything but fatherly affection and concern, making up for her own father's neglect. The misunderstanding was almost laughable and to think back on how angry Jacob had become, he imagined the light was likely laughing at him as well. But it hadn't abandoned him. Instead, it had helped him make things right with both of them!

Watching her sleep and actually touching her after two years of merely having the mirror, it felt like a gift. This is what he needed to make things right in his own heart; to find that peace again that would sustain him. The light was not mocking him after all, it was caring for all of them.

Jacob would not take the kindness for granted or allow himself to fall into temptation by taking more than he'd been offered. He had to find the boundaries of what was permitted and not rely on the grace and mercy of the light to forgive and redeem him after the damage was done. Some consequences were not so easily or quickly rendered inert.

He had to send her home. To do that, to see her eyes so full of affection for him, he would fail, he knew it. He wouldn't doubt himself to give her anything she'd ask for and that was not what the light wanted or needed of a protector.

Taking out his bag out, Jacob dug around for a map, but after finding one realized he had used up all his graphite on his last trip. He had nothing to mark which way she should travel. Desperate to get this done before she awoke and with no other option, Jacob balanced the cloth map on a knee and did something he had never done before.

With his brother's dagger he carefully pricked his finger. When the blood formed a crimson pearl on his pale skin he dipped the sharp point into it and then made an 'X' where her home would be. Squeezing for more life ink he carefully marked tiny dashes along the path she should take and marked with a circle where they now sat.

If she followed this path she was less likely to run into his brother.

When he moved to put the knife away, something unexpected happened, the cloth map started to fall and he quickly grabbed it, with his pricked finger, leaving another mark; a light finger print that he hadn't intended. And it just so happened to be... at his home; the statue.

The light had once more used apparent happenstance to guide events in a way Jacob didn't intend.

He could have easily put the map away and left trusting that if the light wanted her home, she would find her way home, but didn't the same logic apply if she was supposed to find _his_ home? If she wasn't supposed to find him, the blood print would mean nothing to her and she would follow the directions he'd drawn for her. But that was not what he wanted and if he wanted it, why not just mark the 'x' there for the next time she wanted to visit him? Jacob decided, as with the letter he had penned for her, he could not be left to make the decision. The light had to guide her to confirm his desire met with it's will.

When his decision became firm, into his mind flashed a vision of Layna closer to him than they lay right now. They weren't lying down, though, rather, she was facing on him, sitting and leaning against him... He swallowed, flushing. It wasn't like a normal visions that took over his sight, but he saw and felt it in his mind as he was watching her sleep. And it was not like fantasies either this he felt as if he had experienced it and was merely remembering! It unnerved him how ancient it seemed as well, as blurred in his mind as things were that happened centuries and centuries ago.

As far as Jacob knew, his brother had never manipulated his dreams and thoughts as he did the other people on the island, but if that was what was happening, it signified a dangerous turn in the island's future. He closed his eyes and asked the light to show him what it meant... but all that came to him was the desire that the vision had inspired.

Jacob sheathed the knife and put it back into his bag. Maybe his brother was able to do this to him because he was touching the mystical knife? His brother's powers at times seemed connected to physical objects like dead bodies and important personal belongings as well as reading thoughts. He put the knife away into his bag and decided never to touch it with his flesh again, just in case.

Jacob leaned forward to lay the map on her stomach and was slightly wary that he might wake her, and yet disappointed when he didn't.

Carefully he lifted himself up and he crept away in the breaking light of dawn. He wasn't five footsteps before he returned, to retrieve his bag. He glanced in and when he reached for it, he had to lean over her and just the faint smell of her shocked him, as if he knew it! It was sweeter than anything and startled him by it's lure. Determined, he grabbed the satchel quickly and this time ran.


	18. 18 Meeting Brother

It didn't surprise Layna when she woke to find Jacob gone but when she realized he'd taken the wrong bag, she was completely dismayed. Was it a test and if so, given by Jacob or the island? His directions were straight forward, but if he was fallible, as he claimed, it was up to her to compensate for a mistake rather than blindly follow directions.

Walking along the beach now she felt no warning in her heart as she had when searching for him with the lighthouse key. Despite wandering all day looking for a way to the beach, she was at peace and the beautiful sky turning from oranges and pinks to a deep purple, pierced with stars confirmed there was no where else she would rather be, even if it would be dark soon.

At first she thought his map markings were drawn in berry juice but when she saw a faint finger print on the shore line she realized it was his blood and snooping in his bag she uncovered among his records many maps! One showed an image of a god in the exact place where his blood print was and, in a north east direction from her home. And she knew, the finding gift tingled through her; that's where he would be.

Yet there was nothing to see here so far but sand and to her right the dark trees looked as dangerous as the endless stretch of water glittering under the moon on her left.

A voice out of nowhere spoke to her in her step mother's language of English.

"Why are you wondering around alone at night?"

Turning suddenly she saw behind her the silhouette of a man walking towards her. She didn't recognize his voice and couldn't see his features at first, but as he approached the moon highlighted his face enough so that she knew she didn't know him.

"I'm looking for someone," she said, instinctively taking a step back.

"Well you're the one that's been found," he said, lunging forward, quick as the wind. Be it the dark or the surprise bringing her disorientation, she didn't understand how he managed to yank away from her the bag she was carrying.

"Ow!" she said, holding her shoulder and spinning around. He had stopped five paces behind her. "Give that back!" she demanded.

"It's not yours," he said, digging inside.

"It's not yours either," she said.

When she foolishly started towards him, the man raised the dagger.

"This is mine," he said. He flipped it over and cooed, "I haven t held it in decades."

Then with a running start he took the bag and tossed it into the ocean.

"Why did you do that?" Layna shouted, slashing in after it. A wave tumbled onto the satchel and pushed it over as it sunk, turning out much of it's contents before Layna could reach it. She struggled, soaking herself as she reached for the maps and records that began to float away. She let the cup go and found the bag was weighted down, probably by the heavy white rock she'd seen in it. The key was gone and she couldn't find it in the wet sand either.

The man didn't try to stop her, he just watched until she had done all she could to save Jacob's work, missing only a few papers that floated too far out to sea or hidden in the darkness. She tucked the dripping parchments inside and shivering, she clutched it tightly to her chest.

She moved out of the water, away from the lone figure and towards the trees, keeping her eyes on him. If he gave chase she had little hope to out run him, but she didn't want him to think she was interested in having any more to do with him.

"Impressive devotion," he said without a hint of sarcasm.

As he followed she took steps backwards away from him, staring at the dagger he continued to twirl like a toy. She thought he would attack her, but instead he sheathed it in the hilt he now wore on his belt and stopped.

"Did you ever wonder why Jacob didn't heal your mother, Layna?" She was so stunned that he knew anything about it that she had no words. He cocked his head and said, "You're gifted, so it makes sense that you would be trained by Jacob's personal assistant. And naturally you've become a irrationally devoted leader. But, where was he when your mother was dying?"

"He tried," she said, wiping her cold nose.

"But how hard? Because if she had lived I doubt your father would have let Richard move in and then Jacob wouldn't have had such easy access to manipulate you and your family into building his little machines." It was then she saw in his hand the key and he held it up and asked, "What does the machine do that this goes to?"

Layna didn't know who this man was or how he knew everything that he did, but she could feel he was sinister. She scowled at him and said, "You'll have to ask Jacob."

He nodded with a smile and put the key in his pocket. "You look cold, you want me to make a fire?" he asked.

"I don't keep the company of strangers," she said.

"I m no stranger," he said. "This is the third time we've met... well, four for me."

Looking at his distinctive face and piercing eyes, she felt he was sincere and that frightened her more than if she thought he was lying. "Why don't I remember you?" she asked.

He walked up to her slowly and his voice, low and gravely had a dark, but persuasive tone, "Sit, Layna, and talk with me for a while. Maybe I can answer some of your questions about Jacob."

She wanted to, despite the warning in her heart and so offered him a condition, "Tell me your name first."

He grimaced and blinking, he looked out over the sea and said, "I've been called a lot of things. Nothing ever stuck."

"What does Jacob call you?" she asked.

His answer chilled her. "Brother."


	19. 19 Preparing the Temple

The steady, quick pace to the temple kept Jacob's mind off of this morning and keeping focused on where he was going, he realized he was looking forward to seeing Ricardo again!

"Jacob," Ricardo said when he approached. "Is it time already? You said we might have years..."

"I said I didn't know," he said as he led Ricardo through the wall gate, "And I decided I didn't want to wait until he did something." Ricardo looked over the pond, mystified.

"It s so beautiful," Ricardo said. "Why have you never shown me this place before?"

"Because so many have died here I like to stay away," Jacob said. "I only use it when I have to. This is where you re going to lead them."

"When?"

"As soon as you can get them to leave their homes," he said.

"But if so many have died here, why come here? Why not go somewhere safe?"

"The people who died here lived longer than they would have anywhere else," Jacob said.

"Why?" Ricardo asked.

Jacob sighed and was about to say they just _did_, but instead said, "Ask Karen. I'm sure she'll figure out a good explanation." Ricardo's expression went from child like wonder to cold dubiousness. "What?" Jacob asked. "Layna likes her explanations."

"You found her then, and she's safe?" he asked. Jacob nodded and Ricardo then answered, "Karen is a scientist and dismisses religions of any kind as superstition. She finds my beliefs infantile and I find her preferred explanations sterile."

"I didn't realize that about her. It's unfortunate for her," Jacob said as they walked around the pond. "Religion often contain some of the best metaphors and answers to the questions that bother people the most... helping them to move on with their lives and grow."

"Exactly!" Ricardo said. "You can't answer every question with science! Sometimes you just have to believe in something bigger than yourself."

Jacob grinned at how relaxed Ricardo was with him now. "And yet, Ricardo," he said. "Science can open our eyes to some answers where religion requires blind faith." He didn't look convinced. "May I suggest, if you don't like her answers than just stop asking her questions. That's what I do when I don't like the question - I just don't give the answer."

That silenced him for now and once in front of the temple, the stench was clear. Ricardo coughed and took out a cloth to cover his nose.

It wasn't obvious where the dead bodies were strewn and Jacob said, "Help me find them. Look in the trees, I ll look over here."

"This is a man from the Northern tribe," Ricardo called out. "He never arrived for the marriage trials this week."

Jacob was at the pond pulling out a large man. He was fresher than the others and didn't stink. He guessed after chasing his brother away from Layna last night he'd come here to take out his frustrations.

When he started to go in he noticed the temple door was open, another problem, in that it might be inhabited. He drug the man inside and worked quickly to start a fire in the center of the courtyard.

Ricardo followed him in dragging a corpse and Jacob thought he smelled something inside the temple gate. Taking a look around he was gutted to find the decomposing body of a child in the corner. He squatted down to her. She was alone, no other bodies near, but she gripped a tiny wooden doll in her bony fingers. His brother didn't murder children, and it was more likely that her parents were killed and she was left on her own.

Trapped and frightened inside this terrifying place, starving to death without anyone to care for her, nobody knew of her fate, not even Jacob. He took the doll and reached for his satchel. When he went to put the doll in it, something felt wrong.

He dug around and saw that all of his records, his maps, the key to the lighthouse... and his brother s dagger were replaced by a mess of threads, fabric, tools he didn't own and books he'd never read. Jacob reached in to find the familiar heavy weight he knew in his own bag and was chilled to find a very large black rock. The shock that crept on him must have shown on his face, for Ricardo spoke.

"What is it, Jacob?"

He ignored the question. This was a sign to him; his brother would try again with her, and not as smoke, but to convert her.

There was nothing he could do about it right now. He put the doll into Layna's bag and picked up the dead child, bringing her to the fire. Ricardo believed it was what he brought that was the problem.

"She's so young, he did this?"

"He might as well have," Jacob said.

As they burned the bodies Jacob decided to give the best explanation he ever had to a leader. Usually he wanted to wait and see how they would respond on their own, but these people had aligned with him, and Ricardo was far too passive to think and plan ahead for this type of war.

"He's probably waiting until all the tribes are together so he can put on a more impressive show," Jacob said, "But when he comes it will be quick. He'll separate people first, frightening them, trying to get as many as he can alone to read them, in case he can use anyone... but not necessarily. Sometimes he s just angry enough to kill.

What can we do? How can we protect them? Ricardo asked.

"_You_ can't do anything to protect them," Jacob said. "Anyone who wants to be saved has to choose to be saved. They have to listen to us and follow you here. If they don t, there s nothing you can do. That said, Layna should be able to help you convince any who hesitate."

Obviously relieved he said, "Then you brought her back to the village?"

"I sent her back and she... she has my bag," Jacob said. He took hers off his shoulder and handed it over. "I took hers by mistake and I need to get mine back. When the people are safe in here, I'll either come to you, or you find a time to bring it to me."

"Yes of course," Ricardo said. His eyes looked anxious.

"You'll do well. And I want you to know, this is the most involved I have ever been," Jacob said.

"What's changed?" Ricardo asked.

"Me," Jacob said. "You should go."

Ricardo took the bag on his shoulder and before he left, Jacob spoke on impulse. "If Layna ever wants to see me again," he started. Ricardo turned and Jacob said, "You may bring her with you. She is the leader now, she speaks for the people."

"I understand," Ricardo said and left.

When the bodies were nothing but ash, Jacob collected it in large bags as he had always done and put them in storage in the temple with the others.

He took a passageway through the temple and underground back to the statue. He preferred walking on the ground, but he didn't want to be bothered by his brother, or worse, tempted to find Layna.


	20. 20 Confronting the Godcomplex

Jacob felt at times as if he could wish himself where he wanted to be, the way he wished people to the island, or how he wished Ricardo to come to him; but he hadn't ever done it and was afraid to try. Some people who came, came violently and he didn't know what would happen to the island if he wished himself somewhere and ended up killing himself in the process. So for now, he had to walk.

When he finally arrived home his brother's presence was unmistakable; at least he wasn't off killing people yet.

Jacob left his chamber and walked through the cool sand to ask what he wanted, but was surprised to hear him talking. Then he felt her.

"Home already, Jacob? I was hoping for some more time with my new friend."

As he drew near he saw that Layna's strained face, glowing from the orange flames, was streaked with tears. His brother might as well have tossed the dagger he was holding directly into Jacob's chest.

"I thought she would be happy to hear about our childhood, Jacob, but seems she's upset."

Her eyes darted at his brother, she wasn't aligning with him yet at least.

When she didn't speak Jacob said, "I told you to go home, Layna."

"I wanted to return your bag," she said. She pulled it from under her skirt and in a gesture completely lacking in reverence she tossed it at his feet. "I'll take mine back now."

Silently Jacob reached down and felt his bag; it was soaking wet. There was no need to guess what had happened, the dagger was in his brother's hands, held like a trophy and the lighthouse key was around his neck.

"I asked Ricardo to return yours," Jacob said.

She looked up at him and said, "Couldn't be bothered to return it yourself then?" His brother jammed the dagger into the log he was leaning against, gaining her attention. She took a breath and stood.

"I'm sorry, Jacob, I'll go and I promise, I won t be trouble for you anymore."

"Whatever he said," Jacob started, trying to keep his emotions in check, "You were never trouble."

With sad eyes she turned and when she passed by his brother she said, "I m ready to go when you are." It was the worst thing he could imagine her saying. She continued walking away from them and then stopped at a distance, wrapping her arms tightly around herself to wait.

"I didn't lie," his brother said, looking up. Then he smirked and said, "I just think she would have preferred hearing about me directly from you."

Jacob took a step closer and amazingly his brother didn't zip away. Easily he grabbed his black shirt and pulled him up off of the log.

"Hurts losing someone you love, doesn't it, Jacob?" he spat. Jacob shook him and Layna came running back.

"Stop it!" she ordered. Seeing her angry face, Jacob let go and his brother dropped to the sand, holding up his hands and wearing a sly smile on his face. It was a sham, Jacob would not have been able to touch him if his brother hadn't allowed it. Of course he probably didn't tell Layna that.

Pointing down at his brother Jacob said, "He is a liar, Layna. Even when he speaks the truth he twists it to manipulate people."

"And you don't?" she asked.

"No!" he defended. "I don't lie."

"Leaving out the important truths is the same thing as lying," she accused. "You say you want people to choose their paths for themselves, but then you keep them from making fully informed decisions!"

His brother scooted himself up from the sand to a sitting position next to his dagger, trying to appear innocent.

"And what did he tell you you needed to know," he demanded. "What choice are you talking about?"

"I m not talking about me," she said, teary eyed. "The people that built that light house, not the mechanism we made, but the stone tower... you let them believe you were a god?"

Jacob's hands were trembling on his hips. It was true, but it was more complicated than that. Defending himself could take hours, and the truth was, he had no defense except that he didn't know how to clarify who he was to people who were so full of hate that they were already killing each other off.

"It was before Ricardo came," he mumbled. "I've learned a lot since then."

Layna narrowed her eyes and said, "Ignorance is your excuse?"

Jacob clenched his jaw and glared at his self-satisfied brother. At least Jacob felt shame over his mistakes.

"Okay then, well, after Ricardo came and you brought my father's people here," she said. "And my mother s people, everyone stuck here..."

"They weren't _stuck_ here," Jacob interrupted. "I brought four ships of desperate, miserable people to these shores, all who would have either died at sea or been captured and killed where they were going... Then I gave every one of them a chance to leave. Three of those ships did leave and everyone else agreed together to sink the fourth. Those who stayed are here because they _want_ to be."

"Not him," she said, pointing to his brother.

Now Jacob understood. His brother's pathetic, 'poor me' face made Jacob ill as she continued.

"And with the powers that he has and his rage against you? You knew that eventually he would try to kill us! And that is what I m talking about. You left the truth out... you even lied to me and said he was just the opposite of a conscience. When he's your _brother_..."

His brother twisted the dagger stuck in the log, breaking apart the decaying wood.

"Did you ever warn my father that he is only here so you can prove that people are good? Because Jacob, what you re looking for is something that none of us can live up to. Based on the things you have done, you're not even as good as you think we should be. You can t win this war with him, it s futile."

Stripped bare of any pretense and with his heart breaking, Jacob asked, "Why do you still love me then?"

Layna started to deny it, but instead tried to deflect, "What does that have to do with it?"

"It has everything to do with it," Jacob said. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his brother tense up and sit forward. "Because if you can still love me, even though you know how flawed I am, then maybe you can understand why _I_ don't give up on people?

His brother let go a long, heavy sigh but Layna's expression softened and encouraged him on.

"I don't just bring people here to prove something to _him_," he said, pointing at his brother. "I bring them here to give them a chance to prove to themselves that they are worth something more than what that world out there has told them. You were born here, Layna, you're special. You don't know what it's like. Ricardo..." Jacob choked up and he had to pause to compose himself before he continued. "He thought he deserved to go to hell because he made a mistake trying to save his wife's life. He _still_ has no idea what an incredible, loving and good man he is..." He pointed at his brother again and said, "I called him the opposite of a conscience because his entire purpose is to convince people to go against what they know to be right. He tells people they are worthless so they will give up trying to make the right decisions... You have to believe me, Layna, your conscience is stronger than him, everyone's is, if they just exercise it!"

"You can't tell her what she has to do, you have to give her a choice..." his brother warned.

"That's what I'm doing!" Jacob cried, kicking sand at him.

"You said she _has_ to believe you... she doesn't."

Jacob put his hand up and squeezed the bridge of his nose and corrected himself. "I _wish_ you would believe me, Layna."

"I do," she said.

A weight lifted off his shoulders he hadn't realized was there and he let go a sigh. Her sweet smile was more victory than he could ever have imagined.

"Oh come on, Layna," his brother said. He pulled his dagger out of the wood, stood and sheathed it. "You're nothing but another pawn to him."

"Someone has to be a pawn," she said. Jacob was surprised to hear it, but more surprised to see her turn to his brother and add, "But I think we both know...I'm much more dangerous to you than that."

Taking in her words, his brother glanced at Jacob and then back at her. "This conversation has been enlightening. Now, I really must go... I have a village to destroy."

And in that moment his brother was gone.

"Will he?" she asked.

"Maybe," he said, afraid of her response.


	21. 21 Jacob explains The Sickness

Layna's eyes searched his face with concern and Jacob waited, tense for her to respond.

She looked towards her village and said, "He wants you to stop him, you know. He wants you to break the rules... so that he can."

"I know," Jacob said. "But if I change the rules, he can too. The island will hold us to our agreement. The rules of the game are the only thing that keeps him tethered and manageable. It's because he's my brother and we used to play games together that I was able to trick him into agreeing to the limitations. Without them... I think he would have been complete chaos."

She looked back at him and said, "How isn't it chaos if he can just kill everyone in my village, even though we aligned with you? What good was our agreement with you if you can't uphold yours?"

"You still don't trust me, Layna?" he asked.

"I trust you," she said. "I'm just... I'm worried for them."

"I gave Ricardo instructions to take your people to a safe place."

Her surprised sigh and smile hurt. If she didn't trust him, how could he trust her? Jacob considered taking her to the temple, but he was sure she was here for a reason other than being tested by his brother; that could have happened anywhere. The light had led her to his home, and that was not to be disregarded.

"Come," he said, "Let s go inside. You're safe with me."

She followed closely and after he opened the statue door, he let her in and saw in his mind a vision, not Lana, but someone else, a girl, much younger... running around and smiling at him.

His home wasn't as it is now, but as it was when he remembered finding it, littered with straw and without furniture of any kind! He had ancient memories of playing with children before he became protector, but they were all tainted with sadness. This was not and it wasn't like a memory, it was a vision of the future.

When the vision ended he was confused beyond all understanding of it. Blinking his eyes he noticed Layna had approached his loom. The way she admired it filled him with bashful pride.

"It's beautiful," she said.

"It's not nearly done," he said. "I hope you can see it when it is."

He didn't think she would live that long, though. As she leaned closer to it, examining the threads, he wondered if she would share her secret about the golden thread. As tempted as he was to ask, he decided to first start his fire. As he tried to ignite it, running his hands through the sand, he asked her to lay out the maps and records for drying.

She was patient as he struggled, though he could tell she was very tired from her journey and the nights events.

He usually didn't have this much trouble with the alchemy flame, and sat back on his heels staring at it. Wouldn't that be the case? His fish trap was empty when they first sat to eat together and now he was going to look the fool for not being able to start a fire.

And then, she read the Greek words, "May the gods grant you the desire of your heart."

Instantly the flame lit up high enough to surprise him. Her eyes were on the loom and she didn't seem to notice.

"Is that..." she started and smiled. "That's what I said to you in the flax field!" She looked at him with such wonder that he didn't know whether to let her believe she'd inspire it or tell her the truth. Almost as a scold she said,"You must do nothing but spin and weave, Jacob."

He laughed, forgetting she too was a weaver and then he asked, "Do you believe in coincidences?"

She seemed sightly disappointed and hummed, taking his honest question as an explanation. He didn't correct her. If he insisted it meant something it might be more encouragement than was safe to give her considering he didn't know _what_ it meant.

He helped her lay out his records and maps and when he saw the bag was empty he said, "Where's my cup?"

"I let it go," she said. "I thought keeping the writing was more important."

He didn't blame her, but said, "I've had that cup for two thousand years. It felt just right in my hand."

"I'm sorry," she said.

"I'm the one who took the wrong bag," he said. With a smirk he added, "Thankfully only I have to face the consequence of that mistake."

"The knife and key were stolen by your brother," she said. "Half of your writings are floating out to sea and the other are soaked and possibly ruined..." She shook her head and said, "The only thing I manage to keep from being lost or spoiled was that worthless white stone and you're worried about a tin cup?"

Sitting back on his heels, Jacob put his hands on his knees and realized she couldn't possibly comprehend how important it was to him what she had just said.

"You're right. Saving the white stone was the most important." She gave him a confused chuckle but he wasn't ready to explain the meaning and let her dismiss his his comment as humor. He watched her carefully pressing out each piece of parchment, admiring the care she took with it, just as she took care doing anything he'd watched her do in the looking glass. With all of the time he'd spent spying from afar in a magical little piece of technology, why did having her here for real feel more like a dream?

When she put his rock to the side he remembered the black one in her satchel and suddenly he realized how close he had been to losing her to his brother. If he had not lost his temper, she may not have come back to confront him and they wouldn t have exchanged more words. It was the second time his temper had done something useful. He shouldn't waste the providence.

"Did he tell you what I did to him?" he asked.

"He said only that you turned him into the smoke because you were mad at him, he didn't say how," she said. "How did you do it?"

"I can't tell you," he said, grateful for the rule he placed on his brother about the cave. Neither of them could tell anyone about it, except the person who was going to replace Jacob. "Did he tell you why I won t let him leave?" he asked.

"He said you believed he was evil and that you never listened to his motivations of why he did what he did; you just judged him and punished him and blindly follow what your mother said about him not leaving." She looked up at him and asked, "Are you able to tell me how much of that is true?"

"He is evil," he said.

"I thought you believed in people," she said. "Everyone but your own brother?"

"He's no longer redeemable, Layna. Not because of him, but because of what I did to him." She looked at him blinking at his admission. "It's my fault I can t let him leave, not my mother's. And it's not just his powers, it's his ability to manipulate people... to contaminate them, really... It's almost like... like he came into close proximity with a disease and now he's forever a carrier. When I bring people here, I give them grace as an inoculation, but those who hold on to their guilt are still susceptible to catch it. Some who listen to him too long get a full blown infection... The world is already so full of war and hatred, if he was out there, he'd make it worse. I can't let that happen."

Finished with his records, Layna got up and sat on his wooden bench, staring down into the fire. "Did you think I was going to catch it?" she asked.

"Honestly, I couldn't believe that you were going to leave with him," he said, hearing the hurt in his own voice. "I can't die, but that would have..." He shook his head. "It would have been worse."

Layna looked down and said, "I think you should know something Jacob. I wasn't ever going to leave with him. I only wanted you to think I was."

"Why?"

Her hesitation frightened him and when she spoke it felt as if all the trust he had in her was going up in flames. "Your brother suggested we try to trick you into showing your emotions... he wanted to prove to me that you loved me and were just hiding it."

"But he said you were just a pawn to me," Jacob said.

She looked up at him and admitted, "That was part of his bluff. So you wouldn't know what he was doing... it's why I said what I did before he left."

"Oh," he said, "I see." Jacob's face felt tight and he stood, needing to put distance between them again.

"Please don t judge me too harshly, Jacob," she said. I didn't understand why you would hide it. I thought he was trying to help us... he said you only kept him here because you were lonely."

"I am lonely," he said. "Because I believe _too_ much in people and I can't risk being manipulated. It would put the island in jeopardy. "

He paced around the room, breathing in deeply and letting it out in trembling bursts. How quickly he'd assumed his temper had been righteous. Why was she here except for the light to teach him she shouldn't be?

"Jacob?" she said in a quivering voice. "Are you going to forgive me?"

"I can't," he said, walking around behind her and back again. "I want to... but... there's too much at stake."

She leaned forward and said, "Think about this, though... I told you the truth, even though he promised me if I did you would reject me... forever. Don't make him right... please."

"I should reject you!" he said. "Just because he's evil, doesn't mean he isn't right!"

"So there isn't any grace left for the one you love," she asked. "You only reserve it for strangers? Was he right, am I just a pawn then?"

It took him a moment and then Jacob stopped walking. This was not an uncommon affect for his brother to have on him. And as much as Jacob tried to prove him wrong, he was still vulnerable to doubts. If this was his plan, to make Jacob give up on Layna, then what was the opposite? What did the light want? The fire beside him was flickering low and as much as it hurt, he forced out the words, "Because you risked telling me the truth, because the truth was more important to you than my love... I will forgive you. But I need a moment to do it... and I can't promise what our relationship will look like after I figure out what this means."

He stepped behind a large pillar and then added, "Please wait where you are."


	22. 22 The Trustworthiness Test

Jacob forgave her, and what he was afraid of might happen, did happen. He wanted to forget it and simply continue where they had left off.

She looked so beautiful sleeping on her back next to the warm fire. It must have taken him longer than he realized to calm down, clean up and change into the shirt she had made for him. He sat next to her and decided, he would have to test her. His brother had deceived him on so many occasions and Jacob knew from watching how women could affect a man's judgment. He couldn't trust his heart.

He couldn't even resist touching her when he knew it would wake her. When his fingers rested lightly on her black hair, he was astonished at how soft it was.

And she stirred. Pushing herself up, she blinked looking at him.

"Hi," she said sleepily and then she saw what he was wearing and sat up, completely awake. "You look so beautiful!" she said, breathless.

Jacob had not expected that she would think that about him! To deflect the flattery he lifted his arm and pointed to the sleeve. "I do like the style, but it's not useful for any kind of work."

"It's meant to be a leisure garment," she said. "Shell wouldn't stand up to field work."

His fingers flitted over the pearlescent buttons and then to one of the gold lines of thread catching the fire light. Jacob's heart jumped and he suddenly knew now how to test her. If the light had gifted her with this ability Layna should trust it's protector with that knowledge. If she did, he would know better if he could trust her with what she might learn from him. "It really is most amazing," he said.

Teasingly she said, "Well, in my childhood fantasies I imagined you a godlike king in need of a worthy wardrobe."

And yet she had been angry at him for allowing the Vikings to believe he was Odin. He wondered...

"So who am I in your fantasies now that you're a woman?"

Layna stopped moving and when he glanced at her, her eyes were widened with uncertainty.

"I'm not sure it's appropriate for you to ask me that Jacob," she said. "Are you teasing me or do you want a _truthful_ response?"

When he realized he had pried into an area of intimate secrets, Jacob felt his cheeks fire up and his mind went to what her fantasies might be. She was staring at him and he couldn't remember when he'd ever been so uncomfortable with anyone; but it wasn't entirely unpleasant.

He looked away and let out a nervous, sighing laugh. "Of course you don't have to answer..."

He was relieved when she laughed. But then she said, "You sure?"

Layna was pushing him now and Jacob leaned back on his hands away from her, stretching out his legs. He crossed them at the ankles, and studied her. She twitched her lips and looked down at her hands which held the map he'd given her. It reminded him that the light had participated in bringing her here, but he needed more than that.

"There is something I need from you," he said. She looked up casually and he asked, "How did you make the gold thread?"

Her smile was odd at first and slowly it turned into a grin before she said, "You're the great protector, Jacob, you can do amazing magic. Won't you allow me this one skill?"

Not falling prey to her charm he said, "As protector of the island, I know everything about it. And yet, though I have tried for years to discover how this was done, I have never come across anything close. Either you have been gifted by the island to make it and you will tell me about that gift, or you bought it from someone who brought it here and I need to know who that person is." She looked down and he added, "Don't mistake this request as being about me and my pride as a weaver. It's about protecting the island. Everything that's important, everything we do should be about the island, above all."

He couldn't have been more clear but her gentle tone almost felt patronizing as she said, "Then I still can't tell you."

He sat up leaning towards her and felt his emotions rising. "Layna, I can forgive you for making mistakes in the past, but this... this... you are choosing to do_ right_ now."

In a voice, light as a feather she said, "I'm sorry."

Her insolence made no sense. The more he sat staring at her the more Jacob felt she was thinking herself his equal, manipulating him again, just as his brother had taught her... his brother! That was the only explanation. They had worked together to seduce him all along. Quickly lifting the shirt over his head, Jacob sat in nothing but his linen pants and began to ball it up.

"If you won't tell me, then I don't want it," he said. Her eyes were on the shirt, not with fear, but with sadness. In a quick gesture he meant to throw it at her, but a gust of wind from the vent above swept in, took it mid toss and cast in the flames.

Layna cringed as Jacob got to his knees, too late to catch it as the flames grew suddenly and burned it up in a bright burst; it vaporizing in an instant.

He'd only worn it this once and now it was gone, along with the gold thread.

The loss cut deeper than he expected. It was foolish to still after all these years allow his temper to hurt the ones he loved and destroy those things which had value to him. Jacob slowly turned his eyes on Layna to see her staring blankly into the flames.

The island had chosen the punishment, not him, and yet he wished he could take it back; he could have found some other way that was not so... final.

Her eyes were tearing and when she looked up at him he was speechless.

"It's just a shirt, Jacob," she said. "I'm more upset that you don't trust me."

And that was the truth of it, he didn't. He couldn't. And he wouldn't forgive her for this. Jacob got up and stormed out of his chamber.


	23. 23 Negotiated Limitations  J and bro

"You really have a way with people," his brother said.

"Shut up!" Jacob hissed, walking past him into the forest.

"That girl is a perfectly decent human being," he said. "I can't do a thing with her. And she's completely smitten with you. Yet you abandon her... why? "

"Don't you have a village to destroy?" he asked sarcastically.

"And waste this opportunity to get under your skin? I don't think so," he said.

Jacob pushed aside a branch and stormed through a stream. When his brother stepped into the water behind him, Jacob spun around and tackled him into it before he could change.

Doused with water his brother struggled, unable to get up. With a hefty swing Jacob tried to do what he hadn't been able to since his brother had been changed. But his brother lifted his head and Jacob's fist went right through the smoke to a rock. He smashed his knuckles and cried out.

His brother re-materialized completely and in Jacob's pain was able to wrangle away from him.

Standing wet on the shore with his hands on his knees his brother said, "She really has you worked up, Jacob. What'd she do? Or... what didn't she do?" He stood and said, "You know, I lived with women for years, I could help. I know a thing or two about getting them to do what you want. Fun things. Things you'd like."

It wasn't the first time his brother had attempted to tease Jacob about women.

"You're just trying to offend me," Jacob said, cradling his hand and glaring at him. His brother began to chuckle. He seriously didn't have the energy for this. He stood and said, "I can _make_ you go away, do you want that? Do you want to be stuck back in the temple for another hundred years?"

"Wait, Jacob," his brother said holding his hands up. "Don't get rash. You know if you do that, you'll limit your powers too..." Jacob clenched his jaw. It was true. The scales had to be even, that's what he promised his brother and that's what the Light held him to. "Besides," his brother added, "the game's just getting started again. And since you've got an obvious handicap with female distractions you, I'll help you out, just to be nice..." His brother paused, obviously enjoying having something over Jacob. "Richard failed," he said. "They're not in the temple. They wouldn't listen." His brother crossed his arms and said, "By the way, in case you didn't notice, Richard is what he prefers to be called now not Ricardo. He changed that when he started living with my people."

"_Your_ people?" Jacob asked.

"Why should you get all the fun making lists and having your pawns align with you?"

Jacob dipped his hand in the water and watched it begin to heal. It wasn't uncommon for his brother to brag or attempt to mislead Jacob with his plans, but whatever information he could glean, it would be helpful to try and piece together what his brother was thinking. He didn't believe him for a minute about knowing women, though.

"My people listen to me, it's a shame about yours," he said. "But why should they listen to Richard? Richard's been playing with me and I've played myself down for a long time. Nobody in your alignment is afraid of me which means... they don't think they need you. Especially after they built that beautiful mechanism in the lighthouse... they're convinced your pleased enough with them to prevent anything I could do. They don't get it. But they will."

It was sound reasoning, but his brother had to know he still couldn't touch those that the light decided it needed. The more dangerous his brother became to Jacob's plans for protecting it, the more people he would have to convert or trick rather than kill . "Do what you have to," he said simply.

"That's cold, Jacob. I'm sure your people are going to be thrilled to know how much you care about them and how much you're not doing... I'm sure Layna is going to be thrilled as well."

Jacob didn't respond. He knew she would be devastated, but he couldn't let his brother tempt him to break a rule.

Before he left, his brother lifted the key from around his neck and took it off. "Here," he said, tossing it in the river next to Jacob. "Maybe watching them die will help you feel something." He transformed and blew past Jacob, pushing his smoke in his face as he left.

Jacob waited until mid - morning before he finally came into his chamber ready to talk, only to find the fire had gone out and Layna was gone. He was still trying to decide how he felt about it when his eyes fell on the white rock sitting on his stool. He went to pick it up, but froze. It was setting in the center of a circle of braided golden threads. More than that, it was a Shen Ring!

He slowly squatted next to it, catching his breath. Did she do this? He touched the stone, _his_ white stone that sat in the center of the Egyptian hieroglyphic symbol of eternity. How could she know? His records? But he had not explained to her the significance of the stone. The tingling on his skin told him, this was a message from the light. She was his eternally and she didn't even know it.

He touched the gold, but didn't want to disturb the symbol. She couldn't have just created this thread here, could she? He looked around and saw the stick and ashes on the stone floor. Was it was more extraordinary that she would make new thread, or that these had survived the fire!

Jacob looked in the hearth and dug around the cold sand with his bare hands. He found eight more and lay them out on the stone floor. He sat, crossed legged, carefully picking up one of the strands. It was not metal, spun into an impossibly thin wire, as he had at one time suspected. But when he put the tip of it in his mouth and bit down, he could not break it, though it was soft as hair. Playing with it, he was able to tie it like thread and it held the knot well.

Why would she not tell him how she did it! As he saw it, a vision of cave came to his mind, the water rising higher than he'd ever seen it flow, almost so that it blocked the entrance.

The light had done this, and that sanctioned her gift in his mind, but he had to trust her reasons for not telling him and decided, if he couldn't trust Layna, he had to trust the light.

With the lighthouse key in hand he agreed with his brother; it was time to try out his new 'toy'.


	24. 24 Safety and Sacrifice

When Layna returned home, the fence surrounding her home was completely broken down flat and her father's workshop was a pile of smoldering rubble. She wanted to call out for her family, but fear warned her not to draw the attention of whomever had done this.

"I have a village to destroy," Jacob s brother had said.

Jacob had indicated that his brother couldn't hurt her if her conscience was clear and he might not even try to scare her if she didn't respond to his taunting. But what she felt was not fear for herself, but anger that he might have harmed her family.

Carefully she walked into the middle of the chaos and saw no human remains, and the donkey and cart were gone!

It gave her hope. She looked for other signs of what had happened and saw at the hearth that her step mother s favorite pans were gone and there was an empty spot in front of the burning workshop where her father s chest of books used to be.

Richard must have gotten them out. She would have to rely completely on the island to find this safe place, but her faith held strong, if she was meant to, she would. And if not, the island had other plans for her.

Her hut was completely burnt down to a flat level of ashes. The loom and everything else she possessed was gone, except... on a post where she usually stored her lantern, hung her satchel.

She took it down and found it empty except one item. The beautiful black rock she had found in the river. As she studied it she heard someone running towards her and Layna looked for a place to hide. The figure approaching carried a lantern and as soon as she saw his concerned face in the light, Layna breathed out in relief.

"Richard!" she shouted, running to him. Before she could ask about the village, his eyes went wide at what he saw in her hand.

"Where did you get that?" he asked, shrinking from it.

"I found it in a stream... it was all that was left in my bag when I arrived home."

"Get rid of it, Layna!" he insisted.

She gestured around at her home and said, "We've lost everything we own and you're worried about a rock?"

"What do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?" he asked, quoting his scriptures again. He pointed to it and said, "That rock means he was here... He did this." Layna guessed that Richard meant Jacob s brother, the dark cloud.

"So he hasn't destroyed the village yet?" she asked. He shook his head. Holding it up she said, "Jacob had a white rock... what do the rocks mean?"

"It represents their two sides," Richard said, and acting more superstitious than when Karen had ever teased him he said, "You must not keep it!"

Remembering that she had used Jacob's stone to hold down bracelet she had braided for him, Layna smiled to herself. The island wasn't done with them yet.

"Throw it into the jungle, Layna!" Richard insisted.

She did and turned on him and he said, "Did Jacob give you any instructions?"

"No," she said. " I thought he gave you instructions to take the people to a safe place?"

"I took those that would go," he said. "But that was only ten, including your parents, Karen and Thomas. The rest are still celebrating at the marriage trials where most are too drunk with wine to care about danger."

"Do you have a list of the aligned who are still here?" she asked.

Richard nodded and said, "I can tell who you've been spending time with."

Layna and Richard wandered though the tents and small campfires, peering in lean-tos and speaking with those who weren't too inebriated to help. It was difficult to remain subtle, having to speak loudly amidst the singing, shouting and from some tents, sounds of marriages being consummated.

They confronted many of those who had helped build the lighthouse wheel and Layna was able to convince them of Richard's trustworthiness despite his living with the Western Tribe. Once the aligned people were on their way to wait by the foot of the mountain, she and Richard set off to try to speak with the elders about converting the rest for their own safety.

"I never got to ask you what you think of these celebrations?" she asked Richard on the way.

"It's become too carnal since the Wanderers have joined the Western Tribe," he said, obviously disgusted. "Marriage is supposed to be sacred."

"I agree," Layna said. "Mine will be very private, I'm sure of it."

Richard stopped and put his hand on her shoulder. "Do you have something to tell me, Layna?" he asked. "Did Jacob...?"

"No, he didn't propose," she said. "And he may never. But he loves me, and that's enough. Anything that happens beyond that is up to the island."

Richard studied her face and said, "You've changed... what happened?"

"Let's just say, I don't believe in coincidences." She knew it was vague and added, "I'll explain later."

He nodded and they continued walking until he gestured to a large tent adorned with furs, tapestries and garland. "The Northern Tribe elders."

Many were passed out in front of their tents and the smell of wine and ale was acute.

"Abu," Richard said. "I've brought Layna, please listen to her."

"Oh my dear, sit, have a drink," he said. "Keep an old man company..."

"No, Abu," she said. "This is very important, last night I spoke to the dark cloud." Richard did a double take and Abu sat up. She held her ground. "He is a very angry, unreasonable man who takes the form of smoke to frighten us. He wants us to join him or he will try to kill us. Jacob will not force us to follow him and will not punish us if we don't, but he can only protect those who align with him." She gestured to Richard and said, "His messenger will take anyone who signs with us to a place safe from the dark cloud."

The old man took his walking stick and stood. "All we have to do is sign?" he asked. "And we'll be safe?"

She looked at Richard who didn't look convinced. But he leaned to whisper to her and said, "Jacob told me he didn't want anyone to die, I think it's close enough to the truth..."

"And believe," she qualified to the elder. "You have to believe that Jacob will save you..."

The elder knocked the sleeping man next to him. "Get up, you fool!" He then said, "We will sign for our people. What else do we do?"

Before they were done instructing the elders to gather their people at the foot of the mountain, there was a shriek in the distance and a sudden crash in the trees next to the camp site.

Turning to the terrified old man and the other elders who were now paying attention, she said, "Do not abandon your trust in Jacob. He can do nothing for us if you do!"

The elders moved quickly to their people and began giving orders and all around them echoed the sound of the clicking and clanging as the black smoke encircled the camp, teasing the people with pokes, but not yet touching any of them.

"He's looking for his followers..." Richard said. "

Layna started through the crowd of confused, frightened people and shuffled them towards the mountain, explaining what was happening. She was about to talk to a group of teenagers coming from the village when one of the boys was picked up by the smoke and thrown across the encampment into the trees.

The rest fell to the ground covering their heads, crying.

"If any of you believe Jacob can save you, follow Richard up the mountain," she yelled at them. "If you stay here and you will either become a tool of the dark cloud, or you will die."

A large blast into the central bon fire sent flaming logs in all directions. It inspired them to get up and run for Richard.

Layna ran for the perimeter where the Western tribe was and began looking for anyone who would listen. When she came upon a tent with a crying child, she called into it.

"Hello?" There was no answer and she lifted the flap, seeing an entire family inside. "Richard is leading the families to safety, you need to go with him."

"We're staying in here," the father said. "My father served the dark cloud before Jacob murdered him. I was forced to join a tribe, but I still serve the wanderer god!"

It was difficult to imagine how someone could be so stubborn when their children were weeping. Angry with him, Layna held out her hand to the woman holding the screaming infant. The woman spat at her hand.

Her husband came at her with a knife and Layna backed out of his tent with her hands up. Focused on defending herself from the man, she didn't see the boy behind her. He jabbed a sharp stick at her and Layna felt it go into her arm. She turned quickly and cried out in pain, holding the bleeding wound.

"Well done, son," he said. And then to Layna he said, "You must align with the right god to have peace! Ours is more powerful than your Jacob! Just look! Can Jacob do this? He certainly could not stop it!"

A succession of blasts took out four tents close by. The man lifted his weapon at her and Layna began to run as the man ran after her shouting, "Great cloud, may this sacrifice..."

Before he finished he was swept away into the air, his yell trailing behind him until in the distance another blast silenced him.

Layna held on to her arm and ran for Richard, giving up on saving anyone else. When she arrived he had already begun to lead the people up the mountain path and the few stragglers coming she pushed ahead of her, looking back to see fire had begun to consume the village.

"Our homes!" a woman called out. More looked and there was crying and some screaming.

"Your lives are more important!" an elder called to them. "Don't look back, that life is over! Jacob has a new and better life planed for us!" He fell back with Layna and said, "Is your arm bad?"

"No," she said. She looked back and saw the smoke was circling around, blasting tents and campfires and then it slithered towards the path. "Hurry!" she called up.

The people began to run and she then saw the smoke enter into the covering of shrubs beside the path. Before she could call out a warning, one of the teens from the Western Tribe was yanked off the path and thrown into the black sky. And then a man after him.

The people, _her_ people, started to scream, terrified. They began to scatter off the path and away from Richard.

"Stop!" she cried out to them.

Beside her the elder said, "We can't help those who lose faith... let them go, Layna."

"No," she said, pushing her way through to where the smoke was picking them off. "Stop it!" she shouted and tried to grab the next teen who was horrifically snatched away. She watched her fly into the side of a cliff and fall dead to the ground. A woman she'd talked into following Richard who already had shaky faith was cowering next to a tree, holding her child. She looked up at Layna, tears of terror in her eyes; her faith justifiably failing. Turning away, furious, Layna shouted, "Leave!" He ignored her and picked off a man standing right beside her. Abu's son! She shook her head and cried out as the smoke came back. "Take me instead!"

Richard turned as soon as she said it his eyes full of fear and dismay. Suddenly Layna was in the air, the wind knocked out of her as she was carried off a great distance. And then she felt a sudden stop, and everything went dark.


	25. 25 Those who can bleed can die

Layna awoke to the sound of a brook. When she blinked her eyes open, next to her she saw an apple, half gold, half red. She pushed up on her elbows and decided this was not the stream by her village, it was more shallow and narrow across. When she turned her head it complained. She touched it and felt the crunchiness of dried blood.

A shadow crossed over her and when she looked up there was a figure standing above her on a large boulder. It was Jacob's brother.

"How's your head?" he asked, "I hit you harder than I meant."

"It hurts," she affirmed. His expression of sincere regret troubled her; why would he care? She looked at where she had been stabbed and saw her blouse sleeve had been ripped off and her arm was treated and bandaged in a black cloth.

"I was surprised that you took my offer," she said, sitting up. "But grateful you had mercy on on my people."

"Don't assume too much about my capacity for mercy," he said. "Maybe I just like to play with my brother's things?"

"So you didn't spare them, you went back after you took me?

Genuinely offended he said, "No! You said 'take me instead'" He jumped down and asked, "What kind of person do you think I am?"

"A murderer?"

He took two steps and unsheathed the dagger on his hip. She stared at it, but when he squatted, he picked up the apple and expertly cut out a piece. She didn't accept.

"Why bother being kind to me?" she asked. "You won t trick me into trusting you."

He inspected the apple slice as if she had rejected it for a flaw. Seeing nothing, he took a bite.

"I don t expect you to change sides," he said. "I don t even want you to. You're more valuable to me devoted to Jacob."

When he looked up from the apple Layna saw at this close proximity that he didn't have dark eyes as she assumed last night, instead they were a piercing, light blue. Jacob had dark blue eyes, gentle and patient. These felt cold and prying.

Balancing on his haunches, he held the apple in his hand and ran the dagger through it to slice off another piece.

Layna couldn't help but say something. "You'll cut yourself holding it that way."

"Cut a finger off maybe?" he asked. He then proceeded to slice through the apple _and _his pinky. Both dropped to the ground between his feet.

There was no blood but Layna gasped and covered her mouth. He then held up his hand and when she looked, it was whole again. Glancing down there was only the apple slice lying there. He picked it up, and offered it to her. She gripped her stomach and declined.

"This body isn't real," he explained. He ate the slice and his brows were pressed low as he studied the rest of the apple he held. He swallowed and paused in thought before he explained, "I'm just an illusion of my former self... at least Jacob still allows me that."

He was such an expert at moving her to pity, even now that Layna knew what he was doing. She had to remember the lives he'd ended back home, the teenagers and people; people that were aligned with him even!. She looked away and wondered if he would let her go anytime soon. She didn't believe she'd made a mistake in the exchange, but she didn't know what the conditions were going to be for her release.

"So, let s get back to where we left off," he said, shifting his weight while still balancing in a squat in front of her. "We established that Jacob does love you, and now he knows it. But I'm beginning to think he s not going to do anything about it." He ate an other apple slice and after chewing it and swallowing he said, "So we still share a common goal."

Layna couldn't believe he actually thought she would work with him again and she rolled her eyes with a sigh.

"What?" he asked. "You know I can only read your mind when I'm..." He lifted his hand with the knife and flittered it about, clicking with his tongue. It was so odd to see him speak of the frightening dark cloud that way that she felt her face smile in confusion.

He grinned at her and sliced the apple again, not offering her a piece this time, just sinking his teeth into it. When he finished chewing it he said, "You're the only one Jacob has ever really cared about, you know."

It made Layna's heart flutter and she immediately realized it was exactly what she wanted to hear. But it wasn't true.

"He cares about Richard," she countered.

"No he doesn't, he just uses him," he said. "He made Richard indebted to him so now it's all, 'oh Jacob gave me eternal life, I'm so blessed let me serve...'" He bit down hard on the apple and said with a mouth full, "It's pathetic." He continued to slice up what was left of the apple, cutting out the core.

"Richard believes Jacob is a good man who has a higher purpose, that's why he follows..."

"No, it's not. Richard follows Jacob because he's afraid of the alternative." He tossed the apple core into the brook. It bobbed up and down in the water as it floated away.

"Are you the alternative?" she asked.

He smiled with his cheeks full. He chewed, swallowed and said, "No... the alternative is to have to find his own purpose... something Richard is incapable of doing."

Despite feeling defensive of him, Layna couldn't deny that Richard did seem dependent on Jacob.

"You're different," he said. "I think that's what s drives him crazy about you. You believe in something higher than Jacob. You don't worship him. You believe in the island as much as he does." He raised his brows at her and said, "He wouldn't tell me what you did, but I know you did something that really set him off." The longer she remained quiet, the more intense his stare seemed to become.

"Listen, Layna," he finally said. "I could just read you, but I m trying to be polite. What happened in his chamber? Why did he leave you like that? I am DYING to know."

Layna felt a warning in her heart not to say anything. Maybe he couldn't read her and he was trying to trick her? But if he did read her, he might learn what she knew. Without lying or telling him anything to tempt him to pry, Layna said, "Your brother has a temper and overreacted when he tossed his favorite shirt at me and it blew into the flames. I told him it was just a shirt and he stormed out." She raised her brows and said, "And that is the truth."

"That sounds like him, but..." He grinned and wagged his finger at her, "You're lying if you're leaving out part of the truth... _Why _did he toss his shirt at you?"

"It was a private moment," she said. "Between lovers." Looking down her nose she added, "And he's not stupid, he's passionate."

His expression changed from amused to something close to jealous contempt. And then he quipped, "You know, he would _die_ for you."

The words haunted Layna both for the love of them and the simultaneous loathing.

"I don't even have to convince you, you know it's true. And I can see; you want him to love you that much, even if it kills him."

"Jacob can't die," she said, trying to sound certain.

"Those who can bleed, can die," he said, repeating the words she had said to herself. He waited as if for her to realize he had been there. "And when he dies, I can leave." Then he pointed his thumb at himself and said, " I just can't be the one to kill him. So I have spent the last forty years trying to figure out a way to make it happen... With him in love with you Layna, I'm more than half way there. All I have to do is wait until he can no longer resist being with you. _That's_ why I would never kill you, even if you weren't protected. I need you alive," he said. "Because so long as you're alive, Jacob is vulnerable! And so is the island."

Before Layna's eyes the man disappeared. She looked around, unnerved by how he could come and go. When she looked down she saw he'd left the dagger, and beside it, another apple... She held her bear arm and seeing the black cloth again, Layna quickly pulled at it as if to remove his influence in superstition Richard would be proud of.

The wound was healed! Layna ran her hand over where it had been and though she had seen healings many time, none had come that quickly even with island magic. She leaned her forehead against her palm and worried about her protection. Why would the island heal her and protect her if what he said was true. But if what he said wasn't true, why hadn't it brought them together?

Confused and aching, she sat, unsure of where she was or what she should do. Her stomach hurt for her hunger and glancing at the apple she had a strange feeling about it as if it the same one that had been there before. It too was half gold and half red. With him gone and nothing to prove about not receiving any of his gifts, she reached out for it.

Instantly the apple fell apart into the slices he had cut in front of her. When it open up the black rock fell out where the core had been. Layna's heart began to pound, remembering what Jacob had said, for her to join his brother would be worse than death for him.

In a swift move, she reached for the dagger and took it before he realized he'd left it. She left the apple and the rock and got up. She didn't know where she was, trusted the island to guide her where she should go. If she was making Jacob vulnerable, she had to open herself up to whatever the island intended. Only it knew what she should do... and if it decided she should be sacrificed, so be it.


	26. 26 A curse and a prayer

Jacob hated running. His feet hated it too, but carried by fear he ignored the bruising rocks and cutting bamboo stumps that sliced at his soles.

The lighthouse was going to change everything. Everything about his job, everything about him.

He had been exponentially affected by what he witnessed in the large mirror both because of it's size and the numbers of exposed lives. Some on the island, but most not!

As he made his way through the stream, slipping on rocks and cringing in pain, Jacob's mind was foggy with the visions he'd been lost in all night, especially with that he'd just seen of Layna. Her state of mind was hidden and he only knew his brother was there by the smoke hovering over her. With no lips to read he couldn't tell what was said; the mirror didn't even show him the form he was presenting. All Jacob knew was that with tears in her eyes, she had taken the knife and ran. He couldn't watch and find her, he had to abandon his post.

And so he ran.

His empathy for her pain was the most acute, but something similar was happening to him with each of the souls the light had chosen for him to watch. It was as if Jacob was right there with them, experiencing their lives. In that one night, he'd been among the trials of mining coal, a family dinner that ended in a bloody fight and a worst of all, a ward where helpless children were handled brutily. He'd also seen acts of courage and kindness that had given him hope and filled him with admiration for people who had nothing and yet gave to others. He wasn't just peering into their lives, he was more like a ghost unseen to the animated strangers around him.

It'd taken the sunrise to awaken him to his reality. When it's bright light obscured the images that were reflected clearly in the darkness of night, the distraction reoriented him enough to make him question; what had happened in the village just a mile from him. Finding Layna among the compass numbers had happened just when he needed to see where she was, what she was doing, and where she was going. And he was astonished.

Around his ankles, the water began to flow deeper. It was happening. Jacob stumbled again, pushing his way to the small shoreline so he could move more quickly, but soon the water enveloped him to the knees there too. On the way he'd remembered his past visions, the cave and it's rivers flowing deeper. And he remembered when Layna was a child and he'd seen her falling away from him. The light urged him on with visions of where she was, laying down on her back in the muddy bank, her eyes closed, the knife in her clutches as she wept. It gave him speed and strength to run without growing tired, and fortitude to ignore his aching feet.

But when he saw her being carried along swiftly, the knife now high above her chest he realized, she must have been infected with the madness.

In his fury, he spat out a curse of the worst he could imagine at that soul which had haunted him for two thousand years. "You may _never_ again appear as my brother!" Even in the midst of his irrational outrage Jacob was cognizant to realize that any power he exerted over his brother would reap consequences to him that were not always clear at first. Those were the rules he had agreed to in order to limit his brother's powers.

He didn't care. Jacob was too far away to save her. Even running he would never get to Layna before the water sucked her down into the light like it had his brother. And then what would happen?

His heart begged the light as he never had before and in a burst of enlightenment, Jacob understood what to do. With his conscious will he dove into the water and bent the time and space between them, landing impossibly, right on top of her. That action had it's own unintended consequence, for his hand was sliced open by the the razor sharp dagger. But he had her.


	27. 27  Seeing the Light

In shock at the attack, Layna had taken a large breath, but didn't feel the warm air of life enter her lungs, rather, icy death filled her chest. When she was lifted, dripping, heavy with water, she saw an angelic face, glowing though distressed. He was pulling and dragging her against the current, backwards and there was nothing she could do to help or say to him even; she felt heavy and frozen.

Jacob brought her to the grass and when he set her down, Layna expected to feel the ground, but instead she continued to fall as if the weight in her chest pulled her through the earth. His bright face flew up above her further and further away until he was a blur of dim light far above the darkness that surrounded her.

Layna tried to scream, but she could make no sound. Her heart was pounding slower and slower as the darkness around her suddenly took hold. She felt her eyes growing heavy and when she closed them she was suddenly floating again, suspended in the darkness as she had been the stream. In front of her was an other light that started dim and became warmer and brighter drawing nearer to her.

Around her there were whispers she didn't understand. They passed her by on one side and then the other and in the light she saw her mother arms stretched out and Layna forgot everything but trying to reach. Yet, when she drew near she saw her mother's hands were not open, but up and halting her, blocking her from where she wanted to go. Layna tried to move past her and then she heard a sound, rich, deep and warm.

It was not with her ears that she listened, but it resonated in her heart, filling her with a longing stronger than what was in front of her. "Not yet, Layna," he said in such peaceful reassurance.

When he spoke again, his voice was no longer calm and inside her, but she recognized it as distraught and distant. It drew her away.

"Breathe!" She understood it this time and she tried to take in air again but it was as if there was none about her for her to take in, or room for it inside of her.

She heard his voice, begging now, "Please... make her breathe..."

She felt warm tenderness upon hers lips and then a feeling of wind filled her chest, dispersing the weight that pinned her down. There was only darkness again, and overwhelmed by the pressure, she coughed and water poured out of her. She gasped for air and coughed again and again until she was only wheezing.

Opening her eyes she saw Jacob's form over her, dripping wet.

When her breathing was steady he sat back on his heels and whimpered. She could see immediately there was blood on his shirt and pants. She looked down to her dress and the blood startled her. She touched it, but felt no pain.

"It's not yours," Jacob said, holding up a hand, cut with a deep gash.

"You're hurt!" she said, coming towards him.

He lifted his unwounded hand to her and said, "Wait..."

She watched as he went to the water and dipped his bleeding hand into it. He let it run over his palm and through his fingers. The blood ran heavily with the water and she wondered what he was thinking. After trying a few times he reached into the pouch over his shoulder and dug around for a piece of cloth.

It was all Layna could do to resist helping, but she merely watched while he struggled to wrap his hand tightly. When he failed for the third time and the cloth was soaked and dripping in crimson, he glanced at her, pale and as helpless as a child.

In a moment she was up and to his side, taking his strip of fabric and another he handed to her that was clean except for a series of numbers. She folded it, pressed his wound closed put it on top, wrapping the long piece around it and then tying off the bandage.

The blood soaked through, but only briefly and then it stopped. Layna folded his fingers to keep the cut from opening and he nodded in understanding.

She sat back away from him, and noticed that Jacob was trembling, staring at his bandaged hand as if he didn t understand what had just happened; fearful even. She wanted to apologize, she felt at fault, but somehow also, innocent.

Jacob picked up the dagger that had been discarded in the grass and showed it to her as he asked solemnly, "What reason did he plant in your mind that could convince you I would let you kill yourself?"

Layna shook her head and said, "I wasn't actually going to do it... I felt the current rising and I was about to stand up."

"Do not lie to me," he said. "The island would not take you against your will."

"It crossed my mind as a solution, but only for a moment..."

He closed his eyes and whispered, "It only takes a moment, Layna."

"I'm sorry," she said. He nodded but it seemed so wholly unsatisfying a pardon for what could have happened.

"What I don't understand," he said, "Is that nobody is supposed to be here. Nobody should be able to find it but me."

Layna still didn't know where she was but following his gaze that went somewhere behind her, she turned and saw: the cave of light.

Just seeing it again she felt her sadness lift. Jacob glanced sideways out of his eyes at her as she got up.

"I've been here before," she said, breathless. His head turned quickly in her direction. "When I was a young I wanted to thank you for the loom. I went wandering to find something I could give you."

"You can't find this," he said. "Not this... not even with your gift. I have to allow it."

Layna wasn't sure if he didn't believe her or if he was angry with the island. And recalling what he had said to her she offered, "You had said to me, that I could pick flowers from _anywhere_ on the island."

He breathed heavily at that and looked into the light, again, as if frightened.

"I prayed to the island to guide me to a gift and I swore if I could find something that you would love, I wouldn't tell anyone where I found it. I promised I would keep it a secret so that nobody else could have it but you."

With critical eyes he asked, "Did you keep that promise?"

Crying she said, "You know I did, Jacob... I wouldn't even tell you."

"What does the light have to do with the thread?" he demanded.

"I honestly don't know how I came here, I wasn't watching where I was going, I was looking at the ground because I felt there was something special to find close by. When I did look up and I saw the red flowers growing there," Layna said, pointing above the cave and beyond. "I thought maybe they were special. But I had also been gathering wild flax and as I climbed on the rocks to pick the red flowers, I slipped and accidentally dropped my flax bundle. I came around to get them and realized they had gone into the stream. It wasn't until I climbed down completely that I saw the light inside the cave. I knew immediately I should not be here and I abandoned my flax, taking only one flower, even though it didn't seem very special."

Intently Jacob asked,"Did you go inside?"

Layna shook her head and said, "No, I was too frighted. I left and continued to follow the island's lead, believing that cave was confirmation that I would find something special. I ended up at another river. There, caught in the debris on a log... was my bundle of flax, only it was glowing like gold. When I touched them, energy went through me and I knew, the light in the cave had done something to them. And I was to use them to make thread for your gift. I did nothing unusual to the flax fiber but keep it separate from the rest on a tiny spool... I didn't do it, Jacob. That's why I couldn't tell you how. And until today, I have kept my promise to never to tell anyone about this place."

Jacob nodded as if it finally made sense to him. "You didn't tell me where to find it, so you didn't break your promise, Layna." He gazed back into the light. Layna licked her lips and looked at the light again as well. "You were right not to tell me. The light would have held you to your promise. It would have punished you for breaking anything you swore to it."

His tone was grim and he took a deep breath, pressing his lips together as if attempting to keep in some intense emotion.

"Jacob?" she said.

Crinkling his nose he closed his eyes and bowed his head.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

He didn't answer, just covered his face with his bound bent hand. It broke Layna's heart to see him in so much pain. She wanted to touch him but felt she might need his permission. And then, his other hand on his thigh slowly opened towards her.

Layna moved closer and gently lay her fingers in it and he squeezed. His body quaked with grief and it filled her with such sorrow that she shed tears with him. "I can't do this anymore," he wept. She lifted her arm over his shoulder and thoughts of what his brother had said to her came back; about how she made him vulnerable because he would die for her. How could he be more vulnerable than having to carry this weight alone?

She thought to tell him, but held her tongue when she saw he was about to speak.

"I just cursed him," he said. "I didn't learn _anything_ from the first time." He sucked in a breath and let go another heaving sigh. "And now I'll never see his face again," he said. "He's my brother... and I've made him into nothing."

Layna didn't understand the powers that Jacob had or what exactly he'd just done. She looked into the light begging with her heart that it would tell her what to do or say and how to help. The only thing that came to her was how its silent, warm glow, seemed like a reflection of what she'd seen before he brought her back.

"He has every right to kill me," Jacob said. "After what I've done to him. _I'm_ the monster!" He blinked a few times and then his eyes glossed over in thought as he continued. "But I don't know what would happen if I can't find someone to take my place first."

He slowly shook his head and said, "All those people, dying because of me. That's why it wanted me to have the lighthouse. It knew..." He looked at Layna and said, "It know I wouldn't give up protecting it if I cared about the people who needed it." Then he gestured at himself and said, "But who... am... I... to keep it safe? I don't even know what it _is_!"

Layna knew she'd seen it and had almost been in it. Leaning forward, she felt compelled to follow her heart and kissed Jacob firmly on the lips. He allowed her to linger there for a few moments and then, his hand on her shoulder, he shyly pulled away.

He looked at her, confused, and when she sat back, he looked into the light. He stared, blinking his wet lashes and thinking thoughts she couldn't even begin to guess.

She would have to just wait for his response. And she did. She waited for a long, long time.


	28. 28 Feeling the Light

He didn't know why she'd kissed him...at first.

Jacob had only let himself verbalize his hidden emotions and thoughts because the light had chosen Layna. He had every evidence that she was in his life for a reason and he'd jumped to the conclusion, she might offer him the wisdom he lacked and maybe even, with her gift, help him find direction when he was lost for what to do. Like Richard did, only without the pretense of a job.

He stared into the light's warm glow, feeling as if he was floating in timelessness and Jacob knew; he was right about her being a gift. It just wasn't in the way he thought. The light was like that. It was constantly building faith in Jacob by giving him signs and developing his wisdom by letting him work out what it wanted. When he was wrong the light wouldn't protect him from the consequences, but it gave him confirmation when he was right. Even when he thought he knew what the light wanted, Jacob was often afraid he'd only imagined the reasons because of what he wanted.

And he did want Layna, but he couldn't even have imagined _this_.

This... he felt her slender hand in his and the energy connection flowing between them... _this_ was beyond his imagination. He breathed in and out, slowly accepting the epiphany that had rushed into his mind and through his veins the moment their lips met.

_This_ was the light. THIS is what he was protecting.

He squeezed Layna's hand, _this_... he didn't even have a word for it, love was too common and misused a word; ecstasy too carnal and emotional; nirvana too disassociated. It couldn't be described in a word, it could only be experienced. And it could not be experienced alone.

His mother had said, "A little of this same light is inside every man, but they always want more."

She had tried to tell him, and she had tried to show both him and his brother, but she was broken and she had failed. Jacob had seen a glimpse of the light when he'd first accepted his task to protect it and he instantly knew and believed how important it was to make sure it never went out, but seeing it and believing in it were immeasurably different than _feeling_ it.

Jacob looked at Layna. He _did _want more, so much more. But his longing wasn't a vague emptiness like before; it had a face. He'd always thought any kind of wanting more was bad. He knew wanting more was what bad people did and they would kill and hurt each other and try to use the light's powers to get 'more'.

His brother had done it when he was building his wheel to leave, he thought what he wanted was off the island, but what his brother really wanted was this... he called it going 'home' because he didn't understand what else to call it. He was looking for somewhere to belong and he couldn't see it couldn't be found off island because he was broken and lost.

And Jacob saw now that he too had been.

The need was so vague but for all these years Jacob had been focused on the emptiness and using his powers to fulfill the need. He was driven, just like everyone else; as if proving his brother wrong about something would fix anything. It could never give him _this_. And the island had let him fail time and again. Even when he was winning, it never felt like enough. Even with Richard as proof that people could be good, it wasn't enough.

When Layna had come into his life Jacob had assumed she was just another selfish desire. He didn't expect it to listen when he had asked the light to bring her back. He knew it didn't have to, it had ignored many other requests he'd made. The light only gave Jacob what it needed him to have to protect itself. That was why it had saved her, because now Jacob finally understand what he was protecting. The Light needed him to understand what it was.

When Layna smiled at him, hopeful for a response, Jacob understood he was no longer protecting some vague important power, he was protecting _this_.

"I love you," he said.

She laughed through tears of joy and the memory of the vision he had of her a few years ago brought tears to his eyes as well. The Light had not needed to give him confirmation that she was a gift, it was giving him confirmation that it had known, the Light wanted this for him.

When she didn't respond with words, Jacob asked, "Do you...?"

"Yes," she laughed. "Of course I love you."

In that moment multiple visions flashed into Jacob's mind; faces of people he didn't know but loved; broken, crying, angry, lost. Memories he hadn't had before came rushing in all at once, and future images of vehicles and weapons like he's seen in the lighthouse last night, but they were here on the island! Numbers danced before his eyes, names with lines through them, strange animals, people in uniforms, death, so much death, even death in birth... and in the middle of it the face of a little girl he loved beyond comprehension... and then there was fire and it was over. But it didn't end in fire, it ended in _this_.

Jacob's heart swelled, painfully, exuberantly, it was too much. The Light was showing him too much at once. Jacob felt the darkness coming on and blinked his eyes trying to stay conscious but everything went dark.

He was dizzy when he woke and saw Layna's anxious face hovering over him. The confusion of the visions melted away and none of it mattered. Something had changed, he'd known her a thousand years, and yet she was still fresh and new. He smiled at her and took her face in his two hands, sitting up as he kissed her. Her hand went over one of his as she returned it.

"Are you all right?" she asked when he let her go. She had been crying, he could see it. "What happened?" she asked.

"Everything," he said. "Everything happened." With both of her hands in his he said, "And now we just have to live through it..."

"What are you talking about, Jacob?" she asked coyly.

He smiled and said, "I think I'm supposed to keep you..." he said. "If that's okay with you?"

Her expression was mild confusion and he felt caution about his clumsy style of doing things. He should have known better, he too had been taught rituals and symbolism had more power than assumptions.

It wasn't what he wanted, but he asked, "Do you need a formal marriage trial and ceremony in front of your people?"

She pressed her lips together and looked down. Jacob knew he probably wasn't doing this right, but she would have to get used that, he rarely did anything right the first time.

Very carefully, as if speaking to a child she said, "I don't know that it would be wise to publicize our vows, Jacob. Not unless you really are planning to hide me away for safe 'keeping'."

Her tone told him she wouldn't like that, though Jacob knew he would. With him in his chamber would be the safest place on the island for her. The thought of Layna walking among dangerous people as Richard did, more than worried him and with good reason. Layna hadn't been in all of the visions. The Light had warned him that she would be with him for only a fraction of everything he still had to do. His future self had already warned him, he was going to miss her. It would hurt, Jacob could feel the beginnings of it already. Maybe the visions were a warning and he should try to change it...

"They always want more," he heard his mother's voice warn him in his mind.

No. He couldn't 'keep' her. Jacob had to accept what the Light offered; _this_ would have to be enough.

"Then we'll keep our promise private?" he said. She nodded and he took in a shaky breath and looked around. "Not here," he said. And thinking of his favorite spot on the island he said, "I know where... nobody ever goes there but me."


	29. 29 Forever

Layna slipped her hand into Jacob's as they walked along and he gripped it gently in return. They had been walking for a very long time and going up hill, but she wasn't tired. She was floating behind him and wondered if he had some magical way of lifting her as they walked without her feeling it.

"This is going to be new for me," he said. "So I hope it's not too awkward."

Just when Layna was about to think of Jacob as someone high above her he'd say or do something so human and vulnerable.

"It will be new for me too," she answered. "I've been in love with you since I was very young... there's never been anyone else."

"No," he said with a grin. "I mean, I'm used to being completely alone for months at a time. I may not be very good company."

After everything she'd been through to be with him, Layna wondered that he thought it mattered to her what kind of company he was.

Feeling cheeky she hummed and said, "Don't worry, I knew what I was getting myself into. Richard already warned me that you were boring." Jacob stopped walking and stared at her as if trying to figure out why she had said it. Layna suppressed a chuckle and said, "I probably wasn't supposed to tell you that..."

He took in a breath before trudging on and Layna suddenly felt odd holding his hand, like she had crossed some line. She let go and he started them through an area where he pushed away limbs to make way.

"I'm sorry, Jacob," she said. "He was only trying to discourage me from getting my heart broken. I don't think he really meant it."

"Oh, I think he meant it," Jacob said.

"Does it bother you? Because he does care for you..."

He stopped walking again and stood in front of her, his expression nearly unreadable to her. "I'm not bothered by something that's not true." Then he pulled aside the branches of the dense trees behind him and said, "We're here. Be careful..."

When she walked through it she saw that they were at the top of a ledge on a grassy overhanging. It looked out over a valley below and the sea beyond.

"It's beautiful," she said. "You can see everything from here."

"Not everything," he said. He gestured for her to sit and he sat beside her when she did. "If you think it's beautiful now, just wait until the sun sets," he said. "We'll see how _boring_ I am."

Layna hummed at that and said, "I suppose there are many sides of you Richard will never see... that only a wife would see?"

Jacob smiled as if he liked that and she laughed lightly at his small blush. "I'm going to ask for a favor," Jacob said. "Can you stop talking about Richard?"

She covered her mouth not even realizing she had been doing that. Layna had just assumed since they shared his friendship it would be a natural topic of conversation, as Jacob had been a common topic for her and Richard.

"I'm sorry," she said. His face twitched slightly as he went through his satchel and a warning came up in her heart that she was afraid to speak.

He pulled out a smaller bag and removed it's contents, but kept them hidden from her. He glanced at her and must have seen her concern.

"What?" he asked. "Do you _want_ to talk about Richard?"

"No!" she said. "He's like a father to me, you know. Nothing more."

"I'm not jealous anymore, Layna. It's just that this is our time. We can talk about him later, if you want."

"Anymore?" she asked. Jacob put his lips together and froze for a second and then swallowed as he looked at the secret contents in his hand. "What do you mean by anymore?" she asked. "You were?"

Jacob's eyes shifted and after a few moments he sighed. "I should probably tell you," he said. "I was because... You know that looking glass your father made for me?" She nodded and Jacob tilted his head, staring at her intently as he asked, "Do you know what I saw in it?" She shook her head. "You."

Layna was confused. She had only ever seen blurry images except for once... her hut! "It was me?"

As Jacob went through and confessed what he'd seen and how he'd been watching her, a mixture of embarrassment and violation began to flow through her. Layna was somewhat flattered when he confessed at how obsessed he had become, but it hurt to know the deep pain of rejection she'd felt when even as her tears were falling, he was falling in love with her.

When he seemed done she said hoarsely, "What does any of this have to do with Richard?" she asked. "He was with the Western Tribe when you had that thing." By her tone she could tell she was more upset than she realized.

"I don't have it anymore," he said. "It's nothing more than dust after I destroyed it when I thought Richard married you."

"What!"

"I saw you in his tent at the marriage trials," he said. "I watched you climb in bed with him... and..." He sucked in a breath and said, "I couldn't take it... I just..." He made a gesture of throwing something and then made an explosive sound, spreading his fingers out miming it.

"Nothing happened," she said, "You know that don't you?"

"All I know is that you were only there trying to get to me...and that's what matters." He glanced at her, truly embarrassed. "Can you forgive me?"

She nodded, and saw his shoulders relax. And then he sighed in release and moved on from it as if it was gone. "I'm so glad I told you," he said. "I feel so much better... I have something for you."

Layna would have a more difficult time forgetting, but looking at the golden thread he had in his hand she asked, "You got my message, I take it?"

"Yes, I was..." he started with a smile. He looked at her and stopped in mid sentence and his face fell. "What did I do now?"

She couldn't pretend she didn't have more questions. Shaking her head she said, "Nothing... and I forgive you but... I need to ask you, if you could see me on that looking glass, what does the lighthouse do?"

As if a child caught stealing a sweet Jacob hesitated to come up with an answer.

"A better way to watch me?" she asked.

"Not just you," he said. "Hundreds of people... people the light chose for me to watch. People who aren't on the island. It's going to help me protect it... Karen came here to help your father build it. The light made it all happen, not me."

"How does violating their privacy protect the island?"

Jacob looked away, over the valley and said, "It's what I do, Layna. It's what I've always done. I watch people to see if they could help or if they are a threat... and until now I never had to answer to anyone but the light."

She could hear the frustration in his tone and dared not bring up Richard's veiled concern for Jacob's goodness. She thought maybe she was wrong to have said anything, but Layna had seen her step-mother suffer in silence as her father had violated vows and ignored her warnings. She'd been a 'good' wife and didn't question him. She took out all of her anger at him on Layna and then Karen.

Layna didn't want to end up like that, but Jacob wasn't her father. Why couldn't she just trust him?

"Do you think it's wrong?" he asked. It was such an honest question, he really did care what she thought.

"You're the one who apologized to me," she said. "Why did you do that if it wasn't wrong?'

"When I say I'm sorry, it doesn't always mean I think I did something. I'm just sorry for the pain... In your case, I did go over a line. And I'm sorry for that." He turned towards her and said, "But I learned from it, Layna, and I'm going to be more careful. The light is going to show me what I need to see so that I can figure out what I to do to protect it."

"How?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said, shrugging. "I never know ahead of time... Unless I really need help, I just wait for it to tell me and give me a sign or direction. I usually get just what I need when I need it, and until I do, I have to just have faith."

Layna laughed despite herself. He shook his head, hurt, as if she thought she was laughing at him.

"No!" she said. "It's just... I know you said not to talk about him, but Richard says the same thing about you. You never tell him anything until he needs to know it. It drives him crazy, but he trusts you."

Jacob's lips parted and he stared away in thought.

After a moment Layna put her hand on his and said, "If someone asked me to explain how I found things, I would have a hard time convincing them too. 'I just _know_' doesn't make sense to most people..." He looked back at her and she said, "You don't answer to me, I just have some empathy for the people you watch... I'm sure the light will keep you honest."

"That's more true than you know," he said. "And that's why, this decision we've made to be together is going to be forever. If we promise ourselves to each other, the Light will hold us to it."

He gestured for her hand. When she gave it to him, he wrapped the golden thread around her finger as if to measure. "I'm going to braid you a ring as a symbol of my promise," he said and started work on it. "But it's just a symbol, if something happens to it, the promise is still good... If you want..." he started and glanced at the rest of the thread.

Layna took the other thread he had and worked on one as well and he told her of the symbolism in the braids she had left and how that had given him the idea. He also told her of the game he and his brother used to play and of the meaning of the rocks, explaining to her what the light had shown him of what he thought his brother really needed, and what he thought everyone needed. The way Jacob explained the light as being love would have driven Karen crazy and it had no basis in science at all, but Layna didn't question it. His was far more beautiful.

The sun was just starting to set as they finished their braids and he tied both of them off expertly.

"If this is forever, then," she asked, "This truly is new for you too... you've actually never been with a woman before?"

Jacob's cheek slightly twitched and closed his eyes. Layna hoped she didn't sound insulting by her surprise. When she went to speak he put a finger up and she fell silent. Then he blinked his eyes open.

"You're my first love?" he said breathless and confused. When he looked at her, his smile did not look innocent. He put the ring on her finger and held up his hand. His face was so near to hers as she slipped it on that she could feel his breath when he spoke. "Forever," he said.

"Forever," she said.

When he kissed her Layna felt lost in the warmth of it and he did not merely stop at kissing her lips. He laid her down on the grass under the painted sky and it did not feel private at all.

Terrifying on the ledge and in the open, Jacob was right, he was _not_ boring.


	30. 30 Impossible Promise

1922

Anxious to get back to the temple, Jacob was packed and ready to leave the cave. All except his lute.

He'd been so caught up in the lives of the chosen that the past two months he'd neglected practicing. He was more excited to tell Layna that he'd discovered some were descendants from those who had left the island and he was sure it was an important clue as to why they were visible in the Lighthouse.

Carefully climbing up the ladder, he worried for his things. His favorite grassy overhang had been broken off the cliff side and he'd resorted to collecting flax in the wild. Anything his brother could destroy of his, he would. So far the cave was still a secret, but it was only a matter of time.

Walking over the hot rock, Jacob kept an eye out until he was on the dirt. He still couldn't feel the evil and looked up in the trees for creatures whose eyes sometimes watched him.

For seven years since he'd cursed his brother out of taking his human form, he'd watched the people die off until there were only fifty. Once a falling boulder had come at him too, so as soon as he could, Jacob took a tunnel for safety.

"I thought I'd meet you and we could walk together," Richard said after he helped Jacob out of the water. "It's good to see you."

"You too." He shook some of the water out of his hair and Richard flinched. "Sorry..."

"Not a problem," Richard said and dabbed his face with his handkerchief. "I brought you some clean clothes if you're interested." He gestured to a pile of folded cream linen.

"_You_?"

Richard grinned. "Not exactly."

Jacob didn't have much of a choice, then. Richard turned away and started his report as Jacob changed.

"The telescope is done, but they don't know if it works until you try it... and you were right about Thomas."

"Emilia?" Jacob asked, pulling the shirt over his head. The fabric was soft, but didn't fit as loose as his favorite tunic.

"She's the only thing that distracts from his work... how did you know?"

"I saw their daughter in a vision," Jacob said, balling up his wet clothes to carry. He nodded for them to continue and Richard led with a torch.

"Does Thomas still think Karen's husband James Hawking is his father?" Jacob asked.

"Yes. Karen has held to that lie." Richard obviously disapproved and added, "It does no good to have a book of law if we make exceptions."

"Why not tell him the truth, then?" Jacob asked.

"Karen is the leader now."

"But _you're_ the adviser, Ricardus."

Richard stopped walking and looked at him. "You haven't called me that in a long time."

"I thought it might help remind you that you have a job to do." He put his hand on Richard's shoulder and continued them walking as he explained, "Your heart is like a compass. Don't allow the people to change the direction you point. Give them the opportunity to set their bearing according to you, so they won't remain lost."

"Is this about the Western Tribe?" Richard asked.

Jacob couldn't believe he had brought it up.

Those who had aligned with the dark cloud had become a constant threat. One of the months Jacob and Layna had set apart for themselves, his people had lost three men in a hunting territory dispute. They were so enraged at the surprise attack that they returned to the Western Village and executed three unarmed men in revenge.

Jacob had understood the anger, but his problem had been that Richard had not gone with them to oversee _how _ it was done; in front of their children. They then lost three more, not to death, but to the darkness that had contaminated them through their guilt.

"It's in the past, Richard," Jacob said. "I'm talking about the the book of laws your people have written."

"Layna wrote it," he pointed out. "The people have only agreed to it."

"If they signed, they might as well have written it. But if nobody is willing to enforce a law, why have it?"

"I should talk to her, and the council."

Jacob nodded. They had just reached the temple and he said, "Can you do that tomorrow?"

"She'll know where to find me," Richard said, leaving him. He was still slightly uncomfortable about the privacy of their union, but at least he wasn't against it anymore.

When Jacob entered their room at the top of the temple, Layna was looking down into the courtyard. He set his things down, hung up his wet clothes to dry and came to her side. Her face was tense. "Hello," he said.

Her lips twitched into a smile and she glanced at him. "You're two days late."

"I am?" He didn't think it mattered. "Sorry..."

"There are fifteen children under the age of seven now," she went on. "Fifteen... Three of them show potential for leadership already."

He looked down and his heart felt heavy. None were running or playing. The older ones sat, huddled together, the toddlers clutched their working mothers.

"What's wrong with them?" he asked.

"They're scared," she said. "He's come to the wall every night this week making _noises_..." She looked at him and said, "You said that once you were able to negotiate rules to limit his behavior. Isn't there anything you can do now?"

"I don't know how to talk to him anymore," he said.

She looked away and back down at the courtyard.

"Do you remember two years ago when I suggested we should try being together for an entire month?"

Jacob remembered it well. "Yes," he said. "I always look forward to those..."

"I don't want to try anymore," she interrupted. "I don't think it's what the island wants for us."

Confused he gently turned her towards him and said, "What are you talking about?"

"I've talked to every elder woman still alive trying to learn what's wrong. And there's nothing they say that I can apply to us. I can't tell them specifics so I have to pretend it's general knowledge for the records, but I think, based on what they've said..." Her chin dimpled and she said, "I'm _barren_, Jacob."

They spoke English now most of the time and Jacob didn't know that word. In Latin he asked her what she meant and her eyes watered as she answered in his language, "A woman who is unable to conceive a child."

Jacob suddenly felt weak and dizzy and he leaned against the wall. His heart felt like a fiery rock and he slowly sat. She was wrong.

"I'm bleeding," she said sitting beside him. "Just as I should be. But with the number of times we've tried... other women are conceiving on accident even when they try to avoid the time in their cycle... I've even had this bitter root tea that was supposed to help..."

"I didn't know," he said, finally forcing words out of his tight throat. He still couldn't look her in the face. "I thought it was just about _us_."

"Really." she said. "It's always about us too... but..." And then almost as if accusing him she said, "Jacob, we were talking about how children should be raised and names that you liked... and... how could you _not_ know? Twice a day for a month... really?"

He sheepishly looked at her and her confusion turned to a slightly condescending smile. He felt foolish, but her sweet kiss made up for it.

Then she held his cheek next to hers and whispered, "You are so precious."

"It's not you, Layna," he confessed. "It's me. I was changed. I can't have a child." She pulled away, looking at him in disbelief. "I realized it as soon as I drank the wine my mother gave me. I knew what I had to do and I've tried not to think about it... because it's irreversible. It was a sacrifice the light demanded."

Her face seemed to be frozen in a blank expression, worse to him than if she'd become angry or cried.

"The names we picked... I thought were for our people and you were going to write laws about being a good parent... I'm not very good at picking up hints, Layna. Just ask the Light." Jacob rubbed his forehead and added, "I should have told you before we promised to each other... I was selfish. I don't think of what other people might want."

"Stop it!" she scolded. "Don't you _dare_ go there... This is a..." she hesitated and swallowed, "a misunderstanding. But that's all it is. Nothing changes. Forever isn't just a time frame, it means no matter what."

When he saw her trying to hide her pain, memories came to him. He didn't deserve to have children... not with all the deaths he'd caused. But he couldn't confess, all he could do was hold her. And as he held her, remembering his guilt and the shame, Jacob saw her as a child. He'd only known to rescue Layna because of those early, traumatic memories. He had learned how children needed special protection, and here she was. He had been punished, but he was rewarded for learning.

And then another vision came, like that first night they were together. Layna was there, she was his first. He had only seen a flash on their marriage night and he had thought then it was remembering an earlier vision. Now, he remembered he had talked to her! And she spoke Greek that he memorized without knowing the meaning, "May the gods grand you the desire of your heart."

Later when he had read that passage in a book the light had brought to him, he had forgotten why it was important. But knew it was and put it on his tapestry. Now he finally understood. It was the context of that passage - the greatest desire of his heart was like what Odysseus had wished on the woman who helped him: love!

He sat away from her and said, "It's already happened." He smiled and said, "Layna, don't worry... I _fixed_ it!"

"How?"

He could only remember bits and pieces and so he said, "I just did."

"So if we try again now it will work?" she asked.

"No," he said. "You're going to have to trust me."

"I trust you," she said. "But I'm thirty two, Jacob. When will this happen?"

It was the first time he'd seen it; Layna was aging. He took her face in his hands and looked around her eyes. It was slight, but of course she was and if he stopped it, that could prevent her from conceiving. "It will happen soon," he said. It had to. And then he would make her like Richard.. if she wanted it. She might not.

"Jacob," she said, putting her hand on his, "Are you sure?" She got up and went over to his things. "Where's your lute? You didn't even keep your promise about the song you wrote. I've been looking forward to that for two months... Time passes differently for you than for me. Please don't make me promises you can't keep."

He hadn't even thought that Layna wanted to hear it, only that he wanted to play it for her and well.

Walking up to him and looking down, she went on, "And if you are making promises, then I want you to promise me if you do fix this, you will take care of _him_ as well. I don't want our child growing up scared to sleep at night. You did that to him and you have to find a way to ease his suffering."

It hurt to hear it, but he agreed. He got up and went for his wet cloths, changing into them in front of her without discretion.

"What are you doing?" Her tone made him feel like a child. He smiled, knowing he deserved it.

"I'm going to go get the lute," he said. "I don't like letting you down. And I _will_ figure out what to do about him. Every time I use the power the light gives me it leads to something else I didn't intend, so I will have to be careful. But I promise you, Ilana is not going to grow up afraid."

"Ilana?" she asked. "That's her name?"

He nodded, "If that's okay. It sounds like yours, but it means a torch... like a light you carry, but it also can mean tree... like Odysseus describes Nausicaa' s beauty. You two are my heart's desire. You two are what the Light is going to give me." He felt cold and clammy standing at the door and knew he was probably rambling nonsense to her, but she would figure it out later. "I'll be back just after sunset... and I'll play for you, I promise," he said. He took a step out the door and then stopped and leaned around the door frame to say, "I might even sing, if you're lucky."

"Lucky?" she asked, finally smiling again. "I've _heard_ you sing, Jacob."

His lips parted in surprise that she would tease him, but her laughter healed his hurt pride. He was going to sing now, and she was going to have to endure it.

But when he returned, she was gone.


	31. 31 Jacob's Answered Prayer

Author's Note: Now there will be time traveling. The story is always written in consecutive time from the POV of the character as they experience it, but the characters they interact with may be from other time lines.

At the end of each chapter is a date chart for the major characters.

This chapter takes place between Wheel of Fortune chapter's 15 and 17

*************  
1922

Layna had put on one of her lighter linen dresses and was brushing her long black hair when Jacob returned much more quickly than she expected.

"It's critical that you come with me," he whispered. "We don't have much time."

It was so rare that he did anything spontaneous, so she left without question and he took her deep into the tunnels where she'd never been before. He led her out through a hole in the wall and without even a torch, he hurried them through the jungle.

"Jacob," she said and he stopped suddenly, covering her mouth with his hand. He put a finger to his lips and then picked her up.

That's when she noticed something strange on his wrist, like what Karen's husband had worn when she first found them. And he had shoes on! Layna became frightened that this was Jacob's brother tricking her and she began to struggle.

"Put me down," she said.

"Be quiet, we're almost there," he said.

"Put me down!" she demanded. Around them there was ticking sounds. At least it wasn't a trick.

Jacob ran now and she held on, frightened by the sound of what she knew was after them.

Then he leaped over a thick line of ash and they tumbled to the ground together with her landing on him. Behind them the smoke shot up into the air, encircled them and then flew away.

Out of breath, Jacob smiled, looking at her. "Next time I say be quiet, can you listen?"

She nodded and then saw behind him; a wooden building, very similar to her parents old home. She got off, stunned.

"Do you like my cabin?" he asked. As she nodded, he stood and stretched out his hand to her. Then he looked at his wrist and said, "We've got six minutes, this is cutting it really close. Come on."

She followed him inside and it was a mess, littered with paper and boxes labeled with hieroglyphics she'd never seen before. Then he took out something that looked dangerous.

"Layna," he said. "You have a choice to do or not do what I am going to ask."

He didn't sound like the Jacob she knew and Layna stepped back slightly against the cabin door. She stared at the long needle he held.

"This is going to increase the chances that you conceive. It's medicine a doctor named Juliet Burke developed. You're going to meet her in a couple days. It will hurt, but not for long... I don't want to give it to you unless you agree."

"Is this what you meant by fixing it?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm from the future, and I'm sending you to the past where I am still able to have children. It's the only way we can have a child of our own."

"Are you crazy?" she asked with a laugh. "Time travel, Jacob?"

"Where do you think Karen came from?" he asked. "Or me and this cabin? Or the me you spoke to when Karen first came to you?" Everything Layna knew of these things rushed through her mind like a wave of confirmation. "I always had visions of the future and the past. Your father helped me control them. And his grandson made it possible for me to go there." He held up the needle and said, "All you have to do is tell my younger self what you want. I'm sending you to a time where it will be very easy to convince me to go along with it. You will then wake up in the future where Richard will take you to Dr. Burke who will make sure everything is okay."

He looked at his watch and said, "We have two minutes for you to decide."

"What? Why?"

"There are only 108 minutes between when the time portal opens and then we'll have to wait. I have so much more to do and I don't know when the windows will stop opening because the light decided to put someone else in charge of them... to test my faith I think, I don't know... it's just what limits I have to work in. So?"

"It's a lot to consider, seducing a man you're not married to!"

"Forever is forever both ways, Layna. I'm thirty seven, but very immature. You'll have have twelve hours. And if you can't get me to say 'yes' then the visions I've had must mean something else."

"So you don't even know that this works?"

"I think it does. I've seen so much I can't even begin to tell you. Everything always works out." He looked at his watch again. "One minute."

"Okay then," she said. He didn't hesitate and stuck the needle in her arm. She howled at the pinch.

"Sorry," he said, and kissed her on the lips. He handed her a map that marked where she was and he said, "I'm in the lighthouse waiting for you."

Suddenly there was a flash of light and she was standing in the jungle at dusk. It was the same familiar sounds and smells and she knew exactly where she was. She didn't need the map, but noticed on it there was a path around where he didn't want her to go and she knew enough to follow his instructions. Twelve hours wasn't much time, and then she saw how she was dressed.

"Oh Jacob, I hope I don't run into any other people but you here," she said and then began to move quickly.

The lighthouse wasn't there, but a black pyramid structure was. Inside she heard sniffing and saw him sitting with his back against the far wall, his arms on his knees and his head on his arms.

"Hello?" she said in English.

He startled and his hands went flat on the ground to either side of him as his legs flailed in front of him trying to stand on the polished floor.

She tried not to chuckle at his reaction and instead held up her hands.

"It's okay," she said in Latin, "I'm sorry I frightened you."

His eyes were wet and he was slightly younger than she knew him, but it was Jacob.

"Are you from the village?" he asked, his hands against the wall behind him.

She thought to tell him her name, but instead put her arms behind her and leaned against the wall by the door. She smiled at him with one of the smiles that always made her husband curious enough to ask what she was thinking. This Jacob didn't need the eyebrow move to blush. He licked his lips and swallowed, blinking as he looked down at her figure.

"My mother warned me to stay away from women from the village," he said.

"Your mother must love you very much." He met her eyes and she said, "But I'm not from the village, Jacob."

"How do you know my name?" he asked. "Who sent you?"

"You did. You told me I would find you here, waiting for me. And here you are."

It took him a second before he gave her his familiar questioning look.

"Sometimes you have visions," she started, taking a step forward. "You see things that you think might happen in the future. Or things that have happened in the past."

"My mother says everyone gets those and I should ignore them."

"You learn not to listen to her," she said. "And you learn how to control those visions and I don't know how, but you learn to touch the future and the past and go there... and take people there."

"_Why_?"

This was the moment, she realized, where she went from having an innocent conversation to propositioning a stranger. It felt wrong and she tilted her head, to delay.

"First tell me, why you were crying when I came in."

"Why do you care?"

She smiled sadly and said, "Because I love you, Jacob."

"You love someone I haven't become yet!"

It amazed her how he understood so quickly. "Love isn't like that," she said and repeated his own wisdom back to him. "Love is forever. When I said I would love you forever, I meant the you in that moment, and the you in decades to come. I don't see why it's any different that I wouldn't love the you of the past."

When she stepped closer he took in a breath and looked her over again. There was a fire pit in the middle of this structure too and she stood in front of him, facing him and leaned against it. She placed her hands behind her, very aware of the slight transparency of her white linen dress. She felt exposed, and when he finally met her eyes again she saw a confidence in him that disarmed her.

"You want to make a child with me," he said.

Amazed she said, "How did you know?"

"Because I came here hoping for a vision that would help me find a woman to love so we could make a child."

His faith was astounding, much deeper than the Jacob she knew and more like the one she'd seen from the future. She looked into his eyes and saw he believed her. Maybe it was like Karen had said, the island could understand and respond to the consciousness of the most important people on it. Jacob had lived two thousand years and this is what he had wanted? Speaking the Greek words her mother had read to her and those that were on his tapestry, she said, "The gods are granting you your hearts desire."

"What did you say?" he asked.

"I said, you're right, Jacob. Where I come from, you aren't able to have a child because you were changed. Coming to you now was the only way."

"I won't make a good father," he said abruptly. "I don't know how to take care of children."

"I'm not going to leave her here," she said. "She'll come home with me... she'll live with us later, when you're older."

"I'm smarter then?"

"No," she said. "You are very smart right now. But in the future you have more experience. You will have a very long time to mature and you are going to be an amazing father."

His forehead wrinkled as he took that in and Layna reached out to touch him. He sprang back, as if her hands were icy.

"I'm sorry, it's a reflex," she said. "I spend a lot of time touching you where I come from."

Jacob gazed at her cautiously. "Do I like it?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Did I say that I loved you forever too?"

"You did."

"If forever means always, then I loved you before I said it." She nodded again amazed at his comprehension of the matter. "How much longer will you be here?" he asked.

"Until a bit after sunrise, I think."

"How long does it take to make a child?" he asked.

Layna smirked and said, "A little while... we have time. But I'm going to have to touch you. Will that be okay?"

He nodded.

It wasn't at all like their marriage night. He wanted her to explain everything in detail before they began. At first he was awkward and sweet but once he did understand and started to feel what was happening, he lost all reservations and took over.

As pulled on her dressed in the breaking dawn, he lay on the floor sprawled out in all of his unabashed youthful splendor looking at her with the goofiest grin she'd ever seen.

"Can I tell my brother?" he asked.

"I don't think he'll believe you, he'll probably think you're crazy," she said.

"He already thinks that," he said.

She laughed and then it struck her and she asked, "You love him, don't you?"

"Of course," Jacob said. "He's my brother."

She felt overwhelmed with sorrow at that and couldn't hide it. Jacob seemed confused and she went to kiss him, but was distracted by a figure standing by the stairs.

Jacob saw her eyes and turned around to look up. He instantly went pale.

The woman moved so quickly at Layna that she didn't have time to react before she was up in her grasp, the echo of clicking and whining in her ear with the chilling voice, "How dare you defile my candidate!"

Layna's throat was burning as if grabbed by fire itself and she heard Jacob shout as she felt herself falling.

The cold icy water that caught her and covered her face was gone in a flash of light and Layna landed, the wind knocked out of her on something soft. She couldn't catch her breath at first, but Richard was there.

"Layna!" he said. She opened her eyes and he smiled. "You're here," he said. "Jacob said you might be confused... it's 2002."

"You... look..." she said. "You really don't age, do you."

"Nope," he said. "Come on, we have to go." There were other people there that she didn't recognize, who began to roll up the large pillow she had landed on. An Asian man and another with round glasses. Neither spoke to her.

"She... she threw me," she said. She looked up and saw the lighthouse. "Is she?"

"That was the past. There's more different dangers in the present."

There was a boat in the water the four of them got into and as the other two rowed, she asked, "Where's Jacob?"

The Asian man looked at Richard with concern. "He couldn't be here," Richard said. "He's traveling. He asked us to take care of you and make sure you have what you need, and to make sure it worked before he comes for you."

"That will take months," she said.

"No, not in this time period. There's something they call technology and there are tests."

"You're going to take me to Dr. Burke?"

"Yes, but it might be a while before I can get you in and out safely."

The Asian man grumbled something under his breath. She couldn't make out the words, but she thought she heard a name he spoke with venom: Benjamin.

**************Time Shift Chart*******************

Layna from 1922 flashes to 90 BC then to 2002

Jacob from ? flashes to 1922

Jacob from 90 BC

Richard, Dogen and Lennon from 2002


	32. 32  Harper, Annie and Juliet

**Layna circa 1922 has just come from visiting Jacob in 90 AD and was dropped into 2002**

...

2002

"Hungry?" Lennon asked her, peering at her through his round glasses.

"I'm ready to go downstairs," Layna said standing. She had been resting in her room atop the temple for a day now and was beginning to feel isolated.

"I... uh..." he started. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Are you telling me 'no'?" she asked. She had been leader for five years and assisted Karen after that. There was no way she was going to be kept from her people.

"If something happened to you, I'd be... in trouble."

He looked completely serious and she reassured him. "Jacob wouldn't blame you, Lennon."

He set the tray down and chuckled nervously. "I assume you _know_ him?"

"Yes..."

"So you know about his temper?" he asked.

"Oh," she said. "That."

"Don't get me wrong, in his right mind, I doubt he'd hurt a fly. But some of the things I've seen... No offense, but we'll be relieved when you're gone."

She nodded and said, "I understand. But I'm going downstairs anyway."

He followed her without question through the corridors and stairwells until she came out into the courtyard. It hadn't changed very much and the people had different faces, but wore the same haunted gaze of those that had seen evil.

There was one major difference; she saw no children.

"Where are your elders?" she asked them. Nobody answered.

Richard came out of side door followed by a woman who had presumably fetched him. He approached her immediately.

"Layna?" he asked with warning. "What are you doing?"

"These are the descendants of my people," she said. "I want to meet them."

"No they aren't," Richard said. "Amelia is the only one left on the island and she isn't here. The descendants of anyone you knew have either died or left. I'm sorry... I should have told you."

"What happened?" she asked. "Why are you all afraid of me?"

Richard somberly led her into the spring room to sit on a bench.

"Jacob brought these people here and set them apart from the rest for a special purpose. They were told they wouldn't be required to interact with outsiders until that purpose is fulfilled. Your presence is unsettling to them."

"Where are the rest of the people?" she asked. "Is that were Doctor Burke is?"

Richard nodded. "When Jacob negotiated a truce with _him_, he had to be even more secretive. He now has separate goals for the island that even I don't know about and groups that work towards those goals. Dr. Burke is living at a more modern facility on the island."

"And you don't know what they do there?" she asked.

"I know enough. Those living there protect the island from the technology of the outside world." He gestured towards the courtyard and said, "Those here protect the island from the darkness that lives here. There are a few other groups off the island as well. One I have worked with directly to find new recruits, but the others work with Jacob. I know nothing of their tasks. "

"Is Dogen the leader?" she asked.

"He's the temple master. There are several leaders. The one that determines our role with the outside world lives on the modern compound here on the island."

"That's Benjamin?" she asked. Richard nodded. "Will I have a chance to meet him?"

"Actually the only reason you're in the temple is so that we can avoid that. Ben doesn't understand why anything is kept from him."

"But if he's the leader why _shouldn't_ he know everything that's going on?" The way Richard looked at her, Layna could tell he was holding back something. She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at him. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Jacob chose Ben, it's not for me to question him."

"You said people died or left the island," she said. "Did Thomas survive?"

"Yes. He had a daughter and she had a son, but neither of them live here. No women have been able to conceive a child which is why we brought Juliet to solve that problem. She's an expert."

"Richard," a woman's voice said from the doorway.

"Harper!" he said. "Has he left?"

She approached and said, "No. I'm afraid you're just going to have to use this."

She held up a box and Richard took it from her and said, "This test is inadequate, but thank you. We may just have to let Ben..." Richard stopped and then blinked with a smile. "He's coming!"

She knew he meant Jacob, and Layna could feel something, but it wasn't familiar. When he stepped into the spring room, she could see it was him, she felt it was him, but... she didn't _know_ him; not like before.

...

Jacob had been fairly distant with her in front of Harper on their way through the tunnels. He had whispered that he didn't want to upset Harper by showing affection but Layna couldn't help feeling there was something else going on.

In a distant echo a clicking could be heard and Harper froze.

"It's alright, Annie," Jacob said. "He's contained."

"Please don't call me that," Harper said and continued walking.

Layna looked up at Jacob and noticed his sad eyes watching after the woman.

"Juliet should still be in the lab," she said. "I can try to drum up some drama between me and Goodwin to distract Ben to settle it. Give me fifteen minutes?"

"Annie," he said again, she stopped in the dark corridor and rolled her eyes to the side. "I'm so sorry for what's happened to Ben." Her gaze shifted to him and he added, "Your work with the people has been phenomenal. Thank you for coming back."

After a moment pause she looked down and said, "The island never would have left me alone, Jacob. This is my home. It hurts, but I'll do what I can for as long as I can."

"I know you will," he said. "That's why I trust you." Her small smile was very little reward, but Layna could hear in Jacob's big breath as Harper left them that he was grateful for it. He sighed it out and said, "She's been through so much. She's lost all her hope, but she never loses faith."

"You've changed," Layna said.

"I've been through a lot too," he said. Even the way he looked at her was different. "It's worth it all," he whispered. When he kissed her, it too was beyond what she remembered. It filled her as if he was able to pass peace to her. But then voices could be heard and he pulled away, his brows pressed together. "It's time. Go with him. I have to... make myself scarce. I'll be up soon." Jacob handed her the torch and stepped into a corridor. The darkness seemed to swallow him.

"I can't have you bringing them here like this, Harper," came the voice of man. "Juliet is here for important research, not pregnancy tests..."

The man stood at about her height and the way he looked at Layna made her nervous. "You look familiar," he said. "What's your name?"

"Richard said she can't give her name to us..." Harper said. "I don't even know it. He said Jacob her to be seen and treated by Juliet...""

"Oh," the man said annoyed. "Another one of the _elite_." Benjamine got a tense smile on his face. "Well, I don't suppose I have a choice, then."

Layna followed him and once out into the dusk he asked, "So who's the father, or let me guess, you can't tell me that either?"

Layna shook her head and he stared at her as they walked through the compound.

"You're not like the others. You're not afraid..." he smiled sideways and said, "Maybe you don't know much about the island after all."

"Or maybe I know everything works out for those who have faith." She looked at Harper who didn't seem moved by her comment.

Ben stopped walking and with his mouth open he searched her face with his probing eyes. He was not unlike a man she met on a beach almost a century ago.

"So what has Jacob chosen you to do?"

"Jacob didn't chose me," she said. "The island did."

Beside her, Harper hummed and smiled, getting a quick glance from Ben. She walked off without a word.

"Chose you for _what_?" he asked.

"I hope I find out some day," she said. "Until then, I'm just carrying on like we all must."

"Huh," he said, thinking and then turned to lead her into a structure with artificial lights that were incredibly blinding and bright. She looked around in awe at the storage shelves and supplies; so completely foreign to her.

"With a reaction like that, you must have been in a hole a very long time," he said. "When were you brought to the island?" he asked. Layna kept quiet. "Where you _born_ here?" Again she just stared at him. "Where have we met before?"

She didn't remember that said honestly, "I don't know that I have met you."

The door behind him opened. He turned and his entire countenance changed when the beautiful blond woman walked in. Here hair was the color of Karen's and Layna suddenly missed her old friend and mentor.

"Juliet!" Ben said. "I have a guest from another part of the island. She thinks she might be pregnant."

"Oh?" she said, flashing a smile. "What part of the island?"

He smiled back and then looked at Layna."She's one of us, that's all that matters."

She extended her hand and said, "I'm Dr. Burke, but you can call me Juliet.

Layna put out her hand and shook it as Ben spoke for her.

"She's... an anonymous guest," he said. Turning to her he asked, "Do you have a pseudo name you can go by? Just so we don't have to call you Jane Doe?"

"Karen," she said.

"Karen it is," Ben said. "Test her, and if she's negative, we'll send her back."

When he left, Juliet laughed lightly and said, "I'm sorry, I don't know why they didn't just give you a stick to pee on."

"Because that would have been insufficient," Jacob said.

Juliet turned around and before she could question him he walked up to her and touched her arm. Her confusion melted and she said warmly, "Jacob... I thought you said I wouldn't remember you?"

"I've had a change of plans," he said.

...

When Juliet left them in the small examination room to look over the tests she'd run, Jacob finally spoke directly to her.

"Karen missed you very much when you left." His smile was knowing and it unnerved her. "She would have been pleased that you took her name."

"Why do you seem so in control? That's not the Jacob I know."

"I'm not," he said. He leaned on the counter and crossed his arms. "I'm just okay with it now. I had some good teachers. I'll tell you about it some day... Actually, I think it's about two days from now for you."

Juliet came back in and exclaimed, "I just took those sonograms, but they were the exact ones I saw before I came to the island! How can that be?"

"So she's not pregnant," he stated.

"I'm not?" she asked. "After all we've been through?"

"She'll fix it," Jacob said. "What you need for in vitro is over there on the counter." He was indicating a container with a red lid.

After Juliet saw it she asked, "And I suppose you're going to tell me she's ovulating?"

"Probably," he said. "You can run another test on her if you want."

"I doubt that's necessary. I've been working on something for that case since I got here, and I have an injection to give her but..."

"She's already had," he said. Layna nodded and Jacob asked, "Two days enough time?"

"Exactly enough," she said. "I'm not even going to bother asking how. I just need to go wash this," she said, taking the container and leaving. "I'll be right back."

Layna raised her brows at Jacob and he said, "She's going to make you pregnant... artificially... what she has in that container is mine... from before." Layna looked away, confused as he went on. "Time travel is hard to explain. I don't get memories of the past until the choices I make now cause them to happen. So... I only knew our first try didn't work when I remembered a visit I got from myself asking for..." Jacob chuckled and she saw him blush, vulnerable again. "Do you get what I'm saying?"

"I think so," she said.

"Good, let's talk about something else..."

Her uneasiness fled; this was the Jacob she knew. "So your visions of Ilana are real?" she asked.

"They aren't just visions anymore," Jacob said excitedly. "She's twenty-three years old. It happened... and I don't remember any other awkward visits from myself, so this is it."

"What year do we raise her, back to 1922?"

Jacob's expression clouded. "I don't know how much to tell you," he said. "I wasn't ready for a child then. Even where I'm sending you now will only be for a day because... well... I need to suffer more. I'm so selfish..."

"I don't see you like that."

"Of course you don't," he said. "Because you love me..."

There was a knock and Juliet came back in again and said, "Ready?"

...

After the procedure was done Layna had to lay down for hours and Jacob stayed with her while she slept. In the morning Juliet came back in to tell her she was okay to move again.

"Thanks for this," Jacob said. "Now tell me, what you want. I've already healed your sister, you know that... but I want to do something for _you_."

"It's not necessary. This is what I do," she said sincerely.

Layna was holding on to his hand and could feel Jacob's urgency to complete the cycle of giving. "Then let me do what_ I _do," he said. "Ask me..."

"You can't give me what I want," she finally said. She was looking at the two of them and Jacob must have seen it too.

He went up to the doctor and brushed her cheek with the back of his knuckle. "You're right. But now, if true love presents itself to you, you'll know it."

Juliet chuckled and said, "That's the one thing that could keep me here, Jacob."

"Then it will find you, because the island needs you," he said.

"Isn't there anyway, you can let me remember you this time?" she asked.

"Not with Ben in your life..."

When she started to leave, Jacob said, "Can you prepare that needle injection for her in a box with instructions?"

"I thought she already had it," Juliet said. Jacob just smiled. "Alright."

Jacob turned to Layna and said, "And then I have to get you to the lighthouse before the next time shift..."

...

**Time Line Chart**

**Lennon, Richard, Harper, Ben and Juliet from 2002**

**Jacob from ?**

**Reviews are very welcome!**


	33. 33 Follow your heart

**Authors Note: **

**In this chapter Jacob has not seen Layna since she was taken in 1922. It takes place in 1954 right after The Others killed the American soldiers and before Daniel, Charlotte, Locke etc. flash back in time.**

**In this chapter Layna is brought, pregnant, from 2002 where she has just left a future version of Jacob.  
**

...

1954

"So, the they're all dead," Jacob said rhetorically when Richard approached. He'd seen the slaughter from the lighthouse, the entire gruesome surprise attack. But he wanted to know Richard's reasoning to hopefully shed this feeling of betrayal.

"Yes," Richard said heavily, almost as if ashamed. Shouldn't he be proud? They were incredibly out armed by the soldiers. If not for the loss he felt, Jacob would have been impressed. "I went with them to make sure it was done right."

Once again Richard proved himself loyalty to the island, his people and Jacob's instructions; Jacob's woefully incomplete instructions.

He rubbed his forehead trying to calm down before he responded. He should have given him a list instead of being foolish enough to once more trust the light.

Cunningham and Jones both joined the military, not for glory or honor, but to escape their wretched home lives. In the Lighthouse Jacob had seen their gifts and their suffering. And when he saw them on the same ship so close to them, he was certain it was his opportunity to rescue them; that it was the will of the light for them to come.

So he brought them, and in accordance with his instructions to protect the island, his people had killed them.

"They brought a bomb," Richard said.

And then there was that!

Jacob had thought, it was worth the risk because he thought the light wouldn't choose people capable of destroying the island; now he questioned _everything_: the lighthouse, his ability to discern what the Light wanted, Richard's understanding of Jacob's wishes.

When Jacob didn't respond, Richard went on.

"Those that have touched it have burns. Charles thinks we could use the equipment they left to try to contact Thomas and ask what to do. There's also a boat they left that we could use. Karen left us instructions on the proper bearings among her records before she died and I'm sure we could navigate safely."

Jacob didn't like it.

Ten years ago he had trusted Thomas. He let him leave to study and bring back technology to protect the island. But he was working not to protect the island but to find his own way back. He lacked either faith in Jacob or patience to wait. He was even working with others, talking about the island's properties. Jacob couldn't ignore it, not even for this.

He shook his head.

"Who else can we ask?"

"His daughter is bright enough to work it out."

"Ellie has ideas, but... Karen died before completing her education," Richard said, "And Thomas never taught her anything."

Of course not, Thomas wanted a son. Jacob had tried to do for her what Richard had done for Layna, to make up for the neglect. And he had failed at that too.

Ellie's birth had been the first event to lift his spirits in any meaningful way. She was seventeen now but he had fond memories of the beautiful child he'd indulged. Richard accused him of telling her first that he was on his way to the temple, and maybe Jacob did, on a subconscious level, but why wouldn't he prefer to be welcomed with smiles and hugs instead of wary eyes and bad news?

She changed when her father left, though. She blamed Jacob for sending him away. The man who ignored Eloise meant more to her than the Jacob who had indulged her. She was like his own in many ways and he would give her the world. That painful loss of affection had made him withdraw completely back into seclusion.

"I could have Ellie try to look at it again," Richard suggested. "I'm just concerned she could get sick. It's up to you."

Jacob covered his mouth with his hands. He didn't know what to do. The lighthouse wasn't helping, it was making things worse! He felt a failure at everything he tried, just like before only worse now he dared to care about people. And his brother wasn't even the cause of their death and sickness this time, Jacob was!

As the emotions welled up inside of him, a vision came to him.

People he didn't know were coming to the island that he didn't bring; just like with Karen. These people would know what to do... He closed his eyes and focused on their faces. It wasn't a memory or a future vision. They were here.

The time traveling was happening again!

"I have to go," Jacob said, getting up. He needed to see what effect it had on the lighthouse images. He'd decided that if Layna was still alive, she might be traveling through time and he needed to understand how that was done in order to find her. This was the first real hope he'd had in decades. The light had finally answered his prayers!

"What should _we_ do?" Richard asked.

"You'll figure it out," Jacob said. Then a thought occurred to him. Smiling at him Jacob said, "Follow your heart this time, Richard."

...

Jacob turned the dial to her number and saw nothing. He stared and waited but it was blank. Struggling against the need to see Layna, he pulled the chain and looked for anyone else who may be traveling.

And then he saw something strange, as if two images were overlapping. He knew this boy, it was David Lewis... an image over his of someone else, someone with red hair struck a memory chord in Jacob.

He took his telescope and stood back against the wall to look at the reflection. Through the eye piece he saw only David at first and then turning forward in time to the first pivotal moment in his future, he saw him coming to the island with a little girl. He clicked forward and watched as the image focus shifted to her. Jacob had guessed it was the island's way of telling him it would transfer it's call to the next generation. The children were sometimes found on their own number, or took over for their parents.

When David called her 'Charlotte' Jacob felt a tingling.

That name meant something to him! He put the telescope down. He looked in the double vision mirror amazed that he felt so much like he knew this woman, and not by watching her, by talking and interacting in his memories. It was so confusing! Why was the light doing this? How could he travel in time to find Layna if he couldn't even understand the lighthouse!

He quick and moved it back to her number. Still blank. Why wasn't she showing up? He wanted to smash the glass with this telescope and then he saw her. Standing there, just looking at him.

"Jacob?" he heard behind him. Her lips had moved and the voice pierced through him. He was too afraid to turn. And then she spoke again, in a scold. "Jacob. I know you heard me."

Trembling he slowly turned. Thirty two years since he'd seen her, and she hadn't aged at all. When he saw her hands on her stomach, Jacob's knees gave way and she came to him, laughing.

"Are you alright?" she asked. Her touch; he'd forgotten it. He held her arms, overwhelmed.

Swallowing hard he blinked and said, "You're here. You're back?"

She kissed him and he clung to her, unable to fathom it and then Layna whispered in his ear an impossibly confusing confession, "Only for a day."

He held tighter, shaking his head. "No... you can't go..."

"You're supposed to take me to the cave," she said. "Does that mean anything to you?"

Jacob didn't want to go anywhere. He wanted to just stay right here in this moment and not let her go. But there was something in the cave that he had waited far too long to share with her.

...

"What's this scale with the rocks?" she asked.

"It's just a metaphor for our powers," Jacob was straightening up quickly and pulled out a chair from the back clutter. He set it down for her to sit on and he then cleared off a place on the table for himself.

"Did you work something out with your brother?" she asked.

"Temporarily," he said, feeling anxious. "I owe you a song. I've been practicing."

"I have a full day," she said and raised a brow. A thrill went through him as she added, "And all night. Slow down some and breath, Jacob."

He picked up his lute, trembling. For fear or nervousness, he couldn't tell. He didn't want her to go, but he knew it wasn't his choice. The Light was in control, he had to trust, but he wanted to fulfill his promise. It probably seemed stupid to her, but he strummed and then had to tune it. This had to be perfect.

"Aren't you going to ask me if it worked?" she asked as he worked at the strings.

"What worked?" he asked.

"If I'm pregnant," she said.

He looked up at her and still couldn't believe what who was looking at her eyes...but her words. "That's why you left?" he asked.

"You didn't know?" she asked.

Of course it had occurred to him, but he didn't know for sure. He knelt down before her and placed a hand on each knee. After she kissed him he felt the reassurance of everything he'd been promised coming to him. "This morning," he started, trying to keep composed. "I woke up not knowing anything," he said. "Ready to give up on everything." Her hand reached up and caressed his cheek. "And now everything feels right again." Just as he was going to kiss her again, Jacob felt that dark gloom take to form behind them.

"Look who's back," he said. Layna froze looking over his shoulder.

"Father?" she asked.

How morbid. Not even looking behind him to confirm his choice of an avatar this time Jacob said to her, "That is not your father, Layna." He tilted his head slightly and said to his brother, "I thought we had an agreement..."

"Surely she knows her father is dead by now," he said. Layna nodded. "See, I'm following your rules. It wasn't easy, though, he's been buried a long time. Good thing I kept his compass."

He heard the footsteps coming out of the darkness, imitating sounds to keep the illusion potent.

"How did you know she was here?" he asked.

"Ever notice that Richard has a crow that follows him around? Well, when I saw you run off to the lighthouse like a madman, I followed you for a change."

"Why allow him to do this to my father, Jacob?" she asked.

"I've always been able to imitate ghosts," his brother answered. "Remember your mother? Ever wonder why you got so lost?"

"If I hadn't, Jacob and I wouldn't have been brought together," she said. "So I have you to thank for that?" Jacob smiled at her use of irony.

"Yeah, well, unintended consequence," he snapped. "My point is, I can touch things just like I could with my old apparition." Jacob heard the scale squeak behind him. "We've balanced our powers again... except the one limitation I'm still working on."

Jacob continued staring out of the cave into the water and explained, "So long as I can stand his interruptions, he can't become the smoke. If I overpower him and send him away; he regains that ability."

"Which he will," his brother taunted. "He always does. He can't keep composed forever and I know what buttons to push."

"You're trying to curb your temper aren't you?" she asked him. Jacob smiled sadly at her knowledge of him. "Why take my father's form?" she asked his brother. "Why insult me that way?"

"I enjoy the mixture of love and fear in people eyes," he said. "The energy makes me feel like I'm still a _someone_..."

"Did you know that _she_ just got here?" Jacob asked. Jacob finally remembered how he knew Charlotte. She would go back in time, she would die and be left, their mother would bring her back to life...and his brother would fall in love with her.

When Jacob finally looked at form appearing there, he could see in the old man's expression, his brother was remembering everything as well.

"Where is she?" he asked. Without his smoke abilities, he couldn't search the island as quickly, only appear where he wanted to be. Even in the form of a bird it could take him days.

"If you promise not to come back to this cave, I'll tell you."

"So long as you're alive, I'll stay away. I swear, Jacob," he said. "Please..."

That was fair. "She's with a group of people on the beach where you found the game." It was all it took to get rid of him. Layna seemed shocked that he would betray them. "They're in more danger from my people than him. But hopefully Richard has learned something from last time."

...

In the morning he lay with Layna on a mat in the inner cave for hours, just talking. It'd been so long since he could share anything so openly, and to not be judged by what he did dare to say.

"Why are there lines through those names?" she asked, looking at the cave ceiling.

"They died," he said. When she hummed her sadness he kissed her head.

Jacob told her everything about the two boys and the three other Americans and the Russians he had brought. He told her about Charles and Eloise and of her father's death and Karen's. He had so much to share and even when it was afternoon, he wasn't done.

"Jacob," she interrupted. "You keep talking about yourself... don't you want to know what I went through?"

"You were with me in the past," he said. "I've been able to remember the past... though I didn't before."

"I was in the future too," she said.

He hadn't realized. He hadn't thought to ask her. "What happened?" he asked.

"Things change, Jacob. Our people change. Eloise and Charles, they aren't on the island when I was there... and Richard says he leaves the island to bring people back... and there are other people you work with off the island... Richard told me so much, but I'm having trouble remembering it. What I do remember is that... you were so confident. So at peace."

Jacob had decided when Thomas left not to let the people leave again, he didn't understand how what she was saying could be true. She sat up and looked down on him.

"You were a different person... you said people from the lighthouse helped you to change. You told me you needed to change before you were ready to be a father."

Jacob felt his heart beating faster and he sat up "I'm ready now!" he said. "You saw I have my brother under control, this is a good time for us to raise a child."

Her face was so beautiful even as he saw she disagreed with him.

"I'm so glad you sang for me," she said. "Your voice has improved. Next time I want to see..."

And then there was nothing in front of him but the sea.

...

**Jacob and MIB's memory of Charlotte comes from Wheel of Fortune.**

**Reviews sought to tell me if this is too confusing or if it's too long... I'm trying to put so much in these chapters I'm afraid it might be getting wordy and boring!**


	34. 34 The Frustration of Vague

**Author's Note: This takes place right after the time travelers (Locke, Daniel, Charlotte, Sawyer etc.) have left 1954**

...

1954

Jacob had been sitting on top of his chamber all day staring out across the sea. The shadow of what was left of his statue was now moving over him with the passing sun and he still couldn't imagine what he was supposed to be learning. He received no visions or revelations; only a cavern of emptiness.

It should have made it easier knowing he was doing this to himself, that sometime in the future he would make the decisions that led to this suffering, but it didn't. If only he knew _why_ he was forcing himself to wait for Layna. What was so wrong with him, why wasn't he good enough?

When he heard the footsteps behind him he knew by the shuffle who it was.

"Thank you," came the voice of Layna's dead father. It took him a while, but he managed to sit down on the stone next to Jacob. Had it been a real person, Jacob would have helped him, but his brother could have just appeared there and didn't have to go through all the drama, so he could struggle.

The old man sighed as if it was a relief and smiled, his eyes twinkling behind the round glasses as he spoke. "I know it was only because you wanted time alone with my daughter, but I'm still grateful you told me where to find Charlotte."

"She's not your daughter," he grumbled.

There was a short pause and then he snapped indignantly, "You have no idea how hard it is to keep things straight when I take someone's form. It's not just what you see, Jacob, I have their thoughts, memories and feelings to sort through and filter. Cut me some slack if I slip up, alright?"

Jacob just shook his head at the whining and looked back out at the ocean.

"Doesn't matter how long you stare at it, that horizon doesn't ever get any closer," he said. When Jacob ignored him he added, "Maybe wanting something you can't have will help you understand your evil twin a little better."

"I'd really rather be alone right now," he said as politely as he could. It was obviously too much to ask.

"Layna's father would have said it's your own fault. He'd have pointed out that you had her and you took her for granted."

The old man had neglected all the women in his own life so Jacob didn't doubt the message, nor did he disagree with it. They'd spent more time apart during those first seven years than together. Her father had his workshop and Jacob had his lighthouse and weaving; she never complained. She was used to being ignored.

Being reminded of his flaws irritated him, but his brother had regrets of his own.

"Did you talk to Charlotte?" he asked him.

"Maybe," came the snippy response. After a long pause he said, "It was actually good to see her. I had the feeling she was on her way to me soon...I just wish we had ended things differently."

"How did you end things?," Jacob asked.

"You were there, Jacob," he said. "Don't you remember?"

Jacob didn't remember. Much of his past seemed fuzzy to him and he could only guess it was because of the time traveling. Karen had called it a distortion in his conscious continuity. Whatever that meant.

There was also the possibility that a future Jacob had traveled back in time and he wouldn't remember something he hadn't done yet.

"I honestly don't remember," he admitted. "Do you think I saved her from mother?"

"Them," his brother said. "You saved_ them_, Jacob. Charlotte was pregnant when you took her from me."

Jacob had no recollection until he heard the words. He had been ecstatic at first. He now remembered that he had been visited by a future self so he knew when Charlotte told him he was going to be an uncle that he would, without doubt, have a child of his own some day.

But it wasn't enough. It hurt that he would have to wait and Jacob went home to the cave without even trying to hide where he had been. Instead of making her dig it out of him over days, he told his mother immediately that his brother was leaving. He knew she would stop them. He didn't know what she would do, but he wanted her to do something.

His impatience was to blame for the deaths of those people. And after two thousand years, he was still sulking, not wanting to wait until he was ready; had he changed at all?

"I can see that you're remembering something, Jacob," his brother said, nervously. "You wouldn't have hurt _them_. They were innocent..."

"I don't remember," he whispered, fearful.

"Jacob," his brother said, angrily and as if trying to convince himself as well. "I hate you, you know that. But I trust that you saved them... that's what you do. You did this to me but you got them out of there... somehow."

Jacob met his eyes and believed it as well. Of course he did.

His brother looked out over the sea through the old man's glasses and added, "Just because I'm grateful, don't think I'm not still going to kill you." Jacob closed his eyes at the conflicting sentiments his brother was throwing at him. "You're still the reason I'm like this and if you'll never let me have what I want, I _have_ to get rid of you... I don't have a choice."

That was it. His pity for his brother made everything clear. Jacob could still grow, as slow as it took for it to happen, at least it could. But because of him, his brother was stuck as he was; bitter, angry, hateful. All of the emotions he had on that day his soul was locked into the smoke form.

Finally Jacob understood he had to just accept that he wasn't ready and do what he could to grow. It wouldn't hurt to acknowledge it.

When he opened his eyes and turned, the old man was gone and Richard was approaching. It was so soon after their last meeting and he hadn't called for him, so Jacob knew, something important must have happened.

"I did what you said," Richard said. "I followed my heart. It seemed to work."

"Tell me," Jacob said and motioned for him to sit.

Listening to how so many of the time travelers had been killed by flaming arrows, while others had still offered to help by explaining how to bury the bomb, Jacob began to wonder if in the future he really knew what he was doing. Richard hadn't been able to give him a list of names, but the descriptions of the people they met would likely help Jacob find them in the lighthouse.

"There was one man who gave me his name. John Locke, in his early fifties. He walked directly into our camp and asked for me by name. He also knew Charles' some how." Richard was as serious as he'd ever been, intense in the way he watched Jacob's reaction. "He told me you sent him."

His future self could have done that but Jacob's name could also be evoked falsely.

"What did he want?" he asked.

"A way off the island," Richard said.

"Did you tell him?" he asked, squinting.

"No, of course not!" Richard said, almost offended. "Unlike with the scientists, what he said didn't feel right. He gave me a compass as if that would be proof. He said that I had given it to him. He also said I made him our leader. He even told me if I didn't believe he was from the future that I could go see him being born in two years."

"Can I see the compass?" Jacob asked. When Richard pulled it out Jacob recognized it as the type that Layna's father would have made, the one his brother probably used to take the old man's form. Which meant it was very likely his brother had something to do with this John Locke. And then he realized, his brother had done this on purpose. He either wanted to give Jacob a hint or he was trying to throw him off. He had said he was still trying to kill him.

Jacob needed to find this man in the lighthouse; he had to learn everything about him and the others who had been traveling in time. By the ages on Richard's list, none had even been born yet, but Jacob would find their parents, he would watch them as they grew and learn why they were important enough to be sent back in time.

When he handed him back the compass, Richard it back in his pack and asked, "Do you know of technology besides the wheel that can make a man disappear before your eyes?"

"No," Jacob said, unconcerned about that. "Do you want to go?"

"To see John Locke being born? Richard asked. "Why would I? Do you think he's special?" Jacob shrugged. "How would I get there?"

Jacob got up, and looked down at him. "I don't know. But I'll make sure you can get home."

Richard scrambled to his feet seeming both excited and frightened. "What should I do if he was telling the truth?"

"Follow your heart," he said again. "That's what you're best at."

"Can't you be more specific, Jacob?"

"I'm sure you'll figure it out," he said. He felt slightly bad for Richard, but the truth was, he didn't know anymore what to do than Richard did. If he gave him specific instructions Richard wouldn't trust himself if the details changed. It had to be this way. The Light didn't just tell Jacob what to do, it had helped Richard with the scientists, it would help him with John Locke as well.

When Jacob got to his chamber to gather his things for a long stay at the lighthouse, he saw someone else had been there.

Looking at his table he saw strange items; boxes, papers, folders and when he approached there was a very neatly written note on parchment in his own handwriting. It was in Latin with hieroglyphic date stamps.

J- 1954,

You must follow the instructions I've left very carefully. Everything depends on it.

J- 2007

There must have been over a hundred items!

He sifted through the first couple of lists and then picked up a cream envelop with a note taped to it: "For Horace - 1971" Inside was a folded piece of a blue paper that had a structural drawing of of a building and a map. Both were printed in white.

Who was Horace, and how would he get this to him? At least he had almost twenty years to figure it out.

Most of the notes were simply dated with names of people and corresponding numbers. Jacob guessed it had to do with the Lighthouse.

There were also four metal boxes on the table, each with a different date. When he opened one he saw slender glass tubes and each had a name and number on them. Some of the names he recognized from the lighthouse, but not all.

Inside the box labeled with this years date was a note that read: "Take Blood samples as labeled and leave in cave when completed by each date."

Jacob knew nothing of taking blood samples and would have to rely on Richard to figure that one out.

A red folder caught his eye and inside he saw images similar to some he'd seen in the future telescope images. He knew there was technology that could see inside of people, but he'd never been able to see them so clearly. It was fascinating, and incredible. There was a note on it that read: "Karen 2002 give to Richard for Burke - 2001"

Karen? It made no sense to Jacob and he sat down on his chair. Karen had been dead for years... he began to feel helpless and frustrated. He understood some of it, but if so much depended on him doing this right, why be so vague?

There were no explanations on why he was to do any of this or how. Jacob was merely supposed to trust his future self needed these things and that somehow he would figure out how to do it?

And then he remembered would Richard had just said to him.

With a smile he repeated it, "Can't you be more specific, Jacob?"


	35. 35 Death Awaits

**Author's Note. Layna has just come from 1954 and is brought to 1977**

1977

The shift was abrupt. One moment she was laying in a cave with Jacob wrapped around her and the next she was on a bed in the cabin. There was a lantern lit on the table and he was sitting across from her in a rocking chair. He looked up at her from his book with a smile that was only half there.

Layna tried to sit up but felt dizzy and had to lay back down.

"Time traveling is going to get harder for you," he said. "I don't experience physical effects, but I have some memory loss."

"Does it hurt Ilana?" she asked.

"No," he said. "She's probably immune because she traveled during her early development... you're pregnant with her now."

Layna smiled, relieved to finally know for certain. She put her hand on her stomach and Jacob laid his book down on the table.

"I promised her I'd read this," he said. "I started a long time ago... read most of it waiting to touch John..." He gave an ironic chuckle and put his fingertips together and staring down as if thinking on it for a while. Then he said, "I've only just finished... She would have said this low light was bad for my eyes but I suppose it doesn't matter anymore."

"Where is she?" Layna asked.

"Hmmm..." After a moment thinking he said, "The last place I left her she was 28 at a Russian training facility in 2005. Where I'm going next she's 31 and probably on the island. A year ago my time I finally got the courage to ask for her help... that was only three months ago her time. Right now, you and I are in 1977, so... She's twenty and a student at a university in An Arbor, Michigan."

Layna couldn't even begin to understand all of that. "It must be difficult keeping all of that straight," Layna said. He shrugged, casual but not in a way that indicated he took it lightly. "Am I going stay here until she's born?"

"No. I'm not ready yet," he said.

"Is anyone ever ready to raise a child?" she asked, teasing.

Jacob smiled and shook his head, "No I suppose not."

"So how long will I be here then?"

"A few weeks. I'm not sure exactly how long, but you won't be showing yet when you leave and I don't remember where you go next. For some reason when Ilana was born I stopped being able to remember where you are and when. It's been... difficult."

Layna propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him. "I don't ever go back to 1922 do I?" He shook his head. "What year will we raise her in?" He didn't answer and looked down at his hands as if hurting that he couldn't remember. "It's alright," she said. "I'm sure I'll find out in nine months."

With his smile faded he came to her side and squatted down. Gently he ran his hand over her head as if she were so fragile she might break.

"What year is it for you right now?"

"2007," he whispered. He cast his eyes down to her stomach and lay his hand on it. She couldn't see his expression in the dim light, but sensed the pain in his voice when he spoke an odd blessing in Latin. He asked the light to end Ilana's suffering once she had accomplished what it needed from her. His hand was trembling when he removed it.

When he closed his eyes and flinched she wondered if he saw a vision.

"Jacob?" she said.

The tremor in his voice as he spoke sent an icy chill through her. "I need you to tell me again... what you saw when you died."

"You mean before you brought me back?" she asked. He gave her a single stiff nod. Layna sat up completely and ran her hands down his shoulders. "Why?"

He shook his head and took in a breath and then leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. She held him as he pressed his face into her chest. "I'm so scared..." he said.

Not knowing what to say, she kissed the top of his head and rocked him slightly.

"I saw the end," he said. "I went into the future... to see which candidate I should focus on. But when I got there, nobody was protecting the island!" He squeezed her tighter as he said, "And I was _dead_."

With dread she said, "I thought you said the world would end... that he would leave."

He pulled back and looked at her. "He was trying, but the candidates were still there. I saw Hurley talking to my ghost... but none of the rest could see it... So... I decided to talk to the candidates that were left." His hands gripped her arms as he said, "I did it, I know I passed it on, but I don't remember who or what happened next." He gestured to the cabin and said, "The island sent me here, now... and the next place I'm going will be the year I belong in." He shook his head and said, "And when I get there..." He choked up, unable to speak it.

"That's when you die?" she finished for him. He nodded and she asked, "Do you know how?"

Bowing his head again he whispered, "I have an idea."

She held him again and tried to recall what she'd seen. "What I saw," she started, "Was darkness at first... emptiness and I heard the whispers wandering in it." Jacob let out a small breath and he squeezed her more tightly. "But I also saw the Light, Jacob."

When she took his face in her hands and saw the tears there she could tell Jacob was struggling to believe her.

"I wish we could go together..." he said. "I've been alone for so long."

"When I died, you were there! You spoke to me... I wasn't alone and I don't think you'll be alone. It's just like you said, the Light is love." She held up their hands and said, "This is the Light. We'll be together." Just as she was about to kiss him, a gun shot ran out.

Jacob startled and closed his eyes. Layna looked to the window.

"I did it," he said. "I let it happen..." He took a big breath and sighed heavily.

Layna looked back to him. "You know who was just shot?"

Jacob's chin dimpled and he nodded. "Tomorrow he will be brought to the temple to be healed. You need to go there in the morning and wait for me."

Pushing himself off the floor he moved back to his chair. Turning to her before he sat, he said, "There were some things I meant to tell Richard that I never had a chance to. I always trusted that the light would send me to him at the right time and it never did."

"Do you want me to tell him something?" she asked.

After thinking about it for a moment he said, "No. I think the Light wants to be the one to tell him. It loves him more than I do, if that's possible." He smiled as if something had just occurred to him. "It always means more when people realized they're special on their own, I don't want to rob Richard of that... I didn't choose any of them, Layna. The Light did. All I was ever supposed to do was pay attention, trust and follow it's leading. For the longest time I thought everything depended on me... that's why the Light made sure I knew I wasn't in control. At times it told my candidates what to do more than it told me."

He licked his lips and said, "It gave me everything I wanted, and then took it away. Just to teach me... This job... my life... it was never about me. It was about where I'm going. It was about the choices I make that take me there." He took a seat in his chair. "It's time..."

Layna felt the hot tears on her face, but her heart wasn't as heavy as it could have been. "So you're ready?" she asked.

"No," he said. "But is anyone ever ready to die?"

And then he was gone, chair and all and she was alone in the cabin.

...


	36. 36 Saving Ben

**Author's Note: This takes place after Sayid has shot Ben and Kate and Sawyer are bringing him to the Others.  
**

**1977**

Everything Jacob had thought the Light was going to do was falling apart.

_J -1974 and 1977  
_

_The Light is leading ALL of the C. _

_J - 2004 _

The vague note that had finally made sense to him three years ago now only made their current actions and lack of consensus among the candidates incomprehensible. It didn't matter if the Light was leading, if you didn't follow!

Jacob hadn't shared the note with Richard, but he conveyed the message. Work with the time travelers, make sure they understand the choices they are making. Trust them. And now this. Ben was dying. Why was it always his favorites that the Light chose to take?

When Jacob came through the secret passageway into the temple he could hear an angry voice, shouting at someone. That wasn't odd. The hostilities between his people and the Dharma visitors had been growing since the second group of candidates had arrived. Jacob almost hoped they had caught Sayid. But then he heard someone crying and a voice begging to talk to Richard. It was a voice he knew well.

"Richard doesn't live in the temple and if you were really one of us you would know that."

As Jacob made his way down the hall he fretted on what to do. He had kept himself hidden from all but a few of the people and one of his own people could suspect he was an enemy before he had a chance to prove otherwise.

"How could I find you if I wasn't one of you?" she asked.

"You Dharma people have no shame!"

When Jacob came around the corner and saw Layna was tied up with her hands behind her back, kneeling in the middle of the courtyard. The man struck her right on a large bruise already on her cheek and Jacob felt all of the blood leaving his face.

"Another one!" a young man shouted. "They've infiltrated us!"

The boy had a gun and Jacob knew he could very well be shot and killed by his own people if he didn't do something. As he started running at the kid he heard someone across the courtyard shout, "Everyone out!"

Jacob shoved the boy into the wall and took his gun, throwing it. It went all the way to the other side of the courtyard. He heard gunfire and ducked behind a stone slab.

Everyone was starting to scatter and someone shouted, "Out, now or you're all dead!"

Someone was still shooting at him and when he saw who, just like at the source when he'd saved Layna's life, Jacob willed himself across to where they were in an instant. Standing between the two with weapons, he knocked them both down with his palms to their chins. Tom Friendly came running around the parameter, shoving people towards the exits.

When three more came at him from behind, Jacob caused the flames of the fire in the hearth to shoot up and out.

The three men dropped and started to roll to put the flames out and scramble, crawling away. Jacob that noticed most of the people had finally cleared out but then he heard a gunshot and heard Layna scream. Just as he was turning with dread, without willing it, he moved again, this time ending up near where Tom Friendly had first been.

And all the people were back in the courtyard! He looked at Layna and saw she was being told Dharma people have no shame.

The man he stood by now was the only one here who knew his face and Jacob grabbed him and looked at him.

Across the courtyard he heard a boy shout, "There's another stranger! They've infiltrated us!"

When Tom saw him and gasped Jacob said, "It's _me_. Get them all out before I _really_ lose my temper."

Startled, Tom yelled, "Everyone out!"

Jacob looked up just as a gun came in his direction. He reached up and grabbed it, turning just in time to use it to strike someone behind him before the man could fire across the courtyard. He looked in that direction and saw himself ducking behind a stone pillar.

"Out now or you're all dead!" Jacob shouted. He watched himself disappear and Tom took off around the perimeter.

He looked towards Layna and saw the man who had hit Layna was aiming a gun around until he looked to where Jacob had reappeared and was just now striking two people in the chin. Fire coming out of the hearth obstructed his view but as soon as it died down, he shot the man just as his gun went off.

Layna screamed and Jacob noticed all the people were gone again. He ran to her and kicked the dead body out of his way so he could untie her. She startled seeing him and said, "He shot you over there!"

Before he could sort out what had happened to explain it to her, he heard the door to the courtyard open. With her binding's loose, he stood with a gun but saw was it was Richard and he was carrying Ben and he tossed it to the ground.

"Where is everyone," Richard asked. "I thought I might get a lot of resistance bringing him here."

"I already dealt with the resistance," Jacob said, holding out his arms. "Give him to me."

"It's too late," Richard said. "He died on my way here..."

Jacob licked his lips trying to suppress the anger. "Give him to me," he ordered again. Richard did as he was told and when he turned with the boy in his arms he saw Layna standing there and said, "Stay out here."

He walked into the spring room and stepped down into the pool. He didn't even bother to take off the boys outer clothes or bandages, but sat on the bottom step in the water, cradling him. The consequence of bringing him back was unknown. With a gift came a consequence, it was always a balance of power.

No new vision came, only the words he had said to Richard: "trust your heart"

Jacob's heart wanted to bring him back. He'd watched the boy from birth, empathized with his struggles. But he had a note that said the candidates were following the Light. Did it send Sayid back to do this? Did Jack refuse to help the boy because he shouldn't be helped... or because Jacob was supposed to do this?

"Richard!" he called out. His shadow darkened the entrance immediately. "What did they say when they brought him?"

"They asked me to save him... I told them the risks, they insisted."

Jacob looked at the pale, fragile child and whispered, "Come back to me, Ben." He ran his hand over the boys wet hair and said in Latin, "I claim you...as my own. Forever." He held the nearly weightless body before him and gently lowered him beneath the water. As he did the pool began to bubble and the spring darkened. A shadow enveloping the boy. He would never be the same and Jacob felt immediately; this was a selfish act on his part.

Claiming someone so young and before they agreed willingly... it went against his convictions and so Jacob added, "...on my part. You always will have a choice but I won't."

As he lifted him, Ben took a gasping breath and his first cry broke Jacob's heart.

"No! I want to go back!" Jacob felt his tears coming as the boy kicked in his arms and pushed him away. "She was there! My mother was there... she was there..." As he cried, Jacob shook his head, knowing Ben had seen the love that Layna had described long ago.

"Shhh, Ben," he said, trying to calm him. "Shhh..." He held him tightly until the boy settled and finally opened his eyes.

"Why?" he cried. "Why did you bring me back?"

"Because I need you," Jacob said. He took a breath and helped the boy to sit up in the water. "I'm so sorry..."

The boy adjusted his glasses on his face and asked, "Who are you?"

Wiping the water droplets off his face he said, "I'm Jacob... I'm the protector of what you just saw. That Light, where your mother is, the source of it is at the heart of this island. And that darkness you felt... do you remember it?"

Ben was trembling and looking at him with terror as he nodded.

"I'm sorry I had to show that darkness to you when you were so young, but that's what we are protecting the Light from. And I can't do it alone. I need people to help me. People who understand... special people." He reached out and put his finger under the boys chin. "And you are one of the most special people I've ever known, Benjamin Linus. You knew, before I even showed you how special this place is, didn't you." Ben nodded and Jacob smiled. "You were always meant to be a great leader, Ben. The Light chose you and you feel that calling. You want it, don't you?"

Ben nodded and licked his lips. "But, I can't do anything... I'm not good at _anything_. I'm stupid and ugly and..."

"No!" Jacob shouted at him, startling him into silence. "That is your father talking. He is a very wounded and disturbed man. You are no longer to listen to him, do you understand me? He doesn't know you... not like _I_ know you."

That seemed to have an affect on him and Ben asked, "What do you want me to do? I'll do anything you ask if I can stay here and don't have to go back."

"I don't tell my people what to do, I just gift those I believe can figure it out on their own." Ben thought about it for a moment and then started to cry again. Overwhelmed, Jacob insisted, "You are so smart, Ben, you will have no trouble knowing how to protect the island."

"But every time I try to do something, my father finds out," he said. "I never know what to say... and then he hits me."

Jacob knew it; he'd seen it and he put his arms around him. He was tired of seeing Ben abused. "What do you want from me, Ben?" Jacob asked as he held him.

"I don't ever want to hurt again," he said.

"Me either," Jacob said. "But sometimes we have to suffer to grow or accomplish the things the Light needs us to do. Not all suffering is meaningless. You do want to grow, don't you?"

"Yes," Ben said. "I guess. If it's for a reason... I just want to be smart enough to get out of trouble when I can."

Without even considering it, Jacob felt the power leave him. "So long as you serve the light," Jacob said, "Any trouble that comes to you, will be by your choice..." He looked him in the face, smiled and said, "From now on, you will have confidence and always know what to say, Ben."

...

After Richard took Ben, unconscious again, his memory of everything gone, Layna approached Jacob at the pool.

"Did you watch?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. He smiled, he'd expected her to. "I would like to go away from this place," she said. He looked up at her and saw her face was swelling. He stood and came to her and ran his thumb over it. "These are not my people... they don't know me. They don't even know you, Jacob."

"They are fearful of outsiders," he said. "But I agree, we'll go back to the statue... I have much to do, though. The people who I chose as candidates are here, on the island, time traveling... I must watch them. I have to try to understand what they're doing and why so I know which one will replace me."

"Aren't you glad to see me at all?" she asked.

"How could you ask me that?" Jacob said, astounded and insulted. "Everything I'm doing is for you, Layna. So that I can pass on this job and we can be together and raise our daughter. How could you say that?"

"Don't shout at me," she said. Jacob shifted his weight and rubbed his chin, he didn't realize he'd been shouting. "Why are you so angry, what's going on?" she asked.

Layna always knew how to get through his defenses and Jacob struggled, trying not to break down. "If I knew what was going on, I wouldn't be so angry."

Her gentle hand took his and he felt the tension starting to leave. He looked down in her dark eyes and she said, "I've been to the future and I saw you at the end... you told me, it all works out. "

Barely able to speak he asked, "I said that?"

"It was just before you were going to die that you said it..."

At her words, a vision came to Jacob, one he'd seen before of the end; fire. And looking out through it, the face of the boy he'd just saved.


	37. 37 Saving Widmore and Sayid

**Author's Note: This chapter takes place just before the bomb goes off so it's only a couple of days after Ben was shot and healed.  
**

**1977 and 2005  
**

Layna awoke to a kiss on her cheek and Jacob whispering that he had some clothes he wanted her to change into.

When she saw what he was wearing, and the watch on his wrist, she knew, this was a future Jacob.

"You said I'd have a few weeks here..."

"I did? I was wrong," he said, helping her change. He seemed to take his time, enjoying the process. "Things are getting fuzzier the more I travel. I'm going to have to start writing myself more notes." When she tried to take the larger bra he'd brought for her expanding size he held on to it with a smirk.

"It must have been a while since you saw me undressed, the way you're behaving," she said, yanking it away.

"It's only been a few months," he said. When she tried to put her arms through a strap, he took it again and held it up above her head. "Am I being inappropriate?" he asked, kissing her.

"No," she said. This was very unlike the tense and serious Jacob she'd just been with the night before. She kissed him back and playfully pulled him against her as she asked, "I'm just wondering why you still have your shirt on."

He hummed and ran his hands over the bare skin of her back. "We don't have time for that," he said. "I have to get you dressed or it'll be very awkward for you where we're going."

She conceded and when she finally pulled on the last piece of the clothing she saw he was now distracted, writing himself a note.

"He's not going to like this," she said, referring to the Jacob she was leaving. "He never would have gone to the lighthouse if he knew."

"Well," Jacob said with a sigh, "I was a fool."

"You're not taking her!" she heard Jacob's voice shout. Her husband beside her was not the one speaking.

She turned and saw him striding towards them around the flaming hearth.

"I already have," Jacob beside her said. "I remember being where you are right now, and I took her. You can't change it."

"Did you send Richard to stop them? Because I did," he said.

"I did and he doesn't make it there in time... so if she stays both Layna and Ilana will die in a few months."

The younger Jacob looked at Layna. "I can make you immortal, all you have to do is ask."

"At what cost?" her future husband yelled at his younger self. "You'll kill Ilana!"

"I don't _know_ Ilana, she's just a vision to me," he said, his voice shaking. Layna felt her heart break to hear that and she had no pity for him when he turned to her and begged, "I don't want to be alone anymore! I can't keep doing this by myself! Please, don't go with _him_..."

"This is you," she said.

"No... he's not. He's only a possibility. That me doesn't have to exist."

He took a step towards her and the man beside Layna stepped forward in front of her. "This isn't what she wants either," he said.

The younger Jacob clenched his jaw and asked himself, "What about what I want... what about _me_?"

The future Jacob stared at his younger self briefly and then asked, "What about you?"

Enraged Jacob of the past swung so hard that when he struck his chin he knocked his older self towards the fire beside them.

Before he fell into it, he and Layna both materialized in a desert. Jacob landed on the ground a few feet from her, unconscious. Layna felt her head would explode and shouted, pressing her fingers into her temples. She fell to her knees and took a while to recover. Though relieved to see Jacob wasn't on fire, fear went through her. He wasn't moving.

"Jacob," she said. Her head was spinning and she stumbled and fell when she tried to get up.

Above them she saw camera's focused down in the bright light. Though dizzy, she crawled to him and pushed him over on his back, his eyes were closed.

"Jacob!" she said, cupping his face in her hands. She cried, scared that this was worse than it looked. In the distance she saw a vehicle approaching, trailed by dust in it's speed towards them. "Oh no... no... Jacob, wake up." She shook him as best as she could and finally his eyes started to blink.

He pushed himself up on his elbows and looked at her before rubbing his chin. "I didn't realize I hit myself that hard," he said.

"You were really mad," she said.

"You have no idea," he said, and merely glanced at the approaching trucks.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"Not where we're supposed to be. Lesson learned, I lose even more control when I'm unconscious. But don't worry, if we're when we're supposed to be, these people work for someone who is going to be glad to see me."

"What if we're not?" she asked.

He got up and helped her up and said, "Then I'll figure something else out."

When the men arrived, he spoke to them in a tongue she didn't know. Jacob mentioned Charles Widmore's name and then gestured at Layna. The men put their guns away and very carefully took her into the front seat.

"Wait, Jacob," she said.

"I'll talk to you when we get to the airport."

"Airport?" she said. He looked to the sky and said, "We're going to fly! It's the only way to get to where we need to be in time."

At the airport Jacob spent time outside talking into a small device, though it was more like arguing. She'd never seen him plead with anyone before, but whoever it was did not make it easy for him. Before he hung up she saw his mouth say clearly, "I love you too."

Once with her again, he was affectionate and didn't want to talk island business or about Ilana; all he wanted to do was listen to how she was feeling and what she might want to do for the next few months off the island.

He ate his meal with an arm around her and described possible books she could read and he told her about movies he liked and music he would make sure she got a chance to listen to. This was Jacob, but it was different, a selfless and nurturing man full of life and energy. She couldn't help wondering what had happened to make him this way, it was a long trip and he promised he'd tell her.

When the plane arrived for them, he led her up the steps into it to a seat at a table and he took the seat by the window. He helped her strap in and held her hand asking her for a moment to think through what he was going to say to their host.

After a while a door at the front opened and out came an older, balding man who sat across from them.

Jacob didn't look at him, just continued to stare out the window

Teasingly the older man said, "Don't worry, Jacob, they don't _all_ crash."

"Who are you?" Layna asked.

Jacob raised a finger to stop him from answering and said to her in a tongue she hadn't heard since her mother had died. "It's better if he doesn't know who you are."

"What language was that, Jacob?" the man scoffed.

Instead of answering, Jacob just looked back out the window and continued to stare until the rumbling and shaking took them ever faster and they tilted towards the sky. Layna gasped at the feeling, but really, it was not any more or less frightening than time travel.

Charles seemed to be enjoying the situation until Jacob turned on him.

"Do you know why I'm here?" he asked.

"Because you need my help, obviously," Charles answered, almost smugly. "I am of course glad to assist."

"I'm here because you need _my_ help."

Charles glanced at Layna and she was just as confused as he was.

"Your daughter," Jacob said. "Tell me about her... and your son. What happened to him?"

"You know what happened," Charles snapped. "Have you come to judge me?"

Jacob shook his head and glanced back out the window.

"Time has already done that," he said. "But there's something time has taught me. It's very forgiving."

Charles listened as intently as Layna did.

"We are the decisions we make. And anything you've done that makes you who you are at this moment, can be undone by a new decision that makes you a new person." Jacob leaned in and continued, "Who are you, Charles? Are you what your past says you are, or are you the future you that you right now decide you want to be?"

Uncomfortable Charles said, "Just tell me what you want me to do."

"You have to figure that part out," Jacob said and sat back. "If you can, you will undo what you've done."

With an insecure chuckle Charles asked, "You mean you'll forgive me, Jacob? That _they_ will forgive me?"

"None of us can forgive you," he said. "And even if we could, it wouldn't matter. Because the real question is, can you forgive yourself?"

"And you have no direction other than that, Jacob?" Charles said.

"There are no directions, only choices."

"You're just as obtuse in person as you were when Richard gave instructions," he snapped.

Jacob smiled ruefully.

"Jacob," Layna said, feeling badly for the man. "Would you like it if someone was so vague with you?"

Jacob lifted his brows and thoughtfully pondered her words. "You think I should give him more of a hint?" he asked. She nodded.

Squirming, Charles looked back between the two of them.

"Let me ask you this, Charles," Jacob said. "If there was someone who knew what to do, who would it be?"

Charles seemed to become even more irritated.

"Eloise won't tell me anything. You ask the impossible."

Jacob glanced at Layna and said, "Nothing is impossible."

Charles stood and went to the door up front again and then turned around and said, "Maybe for _you_."

"Charles!" Jacob shouted. The old man turned around, stunned at the tone Jacob had taken. In all of his dignity and stature, Charles could not stop his chin from trembling.

Once more, calm and tender, Jacob asked, "Do you love them?" Charles eyes blinked and he gave a minuscule nod. "Then it's not impossible."

The older man left them and Jacob, still holding her hand, looked back out the other window.

"I love you," she said. "You are obtuse, but I love you."

He looked at her and said, "I'll take that."

"Are you staying with me this time?" she asked, moving the armrest between them out of the way. She wrapped her arms around his and laid her head on his shoulder. "Or am I going to a the 2005 Jacob?"

"You're staying with your niece. Eloise," he said. Layna looked up at him, amazed, especially based on what Jacob had just said about her. "The truth is," Jacob said and then whispered, "She knows more about what's going on than I do most of the time... but don't tell her that!" He chuckled. His eyes were so at peace.

"Why can't you stay with me, Jacob. You have all the time you could ever need with this power to travel like you do."

"I want to get back to you and Ilana!" he said. "You wanted to know what changed me? In less than a year, you'll see. Once you are ready to have Ilana, you and I spend three amazing years together. I just came from then." He put his hand on hers and said, "And when I'm finished touching the candidates, I'll return to you at the exact same moment I left... for you it will be an instant. And then we'll go into the past... before I was born and before my mother went insane."

He seemed so confident and closed his eyes with a hum.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He turned his head and tilted it slightly, "Why?"

"I asked the future you where we raised Ilana and you couldn't remember," she said. "You lose a lot of your memory in the future. You said it was from the time traveling."

"Is that... is that what's happening?" he asked. "How about you?"

"You said it's very difficult for me physically... and it has been. This last time I was dizzy... and in a lot of pain."

He sat up and said, "Pain?" He looked over her face and then laid back in his seat and put his hand up to his mouth, thinking. After a moment he said, "I thought you were just nervous about going back so far... When you came to me, you were sleeping... it took you two days to wake up..." He turned to her and said, "I'll talk to Eloise, I'll figure out what's happening and what to do. Don't worry." He forced a smile and Layna knew by the way he went quiet that he was thinking.

She fell asleep and Jacob awoke her when they arrived. Charles was soft spoken as he passed them, but humbled.

"I'm going to try, Jacob," he stated.

Jacob stood quickly, and to the older man's surprise, he embraced him tightly. He put his hands on his arms and said, "That decision has already saved you... and them. Maybe all of us. Be careful not to make another one that reverses it."

Widmore seemed haunted by that and he got off the plane, instructing the others to do the same as Jacob waited with Layna.

"I'm sorry to have to leave so abruptly, Charles will make sure you get to where you're going. I have to go meet a candidate who is going to be killed if I'm not there... to distract him. "

"You're going to save his life?" she asked.

"No," he said. "I'm going to give him an opportunity to make his death meaningful. I can't save his life, only delay his death."

He touched her stomach and said, "I spoke to Ilana on the phone when we were in Tunisia. I wasn't supposed to contact her until she's grown for me, but I couldn't help it. She's agreed to go on leave in a couple of months to come visit you. She can only stay a day."

He kissed her and when he let go he nearly ran from her, looking at a time piece on his wrist. "Where's the car," he called out and Charles pointed to a big black vehicle waiting for him.


	38. 38 The Incident and Eloise

1977

"What the hell?" Richard said under his breath from behind Jacob. And then he asked, "Is this a bad time?"

Jacob turned on him and with only a strong look of warning, Richard scurried out. When he left Jacob's eyes fell on the table of notes and folders by the door.

Storming over he picked up as much of what his future self had left for him as he could carry and threw it into the dead, sandy hearth. He went back a second time and grabbed a few boxes and tossed them in as well. Staring at it he ordered it to burn. The flame didn't come. He stood over it and imagined the flames bursting into existence, eating up the precious lists and instructions.

Nothing happened. Cursing he went to the wall shelf and searched through his things for a match or flint, anything to start the fire.

He didn't want to be told what to do anymore. He was done following orders from someone who didn't care about what he was going through. His future self had even lied to Layna about how long she'd be here and robbed him of precious time he could have been with her.

When he found the flint he used while traveling, he wiped a tear away with his knuckle and took it and turned to the hearth. When he kneeled and struck it along with a spark came a piece of a vision of what he thought was the inside the source. It frightened him, but he was curious what would happen. Nervously Jacob struck the flint again and as the spark caught on a piece of paper, the vision stuck in his mind this time.

There was a cork and it was out, the island was shaking, pieces of it were falling into the ocean, and then there was a bright exploding flash of red!

When the red light in his vision faded into the red flames in front of him, Jacob saw that all of the instructions he'd thrown into the hearth were gone, burnt completely into nothing. He stood, looking down on it.

"It already happened," came the memory of what his future self had just said. He knew he would do this. And if he had also told Layna that everything worked out, then whatever he burned didn't matter. But if it didn't matter, why leave all of this for him to do in the first place? It made no sense! He felt like Hurley; Miles would be just as frustrated if he had to explain this to Jacob.

Jacob didn't need explaining, he needed to weave.

He had spent too much time at the lighthouse and too much time thinking about the future and far, far too much time trying to figure out what to do next. All he wanted to do now was escape into the calming practice of routine where he could focus on the now and let everything happen around him, without him being involved. Just like before.

For days, he washed in the morning, prepared a meal, spent hours of uninterrupted spinning and weaving, another meal, and then rested, just to start over in the morning. He became proud of his resolve to move on. And how quickly he'd accomplished it. He felt he was just as he had been for hundreds of years before; alone and content. He didn't even feel that need to teach his brother anything. His brother couldn't be taught, he couldn't change. All of Jacob's striving was for nothing. Some day Layna would come back, decades maybe, maybe tomorrow. If he wasn't in control of it, why do anything at all?

He suddenly felt like Jack, content to let Ben die. But Ben _didn't_ die, Jacob had saved him. What if he hadn't? Then someone else would have. Jacob didn't have to fix everything anymore than Jack did.

And then, when changing his bedding, he saw among the clean linens and clothing, a tiny dress she must have sewn with his extra fabric while he was at the lighthouse.

Jacob picked it up; it was precious. His eyes stung, blurring his view of the cream ruffles he caressed in his fingers.

What must she think of him... what he was willing to do to Ilana so that he wouldn't have to be alone? And here, he was alone. Jacob pressed the tiny dress into his eyes, it smelled like Layna. He fell to his knees and wept. He was fooling himself. He wasn't blissfully content, he had become numb. He'd spent the last three years watching James' as a child endure the trauma that had created his hard outer shell at the same time he was watching it melt in the arms of Juliet. If Jacob had learned anything, it was that you can only pretend to not care for so long.

And Jacob did care; he wanted to be with his family, he wanted it more than anything. And maybe that was why he had to suffer, he wasn't putting the Light first. Maybe the consequences of all the time traveling was that he had caused his own suffering.

When the ground began to shake he peeked from behind the dress and saw the sky light up through the slit above his burning hearth. It filled his entire chamber, nearly blinding him. And then there was the low rumbling sound of an explosion that lasted and lasted. Still holding the dress, Jacob ran out to the beach and saw cloud plum was rising from the south east of the island. He had thought Daniel would convinced them to stop drilling! The last he'd watched from the lighthouse he thought they would work together and figure out what to do. But he hadn't watched for days, and he'd ignored Richard when he came to him.

Looking down the beach he saw something strange coming towards him, a distortion in light like a wave or moving cloud. It was so fast that by the time he realized the trees were being knocked over he was barely able to get behind the wall of his chamber. The sound of the wind blew past him at a piercing decibel and Jacob put his hands on his ears to no avail.

...

The sound of his own muffled voice startled him.

"Don't worry, the Light sent the candidates home."

Jacob was laying, face first in the sand and turned over to see himself standing there carrying a folder with a Dharma symbol on it.

"They were trying to change the past," he said, looking at the cloud that was filling the sky now. "What they actually did was heal the island."

Jacob slowly got up and stood before himself. The rage at himself was gone, but he wasn't glad to see himself either.

His future self looked at him and said, "I took the liberty of rescuing this for you. You'll need to get it to Radzinsky." He pointed at it and said, "That's the final bandage on the island's wound."

Jacob looked in it and saw roughly drawn images of the island topography and architectural plans. There was a page of numbers labeled as 'predictions'. He understood some of it, but not all. On the last page there were a series of hieroglyphics written in red and white that spoke of sudden, unspeakable death and a release of the underworld.

He looked up sardonically and his future self smirked and said, "Inside joke... between you and me."

"Nice," he said.

"Just trying to make up... It documents the leak that's going to develop over the next fifteen years if it isn't capped. Radzinsky is just crazy talented enough to take those scribbles and design a containment hatch." Jacob nodded, agreeing with himself. He'd watched the man for years, wishing he was more stable until he realized the Light can sometimes use the insane more than those who need things to make sense.

"Can you tell me, was the time traveling about the Light or Layna?" Jacob asked.

"What do you think?"

He knew. "The Light we protect is the source of our love... so when we protect the ones we love, we protect it... and when we protect it, we protect the ones we love." He looked up at the cloud and said, "But if they tried to change the past, weren't they trying to destroy the love they found here?"

"No, they just didn't want the suffering that came with it... kind of like someone else I know." His future self smiled at him. "It's all worth it. You'll see." He then pointed to the tiny dress in his hand. "You think you love Ilana now, just you wait." Then he tapped his finger on the file header, which was only a set of numbers. "You'll want to write those down."

Suddenly Jacob was alone on the beach.

...

The air was bitter and on his way to meet Richard he'd seen Dharma people in plastic suits. When he found his people, they were all underground, safe in the tunnels. Richard looked worse for the wear; shaken and ghostly.

"I am so sorry, Jacob," Richard said. "If I knew what the bomb would really do... you said to help them, to trust them... I followed my heart and..."

"It's fine," Jacob said. "Do you have a pen?"

In the dim light of his torch Richard stared at him in awe and then said, "Yeah, I think so." Richard felt his pockets and pulled out a red one, handing it over.

"Your light," he said. Richard shone his flashlight on Jacob and Jacob held out his hand. There was a thin line from long ago, a tiny scar from when he had cut himself saving Layna the first time. As he copied the numbers from the folder down on his hand, his sweat from the heat immediately made the ink run as he wrote. He stared at them, 4 8 15 16 23 42. He knew these numbers.

"Is something wrong?" Richard asked.

"No," Jacob said, turning over the file. "Get this to Dharma," he said. He was going to leave him, but Richard looked anxious. Listening to the sounds down the hall of their people he felt for them as well. "They're frightened by this?"

"Yes, but... the one I'm really concerned for is Ellie. One of the travelers came into our camp demanding to see her. He had a gun turned on me, and she shot and killed him... he said he was her son... but worse, that she had sent him into the past knowing she would kill him." He shook his head and said, "I don't even know what to say to her... she's not one to get emotional, but I can see it's tearing her up."

"Oh no," Jacob said. Had he not just attempted to kill his own child? The guilt of just being willing to do it was bad enough. "Get her," he said. He hadn't seen her since she was sixteen, and she hated him when they parted, but the thought of her suffering was too much for him. He could bear her dark glares to risk possibly helping her.

Eloise was so strong, nearly a rock, just like her grandfather and yet when she approached with Richard he could see she was on the brink of a break down. His heart broke for her and he gestured for Ellie sit beside him. Carefully she did and when he saw Richard watching them with his hands over his mouth, Jacob felt this was not for his eyes.

"Leave us, Richard," he said. Hesitant at first, he did go and once he was gone he felt something in Eloise shift. He put his arm around her shoulder and thought as a teenager she might have pulled away, she didn't.

"Do you understand?" she asked. "What has happened, and why?"

"No," he said. Her eyes searched him fearfully. She likely expected him to have all the answers. "I wish I did," he said. "What I do know is that Daniel was an amazing, talented... brilliant man and must have been raised by an amazing mother."

"But how could I?" she started. And then turned towards Jacob and charged, "He died thinking I did this... that I would _do_ this to him." She blinked suppressing the emotions and said, "What kind of mother do I become that I would send him to his death?"

Finally he gave her the only answer he knew, so woefully insufficient for her pain, "You must have thought it was for the best."

In disbelief she asked, "Are you going to ask this of me?"

"I don't think I would, not now and not ever," he said honestly. "But the island might."

Ellie stood up and said, "Then damn the island! I have had it with sacrifices. We live like ignorant savages when I could easily be working along side the Dharma scientists putting their work to shame!" This was the passionate Eloise he remembered, only her arguments sounded so less hurtful to him now. "And Charles leaving us on errands when I need him here. You tell us they are important but they break the truce at every turn and almost blew up the island! What if next time they do?"

"So you do care about the island?" Jacob said.

Eloise took two breaths and nodded her admission. She calmed down and took a seat; unlike when she was a teen and stormed off from him.

"When we protect the island, we protect those we love. When we protect those we love, we protect the island."

"I didn't protect him," she said. "I sent him here to his death!"

"Is death the worst thing that could happen?" he asked.

"Yes!" she insisted.

"Well, what if you didn't, what if your son never came here to help set off that bomb and the hole Dharma created killed us all." Jacob paused and asked, "Is never being born worse than death?"

She stared blankly for a moment and then said, "So he saved his unborn self?"

"Oh, I'm sure he had help from his mom along the way," he said.

Eloise licked her lips and nodded. "I can't stay here... the things he wrote in that notebook, they were beyond anything I could teach him. He must be properly educated."

"You want to leave the island?" Jacob asked.

"I must... I'm going to..." She looked at Jacob and said in complete comprehension of the time paradox, "I did."

"Like your father did?"

"Oh Jacob..." Her eyes watered, something extremely rare for Eloise. "I'm so sorry."

"I will miss you," Jacob said. "I have missed you..." He couldn't finish, pressing his lips together.

His reaction seemed to have a strange effect on her, she was confused and asked, "You missed me? I thought you were angry with me, Jacob. I thought you hated me."

"How could I hate you, Ellie? You're my niece... I adored you... you ran from me, don't you remember?" he asked.

"I was just a _child_, Jacob. It's the adults job to teach and love the child, not the other way around."

He looked in her beautiful face and said, "And yet you're teaching me right now..." She smiled peacefully at him. "Thank you Eloise. Thank you for everything you are and what you're doing."

"No offense, Jacob, but I can honestly say, I'm not doing any of this for _you_. I'm going to do this for my son...and the island that gave him to me." She stood and said, "I should get back to Ben..."

He nodded and felt her affection as she kissed his head as if he were the child. "Good bye, Jacob. I do so hope we can meet again some day."


	39. 39 Meeting Ilana

**Author's Note: Layna has just come from 1977 **

...  
2005

It was late when the car finally parked. Though Layna understood her half-brother's daughter wouldn't be a child, she was hardly prepared to be greeted by an elder.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to meet you," Eloise said. "There's only me here now and I can't abandon the post for long these days." She looked in the car and the driver told her Layna had no luggage. She brought Layna in and led her to a room down a flight of stairs and through to where a cot was set up in a back office. She was offered a meal and was well fed before Eloise, with a warm smile, finally settled in a chair beside her.

"If you aren't too terribly tired, I would love for you to tell me about my grandmother. She died when I was only eight years old and was very dear to me. I understand you worked closely with her?"

Layna did her best to relay everything she knew about Karen to Eloise; the lighthouse, her theories on the island and her own father. For Eloise it seemed to be like remembering at times and she took many notes. In the following weeks Layna had many of her own questions about what happened to her family and her people finally answered as well. Though they did have many good chats during meal times and in the evenings, Eloise spent the majority of her time working, but left books for Layna to read that they usually ended up discussing at length. Only on a few occasions did they leave the church and travel to museums or a doctor that spoke very little to Layna.

And then one day when she was very round at nearly eight months, Eloise seemed distracted. She was attempting to be her thoughtful self as they discussed the book, but from time to time her eyes would glaze over and it was obvious she didn't hear what Layna was saying.

"We don't have to do this, Eloise," Layna said softly. "If you want we could watch the movie version."

Watching the dvd's that Eloise brought for her reminded Layna a lot of how Jacob described his Lighthouse images he watched for days on end.

"I'm afraid that wouldn't be better for me," Eloise said, "The Notebook always makes me cry reading it, I can't imagine what the movie is like."

"Eloise... I know you have many years on me, but I love you as a niece... something is wrong today, can't you tell me?"

The elder woman smiled and said, "Daniel just sent me a message." Eloise had told Layna all about her son and his trip back to the island and through time to his death thirty years ago. She looked at her niece in question. "Apparently he calculated how long he was on the island and had spent living back in time so that he could have a message delivered to me in the present at the precise consecutive moment when he would have written it."

Layna dismissed trying to understand all of that and just asked, "What did he say?"

"That he hoped what he was about to do is what I wanted, and that I would be proud of him," she said. "He'll die not knowing I am... in just a few months." She laughed nervously and said, "Of course his whole life he was dead, but soon... it will be official... I thought preparing for it all these years, I would be ready." Almost amused she added, "And if he wasn't so damn creative I would have gotten that message decades ago!"

Layna was truly at a loss. She couldn't even imagine what Eloise was going through. And then her niece asked her a terrifying question.

"Would you want to know if something terrible was going to happen to you?" She waited not nearly long enough for Layna to think of an answer. "Because I torture myself wondering if I should have told Daniel. If maybe I should have warned him."

"I don't know, I suppose I might," Layna said. "Unless I couldn't change it."

"You can't change it," Eloise said. "But maybe if you understood it, you could prepare. If Daniel could have prepared for it..." She paused and then sighed as she finished, "...maybe he would have died knowing I loved him."

"Am I going to die?" Layna asked.

Eloise didn't answer, instead she said, "I understand you've had some difficulty with the time traveling?" Layna nodded. "That's because you have contracted temporal distortion sickness. It gets worse on your next jump and your delayed confusion catches up with you. You can only travel one more, maybe two..."

"I have at least three more," Layna said. "Jacob just told me..."

"_That_ Jacob didn't know yet," Eloise said. "You'd certainly be dead if you traveled three times and while we do lose track of you for many years, you don't die."

"That's why you say _maybe_ two?" Layna asked. "You don't know what happens to me?"

"And you don't remember to tell us." It was odd how her niece had the same tone and mannerisms of Karen, only with even less tenderness, if that was possible. "Of course, you can't tell Jacob any of this until we are sure he already knows," she went on. "By his own order he must keep focused on the tasks the island has for him. Or you won't come back at all."

She sounded as passionate as Karen and Layna wondered what fear she had put into her granddaughter at such an early age.

"Jacob told you I should keep it from him?" Layna asked to clarify.

The woman raised her brows and said, "I know it doesn't sound like him, but in the end he understands what's important. Everything we do must be done for the island, regardless of sacrifice."

Layna felt a twinge of pain her in her back as the emotions cut into her. Despite his fear of death, Jacob had not tried to change it. Layna sat still for a long time, dreading her future and then said, "I think you were right not to tell Daniel. I won't say a word to Jacob where I'm going."

Eloise stared at her and said, "Good." She then stood and walked towards the stairs without offering Layna any comfort.

...

Layna was half way through a romantic movie and paused it at the sound of arguing upstairs. After listening to what was being said she realized, Ilana was here! She started wobbling towards the steps and then heard them coming down.

"I want to see her alone!" Ilana demanded. The elder woman abruptly turned around and walked back up the stairs.

She stepped back and was impressed with how lovely her daughter was, and she looked strong, but with a touch of vulnerability to her face that reminded Layna of Jacob. She didn't look on Layna with affection or even familiarity, but with sadness and caution. Then her eyes shifted to the television screen.

"What are you watching?" Ilana asked with a strange accent.

"It's called '_Somewhere in Time_'," Layna said. "It's a romance about time travel."

"I know what it is," she said and marched over to the DVD player and pushed the eject. When the DVD tray came out, Ilana picked it out and broke it with her bare hands. "You're not watching the rest of it."

Layna felt hurt by her brutality and said, "I was enjoying that... and Eloise was supposed to return it to the store. We don't own it."

"I'll give her money to pay for it," Ilana said and then glanced at the table to see the books and CD's there. She sifted through them and Layna began to feel she was under intense scrutiny from her own daughter. "I can't believe she would do this," Ilana mumbled. She picked up "_The time travelers wife_' and then tossed it back on the table. "She's kept you locked up here watching this... this... nonsense."

"There's not been much else to do," Layna said. "There are cleaners for chores and everything comes pre-packaged, food, clothing, even songs... I don't like this time period, it's very boring. And not all of that was from Eloise, I selected some from a list Jacob gave me."

Ilana looked down and then picked up a Barry Manilow CD. With a chuckle she put it in the CD player, clicking it forward to a song that Jacob had specifically told Layna to listen to. As the song started Layna could see something of amusement come over Ilana's face as, barely audibly, she sang the lyrics.

_"I've been alive forever, and I wrote the very first song..."_

And then she looked at Layna and said, "He must have sung this to me a hundred times when I was growing up... this and '_I can't smile without you'_ were his favorites. He can be painfully corny at times." Layna knew it to be true and watched as her daughter remembered with a sweet smile. "He even named our dog Mandy..." Ilana said.

Layna smiled, able to imagine it very clearly. From the top of the stairs Eloise called down asking if they wanted her to call out for food.

"No! I will come up when we're done," she said. The door slammed.

"You don't like Eloise much, do you?" Layna asked.

"She doesn't get it," Ilana spat. "She thinks she does, but she doesn't."

"Get what?" Layna asked, carefully taking a seat. Ilana clicked the music off and thought about her answer.

"Why the island is important. She knows it is, and she's the best at knowing what needs to be done to protect it, but she misses the _why_... Jacob said she used to understand, at first, but she got lost... He says her pain blinds her. I don't think he knew how far she's gone when he left you here, or else he wouldn't have."

"You call him Jacob?" Layna asked.

"We decided it's better if no one knows he's my father," she said.

"May I ask... why you're so angry?"

Ilana came over to the table and sat. "You want to know," she said with raised brows. "He told me not to come here... and then he called me and forbid me to come. And then called me again and said it was my choice... And then he called again and begged me to come. I don't know what he really wants from me. So I did what I wanted to do."

Layna reached out and touched Ilana's hand and said, "I'm glad you did... though I can tell this is strange for you. I must look completely different than how you knew me."

Ilana didn't answer, she just stared, her brows coming together over her eyes. When they slowly became moist, Layna knew. If she could only time traveling one more time safely, then...

"You don't know me at all, do you?" she asked.

Ilana shook her head and said, "Only from stories." She wiped the tear and said, "He didn't want you to know. And he knew I couldn't hide it." She glared upstairs... "I knew _she_ would tell you. So when he told me he was sending you here, I decided to come... I wanted to meet you at least once."

"Eloise didn't tell me," Layna said. Ilana looked surprised and then guilty. "I'm glad you told me," Layna said. Then she felt another pain in her back and shifted in her seat, flinching.

Ilana got up immediately and said, "Maybe you should lie down?"

Her belly was so big now that Layna felt going from one seat to another was too much effort and shook her head. "I want us to talk, I want to know you... and you to know me. We can't change the past as _you_ know it, but we have right now."

Ilana gave a weak smile and nodded, but when Layna stretched forward to take her hand, another pain came and she cried out this time. She agreed to allow Ilana to help her to the bed this time. Kneeling beside her, Ilana said, "I feel like I do know you, from everything Jacob told me. I just... I wanted you to know me. I started to study law because of your writings, and then I quit when I realized it wasn't what I thought... and I went into criminal justice. My first year I met a boy named Bram who I fought with all the time about everything until I won him over about everything..." Layna tried to smile, but another pain made her cringe. Ilana looked concerned, but went on. "And then we both decided that even though Jacob didn't want our help, that we were going to help him and we've been training and recruiting... he'll come around, I know he will. Nobody knows the island like I do..."

Layna was trying to take it all in and seal it in her memory but another pain came and she couldn't keep from crying out again.

"Eloise!" Ilana finally called. The elder woman came hustling down the stairs. "I think she's having contractions, you need to call him."

"It's not time yet!" Eloise said.

"Then I will call him," Ilana said.

Eloise narrowed her eyes and moved to pick up a phone lying on the desk.

"What happens if I have you here?" Layna asked.

Ilana turned to her and said, "You didn't, that's the point."

...

When Jacob came down the stairs he saw Ilana and it was clear he wasn't pleased. She backed away.

"Layna's fine for now," Eloise said. "You should deal with your daughter."

"What year are you?" Ilana asked him.

"The year that told you not to come here," he scolded. "But I see you listen to the me that tells you what you want to hear?"

"You will eventually tell me I have a choice," she said.

He looked concerned and said, "Did I give you a choice about coming back to the island?"

"Not yet," she said. She lifted her chin and said, "But you will, despite what you think of me for being here."

"I love you, Ilana," he said. "_That _never changes." She still kept her distance from him.

"She's crowning, it's now or never, Jacob." Eloise said.

When he touched her something different happened; Layna saw the flash of light, but it didn't abruptly change the surroundings, instead, the light remained bright and Layna felt suspended as she did when she had drowned all those years ago. And she was alone, Jacob wasn't there. She put her hands on her stomach and felt the bump that was her daughter, but couldn't feel the pain any longer.

The next thing she remembered, she was propped up with pillows and looking down at an infant. Stunned, she blinked and heard someone speak.

"I think she's back, Jacob." Layna glanced over to see a blond woman she didn't recognize smile at her. "You feel alright? You were out for three days... thankfully Ilana is a smart one and knew what to do."

Jacob was at her side in an instant and kissed Layna's head as she carefully took Ilana in her arms and pushed the fabric rolls supporting her. "Thank you, Isabel," he said to the woman. "You may go now."

Despite her joy, Layna felt a grief she couldn't explain. She couldn't remember much about where she had just been, and something about this didn't seem right. But Layna kept her fears to herself, not wanting to spoil this moment for Jacob.


	40. Father Jacob

**Author's Note: Thanks so much to those of you who have taken the time to review! I appreciate it a lot. The view count has gone down in these last few chapters, so if there is something I'm doing that you don't like, let me know! I can't make it better if I don't get feedback. :)  
**

**...  
**

**After Layna has come from 2005**

...

1988

For the first few months, except for when she was eating or sleeping, Ilana seemed to cry almost constantly. Jacob didn't care.

Whatever it was Ilana needed, Jacob was up for the challenge. Every success filled him with such a sense of accomplishment and that adrenaline replaced his need for rest.

Feeding her was Layna's responsibility and that would put both of them to sleep but Jacob anxiously took on the bundle of crankiness on all other occasions. Changing her was often an easy fix to her wailing, but once that had been done it was excessively complicated to find whatever else it was she wanted. The rocking motions she preferred changed as did the correct bundling of blankets; and then he had to make clothing that fit just so.

The tiny ruffled dress Layna made bothered her and Jacob had found simple patterns worked best. Which was good because it seemed as soon as he finished one, she'd start to out grow it and he'd have to start an other. He refused at first to accept modern clothing, but gave in to Layna's suggestions once Ilana began to eat by way of bathing in whatever was put in front of her.

The volume and type of song that would sooth her also varied with her moods. Also at Layna's insistence, Jacob had charged Richard with bringing in a modern music device to expand Jacob's repertoire of lullabies into the current century. It was disappointing at first, though he admitted that Ilana didn't seem to like chants or dirges, but soon he found himself listening to the old Dharma tapes as much for his own enjoyment as for their daughter's; even picking out the chords and notes of his favorites on his lute.

It took a year before Layna was able to move around enough to help by cleaning the cabin, which gave Jacob and Ilana more play time. Isabel had been concerned for his wife's lack of energy at first, but guessed that recovery periods differ for every woman. She also hinted outside the cabin once that maybe Jacob shouldn't be spoiling Layna so much. He didn't feel that way. He'd neglected her every other time he'd had his wife with him and was determined to see to her and Ilana's every need now.

...

"You're exhausted," Layna said to him one afternoon when he was mashing some cooked carrots into a cereal he'd concocted. Ilana, with her dark curls dancing around as Layna bounced her was fussing on her lap across from him. She kept trying to reach for the spoon and bowl he'd set out.

"I have eternity to sleep," he said, foolishly. He glanced at her and wasn't surprised at Layna's smirking disapproval. The truth was, he thought he would collapse any minute and simply still didn't want to miss anything. Even when he went out to gather supplies, meet with Richard, stop in at the Lighthouse or bring people to the island, Jacob had taken to traveling back in time to just after he'd left the cabin.

Layna was surprised at first when he returned so quickly, but she immediately guessed what he was doing. His moments of confusion when he returned made him question if there was a consequence to the gifted ability and he shouldn't abuse it.

"When was the last time you did more than nap while rocking her?" Layna asked. He couldn't remember and continued mashing; this looked good enough for him to eat. "I'll feed her this time," Layna said when he was done. Jacob gave her a pout and she said, "I want a chance to try too, you know!"

Jacob chuckled and spooned a bit of the orange paste into his mouth. It wasn't as good as he hoped, but he put some in Ilana's bowl and had to nearly sit on his hands to let Layna do it. He leaned back in the chair to watch and woke up after dark with a kink in his neck and a heaviness on his heart.

Looking around the cabin he noticed he was alone and it took him a few moments to recognize that the strange noise in the distance was Ilana screaming and the dark warning was his brother. Panicked, Jacob jumped out of his chair, knocking into the overturned table on his way out the front door. Twenty feet away, just on the inside of the ring of ash, Layna was walking around bouncing Ilana in her arms and shushing her.

"I told you we would wake up Daddy," she said as he approached. Jacob had to put a hand on each of them, just to be certain they were there. Ilana calmed down and reached for him. He took her and Layna asked, "Why are you worried? You said nobody could find the cabin unless you want them to and that we were safe so long as we were inside the ash."

He looked over in the trees and saw a dark figure in the moonlight. "He's watching."

"Of course he is. He's Ilana's uncle," she said. "He's curious."

Cautiously Jacob asked, "Did you speak to him?"

"We'd barely exchanged pleasantries before you came storming out," she said. "He took the form of one of the French men you brought. Did he kill all of them?"

"No... Let's go back inside," he said. She gave him no argument and once in the cabin, he sat down in the rocking chair, trying to calm his fears with the now sleeping child on his chest.

"You should lay her down," Layna said sweetly, gesturing for the tiny bed. He noted it was no longer beside their larger one but across the room behind the table.

"I'm fine," he said gruffly. Slowly he felt a need to vocalize his fears. "He's not going to stop just because I have a family. He killed those I brought who weren't protected and terrorized the candidates, infected some of them and they killed each other. Only Danielle survived, but she's not the same. It was too much for her."

"I'm so sorry, Jacob. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Jacob had put off telling Layna because he wasn't settled on what Ben had done. A child needed it's mother, even if she had gone insane. He rocked Ilana and breathed in her sweet scent, thinking about his own childhood and the pain that had come to him and his brother because she was unstable. "Ben took Danielle's infant daughter... he's been raising her as his own."

He looked up at Layna to see her response. She was staring at Ilana.

"If he loves her as much as you love Ilana, I can't see anything but good coming from it," Layna said. "I just... I feel for Danielle never knowing her own daughter." The tears in his wife's eyes broke Jacob's heart. It was a tragedy what had happened because of his brother but if there was any good to come from it, Ben had at least stood up to Charles and Alex would survive.

"It is possible," Jacob said. "That some day Danielle will come back to her right mind."

"Lay her down, Jacob," Layna said. It was more an order than a suggestion this time and odd enough coming from Layna that despite not wanting to, he obeyed. He walked around the overturned table in the reconfigured room and once Ilana was safely asleep and covered, he turned to his wife. On the other side of room she had brought the lantern with her and set it next to their bed where she was laying on her side.

"I miss you," she said.

It confused him at first, since they had been together nearly nonstop for over a year, and then she gave him _that_ look. Though it had been decades, Jacob had put being with her out of his mind. Her recovery was paramount at first and then he'd simply not thought about it because of everything they had to do for Ilana.

He walked around the table and sat on the end of the bed, his heart heavy. He felt the weight of everything he had to do and the exhaustion of having thrown himself into this life while his brother continued to peck at his plans to find a replacement. Waking up to Ilana screaming in the midst of that evil presence had been a call to his responsibilities to protect everything he loved from destruction. Yet right now, Layna's eyes were a call to his desires and needs for closeness. How could he enjoy that closeness knowing the threat to it was so imminent.

"I have to go," he said. "I need to figure out what to do. Who to bring next... what they need to see how important they are... I'll be back in what seems to you like an instant."

"No, Jacob," she said. She patted the bed beside her. He wondered if this was a test and looked away. "I know what you're planning to do because you will do it. You will go away and do many things that need to be done," she continued. "But you will do it when Layna is three and I think I know why you must wait."

Jacob met her eyes and she said, "You need to be reminded of why... when you came to me during that time, you were energetic, and full of warmth and joy. That is not how you are now. Don't leave us out of fear, Jacob." She gestured towards where she'd spoken to his brother and said, "He's not able to take what really matters. Even if he did take our lives, our love is forever."

Reaching out he put his hand on her warm, bare foot and the connection felt more real than the fear. Staring at her, he waited for the feelings he'd forgotten. He was so tired and burdened that all he felt was a distant longing. Layna must have sensed his trouble, for she loosened the tie at the top of her linen gown. The breasts he'd seen nursing their child over the past year suddenly reminded him of their previous affect on him and recounting the pleasures of intimacy, his desire began to awaken.

He decided very quickly, he was glad he'd stayed.


	41. Lost Love

1991

Jacob was inside with Ilana as Layna worked in the garden. She was humming to herself when she heard someone on the other side of the ash approaching. Since Jacob had called for a report from Richard, she wasn't surprised, but it wasn't their friend, it was the form of the dead french man again.

Dusting off her hands, she said in French, "He doesn't want me talking to you."

"Then why are you?" he asked in English, but with the French accent.

"Because I feel sorry for you," she said.

"No need for that. Everything's going my way," he said, cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Honestly, it's not easy to be trapped inside this ring of ash but considering all my friends have been dead for a century, I suppose I'm not missing much."

"Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" he asked.

"I'm just answering your question," she said. "If you're going to be rude, I'll be on my way."

"No, I'm sorry. I know what it's like to be trapped. But the truth is, he made it so I can't hurt you or Ilana, so you're not really trapped, not like I am."

"Are you saying I could step over this ash and you wouldn't hurt me?"

"I can't," he said. "Your protected. The ones you really have to worry about are the Dharma Initiative and Jacob's people... when Richard gets here, ask him about 'The Tempest'."

Suddenly the sound of Ilana's scream ripped her insides. She was three now and only cried when she was hurt or if Jacob left the cabin without her. The image of the French man disappeared and Layna ran up to the cabin and inside to see her hands and arms were deep red and there was a broken glass jar on the floor.

Layna went to her and shouted at Jacob who was on the other side of the room going through the laundry. "Didn't you hear her?" He came over quickly while Layna inspected her arms. She could see that the little girl was terrified, but found no injuries.

"She pulled the dye jar down on herself, it's not blood, Layna," he said calmly. His shirt had been splashed as well and he wiped the wetness off of their daughter with an old piece of fabric they'd used for cleaning before. But her arms were still bright red and the child was in hysterics.

Ilana reached for her father who squatted next to her and picked up a jar of green dye.

"Look, Ilana, watch Daddy's fingers!" He stuck his hand into it and it came out green. She continued to cry, but more softly as she held up her own hand, shaking in fear. She watched him and he stuck it in again and said, "And now... look at Daddy's nose!" He touched his finger to the tip of his nose and it turned green.

Layna smirked at the silliness of it, especially since it worked. Ilana sniffed in deeply with a tremble, stifling her cry.

"What dat?" she asked, pointing to Jacob's nose. Her big brown eyes blinked with wetness.

"It's dye... color for Daddy's thread, remember? We change it from white to blue or green..." He held up her hands and said, "or red?"

Ilana's eyes opened and she squatted down and ran her finger on the floor where the red dye had spilled. She stood and roughly pushed her finger into Jacob's cheek, running it in a circle. "Daddy red like Ilana!"

Layna couldn't help but laugh. After Jacob let her have at him with as much of the dye as she could mop off the floor with her tiny hands, he explained to her that they wouldn't be red forever. He then looked up at Layna and said, "This is going to be difficult to explain to Richard."

Just then, there was a knock at the door and she laughed. Richard's response was less than surprise at Jacob's antics and once they all sat outside on the porch, it didn't take him long to move on to the report.

Ilana and Layna played a block stacking game while Richard filled Jacob in on the latest problems they were having with the Dharma Initiative and their refusal to leave. The scientists had invested so much money and time cleaning up after the bomb and now felt they were too close to a break through with time traveling to just up and leave. As usual, Jacob offered no direction or solutions, he just wanted to hear what Charles was suggesting as a solution.

"He wants to start a war," Richard said. "We could win, I'm sure, we have enough advantage, but we'd most definitely lose people. He's fine with that, but I'm not. Everyone is willing to die for the cause, but I don't think we can afford to start over completely. You could bring more, but after what happened with the French team..."

As he went on explaining the loss of trained people and the need for a doctor and a counselor, Layna remembered what Jacob's brother had said. She waited for a break in the conversation and while Jacob was thinking about Richard's report, she said, "What do you know about the Tempest, Richard?"

He looked down at her, surprised and said, "Only that it's one of their newest stations. Ben saw a map, but doesn't know what it's for... why? How did you learn of it?"

"_He_ told you?" Jacob asked.

Richard was alarmed, "Ben was here?"

Layna met Jacob's eyes and he said with a smile, "Well, it's time then. Excuse me a moment... I have to deal with _him._ I can't put it off anymore. I won't lose you... I won't lose." Jacob got up and before he went inside he said, "I love you Layna." He looked at Ilana, who ignored him and he took a big breath and closed the door behind him.

Richard than said, "Oh you mean, _him_, him. You really shouldn't be talking to him, Layna."

"He doesn't mean me harm, it's Jacob he hates," she said.

When Jacob came back out of the door he was wearing different clothing and the dye was completely gone from his face. Richard did a double take, but Layna knew. He came up to her and squatted down. "Why didn't you tell me?" He took her head in his hands and asked again, "Why did you keep this from me all these years?"

"Did you finish?" she asked.

He shook his head, "How could I? I had to come back..." She put her hand over his and he said, "Richard, are we done?"

"That's all I have, unless you have any instructions... what happened, Jacob?"

Jacob stood and said, "Come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you."

After Richard left Jacob said, "Eloise says you'll die if we leave. Ilana says we have to leave, that we did. I am so tired of fate making my decisions for me, Layna."

"I'm not going with you," she said. "Ilana never knew me, that's not going to change."

"But what if it could?" he asked. "Would you want it to?"

"How much did you get done before you came back?"

"I was only able to touch Jarrah and Reyes... and I moved you and Karen to the correct times and gave myself instructions. But after talking with you, despite what Eloise says, I resisted meeting the other candidates... I'm not convinced I'm going about this right. I created folders for all of them." He gestured inside the cabin and said, "Our home is now full of boxes... I'm sorry for the clutter. When we get back I'll clear it all out. But I'm going to need it to pick the candidates."

"I thought you were using the numbers..."

"I was using the numbers because I told myself to use them," he said. "That was before I realized... I'd lost my free will." He sat down next to her on the porch and said, "If I pick them, I want it to be for a reason not some cosmic time traveling loop. The light showed them to me." He touched his chest and said, "But I get to pick who replaces me... or at least who my final candidates are who I'll offer the job to."

"You don't trust your future self much," she said.

"I don't think he exists," he said. "I did everything that my future self was supposed to do... that I know about. Maybe not what you experienced... but I think it's just me now." Layna remembered him going to his death and suddenly everything he was saying made sense to her. "I trust myself more than destiny. I want to know why they are the candidates... I'm not giving up my free will in the process just because I know the outcome. If they are meant for me to choose them, then I did and I will again... but the fifteen years Ilana and I are gone, I'll have to figure it out."

...

That night Jacob left and came home from the lighthouse with his telescope and the miniature dial Layna's father had made.

"I thought you destroyed that?" she asked.

"Funny thing about time travel, I was able to catch it," he said. "I appeared and disappeared and never knew it..."

When he sat down on the floor to explain to Ilana they were going on a trip, Layna was cleaning up and accidently spilled brown dye that ran off the table all over Jacob's head.

"I'm so sorry," Layna laughed as Jacob settled down after the surprise.

"Someone likes it," he said.

"Daddy brown hair like ours!" Ilana squealed after he wiped as much of it off as he could.

He grew quiet and said, "It will only be a moment for you."

Layna nodded.

Ilana came over to Layna, her tiny hand holding a top. Layna picked her up and kissed her fat cheek. She took the top and set it on the table. She gave it a good spin and it lit up, inspiring a clap from Ilana as she stared at it's colors.

"I've thought about not going... trying to raise Ilana here," he started.

"You can't..." she said.

"I know, I just wanted you to know, I spent a lot of time trying to work it out in my mind... before I came back."

"I've had three years with her... and did meet her already. And I will meet her again." Layna didn't mention to him that it wouldn't be soon for her, but far in her future.

...

Mercifully, Ilana fell to sleep in her own bed early that night. It wasn't easy saying goodbye, but knowing they had both come to terms with the decision made it bearable.

The next day early she had a few of her own things packed and sat with Ilana trying to explain that she loved her and would miss her. But she knew her baby girl didn't understand. She thought Mommy was just going away for a short time like Daddy did on his trips to the lighthouse.

After she said her final goodbye, she walked out the door and Jacob followed her.

"Wait," he said. He held her and she squeezed him. "Richard should be here shortly, just in case something delays us. Stay within the ash, and don't move! I don't want the cabin landing on you."

Layna chuckled and nodded as she pulled away. She kissed him, backed off the porch, and they were gone, cabin and all. But it didn't return instantly. The other day when Richard was with her, Jacob had been gone a few minutes before he returned and she thought maybe, he might take as long; but inside she knew. Ilana never knew her, she wouldn't be here. For some reason she had yet to know.

Nothing seemed dangerous. The jungle sang the same melody as always and the sun was bright through the trees. Layna sat, waiting. Then she heard running and guessed it was Richard. She stood, ready to greet him, when out of the trees ran a black man, his face wet with blood and his eyes terrified.

"Help me!" he said.

"Who are you?" she asked.

"Matthew," he said. "I'm one of Jacob's people... the smoke took me, but I got away from him... he's trying to kill me."

There was a loud sound of Jacob's brother in the trees and Layna said, "Come, into the ash you'll be safe here."

But when he ran towards her, the smoke came out of the trees and grabbed him, just before he crossed. Matthew fell, half into the circle and when he was pulled out, he broke it.

Layna shouted a command as if she were Jacob himself, "Leave him be!" For a second, she thought he would listen, until she felt a crushing blow to her head and she fell, dizzy to the ground.

Not quite unconscious, she felt herself being pulled on the ground by one leg. The rocks and sticks of the terrain were scratching her arms that drug behind her head and quite a few times she hit her throbbing head again.

"Matthew, let me go!" she begged. "If you are one of our people, you know this is wrong..."

He didn't answer, just kept looking behind them, terrified. They came to where one of the stations was being built and he dropped her.

"Hey! You!" one of the Dharma men shouted. He was wearing a body suit with a mask.

Layna looked up at another even larger and pointy rock that Matthew held high over her head. "You'll kill me," she cried. But before he could plant it into her skull, he was taken by a Dharma man. And then, so was she.


	42. Those whom Jacob loves

**Author's Note: Jacob and Ilana have come from 1989 without Layna**

400bc

Ilana had been looking out the window when they made the jump and Jacob realized he probably should have had her sitting with him. He quickly picked her up, and she turned her confused face to him.

Without any questions, she squirmed to get down out of his arms and then took his hand, tugging him to the door.

"We go find mommy now," she said.

"She went away, remember?" he said.

Ilana didn't listen, she just pulled on his hand and said, "I want to find mommy." She reached her tiny hand up on the knob and Jacob couldn't refuse her. She would understand in time.

The cabin was now in a field instead of a forest, but little else had changed. He could see the well known mountains around them and a line of trees told him the stream was still close by. The only way to describe his feelings as they wandered around was numb.

It was a worse deadness than he had felt the first time Layna had disappeared. While he knew how long he would be separated from her, the unknown on the other side sickened him.

Ilana had been angry on the phone at the airport, and she admitted to him, she had never met her mother and he told her not to go. She cried that he was confused and had to stop time traveling or he would forget too much.

As they walked through the woods, he could feel the presence of the current protector coming closer.

"Who's that?" Ilana asked pointing.

His heart skipped. Jacob had come back here, asking for permission to raise his daughter on the island away from bad people. He'd convinced his mother that he was a future protector by telling her what he knew about the light and she'd conceded, only a protector would know. But she didn't know she'd raised him. And he didn't intend to tell her, so he didn't plan to tell Ilana either.

The woman disappeared before their eyes. "That was another protector, like Daddy. We must not bother her."

The first week was the hardest. Ilana asked for her mother every several hours and a few nights she clung to him with tears, missing her. When he was unable to help himself, Jacob cried with her. Upon seeing his tears, something shifted in Ilana; her concern for him became more important and before he knew it, she was patting his back with her tiny arm and repeating to him what he'd said to her.

"Mommy still loves you, she just can't come back right now."

He felt foolish for being comforted by his own child, but he needed to hear it. From that moment on, Ilana never asked for her mother again.

It wasn't long before his rations of dried meats ran out and he tired of the fruits and nuts he found close to the cabin, he traveled further than he had before in search of deeper water and fish. For the longest time, his mother did as he had asked and left them be. Part of him wondered if she would ever grow curious about them. He knew he would have. He almost wished she would, and was inexplicably hurt that she didn't.

When Ilana was eight he had already taught her what he knew about history on and off of the island and the languages he knew. He'd brought books on math but found after the initial introduction to addition, she preferred to teach herself from what she was reading.

While she slept or worked on her own studies Jacob looked through the files he had brought, making notes and doodling as he thought. He would have to build a loom; not being able to weave was driving him mad.

"Why don't you teach me about this?" Ilana asked, leaning over his table one morning. Jacob had been up all night again and didn't see her wake. He had taken out the notebooks he'd taken from Karen when she and Gerald had moved back in time but hadn't understood much of anything in it.

"How can I teach something I don't understand?" he asked her. "Once I understand it, I'll teach you."

She frowned, tilting her head to get a better look.

"Looks like math," she said.

"It is, and science, and history, and psychology and... a bit of future prediction."

Ilana was completely unfazed. "Sounds fun," she said. "Can I try?"

Jacob saw the look in her eyes and knew they were going to get into a 'why not' argument if he said no and her logic was usually too much for him to win against anymore. Even when she was wrong. His daughter must have seen it too because she made a deal with him.

"If I can't figure it out, you don't have to dye your hair anymore," she said.

He was very weary of the practice. Ilana insisted with tears that she wanted him to look like her, years after she should have grown out of it. This sounded like a good deal.

"Come on," he said. So he scooted his chair back and welcomed her on his lap. She was getting too big for that too. She scanned his notes and picked up different sheets of drawings.

"Did you get any visions about it?" she asked, casually.

"No. I think the Light wants me to figure this one out on my own... probably because I said that's what I wanted. The Light is funny that way. Be careful what you ask for Ilana."

"Okay," she said. "This has to do with your candidates..."

He hummed affirmative and she put her arms down and leaned on her elbows. Jacob hadn't gone the road his mother did, keeping him and his brother in the dark. He answered all of Ilana's questions when he could and she was nonplused by anything.

It was humbling because to Ilana, Jacob wasn't special because of his powers or his job. She didn't want to please him because of who he was to the island, but she loved him because of who he was to her. She would also challenge him directly if he made a mistake, something that even Layna did carefully and tenderly, if at all.

"If you aren't good at math," she said. "Why don't you solve this problem doing what you do best? And I'll do the math, since I'm good at math."

Knowing it would get her to leave him alone for a while he said, "Take this." He picking up scraps where he had written the numbers of all of the chosen names along with his own methods of circling, bolding, crossing out or capitalizing. He stacked them on the other side of the table. "You see what you can do with those, while I... do what I do best."

She seemed to be on to him with her suspicious look, but jumped off his lap and took out one of her own ledgers to work in. She pushed his work aside to make her own space and sat across from him. Jacob watched her, moved by her diligence, until she noticed and looked up, brows raised. He just smiled at her and she smiled back.

"Can I have those too?" Ilana asked, pointing to some scraps that were more doodles he'd made while thinking than actual calculations.

"Be my guest," he said. She reached over and after taking them sorted them into piles, counting, as if she knew what she was doing. The thought crossed his mind that maybe she did? Maybe Ilana would figure it out. And he went back to reading files. After less than an hour, his eyes hurt and he set down his work and stretched.

"Did you pick them yet?" she asked.

"Working on it," he said and took the next one from his large box.

"You should start with the people you love most."

Her words made his blood run cold. Jacob remembered his own childhood and how his mother had favored his brother, and didn't want Jacob. "It doesn't work that way," he said, "I'm looking for people who would do a good job, be good leaders, make good decisions, not just the people that I like for my own selfish reasons."

"You love the bad people?" she asked.

Jacob thought about it as her big eyes continued to question him. "Sometimes," he said honestly. "But I don't think they're _bad_... I think they've just lost their way."

Her tone was as much awe as curious, "Why?"

"Because... they've been hurt or misguided. Sometimes selfish. I guess I love them because I can relate to them better then people who have it all together with perfect lives." She really seemed to take that in and he added, "I'm not perfect, but I'm not _bad_ am I?"

Leave it to Ilana to let that go unanswered. "I still think you should start with the ones you love. Loving is what you do best," she said. "Now let me focus..."

It was his first blush in a long time, feeling overwhelmed by her image of him. Even if it was just a daughters doting, the advice was better than any ideas he had. By the time he was done he had narrowed down three hundred files to forty-two. He was sure he could cut that nearly in half on his second round and started through them.

"Are these all your notes?" she asked.

"Yes... I think so," he said.

"It's not adding up right," she said, looking at him worried. Before he could relieve her of the duty, she started to look around on the floor and then picked up something from under his chair. "Here... yes!"

Jacob suppressed his amusement and continued, narrowing down the files to 23. And then Ilana spoke up.

"Got it," she said. She handed over to him a list of seven names and said, "These are the numbers of the people you should choose. Are they the same files you selected?"

All of them were in fact among the files he had set aside, except one. He glared at her suspiciously. He didn't want to accuse her out right of watching him and cheating, so he just said, "Explain how you came up with these."

Proudly she said, "These are your favorite numbers, the one's you write down the most... circle the most... don't ever cross out." She showed him her work of ticking off each time he had written one of the numbers. "The number of times you wrote all of them down AND the number that they all add up to happens to be your VERY favorite number which you write more than any other."

"Give me that," he said, taking her ledger and making her giggle.

"My grandfather was a math genius so don't feel bad if you don't understand."

Her rows were neat and very comprehensible. The number she was referring to, "108" was Layna's number on the wheel, something he had never told her. "What do you make of this number?" he asked.

"Well, if I'm right and you're supposed to choose the people you love than that number must be who you love the most... is it?"

Jacob covered his mouth and stared at her. He felt his eyes watering and she asked, "Who is it?"

Choking up as he spoke he told her, "It's your mother."

Ilana's expression grew distant at first and then she said, "You miss her?"

He nodded and looked at the list. She slowly got up and wrapped her arms around him.

"Do I look like her?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "Almost exactly..."

"Then you can still stop dying your hair, even if I'm right," she said. "I look like my mother and that's good enough for me."

...


	43. Ben's Bad, Lovely Libby

1991

Layna was sick to her stomach and had a headache. They had treated her wounds from Matthew's attack, wrapping her head in a bandage that covered half her face, but the Dharma scientists, always in medical masks, weren't talking with her directly. It was just as well, Layna wasn't planning on engaging them either. She refused to eat any of the modern foods they brought, eating only island fruit she knew was fresh and to avoid further injury she didn't fight those who who came in to lead her to a room where they sat her in a chair for hours.

After they drugged her to sleep there, she'd wake up with another headache and stomach ache, and the ordeal would start all over. Until one day, someone came in not wearing a mask. A younger version of a man she had met years ago. He looked as frightened of her as he was nervous of being caught.

"They're going to send you off the island," Ben said with a quivering voice. "But I think I can rescue you."

He was so different than the powerful, angry man she met when she was taken to Juliet; that would be less than ten years from now. "Where will you take me?" she asked.

"Does it matter?" he asked with a nervous laugh. When she nodded he blinked and paused. "If what you told them is true, he's going to want you back. I can take you to him."

"I told them about Jacob?" she asked. He didn't even flinch. "I don't even remember their questions," she said.

Once aware of her fear, Ben seemed to grow more confident. "You wouldn't remember, that's the point," he said. "Don't worry, almost everything you said was incoherent Latin or Greek and they don't believe what they did understand." As if amused he added, "Dr. Chang is convinced the hostiles are mocking him because of his time traveling ambitions. That's why they want to take you off island to put you through more tests... to _force_ you to tell the truth."

"We should go then," she said, standing.

"First," Ben said holding up his hand. "Tell me, how you know Jacob."

She knew he didn't know about her and so she answered, "He's the protector of the island. Our people offer their talents and lives to help him with that task."

"I'm sorry," Ben said disingenuously, "That's wrong answer." He pulled out a gun he had hidden behind him and pointed it to her head. "You see, they're _my_ people, and I've never seen you before. And what's more, none of us would _ever_ answer that question directly to someone they didn't know... not even under duress. That's why Dharma has this room. So who are you?"

"I am Layna, the writer of the law, first leader of our people. And I know you, Ben," she said. His hand began to tremor and he moved to hold on to it with both hands. "Benjamin Linus who defected from the Dharma Initiative to rise and become a great leader of our people."His jaw dropped slightly. "Jacob has foreseen it. And it's what he wants."

"Jacob doesn't tell us who our leaders are... we decide. It's in the law, if you really wrote it, you would know."

Layna realized her mistake and clarified, "Just because Jacob doesn't tell us what to do doesn't mean he doesn't have opinions on what we do," she said.

"So you know his opinion and Richard doesn't?" he asked. She nodded. "You're lying," he said, angry. "I know all about telling people what they want to hear to make them do what you want them to do."

"Ben," she said with a sigh, "Just because it's what you want to hear doesn't mean it isn't true." He seemed to take that in slightly and she teased him, "And I know you only told me you could take me to Jacob because you knew that's what I wanted to hear. But you don't really know where he is, do you? Only Richard can find him and he won't even bring Charles." She could see now he was believing her. Soothingly she added, "but don't worry, I'm sure Jacob will forgive you for pretending in order to gain my trust... deception is your gift after all."

Ben didn't see the humor in it at all. His expression was both hurt and angry, the opposite of what she intended.

"Does Richard know you're here?" he asked and pursed his lips.

"I don't think so," she said. "Jacob told him to meet me at the cabin, but then I was attacked by Matthew."

Ben squinted at her slightly and then nodded. Slowly he backed out of the door and she started to follow him, but he quickly exited and slammed it shut on her. She heard the lock turn and a chill ran through her. Ben was afraid she'd tell on him to Jacob... by sending her away he was getting himself out of trouble.

It took only a number of hours before the men were back with a bag they put over her head. She felt a pinch in her arm from a needle and slowly drifted to sleep.

...

Layna woke up without the hood in what looked like a medical bed. She was hooked up to a machine and there was a needle in her arm.

It took her a while coming around before she noticed that on the table beside her was an envelop with only the word, "Open." written on it. She did so and in it was a note written also in Latin. It was not Jacob's hand writing.

"Richard was kind to me as a child and I know he cares for you, so I did not kill you as I promised in exchange for my freedom. I am sorry to abandon you in this world. Stay hidden, it is the only way the darkness will not find a way to kill us both. For now, I must do his bidding. ~MA"

Layna looked around and saw a call button. She pushed it and after a few minutes a nurse came in.

"So you're finally awake. Now we can find out who you are. You had quite a bit of drugs in your system when you were dumped in our emergency room."

"I wanted to go to the Lamppost," she said in Latin. The words coming out of her mouth were as surprising to her as nurse. It was how she felt, Eloise was there, but she wanted to ask where she was, and use English as the nurse was speaking to her.

"I'm going to find someone to talk to you," the nurse said.

The series of people that came into Layna's room all asked the same questions, questions Layna couldn't answer, if Matthew was right. She trusted if she found Eloise, her niece would know what to do, but how to find her was the problem. Richard had contacts in the outside world, but how could she find them? And Charles was here somewhere too. If only she could remember the name of his company!

She was flipping through the television channels, hoping to find something that would stir her memory when one of the younger students who had been attending with the official doctors came back. It was visiting hours and she wasn't wearing her white lab coat or carrying her clipboard.

"Hi, it's Libby," she said as she sat. "Remember me?"

Layna nodded. She was a lovely girl and it was nice to have some friendliness; the other nurses treated her with something close to disdain.

"That's a good sign!" she said lightly. Layna smiled and Libby whispered, "I'm not here officially, I just thought you could use some company away from all of the psychology questioning."

"Thank you," Layna said, glad to finally be speaking English again.

"I understand what you're going through... sometimes I don't want to talk about things either. Especially when I don't know who to trust."

"That is how I feel," Layna said. "But I also can't answer their questions."

"They think you have amnesia," she said. "Do you know what that is?"

"Yes," Layna said. "She was playing along with the diagnosis to give her time."

Libby's kind eyes gave Layna such an assurance of understanding as she said, "I think it's more a lack of trust than lack of memory..." Layna looked away from her and she added, "But I'm just a student and not even a very good one at that, so I could be wrong."

"I think you're very good. Why would you say that?" Layna met her gaze again, fearful that she may give too much away and Libby might tell her teachers.

"Because I get to involved," she said empathetically. "I care too much. Doctors are supposed to see their patients as subjects, not people. I can't do that... I see you sitting there and I don't think 'amnesia or fake amnesia' and why does she have it or why is she faking it... I think, oh my gosh, what she must have gone through and how must she feel?" Her smile covered her sadness as she said, "It's not very professional."

"I prefer you," Layna said. "I don't trust the others, they are too controlling."

"They want to put your face on the news to see if someone recognizes you."

"No!" Layna said frightened. "I don't want that."

"I didn't think you would, and I said so, but they are going to do it tomorrow... if you don't remember who you are by then." Layna started to breath fast and look around her room. "I can tell that you're scared. I wish I could help."

"Tell them not to," she said.

"I'm just a medical student, they wouldn't listen... but... I have an idea. You could lie."

Layna frowned and Libby scooted in further. "Pretend you remember. My fiance David said he would come in as your brother, he can even falsify some papers for you. I'll take you in until you're ready to face whatever happened to you."

"Would it work, wouldn't they know?"

"I've been reading up on psychology and it's not a stretch to suddenly get your memory back, triggered by an event."

There was something so kind and genuine about this young woman, and she wasn't even requiring information from Layna, she just wanted to help. Layna nodded and the two of them worked out the story well into the night.


	44. Grandma's bedtime story

**Authors Note: This chapter got a bit longer than I wanted for this story, but I couldn't figure out what to cut and I didn't want to break it up. It was probably one of the most difficult which is why it took me so long to update!**

**Also - it's mostly from Ilana's perspective!**

...

386 BC

Ilana was fourteen and her father had given her a dress for her birthday a week ago. It was similar to the one the protector woman wore, and while undeniably thoughtful and a beautiful blue, she wore it on this trip only to avoid the pouting face she'd seen on him each morning before they left. Ilana preferred the pants, t-shirts and vests from home time. That's how she thought of it. This was history and they were only here until she was old enough and strong enough to go back to those more dangerous days Jacob was teaching her about. She really couldn't wait.

"Can you pick it up a bit?" he asked, walking several paces in front of her. Ilana had been caught up in thoughts of the past few days at the pyramid and didn't really want to go back to the cabin yet. It was a long trek and since he always had better visions at the Southern tip of the island, they would no doubt make it again in a few weeks. Jacob had said when he was younger the Light would only show him snippets of visions in it's own timing, but now he could see whomever he wanted to see and he didn't need the devices that were made for him by his people.

"If you don't need the Lighthouse or the telescope anymore, why can't you just get all your visions back at the cabin?" she asked.

"Maybe I can," he said casually. "But I don't have enough faith to do it yet." He continued walking in thought for a long time before he explained, "I think the reason I needed the Lighthouse in the first place is because some people need to first be _shown_ that something is possible before they believe they can do it." He smiled and glanced at her and said, "That's why I admire John so much. He doesn't have to see something to believe it, he believes it first and when he sees it, it's not a big deal... Nobody tells that boy what _he_ can't do." Jacob took in a deep breath and then letting it out he added, "I wish I had his courage to fight my doubts."

They walked along in quiet again and Ilana thought about yesterday. He had spent most of the day watching Kate and hadn't told her much of what he'd seen. She had two fathers and he said neither knew how to love her very well, but he wouldn't say why. Ilana had seen how Jacob hurt for her, and guessed what they had done must have been bad. He said that even Kate's mother neglected her and she was all alone in the world with no one who loved her to teach her how to be good.

"She has a great capacity to love, Ilana," Jacob had told her. "And unlike some people who have to be told to do it, Kate can't _help_ but follow her heart. But it's a _broken_ heart... and I don't know what she needs to be healed." Ilana remembered him saying on other occasions that emotional wounds hurt worse and are harder to fix than the physical.

Catching up with Jacob again Ilana said, "Maybe Kate's number isn't on the list because she's broken, like you said. Maybe that would make her a bad protector."

Kate was one of her father's favorites and he tensed up hearing Ilana's words. "I don't _care_ if Kate's number isn't on the list," he said. "I'm picking her. If she can be healed anywhere, it's here. I have to at least give her that chance. The Light showed her to me for a reason, I care about her for a reason; I'm not going to ignore it."

Ilana couldn't help but make the connection. "I guess you won't let those numbers tell you what you can't do, huh?" she asked.

He looked at her sideways with a smirk and said, "I guess not."

Today they'd watched Jack. He had trouble with his father too. Ilana had difficulty imagining a father who made you feel like you couldn't do anything right. There were times when Jacob would get angry with her when Ilana didn't listen, or stood her ground on some argument, but even when she was wrong and deserved it, he always apologized. And he never let her feel inferior because she couldn't do what he could. He said his powers made him special but Ilana was special, just because she was. It didn't make sense, but she liked it.

When she jumped down from a rock, Ilana realized, she was right in her calculations, it was _that _time again. Thankfully she brought what she needed, but really didn't want to discuss it with her father. She lagged behind again, purposefully this time, and when he was a good distance ahead she stopped at a stream and slipped behind a large rock. _There_ was one positive about a dress, it made for easy changing.

"Ilana!" he called, annoyed. She tried to hurry and when she didn't answer his running footsteps came closer. "Ilana?" Now he sounded scared.

"I'm busy," she snapped. He was still coming. "I need privacy, dad!"

That stopped him in his tracks. When she was done she ran her hands in the stream and came back around, quiet and wouldn't look at him.

"All you have to do is tell me you need a moment," he said. She continued walking in front of him and he said, "I'm sorry your mother isn't here to help you. I wanted her to be." She had heard that so many times before and ignored him as he followed. "Are you mad at me?" he asked.

"No!" she said, hoping he wasn't going to go into his 'am I a good enough father' routine. Ilana tried to explain, "It's just... you're always there, hovering. I need space sometimes. It's not a big deal." She walked faster creating distance between them. She wasn't sure where she was going, but he didn't correct her she she continued on. Loudly she called back to him, "We're all alone here, I don't know what you're afraid of anyway!"

After a while she began to feel sorry and was just about to turn and see how badly she'd hurt him when an explosion went off beside her. Ilana flew backwards and when she landed in a bunch of plants with large leaves that covered her, she had the breath knocked out of her. She could hear her father yelling and running towards her and a strange squeal and clicking.

When he got to her, in a panic, he pulled out all of the plants from their roots that were around her and she whispered without breath, "I'm not hurt..." But then behind him she saw a shadow and felt an icy chill; it was what her father had described that he had done to his brother. She didn't have the wind to scream, but her father must have seen her fear, for he turned and saw it; black smoke.

"Leave!" he commanded. It didn't obey. It studied him and came closer, right at his face. It focused on him as if he were a mere inhabitant and not the ruler and protector of the island. "Ilana," he said with a cracked voice. "If something happens to me, go find the protector... stay with her..."

But just then, the smoke pulled back and left in an echo of a squeal.

In a hush Ilana said, "Was that him?"

"I... don't think so," he said. He turned and looked down at her and to see the fear in his eyes, Ilana thought she would cry. "It didn't feel as evil as he does... it didn't feel like _him_."

"What was it then?"

"I don't know," he said honestly. "But we may have to go home sooner than I expected... I don't know what the rules are here."

"Is she hurt?" a woman's voice asked.

"Help us!" Ilana called out. "We were just attacked!"

She walked to their side and her father looked at the protector strangely.

"You have nothing to fear from the guardian, little one, you are still too young to be affected by darkness," she said. "And your father must have passed the test." She gave him a sideways glance and stretched out her hand to Ilana.

Jacob quickly intervened and helped Ilana up instead. The woman stood back, politely.

"What test?" Ilana asked.

"Come," she said. "I'll tell you about it back at my home."

Her father looked as if he was going to resist and Ilana said, "I want to go with her." He hesitated and she said, "You trusted her to take me if something happened, why can't we go now that nothing did?"

"Alright," he said. "I guess I am a little curious."

She led them to a cave and in it was a loom very much like the one her father had built. The woman gestured for them to sit by the hearth and pulled out a few papayas from a basket of fruit. She also opened a covered pot that hung over the fire pit and then threw a few pieces of wood on it.

She handed a papaya to Ilana and sat across from her. "The stew is rabbit. Do you eat rabbit? I haven't seen you two catching them."

Jacob's eyes went from the fire to her suddenly and Ilana too felt strange that she had been watching them.

"What do they taste like?" Ilana asked.

"I guess you'll find out," the woman teased, spooning some stew into a bowls for each of them. She then said, almost longingly, "I haven't had visitors in my home for years."

"What was this test?" Ilana asked

"The test of the guardian. He protects the island from chaos. If it had found you to be contaminated with darkness, it would have destroyed you."

"Why now?" Jacob asked. "We've been here for years."

"I don't control the guardian. I thought at first maybe as a protector, it sensed no need to test you. But it must have sensed darkness, thankfully the light in you is greater."

Ilana looked at him and said, "There's darkness in you?"

"I have fear and guilt about _many_ things, Ilana," he said. He turned to the woman and said, "Where did the guardian come from?"

Perplexed she said, "How can you be protector and not know?"

"I was never taught," he said. Ilana thought she sensed some irritation in her father's voice as he added, "I was told about the light, that it's the source of life, death and rebirth and that there is a little bit in all of us but people always want more. And I was told I must protect it. But I was told nothing else, and nothing about the darkness or the smoke."

The woman hesitated, nervous almost.

"That is a good summary," she said. "And the darkness is... consuming."

"Is a little bit of it in everyone too?" he asked. Her eyes were glazed over and Jacob added, "Are people bad? Because they come, they fight, they destroy... and it always ends the same."

Ilana knew that was his brother's reasoning and it felt odd hearing her father say something he didn't believe she watched as the woman stared at him for the longest time.

"That is what the guardian believes. Though I have seen good in people, so I fight the words. If you are a protector with that perspective, perhaps you have already been contaminated and it is time for you to find another to take your place so you may move on before it's too late."

Ilana looked at her father, anxious for his response. He seemed profoundly saddened by it and he looked down into his stew, stirring it as he said, "I don't have that perspective," he said. "But I fight it too."

"That's good to hear," she said. "I was told when the darkness consumes a protector, there is only suffering, no more joy. Excuse me, I think we could use some tea." When the woman got up to fetch a kettle, Jacob watched her and Ilana saw his chin dimpling. He had the same expression he did when he thought of the bad things happening to his candidates, or her mother.

"Daddy?" she said softly, a term she rarely used anymore. His eyes turned on her and she said, "Do you know her?"

His simple nod and placement of his finger on his lips brought to her the realization; this was the protector that had raised him! When the woman sat, Ilana looked back between them and at his dark hair, wondering if keeping her from recognizing him later was another reason he had insisted on the dye.

Finished with her stew, she went to his side and he put his arm around her shoulder.

"How long have you been here?" he asked.

"I was very young when our boat was brought here. The man and woman who taught me and appointed me protector in their place told me I needed to stay as long as I could. I don't know what that means... but he feels very long. I've watched many people who came be born and grow old, while I haven't. They didn't teach me to keep track of time, only to love the island and protect it from bad people."

"A couple? Two protectors at once?" She nodded. "Did they teach you where the light came from?" Jacob said. "How it was first found?"

"As a child, I was told a story," she said. "I can try to remember..." She blinked and looked into the fire.

Ilana looked excited up at her father and his eyes seemed to anticipate the tale more than she was.

"There was a bad king who who was afraid to face Anubis when he died... do you know who Anubis is?" Both Ilana and Jacob quickly nodded and she seemed pleased and went on. "He wanted to find a path directly to bliss in the field of reeds. His priests prayed to Horus for a sign. They were led by a star to sail across the sea until it fell into the ocean."

"A meteor?" Jacob asked. "The one that made the crater... at the southern tip of the island?"

"Possibly," she said, obviously annoyed at being interrupted.

Ilana shushed him and he pressed his lips together and nodded an apology.

"The star had landed on this island. While looking for it, the priests found their powers and gifts were enhanced, anyone who was injured would heal more quickly, and the desires and needs they had would appear as if by magic. The youngest son of the king was a priest among them and he believed they must be on the island for a reason, but didn't know what it was. Then one night he saw a light shining into the sky. He followed it, believing it to be the star and was able to find it. It was at the bottom of a very deep pond in the bamboo forest."

She stopped speaking again as she poured the water from the kettle into over the leaves in the ceramic cups and placed them on a rock in front of Ilana and Jacob. "Let that brew a while," she said and then moved to the other side of the cave, looking through a box.

The crackling fire was the only light for them now and Ilana liked how they could hear the frogs and crickets better outside than in the cabin. Jacob adjusted how he was sitting, laying back a bit more with his tea cup in his hand. Ilana laid back into the crook of his arm and tried to suppress a yawn.

When the woman sat back down she offered sugar and Ilana took some, but her father declined.

"I've tried, but I don't remember exactly what happened next," the woman said. "I do remember that eventually the king did come to the island and brought slaves and slave drivers to build a great city for some reason. They got as far as digging the tunnels when the king ordered the priests to test the passageway. The prince priest agreed to be a sacrifice for his father..." The woman stopped speaking and closed her eyes. "I remember now. The King had told the priests his oldest son was ruling back in the old kingdom, but really, he had killed him to keep him from taking over - the king was greedy. He was planning to bring the entire kingdom to the island, that was why they needed the city. He wanted to become the gatekeeper..."

Ilana was hoping her father was getting the whole story, because she felt herself drifting and yawned again. She felt him shake her a bit and he whispered, "Sleep later, listen to this!"

"What did I miss?" she asked.

"Swimming in the water did nothing and he couldn't go down deep enough to touch the light, so they had to remove the water through channels and they built stone walls around it, leaving the light in only a shallow pool at the bottom of a large hole," Jacob said. "The Prince is about to touch it..."

Ilana yawned again and nodded for the woman to continue.

"They tied a rope around his ankle so they could pull his body out if he died," she said. "When the prince priest walked into the pool and touched the light he died and was pulled out, but came back to life. He claimed he had seen his dead brother in the light and was told of the kings plans. The king denied it and sentenced his son to death for treason. In his fear of discovery, he ordered the slaves to break through the ground where the light was so that he might throw his son into the flames of hell..." The woman paused, looked them over and said, "And when they did, the light went out and the island began to shake. And the king was so frightened that he threw his own son back into the water as a sacrifice. But the island continued to fall apart and Anubis himself came out and judged the king, taking him straight to hell without giving him the opportunity to even die. And the prince, disappeared out of the pool into a plume of smoke, becoming an agent of Anubis who judges living people."

She stopped the story and took a sip of her tea. Ilana frowned.

"How did they bring the light back?" Jacob asked.

The woman blinked, looking into the fire and said, "I think one of the priests had visions and knew what would happen. He had made a stone to seal the hole. They then built a covering so the light could be hidden better...

...

The second time Ilana fell asleep, he let her. Once the story was complete, he carried her to the corner that used to be his sleeping area. She woke just long enough to quiz him about if the story could be true.

"History in these times isn't told with a perspective of science, but always has elements of religion to explain what they didn't understand... I'm sure it's both true and not true."

Ilana's eyes went thoughtful as she blinked sleepily and said, "So it didn't tell us much of anything?"

Jacob stroked her curly, dark hair and said, "I don't know about that. I think I understand enough about mythology to work out how to apply what I've learned... if not, I can always travel in time and ask your aunt Karen what it means."

Ilana gave a small chuckle and closed her eyes.

He came back to the fire and sighed heavily, leaning his elbows on his knees. He could not waste this opportunity.

"So you are both protector and guardian?" he asked.

"You understand the island well enough to have a child and travel in time and yet you ask me this most basic question?" She was truly baffled. He just stared at her, hoping she would give in. "After I became protector, I was told when the previous protector died, I was to go into the light to meet the guardian. When I touched the light, we became one. It comes upon me only when it feels it is necessary... it is terrifying and I don't chose it. I can feel it in me, wanting to take over. My only escape from it will be when I die. The guardien will leave this body, and wait in the light for the next protector to enter."

"You went in then," he said.

"Didn't you?" she asked.

Jacob choked up and couldn't hold back the truth anymore, no matter the damage it might do. "You told me not to." It was the first time in his life that Jacob realized, his mother actually did love him, and wanted to protect him from her own suffering. He watched the confusion come over her face as she looked him over.

"I told you not to?" she asked. "I chose _you_?"

"I wasn't going to tell you," he said.

"I didn't know it was an option not to enter the cave," she said, more mystified by that than time travel.

Jacob thought of his brother and how trapped he was and begged, "Please, I need your help. There is an agent of Anubis on the island, but he is not me. He has his own mind. He judges people, like you describe, but he doesn't care about the light, he wants to leave the island."

"That would destroy the island and the light," she said. "The power of the agent of Anubis is tethered to the underworld at the source. That is why I can never leave. If he does not live by the protector's sworn oath, and his motivation is to leave... you must kill him while he's in his protector form!"

"I am the protector," he said. "I can't even touch him, and my wife has seen him slice of his fingers. He doesn't even bleed! And he can take on the form of those who have died. I have some say in his powers, but I don't know how to kill him."

She grew quiet and the said, "You must find someone special, gifted like the Prince. The Light will show you who. Only Anubis can control his agent and this priest must go into the light and release him while you pray to Anubis to undo what has happened."

Jacob took that in. Praying required faith and he believed that with the power of the Light faith could undo this. But how could he conjure up the faith that it would work any where near as strong as the ancients had in their gods?

"Where do you come from? So that I will know you?" she asked.

"You didn't tell me where I came from," he said, the vision of his mother's murder flashed into his mind. It was the Light reminding him, this woman whom he finally felt he understood, and whom he had grown fond of this evening; she would change. She would grow tired of fighting the darkness that consumed his brother. He couldn't tell her anything, as much as it gutted him. He looked away, pretending to prepare to sleep so he could hide his face; she always saw through him when she looked in his eyes.

"You adopted me as a baby," he said.

"Oh! What did I name you?"

Jacob laid down and faced the other way. "You didn't name me..."

Mercifully she took his hint and fell quiet. Unlike the woman who raised him, she respected him and his privacy. Thinking about how he wanted to know everything about Ilana and how she accused him of hovering, Jacob's gut twisted. He didn't want to push his own daughter away, it was time to start letting her grow up.


	45. Finding Numbers

1993

When the door chime went off, Layna looked up from the pink chiffon she was working on in her sewing station and remembered she was alone in the shop again. Usually the tailor she worked for would deal with customers, but in the year and a half she'd worked here, she had finally been trusted to run it alone for the day.

"Hey, Betsy Ross, you take in pants here or just those ugly bride's maid dresses?"

"We can do just about anything," she said, setting the dress aside. "But my name is Nancy Wallace, not Betsy Ross." It still felt uncomfortable using the name Libby's now husband had set up for her.

The man grinned put his bag on the counter between them and said, "Well, Nancy Wallace, I gotta get this suit looking like a million bucks for a meeting I'm due at this afternoon, can you make that happen?"

"I'm supposed to put customers in a queue, not take walk ins," she said. "The soonest I could get this done would be Friday... I'm so sorry."

He didn't seem disappointed, but leaned on his elbows and said, "Oh come on, sweetheart, a handsome, fit guy like me? I can't imagine you aren't just dying to take me into your back room to do a fitting..." Pushing something across the counter he added, "Besides, I don't imagine you make much in a shop like this, how's about a nice tip for your trouble?"

When Layna saw the hundred dollar bill her eyes widened. It normally took her two weeks to make that much in tips. "Must be an important meeting," she said.

"That it is," he said.

Deciding she could take some work home tonight she said, "Step into the back, Mr...?"

"You can call me, Sawyer, darlin'," he said with a wink. She led him into the back and while she was giving him instructions she heard the door chime again and excused herself.

It was the young step daughter of a regular customer.

"Hello, Shannon, where's Ms. Carlyl?"

"She's next door at the salon," she said in a small voice. "She sent me in to pick up her stuff, is it done?"

"Yes, of course," she said and rang up the bill. "Did she give you money for this or should I put it on the tab?"

"Tab," she said. She reached up to take it and then said, "Don't I have to sign for it if I'm going to leave a tip?"

"Yes, if you'd like," Layna said, and pushed the booklet over to her with a smile.

Shannon stood on her tip toes and wrote down her name, it was different than her step mother's and as Layna watched her write it, and then the dollar amount of the tip she was leaving, a tingling went through. "Shannon Rutherford $32"

"Is that enough?" she asked, "It's ten percent, like the sign says is suggested..."

"It is," Layna said. Sabrina Carlyl generally gave her ten dollars no matter what the cost of her bill, but that's not what bothered her. Layna had no explanation for why that name and number would strike her as important. "Here," she said, pulling over a jar of chocolate novelties with the store's name address and number on it. "Would you like some?" The girl smiled and reached in, taking a handful. It made Layna laugh and the girl filled her pockets and ran out.

"Yo, pokey, you wanna get a move on?" Sawyer called from behind the curtain.

After she'd taken the measurements and he was dressed he asked, "So how long should this take?"

"Just about an hour," she said.

When he saw the tip book she was starting to write in, he stopped her and said, "Hey now, what's this?"

"I have to keep track of my tips for my employer," she said.

"Let me guess, he takes out a percentage?" he asked. When she nodded, he took the pen from her and wrote, "Ford $15" And pushed it back to her. "You're doing the work, babe, you keep the money.." He winked and left and Layna almost doubled over at the feeling that she had found something. But she didn't know what.

She sat down to work, completely distracted. She had taken the letter that Matthew Abbadon had left for her very seriously. Despite all of the warnings Richard and Jacob had given her and everything she'd seen his brother do, Jacob's brother had deceived her into trusting that he wouldn't hurt her. He'd even warned her to watch out for Jacob's people and Dharma before he used them to hurt her. She didn't know if he was capable of reaching her here, but until now, she had merely relied on the hope that Eloise had given her; they would eventually find her.

But what if there was something she was supposed to find? Layna had almost given up on her gift, thinking because she had left the island, she no longer had it. Especially after her failure to find a church she had lived in for months!

After moving out of Libby's apartment, Layna had spent weekend bus rides to various churches, synagogues and mosques, discreetly looking for the Lampost and Eloise. It had been fruitless, she thought and gave up when she realized how many there were in other phone books!

Though people practiced and held a variety of faiths on the island, there was only ever one temple. Often Layna found the services she attended to be a warm reminder of home; either because many preached lessons she'd heard from Richard or the truths they spoke rang true to values she had learned from her mother.

There was one specific sermon that she had found most moving. It was entitled, "The Light of the World". In it the pastor had preached from a passage where they had bestowed the title "The Way, the Truth and the Light" to their own deity. In all but a few of this "Christs" places of worship, the description of their Good Shepherd was one that encouraged above all, love and faith in his sacrifice as the means to salvation. "The Light has come into the world... but the darkness has not understood it... let your light shine in the world..." It was just as Jacob had explained to her so many times; the religions and mythologies of the world help him understand his purpose. And then she remembered another instruction from this belief system, "Seek and ye shall find... ask and it shall be given, knock and the door will be opened."

Had she really stopped seeking? Layna got up from her work and wrote down the names and numbers and stuck them in her pocket and when Sawyer returned she gave him his suit and a chocolate and told him to come back anytime.

That night Layna spent time praying to the Light, asking it to reveal something more to her. If she wasn't supposed to find Eloise, maybe she should look for Ilana... and as the thought came to her she remembered the folder marked "Karen" for Burke - 1991.

It was too late tonight to go to the library and look it up, but tomorrow she planned to go to the hospital and see if she could find a doctor with that name.

...

Layna first entered the emergency room where she was told she had been left, but didn't remember anything. She then went around to the main entrance. She avoided the front desk, not sure what to ask, but found a wall of names.

Looking them over she saw nobody named Burke, but continued, hoping to find something. There was a name that stood out to her. "Dr. Christian Shepherd." A wash of emotions flowed over her as the tingling spread over her face. She didn't know if it was because his name was so similar to what was preached in the churches she had been visiting or if it was the Light telling her something, but somehow she felt it was both and went directly to the floor where his office was listed and rang to get in.

"Who are you here to see?" she was asked.

"Dr. Christian Shepherd," she said.

"What's your name, he's just getting out of surgery."

"Nancy Wallace," she said, hoping that the Light would make a way if this was meant to be.

The door buzzed and something in her felt that this was where she was supposed to be. She felt closer to finding Jacob than she had in years. Looking around the halls, she walked in and was directed to his office. It was almost too easy. When she went in she sat and waited. It was nearly twenty minutes before the door behind her opened.

The man came in with a curse and then closed it roughly. She turned and looked up at him and his face was unfamiliar, but she felt instantly drawn to him. From the surprised look on his face, she wondered if he might feel it too.

"Hello," he said. "Do you have an appointment?"

"No," she said. "But I was hoping you could help me." She stood and offered her hand. He shook it, strong, but gentle. "Nancy Wallace... but my friends know me as Layna."

"Nice to meet you, Layna, I'm Dr. Shepherd, what can I do for you?"

"Are you a Christian?" she asked. "Like your name?"

He laughed and as he went to his desk he said, "I've haven't been to a church in a long time..." He sat and said, "But AA has taught me it doesn't hurt to believe in something bigger than yourself. Sometimes you need it. Are you a believer?"

"Yes. I believe in many things," she said, sitting back down. "I believe you can help me, for instance."

His smile warmed her and he leaned forward and said, "With what?"

She felt overwhelmed with emotions and had to take a moment before answering. He leaned forward, his folding his hands and looked at her with such kind eyes as he waited. "I'm lost," she said.

His door opened behind her and a man entered. "Hey dad...I'm sorry," he started. "I've been here 24 hours..."

"23, Jack. Don't exaggerate," his father corrected. It sent a tingling through her and she turned around and noted he was holding a candy bar of the same brand her employer had used to make his novelty bars.

"23," she said, breathless.

"Oh, sorry..." he said, "I didn't know you had..."

"It's okay," Christian said. "Come in, Jack..."

"Shepherd, 23," she said, standing. It suddenly made sense to her. Jack Shepherd was a doctor who had refused to save Ben. Jacob said his number was 23. The others she had just seen, they must be candidates too. Jacob had plans to touch them all. "Shepherd, 23," she said again.

He gave a nervous laugh and said, "What's going on, dad?"

"Have you seen him yet?" Layna asked.

"Who?" he asked.

"A man, blond hair, soulful eyes, a voice that sounds like an angel... he's my husband... I've been looking for him ever since I was brought to this hospital two years ago..."

"Ah...this is strange, but... there was a man like that downstairs," he said. He held up his candy bar and said, "He gave me this.. a bit touchy."

Layna pushed him out of her way and ran down the hall. In Latin she screamed, "I'm here! Jacob!"

She went to the elevator and pushed the button, and when it didn't come, she sobbed to the nurse, "Where's the stairs?"

Jack and Christian came down the hall and Jack said, "Ma'am, calm down, tell me his name and I'll have him paged."

"It's Jacob," she said, excitedly.

"What's his last name, we have about ten Jacob's on staff alone."

"He doesn't have one... I mean, I don't remember. I have amnesia..."

"I'll page him using your name," Christian said. "I assume I should use, 'Layna'?"

"No! You can't do that!" she said. "People are trying to kill me... Just page Jacob and tell him his wife is here."

Slowly Christian walked to a counter, and Jack looked disturbed by her.

When she saw the window down the hall and ran for it. "Is down there how he would leave this hospital?"

"It's one possibility," Jack said.

She knew he might just vanish, but ran to it anyway. "Please, Jacob, please don't leave me," she whispered under her breath in Latin.

She heard Christian's voice over the intercom, "Will anyone named Jacob who has lost his wife, please come to the fourth floor waiting area."

But it was too late, he was there, crossing the street below. Layna looked for a way to open the window, but there was nothing.

"Jacob!" she cried, banging on the window. "He's there! Look!"

Jack walked up behind her and looked down. "Yeah, that was him," he said. "Maybe he'll come back."

"No, he won't," she said and picked up a chair and started to slam in into the window.

Jack grabbed it and as she fought with him she saw Jacob standing at a bus stop and suddenly he disappeared. Layna wrangled her wrist free and banged on the glass three times before Jack had her restrained again. "He's gone..."

"You're going to hurt her, Jack," Christian scolded as he came up behind them.

"Would you rather I let her kill herself?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter," she said in Latin and lost all the fight in her.

"What's she speaking?" Jack asked, letting go as Christian directed her to a chair.

Layna looked up at him standing there with his hands on his hips and his eyes so judgmental. "This is crazy," Jack said. "I'm calling psyche."

When Jack went off, Christian said, "When you came to me and said you were lost, why did you think I could help you?"

Shaking in her grief she sat there, trying to understand why she had missed him, and then Christian touched her shoulder and peace filled her. It wasn't time yet. She smiled, thinking of his name and all she had been learning and then said something that came to her mind, even though she knew it would make no sense to him.

"A good shepherd looks for the lost sheep and brings it home... he will die so that we can have eternal life."

Christian looked at her for a while, as if he wanted to accept the things she was saying, but then he squeezed her shoulder.

She took out her list and asked him, "Do you have a pen? I want to write down your name."

He watched her as she took his pen and wrote down, "Christian - 23."

When she handed the pen back to him he said, "Where you're going, there will be people you can talk to that will help you sort out what's happening."

"They won't believe me, either," she said calmly. And then she remembered the story of the Lost Son and said, "Someday you will understand... when your prodigal son comes back to you."


	46. Decisions or Destiny?

**Author's Note: When I post two chapters in one day, the stats show that the second chapter gets more visitors, so make sure you check and don't just read the newest chapter, you might be missing part of the story! :o)**

**Half way through this chapter there is a reference to Charlotte and Jacob time traveling - that story line is told in Wheel of Fortune. :o)  
**

...

**382 BC**

After that night they spent with his mother, Jacob and Ilana never saw his mother again. When Ilana was sixteen a puppy was left at their doorstep, and he guessed she had left it. They stopped by the cave to thank her several times, but she was never there, so he and Ilana left a bowl of tiny shells for her as a thank you gift instead.

He took Ilana to all of the holy places that were standing and through the tunnels. He brought her to those places that were built during his life time and quizzed her by letting her lead him back to them. The source was the only place he didn't visit; he didn't want to risk that the guardian would disapprove.

When they reached the statue, it was exactly as he would find it when he came to live there. As Ilana walked around the barren chamber, the dog following at her heels and sniffing about, Jacob's memory returned to him that the vision he had when courting Layna was of this moment! It was Ilana he had seen...The light had always known this day would come.

Thoughts of that night with Layna came to his mind, both fondly and with slight regret at his behavior. How naive he had been to what was in store for them; he didn't even know what love was back then. He saw sacrifice being what the Light took from him. Now he knew, it hurt to sacrifice, but rewards of knowing it was for someone you cared about made it bittersweet. Layna always knew somehow. She kept giving to him and at the time, he didn't understand it, he only wanted more. And when she refused, he'd sent her away.

"Oh...Mandy!" Ilana called out as the dog ran off with the bone of a skeleton. He didn't remember that being in here and planned to remove it. His younger self never would have made his home in here if he'd seen it. But Jacob had seen so much death in his life that it didn't mean anything to him as much as the separation did. People were souls, bodies were just what trapped them in a physical existence.

Ilana left to chase the dog and Jacob approached the cold hearth with it's namesake song on his mind and a vision of Layna came into his mind. "You kissed me and stopped me from shaking..." he sang lightly. "..and I need you to day..." As his throat tightened a frightening vision returned to him. It was just as he had seen before, he would escape this body through fire. Right here.

He looked up through tears and thought he saw Ilana sitting by a pillar in front of him. She was crying.

But then she came up behind him and the image of her from the future disappeared.

"Dad..." His eyes were blurred and he couldn't speak. "Daddy... You saw something?" she asked. He nodded. "It was bad, I can tell. Was it the past or the future?"

"It doesn't matter," he said. "Everything I see happens as if it already happened."

Quietly Ilana walked around the hearth to the other side. She ran her hand through the sand and said, "I think you should know about a decision I've made." She lifted her eyes to him and Jacob braced himself. He'd told Ilana that all he would ask of her was to attend a university and after that, she could live the life she wanted. "When I'm done college," she said. "I'm going to come back to the island and help you protect the light."

Her beautiful face was so precious to him and Jacob felt he could deny her nothing, except this.

"The island only needs one protector," he said.

She walked back around the hearth and pointed out aggressively, "_She_ said there were_ two_ before her. And that story she told us, there were many priests. And your people help protect the island... so even if you don't need my help with the light or the island, you certainly could use someone to protect _you_. You've told me yourself, I'm smarter than you, and I know the island as well as you do."

"The Light protects me, Ilana," he said.

"You said _I_ could decide! Did you change your mind?" she asked, almost as if she expected it.

Jacob would not go back on his promise to give her a choice, but he could keep her from returning to the island. He didn't tell her that, though. "You have four years to decide," he said.

"I don't need four years," she said.

Feeling her fierce, protective love for him, he knew why that vision was inevitable. He wouldn't be able to stop her but nobody could tell him not to try. "It's time to go home," he said and looked away.

"Can't we sleep here where it's cooler?" she asked. "The cabin is so hot and small."

"We can stay here for the night, but I mean it's time to go back."

Their dog was lapping in the spring water and Ilana rubbed it's head when it came up to her. "What about Mandy?"

...

Jacob went to the cave and he sat down to leave his mother a note when suddenly she appeared.

"You're bringing your dog back?" she asked.

He looked around and didn't see it. "Yes. We're leaving," he said. "My daughter is an adult now. Thank you for letting us stay."

"How strange you pick today," she said. "I've just decided to bring other people to the island. To try again. I hope to find someone like you, or maybe I will find you?"

This was many hundreds of years before his birth mother's ship would land, but he said nothing about that. He stood and wanted to embrace her, but resisted.

"Goodbye," he said. Her sad smile made him change his mind but when he reached out, she pushed him away gingerly.

"Go quickly, or I may not let you." Almost embarrassed she admitted, "I don't always have a choice when I feel something strongly enough."

Jacob didn't take her words lightly and left. Mandy wasn't anywhere around for him to say goodbye to her. And then it struck him in his gut. His brother could turn to the shape of animals too. She had wanted to be with them, to love them and give love, but not directly. He stopped and looked behind him to see Mandy sitting there staring at him for a moment and then she turned around and ran off to the cave.

...

They straightened up the cabin for the trip, changed into more modern clothing and sat down at the table to go over Jacob's list of things he needed to do. Ilana insisted that she read it.

"Ilana to school, look for Layna, meet with Richard and finish tapestry..." With her knowing smirk she asked, "This is what you spent fifteen years planning, Jacob?" She was practicing calling him by name and he didn't like it much.

"There's more," he said. He flipped it over and at the top it said, 'time travel' with lists of names, dates and places. "The rest is up here," he said, tapping his temple. "And here," he tapped his chest.

Ilana smiled and then began counting. "You picked twenty-three?" she asked.

He shrugged and said, "I plan to touch twenty-three of them at least... who the Light actually brings, who survives, who chooses to accept the job, isn't up to me."

She folded it back up and handed it to him. "So you're ignoring the numbers?"

"I'm aware of them," he said. "They're all on the list because I want them there, not because I was told... by the way, do you still want to go to An Arbor?"

"Yes," she said. "And I think it should be in **1970**. I want to be there when Aunt Karen is."

Jacob pressed his lips together and nodded. "That's what I told myself you would choose." He took out an envelope an said, "They're expecting you and there's a fund in you name."

"You knew?" she asked.

"You still got to choose though, didn't you?" he asked. "Ready?" He took her hands and whispered, "Close your eyes. I haven't done this in a while..."

A flash of light enveloped the cabin and when he felt they were back, he instantly took just the two of them and her suitcase to An Arbor.

When Ilana opened her eyes and saw they were sitting in a park in the early morning, her smile faded. "Where are we?"

"I couldn't take you back to the island, Ilana," he said.

"You're going back, though?" she asked. "You're going to find her..."

"I'll help you settle in first," he said.

She shook her head. "I'll be fine. I've studied the campus map, I have the fund and we've gone over the process of enrollment and finding housing. I can do this... I _need_ to do this... Just... come back and check on me in a couple of days, just to be sure?"

"So you are, a_ little_ scared?" he asked.

"A little," she said. "Probably not as scared as you are at leaving me." She chuckled at him and gave him a hug and then he made the second hardest jump of his life.

...

Before Jacob returned home to **1991**, he ran a few of his 'errands' on his list. When he did arrive in his cabin, he was rather surprised, but very pleased to see Richard on the porch. He sincerely missed him. Layna, was of course, not there. He came out and his messenger startled.

"Oh, you are here... I knocked..."

"I just got here," Jacob said. And then his eyes fell to the broken ash ring. "Did you do that?" he asked.

"No, it was broken when I got here," Richard said. "I thought you did it so I didn't touch it."

Jacob shook his head. He knew she would be gone, but knowing who took her didn't come easy. He'd just come back from taking Charlotte from his brother to live in the Canary islands. He wondered if his brother's painful memory of that is what instigated whatever it was he'd done to Layna. It wouldn't matter to him that Jacob had saved her life, and his son's, not in the dark state in which his soul had been trapped.

Jacob sat down on the porch next to Richard.

"Where's your daughter?" Richard asked.

"She's safe," he said, endlessly glad he'd not brought her back. "There's a man in the temple named Dogen. He's working directly for me... I'll be bringing him helpers. I want you to assist him when you can."

"What's his job?" Richard asked. Jacob glanced at him and noted a hint of jealousy. It brought back familiar affection for the man whose origins made him infinitely more dear.

"He's temple master," Jacob said. "You don't have to be two places at once anymore. Don't worry, he knows how important you are to me."

Richard gave a smile and nodded, looking down at the folder in his hand. "What's that?" Jacob asked.

"I had Ben look into 'The Tempest' station and while he was going through the private files in Horus office, he found out more about the Hydra station. He made copies of fourteen files, but there are more. They've been kidnapping our people and torturing them for information. They release them back to us with their memories erased..." He gripped it tightly and said, "I thought you would like to see this one before I told you what Charles has decided to do about it."

This was a serious problem. From the first establishment of Dharma, Richard had been receiving reports from a station called 'the lighthouse' of what was happening on the island. He could only guess that his future self, or Tom had set it up to keep their people informed. But what they had found was that not everything told to those in An Arbor was true, and not everything was reported. Dharma had gone rogue in many ways and this was more proof.

He took the file and read the tab: 'unknown female hostile'

"I believe that's Layna's file," Richard said. Hesitating Jacob looked up at him and saw his dark eyes were distraught. "Because of what's in it, I tried to brush it off as fabrication and told Ben to bring her back. That she was temple dweller who had gone missing. But he said she was already killed before he got there."

Inside the cover letter read: "Subject Name: Identifies self as "the light"

As he read through the account of her wounds and the psychotic drugs given to her, Jacob felt the old rage begin to rise. Ilana had been the final motivation he needed to learn to control his temper, but while he didn't lash out when provoked he obviously hadn't discovered how to tame the actual emotions.

The Greek she had spoken and the things she had said were trivial to his role as protector; they had asked her questions about his humanity and it would have been enough to convince anyone that he was human. She truly saw him as a man that she loved; and with whom she was intimate.

The commentary from the Dharma interrogators read that she was absent any deity illusions that the other cult members had manifested, but that her delusions of time traveling were proof that the Hostiles had discovered Room 23 and Jacob had purposefully sent her to them to mock them.

And then Jacob's hands began to tremble when he read of the examinations they had done while she was semi-conscious, determining she was a mother and had recent intercourse. He took in deep breaths, reading in Horace Goodspeed's _own_ handwriting: "Alvar, this Jacob's a sick bastard, girl's mind is fried. Sweet bunny, though. Has been no trouble. You sure we gotta deport pronto? Sub's not due out for another month." Jacob took exception to the betrayal. Being next to the cabin the man had built made him want to burn it down.

That any of his people would have to go through such defilement, disgusted him, but the idea of Layna going through this; he closed the file.

"Ben said she's dead?" he asked. "Seems to me she could be held up somewhere else."

"He said they took her off island to do it," Richard said. "But there was no official report sent in."

"What have you done about this?" Jacob asked.

"I didn't want to risk Ben's cover, so when I confronted Goodspeed it was only to tell him we have people missing. He insists they are missing people too... He was referring to the DeGroots. If you took their people, Jacob, they will blame us."

"I didn't take them," Jacob said, "They time traveled away on their own." Dispassionately he said, "What does Charles want to do?"

"Well," Richard said raising his brows and taking out another file. "That has to do with what Ben found out about The Tempest." He handed over a file and said, "He wants to turn their own weapons against them. He's calling 'a purge'. It seems too severe to me. There are still some children."

Jacob read the Dharma file, his face burned at what they had planned for his people. He handed it back and stood. They had been given privilege and as with so many, it wasn't enough, they wanted more; they wanted it all.

"Can you empty this cabin of all the books and files... you can keep them if you think any might be useful," he said.

"What about the purge?" Richard asked, standing.

Without even looking at him, Jacob said, "Charles is your leader. You work it out with him what to do about the children."


	47. Libby, Nadia and Penny

1998

Layna had stopped trying to talk to any of the doctors at Santa Rosa. The more truth she told, the crazier they thought she was and anytime she tried to control her emotions and carefully tell the cover story, they accused her of lying. When she realized they were never going to let her call Libby, it became too difficult to fight them and she just gave up and started taking the medication.

Soon the days blurred together and the urgency to find Jacob left her. She had times she would doubt he was trying to find her and she found solace in the floating state of numbness. It was as if she was between life and death, waiting to see the light, only it never came and the voices around her were mere whispers.

And then one day she began to understand the other patients. Their conversations drew her interest and when she heard a man repeating numbers she moved to sit next to him. Every time he spoke, she felt warm inside. There was no tingling until another man sat down at a table near them. That familiar gift from the Light began to restore Layna's hope. Even locked up in here, she found someone.

The large man was setting up checkers across from an empty chair. She watched as he placed the black ones on the board and then the red ones. He started looking around, under the table until an attendant came in. "Scuse me, we're missing some checkers, there's only eight..."

"Hurley, " the man said annoyed. "I don't know where they went." He gestured to the chair, "Why don't you ask your imaginary friend if he hid them."

When the man walked away, Hurley called after him, "Nice people skills, dude!" He then started to rip up pieces of a white napkin.

"Hurley, eight," Layna said.

He looked up at her and said, "You're awake?" She smiled and he said, "Did you get better?"

"Hurley, eight," she said again.

"I ate what?" he asked.

Layna just laughed and he said, "Guess not..." and continued ripping up napkin pieces.

Later that day Libby came to her private room to visit. When they hugged, Layna had trouble letting go.

With a sad smile, Libby took her hands and said, "They wouldn't let me see you because the night of your incident, the doctor called David and he admitted we lied the first time. But I finally convinced them, that was a mistake, but I have my degree now, and I know what I'm doing. They started lowering your dose and your doctor said if I can get you talking some sense, I can take you home. Would you like that?" Layna nodded emphatically.

"You can stay with me and David for a while," Libby went on. "He's so sorry he told. He's been in and out of hospitals himself lately and I think he realized that science..." she looked around and waved as she finished, "doesn't always help people the way we need it to."

"People help people," Layna said as she squeezed Libby's hands. "Where do I start? What do I have to say?"

"Let's start with this list they found on you," Libby said, taking out the folded piece of paper.

Layna had forgotten there were so many and read over the six names and numbers there. She tried to hide her excitement and resisted the urge to write down Hurley's name and number. She decided the best way to leave this place was to lie. "They're names that are familiar to me, but I don't know how. I thought maybe if I wrote them down I would remember something."

"But... you don't really have amnesia," Libby said carefully. "That was the cover story because you were afraid of the truth." Layna looked down and Libby said, "I think lying is what got you in here, Nancy. I was wrong to play along with you. I think you should start telling the truth, even if it sounds crazy. We can't work out what's real if aren't honest about what you think is real."

"The truth sounds crazy," she said softly. She gazed in Libby's eyes, trying to believe and finally sighed. "Alright. I know why I lost my way. I misunderstood what I was supposed to do. I wasn't patient. I have to find who I have to find. I can't go home until I do." Libby gave her a sympathetic smile and she asked, "That doesn't sound crazy?"

"A little," Libby said. "But it sounds honest."

When they arrived at Libby's house, much of Layna's things were in the spare bedroom. David was in worse condition than Libby had mentioned and it didn't take Layna long to realize, Libby needed her too.

1999

David talked constantly of a sailing race he wanted to enter his boat into and didn't seem to notice how his illness was affecting Libby. He was so wrapped up in what he had to do he was missing out on his time with Libby. In a way, he reminded her of Jacob when they were first married. Watching Libby suffer as her husband faded away from her made Layna think of how Jacob must be really feeling. Of course he was searching for her, and missed her. Focusing on her own pain had been selfish.

Late 2000

When David died, Libby was inconsolable.

"You said at Santa Rosa, the pain went away?" she asked Layna one day. The next, Libby checked herself in, making Layna promise to come get her in a week; she just needed a break from the hurt and didn't think she would survive the holidays without him.

...

"Do you have a pen?" Layna asked the driver of the cab when she got in. She had just found two more; Scott, 131 and Steve 285. When the cabbie turned around and she saw it was Abaddon, Layna screamed, and reached for the door, but it was locked.

"So surprised to see me?" Abaddon asked. She nodded. As she took the pen from his hand, he asked, "What is it you're doing?"

She watched as he began to drive and quickly wrote the names and numbers down. "What I'm supposed to do. What are _you_ doing?"

"The same thing," he said.

"Yes, but you work for _him_," she said. "Not Jacob."

When he laughed, she felt a chill. "It's the island, Layna, not them. Don't you know that by now?"

"You won't think that it doesn't matter if you're not on the winning side in the end."

"Victory does not make one right," he said. "What benefit is it to you if you gain the whole world and lose your own soul?"

Layna had heard that before, maybe a sermon, but also...from Jacob! "You saw him?"

"He came and healed me of the sickness," he said. "A miracle so that I would relay a message to John Locke. Have you found _him_ yet?"

"No," Layna said. "So you do work for Jacob now?"

"Not exactly," he said. She saw Abaddon's hands let go and then regrip the steering wheel.

"Are you taking me to him?"

"I don't know where he is. I don't even know where Mr. Locke is. I am taking you to Mr. Widmore. I work for _him_ now."

"I'm supposed to pick up Libby tomorrow."

"She will have to find her own way out. Mr. Widmore needs you to find the island."

As Abaddon looked in the rear view mirror, something in his eyes gave her warning and she knew, Jacob would not want her to help Charles. When she heard the door lock click at a stop light, she opened it and ran outside, against the heavy traffic. Abaddon abandoned his car and gave chase, but he had no weapon and was not rushing. He wanted her to run! A car turned off the main street and pulled over.

"Get in!" the woman said. She felt nothing special about this woman, but her face was kind, so Layna rushed and climbed in. The woman sped off quickly and said in a middle eastern accent, "Are you alright?"

"I am now," Layna said, out of breath. "Thank you for helping. You would think with Christmas being here more people would be willing!"

"There are very few heroes left," the woman said. She looked in the rear view mirror as they pulled onto the highway. "I think we lost him. Did you know that man?" Layna shook her head, not wanting to explain. "Do you want to go to the police?"

"No," Layna said, looking around beside her. "I'm fine now... are there seat belts back here?"

"You might have to dig it out," she said. "My name is Nadia."

"I'm Nancy," Layna said as she stuck her hand between the seat.

"Do you have a friend that you can stay with? I've been mugged before, I know it's traumatic."

"No," Layna said. When she pulled out the belt, along with it came a small envelope. It was from someone named, 'Jarrah' at a foreign address. She felt yet another tingling.

"I can bring you home with me tonight, if you like," Nadia said. "I have no family here and with everyone celebrating Christmas, I sort of feel lost."

Layna couldn't help but ask. "Who is Mr. Jarrah?" She showed her the envelope and Nadia took it.

"I have been looking for that!" she exclaimed. "It is from Omer... the brother of an old friend," she said. "When I was sixteen I thought I would marry Sayid..." The tingling made Layna sit back, it was Sayid 16, not Omer! Nadia kissed the letter and then set it down. "I think in the naivety of youth, I fell for the exciting, bad brother instead of the stable, kind one." Looking in the rear view mirror she asked, "So would you like to stay with me tonight or go home?"

"I would like to stay with you," she said.

They spoke of how hard it was to be apart from the one you love, and Nadia truly seemed conflicted over which brother she would choose. "I love them both in different ways," she mused over her wine. "I think I favor Sayid, despite knowing the darkness of his past... I just wouldn't be able to resist his passion and persistence... Omer would make a much better husband and father... How about you, how did you know that Jacob was the one?"

"My choice was made for me," Layna said.

"An arranged marriage?"

"Somewhat," she said. Layna carefully open up to this stranger, speaking of her courtship in metaphor with the Light being God leading them to one an other. She left out the time traveling, but talked of their struggle to have a child and the songs he would sing for her and Ilana. She told her there was war in their homeland as well and she couldn't even speak of where it was because she too was running and hiding from those who were trying to kill her.

Nadia understood and wept with her over it. She was able to find, "Somewhere down the road" for them to listen to along with many others that reminded Layna of Jacob and gave her hope in his love. "We will be together again," Layna said. "I have no doubt now."

"You make me see, I really do want the stable love of a _good_ man," Nadia said. Through her tears she confessed, "I have often wished Sayid dead... I honestly think he would be better off. After some of the things he has done, I can't imagine the guilt he lives with. I will never look at him the same again..."

Once Layna was settled and Nadia went behind her bedroom door, Layna took a pen from the desk and added Sayid 16 to her list. When she put the pen back, her eyes fell on a list of 'things to do'. Number four for tomorrow was 'get house inspected - John Locke'.

That was a name Jacob spoke of often. He was a time traveler. Layna wrote his name down, and his phone number, just in case she ran into Abadon again.

...

2001

It took three weeks before Libby was ready to leave. When she went to pick her up, Layna first went into the patient lounge to see if she could find the man who had repeated numbers. Every time she got close enough, he would stop saying them.

"Why does he do that?" she said frustrated.

"He's crazy," Hurley said. She looked at him and he smiled at her. "So you're back," Hurley said. "You look... sane."

"Thanks," Layna said with a chuckle and sat down at his table. She tapped the tape recorder on and hoped maybe she could catch the man from here.

"You visiting someone?" Hurley asked.

"Picking someone up," she said. She tilted the tape recorder towards the man repeating them, but again he went quiet.

And then, Hurley leaned forward and said them. "4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42"

Layna clicked it off and said, "Thank you."

"Sure thing," he said. "What's your name?"

She looked sideways around the room and then leaned over close and said, "My real name is Layna. But don't tell anyone that."

"Ah... cool. My real name is Hugo. You can tell who you want."

"Thanks," she said. "I will."

Layna watched Libby recover quickly, changing her hair color, going on skiing trips, putting her past behind her and generally leaving Layna to do her own recovering as well. She moved back out of her house and into her own place, but still kept in touch. Layna spent her time tracking the people she had found and when she saw that every single one she could still find was either in or traveling to Australia, she broke down and begged Libby to help her get a passport and go with her. She swore her husband was there and though very hesitant, Libby finally agreed.

2004

Layna had tried to be careful getting into cabs, but when she was late to her last night of work and missed the bus, she took the first one that came. It wasn't Abaddon this time, but someone almost as sinister, and with a dart gun.

When she woke up saw a red haired woman, she felt a tingling and any fear she had left her. This too was meant to be.

"Keamy, she's awake," the woman said.

"Finally. You've got ten minutes before I bring her over to Widmore." When he left, a thin man with a beard entered. There was something about him that felt familiar, even the way he sat down and looked at her. It wasn't just tingling, there was something more special about this man.

"I don't want to go to Charles," Layna said, sleepily.

"Was that Latin?" the woman said. "I guess Charles was serious about the Natives. I should study up a bit more."

"I speak English too," Layna said.

"Oh, good. I'm Charlotte," the woman said, "And this is Daniel... We were hoping to talk about the island you came from."

The name Daniel was familiar, but she felt too fuzzy to remember. She sat up on the couch and looked back and forth between them. "I don't want to go to Charles," she repeated. "I don't trust him. He's on the wrong side. Are you on his side? Or can I trust you?"

The two of them exchanged uncertain looks and Daniel said, "Science doesn't have a side, except truth."

"Science gets the facts right," Layna said. "But it's usually wrong about truth." Daniel flinched at that and sat back.

"We're trying to find the island that you came from," Charlotte said. "Daniel wants to understand it's electromagnetic fields." Charlotte put her hand on her own chest and said, "I'm just trying to understand the natives that live there."

"All I know about the fields is that instruments work differently there. And as for the people, whatever time period you visit, they are always hostile to outsiders."

"Wait... When..." Daniel blinked several times as if trying to find the words. Charlotte beside him seemed very patient as she waited for him to work out words that would make sense. "What time period did you come from?" he asked. "We've heard there's... sort of... time displacement."

"Yes, there is. I was born in 1890, and as you can see, I'm no where near a hundred years old."

"Wow," Daniel said.

"Five minutes!" came a shout from the door.

Charlotte redirected to her goal. "Is there any way we can befriend the natives," she asked. "Something we can bring to barter with?"

"Whatever you want from them they'll either give it to you freely or not at all. You can't bribe our people," she said. Again Layna looked at one of them and then the other, wondering what their numbers were. "Are you going to take me with you?" she asked.

Simultaneously Daniel said, "Yes." and Charlotte said, "No." Charlotte looked at him disapprovingly and he said, "We're going to need her."

They excused themselves and moved to the other side of the room and whispered. Layna saw a pen sitting beside Daniel's notebook and picked it up. She took out her paper and wrote down their names on her list. She would have to be patient for their numbers. When she set the pen down, she picked up his notebook.

"Hey," Daniel said, gently, but nervously. By the time he got to her, Layna's eyes were watering and she covered her mouth, looking up at him. "What is it?" he asked.

"You're Daniel _Faraday_?" He sat down and she cried, "Of course you are...You look just like your great-grandfather..."

Charlotte looked at him curiously and Daniel blinked, just as her father would when he was trying to work something out. Layna scooted to the edge of the couch and took his face in her hands.

"My great-grandfather was from the _island_?" he asked.

Layna nodded and said, "He was my father... Eloise is my half-brother's daughter. Do you know where she is? I've been looking for her."

Daniel's mouth dropped and Layna let him go, though continued to look on him with affection. He didn't seem pleased at all, only confused.

"That's amazing," Charlotte said. "Do you know me too?"

The only Charlotte Layna remembered was... a chill ran through her. Could she be the one Jacob's brother knew?

"What?" Charlotte asked, nervous now.

"We never met," Layna said softly. Daniel took out a cell phone and made a call. "Are you calling your mother?" Layna asked. He nodded, sticking his finger in his ear and walking to the corner to talk.

"But I have been there before?" Charlotte asked. Layna nodded. The look of elation on the woman's face was contagious and Layna wished she had better news for her.

"She says she knows you, but... that you're crazy," Daniel said, as he came back. "Were you really at Santa Rosa for eight years?"

"Yes I was, but..."

"Great," Charlotte said, throwing her hands up. "Is this another test?"

"Times up," Keamy said, coming in. "I gotta deliver her to the driver, kids."

"I'm not crazy," Layna said to Daniel as Keamy took her arm. "Your great-grandmother was Karen DeGroot... your grandfather was Thomas Hawking..."

"Karen DeGroot was my mother's age when I was born," he said anxiously. He didn't look well at all and Layna worried to tell him more, but gave it one more try.

"When you meet her, Daniel, you'll know I'm telling the truth!"

"But she disappeared," he said. "Is she still on the island?"

"Not anymore," Layna said. "She died there fifty years ago."

"Get her out of here," Charlotte said. She ran her hand over Daniel's shoulder as Layna was taken away.

When Keamy closed the door, Layna read on it: "Lewis Rm 104" And down the hall she saw "Faraday Rm 101". At least she had their numbers.

...

Once in the car Layna wondered if she was going to be able to get away again. She had three days before her trip to Australia and while she had enough of the names and numbers to never doubt it would happen, she was now curious as to how. It worried her that Charles was sending a team and wanted her to help him. If she had to hand this list over to him, it would make what Abadon said true, that the light didn't care who won.

When the driver got in, so did a white haired elder woman and Layna smiled.

"Hello, Eloise," she said. Her niece turned around and glared at her as the car drove away.

"How dare you!" Eloise said. "Could you not see my son is unstable? I kept my past from him for a good reason, Layna. I would think you would have the sense to understand by now what can and what cannot be talked about!"

What Eloise would do to Daniel came to her mind suddenly and Layna wondered why she had not remembered it before. As if she could read Layna's mind Eloise asked, "Did you not tell me that you would prefer not to know your future?"

Layna nodded and then realized the date. She hadn't said that to Eloise until 2005. "How do you know that?" she asked.

"I am not locked in time anymore than you or Jacob are," she said. "His gift of traveling isn't because of his protector's status, Layna. Protectors are just people. Jacob gifted me the ability to travel because the boy the light gifted chose not to help. Jacob was forgetting too much and needed someone not nearly as careless as he is to help."

"Are you here just to scold me?" Layna asked. "Or will you be taking me back to Jacob now."

"I can't take others, with me," she said. "I can only track where the time shifts are and what needs to happen to move people through them. I am here to rescue you from Charles and to make sure you get yourself on that plane to Australia and home again on flight 815. Can you do that?"

Unmoved by her intensity, Layna said, "I'm sure I already did." Eloise looked shaken by that and turned, crossing her arms, rubbing them slightly.

When the car stopped Layna got out and then leaned into the window and reassured her, "It's going to be alright, Eloise. Just do what you're supposed to and the Light will do the rest."

"We'll see if you feel that way when your daughter dies."

Layna watched the car drive away, leaving her on the dock. If Eloise wasn't stuck in time, then she would know what was going to happen. If she knew, then it was likely, so did Jacob. Eloise was right. Layna had been working towards a reunion, and the love she felt, she'd forgotten, none of this was about her or Jacob. There would be sacrifices.

There was no way she could work tonight and when she went in was grateful to see someone had already been called in to cover her shift.

...

As she walked out, Layna wanted to just get home, pack and have herself a good cry. She'd not told Libby yet about Ilana, and thought maybe it was time. Before she called another cab, a boat horn went off and drew her attention. She saw a woman sitting on bench, looking out over the water.

There was no tingling, but when she turned her head and the wind blew her blond hair, Layna saw her tear stained face and her heart went out to her. Boldly, she went over and sat.

The woman gave her an uncomfortable smile and Layna felt instantly connected to her pain. She looked to be ready to stand and Layna put her hand on her shoulder and asked, "Wait... have you lost someone?"

The woman chuckled nervously and said, "Yes, actually." Her eyes welled up again and she wiped them with a tissue. "Sorry... It's been a long day."

"I know, "Layna said. "I'm looking for someone too. I've lost my husband. He's out there somewhere, though. And I'll find him." As with Nadia, she felt she should tell the truth. "My name is Layna."

"Penny," she said. "May I ask the circumstances? It's... a bit of a coincidence that we're both looking for someone."

"I don't believe in coincidences," Layna said. "I'm here for a reason, Penny. My husband is on an island out in the Pacific. I believe I'm on my way to him now. I leave in a few days."

"Really?" Penny said, astonished. "The man I'm looking for was lost on a sailing voyage. He took a ship called the Elizabeth and they've lost track of him somewhere in the South Pacific. I've been searching, we've just docked for supplies... it seems hopeless."

"If you're looking for Desmond, I think I can help you."

"How did you know his name!"

"You're Charles Widmore's daughter, the one who sponsored the race?" she asked. Penny's eyes grew wide and she nodded. "I'm a friend of Libby's, the one who gave Desmond his boat. Your father is looking for the same island I am and I don't think we would have met if Desmond wasn't there too. I have to take my path, but I can tell you, the island has a time displacement and electromagnetism. I also know you aren't on speaking terms with your father, and that doesn't need to change. He's not ready to be forgiven yet. He doesn't have the coordinates but hopefully what I've told you will be enough for you?"

Penny started to sob. "How could you know all of that, who _are_ you?"

Layna stopped herself, thinking of what it would be like to get another visit from her niece. "I've probably said too much already. Maybe someday down the road our paths will cross again and I can tell you more."

Penny sniffed and nodded, taking out a pen. "Do you have something to write on, in case you ever need to reach me I want to give you my number."

Layna took out her paper and saw how full it was, but found a place in the bottom right hand corner and wrote down the number with Penny's name.


	48. The Dharma Initative

**Author's Note: Jacob has just come from 1991 after Richard has informed him Layna was interrogated and sent off island by Dharma.**

1970

Jacob had intended to arrive in the park a couple days after he had left Ilana, but from the look of it, he was in a bedroom. Turning around, disoriented he saw her sitting at a desk.

Ilana stood, defensive and then she blinked and said, "Dad!" She smiled in relief and then in alarm asked, "What are you doing here? Boys aren't allowed in girl rooms!"

The only thing he could reason was that the light had sent him to _her_, rather than to the place he wanted. Putting aside his distress about Layna, he focused on his daughter. "Why weren't you in the park?"

Ilana tilted her head as emotions came to her face. She came to him and hugged him tightly. "That was, months ago! I waited all day and the next before I figured you'd find me eventually..." She looked up at him and said, "I was worried about _you_, though."

"I'm sorry," he said. Truly concerned he said, "I don't know what happened...I suppose there's no point in going back now."

She let go and looked at her watch, then she went to her desk and said, "It's better you're here now." She closed her book and stacked them. "When I thought I might be on my own, I started to do what you do for the Light and I just paid attention to what was happening to find out what I was supposed to do..." She put them in a bag and said, "I got a job in the facility department and..." She smiled with a sigh. "The DeGroots meeting is this afternoon and some of the people at it are only going to be here for the day. I'm sure that's why you were sent here now."

"I came here to see you, though," he said.

"But I've got class in ten minutes," Ilana said as she put a paper into a folder. "My assignment is already going to be another day late, I really shouldn't skip class too." She put the folder into her bag as well and threw it over her shoulder.

"Why didn't you finish on time?" he asked.

Ilana rolled her eyes and didn't answer. She poked her head out her door, looked down the hall and then after locking the door, led him quickly to the lobby.

"We're lucky the resident director wasn't here," she said. "I could have gotten in serious trouble. One girl got kicked out for having her boyfriend stay the night. I don't know what I would do if that happened to me."

It seemed obvious to Jacob. "Don't have a boy stay the night, then," he said as they went outside.

"I wouldn't, but what I meant is I don't have a home to go to and I have no way of getting in touch with you," she said.

Jacob understood that was a problem and would have to fix it. As they walked along he had to ask again, "Why didn't you finish your assignment on time?" She was so confident leading the way, and he was proud, but he probed further, "Isn't that a rule too?"

Ilana sighed. "Yeah, well, my study group and I got in a fight so I'm on my own to sort out what history they want from what I know."

"A fight?" he asked. "Did you get hurt?"

"No... an argument," she said. "I'm still learning how to interact with people without making them angry. Only one of them will even work with me now... he _likes_ to argue, I think."

Jacob remembered how Ilana had constantly tested him, forcing him to manage his own temper just out of sheer love for her. "What was the argument about?" he asked.

"We were making a time line of Egyptian mythology. I was trying to tell them that Atenism didn't die out as a religion after Akhenaten's death, that there were pockets of people who still practiced... but everything in the textbooks says otherwise. Unfortunately all I have to back up my story was what you learned about the exiles that landed on our island. I couldn't prove anything without giving away secrets and I didn't take losing the argument very well."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You warned me," she said. "I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut..." Ilana gave him a sideways smile and added, "You know how hard that is for me."

"I hope you find friends who enjoy listening to you as much as I do," he said as she stopped to wait for other students exiting the building. When his hand touched hers where she was holding the door open, he felt power leave him. She noticed and looked up at him. He smiled and wondered if he would regret not being her sole confidant.

"Thanks," she said with affection. They entered and she asked, casually, "Did you find mom yet?" He could see the concern in her eyes.

As much as he could use her comfort, Jacob couldn't burden her and shook his head, not mentioning the details. When her face grew more worried he said, "I believe someone in this meeting will know something. So you're right, you were meant to bring me here."

"Good!" Ilana said with relief. When they reached the third floor she said, "It's a private meeting, do you think they'll let you in?"

"I don't know," he said. "They might not believe me anymore than your study group believed you."

"You'll be fine," she said with complete confidence.

He followed her down the hall drawing strength from her belief in him. In Latin said, "I love you, Ilana." There were some other students who passed by in the hall just as he said it.

She smiled bashfully at him and said, "Speak English, Dad."

"You used to just say you love me back," he said in English.

"You know I do," she said, stopping at a door. "This is the classroom. Good luck." She stood on her tip toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek. In Latin she whispered, "I also love you, Father."

She walked away with her perfect smirk and Jacob took in a breath at the sight of her. It was like his heart had leaped out of his chest and was walking away. Jacob's heart ached to keep Ilana with him, protected and watched over as he had done when she was growing up. But she would never be happy with that now and he reluctantly realized, she was probably safer hidden here than she would be if she were to accompany him with all that he had to do.

He had lost Layna but still had hope that wherever she was, she wasn't suffering and was, like Ilana, safe. His biggest fear was that the Light wouldn't allow him to go to Layna until well after she was taken. He knew about her being taken, he couldn't stop that, but how soon could he find her after? Time traveling should mean he could go anywhere at any time, except that it didn't.

Jacob turned to the door, nervous for how he might feel about these people. He put his hand on the doorknob and hesitated. Those inside had designs on the island for their own purposes: exploring, experimenting, time travel, poison, torturing, killing... They would eventually find their way there, they would eventually do something with his people and his wife... It had happened, but why should he _let_ it happen? He had to, because it had. And because it had, he knew there was a good reason for it. He only had to find out what that was. He tried the door, it was locked.

He didn't want it to be locked and tried again. It opened. His consciousness had powers here as well as on the island. It reassured him.

All twelve people in the room turned and looked at Jacob when he entered.

"This is a private meeting," a woman up front said.

"I know, Karen," he said, closing the door behind him. "But you forgot to invite me. So I came on my own."

"And who are you?" a man asked, standing. Jacob recognized him as Gerald, the man his brother would one day kill. Karen turned off a slide projector that had an image of the globe with a diagram of lines converging in several places, one of which was over the pacific.

Jacob folded his hands in front of him and quickly looked them over. He saw Horace Goodspeed and Stuart Radzinsky, Pierre Chang was there along with a few others he didn't recognize right away by their face. There were papers on the tables, chalk boards with equations, easels with diagrams. These men and women were already trying to solve mysteries. When his eyes locked with a man obviously uninterested in Jacob, he recognized the facial features from centuries ago. This was a Hanso.

"I own an island," he said. The man sat up slightly, now interested. "And I'm here to listen and let you convince me that I should welcome your Dharma Initiative to it."

Karen stepped around the projector and said, "How did you... I was only going to announce the name in this room today."

Gerald wasn't as impressed. "You need to tell us who you are or I'm going to call campus security."

He lifted his hands, slightly, and gesturing he said, "I'm Jacob."

Alvar stood up now and looked at Gerald, who was equally perplexed. He came around the tables to Jacob, curiously studying his face. Jacob smiled at him and said, "Hello Alvar."

"You know me?" he asked.

"I knew your great grandfather," he said. "I never met your grandfather. Though, he shipwrecked and died on my island."

"It is you, then," he said and let out a light laugh, looking at Gerald. "It was true!" The others in the room sat up, taking notice and Karen smiled, trembling even. "We're all here discussing how we can save the world," Alvar said. "Is that why you've come, to _help_ us?"

"No," Jacob said, lifting his brows. "Saving the world is my job. I'm here to see if you can help me."

...

The motivation behind what they wanted to do an altruism that Jacob couldn't deny; their 'how' was not so clear to him. The slide presentations and handouts gave an overview of the experiments they intended to conduct as well as the types of facilities they might build and the personnel they were seeking to hire, but Jacob could make no direct connection to how it could help him protect the Light, or what to do with his brother.

Once Dr. Chang went into more detail and the debates began for prioritization of the projects, Jacob found most of it was over his head and he spent much of the time doodling hieroglyphics in the margins of the handouts. He did sit up and take note when Chang theorized that the various routes their research was taking would eventually lead them to discoveries on which numbers were changeable. Watching him write down the six numbers the Light had been shoving in his face for nearly a century made Jacob almost laugh out loud. He hid it from most by feigning a cough and clearing his throat; but he doubted Chang bought his amusement because the scientist gave him sour looks the rest of his presentation.

What kept him most from giving in to the nap he wanted to take after that was Hanso and Gerard's constant attempts to draw him into the conversation, as if he would have some insight into how the island properties would contribute to or alter their design plans.

"I'm just here to listen," Jacob would say. He could tell they didn't like that, but his animosity towards what he knew they would actually do verses their idealistic plans, kept him from caring.

That is until Karen began to speak.

He might not have understood anything she was talking about after her introduction, but Jacob understood why the Light had gifted her and brought him to her. Karen's passion for the cause made everyone else's pale in comparison, even Jacob's. She wasn't just curious or driven, she was completely sold that their mission was the most important project anyone anywhere would ever embark on and that the Dharma Initiative was instrumental in achieving their goals. If he could just take her now, tell her everything and drop her on the island, he would. But that's not how it worked.

Jacob still wondered about the rest of them. From everything he'd ever tried to do on the island, Gerald's utopia seemed the least plausible. A society of people who worked to become one with nature, learning to get along despite their differences and teaching the world their methods. Hadn't he already tried that for thousands of years?

Alvar's theories on how to change the numbers, made Jacob's uncomfortable. He spent a lot of time philosophizing what must be done for the purpose of the greater good. Not only had Jacob spent enough of his own time wrestling over the sacrifices the Light demanded, but it sounded like his brother's 'means to an end' rationalization. And then he said something that caught Jacob completely off guard.

When he announced his intentions for acquiring facilities around the globe to provide the Dharma Initiative unlimited resources and to financially back the salary of everyone involved, he also offered Jacob a large sum for the use of his island as a location.

"You can consider it rent or a fee," he said. "But for your participation, you may name your price. Without your island, none of this will be possible."

Jacob was leaning back in his chair, his arms folded with two fingers on his lips. He clenched his jaw as he felt the eyes on him. He could never agree for a monetary offer alone but having a financial resource at his disposal would make the other activities he needed to do, and had done, possible. How he had paid for Ilana's education and living needs were not least among his concerns.

He leaned forward, his elbows on the desk and stared at the Valenzetti diagram still on the chalk board from Dr. Chang's presentation.

"We realize that there are still many questions about what we'll need to do that we won't be able to answer until we get there," Karen said. "But if you have any questions, we will do what we can to answer. I will personally work with you to make sure your concerns are all considered and addressed."

They waited on Jacob's response. What weighed on his mind was the number connection. Was it possible that there was a connection between what these scientists wanted to do and the candidates he'd chosen? Karen had told Layna that Jacob's consciousness was tied to the island; could choosing flawed people for his replacement cause what they were now trying to fix?

"The numbers," Jacob said, still staring at the diagram. Karen looked at the board and then after exchanging glances with Gerald, came closer and sat down in the chair in front of Jacob, resting her arm on it's back. "What do they represented?" he asked. "What are the factors?"

"That's what these experiments are for," Karen said. "We need to find out, before we can change them."

Jacob wished he didn't have their eyes on him as he worked it through. He still didn't have enough of a reason to do what he knew he was going to. And then, as if he'd been heard, he was shown a vision. Jack, looking at Kate as he leaned over a deep shaft. She wasn't one of the numbers, but he was. She nodded, and he dropped something. What impressed on Jacob was that, he did it by faith. That wasn't the Jack Jacob knew; the man of science... and he was wearing a Dharma jumpsuit when he did it!

When the vision faded Jacob saw himself staring at the number twenty three on the board. It was room twenty three that Layna had been taken to and questioned; a room designed to analyze the consciousness... and try to change it. He breathed out heavily, his heart pounding; if she had never been taken there, he wouldn't have confirmation of Jack's number or that what they were trying to change, what they HAD to change was his candidates. And they would... The Dharma Initiative, for all their failures and flaws were just as much a part of the plan as the people he cared about. Now he understood. Without them, nothing that Jacob was doing would be possible.

"Jacob?" Karen asked. She reached her hand out and touched his arm. "Are you alright?"

He let out a large sigh. "Thomas Hawkings," he said, meeting her eyes. "Have you heard of him?"

Gerald excitedly approached from behind and Karen looked at her husband as he said, "I invited him a dozen times, went to see him, even. He wanted nothing to do with us... he said he would never help us find the island, that we would cause the very thing we were trying to prevent."

Jacob smiled, grateful that Layna's half brother had finally become loyal again. "Tell him Jacob told you to tell him 'it's already happened'. He'll understand."

Karen smiled brightly at her husband and Gerald nodded, immediately making his way to a phone on the wall.

Jacob felt a warmth for Karen and put his hand on hers. She looked at him suddenly and with expectation. He motioned for her to come closer and he leaned in with his hand on her shoulder and whispered, "Do you know who I am?"

She whispered as well. "You're the caretaker of the island."

"And?" he asked.

"...the protector of the only power source that can save us?"

Jacob squeezed her shoulder gently and asked, "And how do you know this?" Karen looked down, embarrassed and he made a guess. "Do you see things before they happen?" When her amazed eyes met his Jacob recognized the emotion behind her expression; it was how he felt when Layna had first come to him, confirming his visions were not imagination. "I see things too. And that power that I'm protecting. It's what gives them to you. It's what gives us life and consciousness... you're the only one here who really understands and you must convince them."

"How?" she asked, in awe. "I don't even understand how I know these things." Jacob stood, looking down at her and she stood, anxious. Her next line of questions was overwhelming and Jacob couldn't answer her even if he tried, at least not in the scientific language she was using.

He lifted a finger to stop her and said to Alvar, "I'm going to send a man named Richard Alpert to you, he's my representative." The elder man nodded.

Jacob then went to the door. Gerald hung up and said, "He's going to book a flight for tomorrow... he knows how to find the island and he's going to help us." To Jacob Gerard said, "Where are you going? We need you here."

Jacob opened the door and then looked around the room and said, "No you don't." He gave Karen one last smile and said, "Trust your heart, that's what I do."

She came up to him quickly and said, "Is that all you're going to tell us? Isn't there anything else you want?"

He paused and said, "There's a girl attending here, named Ilana... she could use a friend." Karen nodded, baffled and Jacob closed the door behind him.


	49. The Cabin, Bram, Walt and Desmond

**Author's Note: Jacob has just left 1970 where Ilana was a freshman at the University of Michigan in An Arbor and where he first spoke with The Dharma Initiative Founders and agreed to let them come to his island  
**

**2004**

When Jacob closed the door he found himself in a room with Alvar Hanso.

"Jacob?" he said. "It's been... thirty four years! Are you here to rescue me?"

"Why do you need rescuing?" he asked.

"Thomas Mittelwerk, my protege has taken over my foundation. Why else would you be here?"

Scoffing at the irony, Jacob said calmly, "Tell me where Layna is and I'll see what I can do."

"Who?" Alvar asked.

"My wife. She was taken in 1991 by your Dharma Initiative and questioned in room 23... sound familiar?"

"All records from Dharma were lost over ten years ago," Alvar said. "Your people stole everything when they killed our employees!"

Jacob shoved him into a chair and snapped, "With the gas you intended to use on _us_!"

"I know nothing about that..."

There was a sound in the hall and Jacob didn't want his interrogation to be interrupted, so he moved them. But when they got to his cabin, there were people already in it! It was John Locke, Ben, and... his brother. He quickly sent Alvar back just as John ran, terrified, for the door. Jacob's presence must have scared his brother off as well and after waving out the fire from the broken lantern, he hid from Ben in a dark corner.

Jacob had never had the chance to talk to Ben since healing him as a child and felt it unfortunate that this was his first opportunity. He drew a breath, but Ben spoke first.

"Thank you, Jacob," he said with harsh sarcasm, "At least now he won't think I was lying about everything."

Despondent, Ben then moved to the lantern, picked it up and walked to the door. When he spoke again, his voice sounded as shattered as the glass that lay about the cabin. "If you would have asked _me_ for help, I never would have run away."

Confused, and admittedly hurt by the animosity, Jacob waited until he shut the door and then went to the broken window to look out. He heard Ben tell John, 'That was Jacob' and suddenly he realized; there was more to what had happened here than his brother simply trying to scare his candidates.

Overwhelmed, Jacob sat down in his rocking chair. Having just lost his best lead to find Layna, the revelation that he might have lost Ben was almost too much to take.

He needed something to help him protect the people he loved. But nothing came. He felt there should be more he could do for Ilana. But as he tried to go to her, another vision came to him.

It was Ben, with Alex, and she was angry with him. She said she hated him... For all their fights, Ilana had never been that hurtful. He then saw Ben with Juliet, desperate for her affection, and then he saw him losing her. And then he saw Alex's boyfriend and Juliet's lover, taken from them by Ben's authority as leader.

As he watched Ben shout 'You're mine' at Juliet, the jealous look in his eyes haunted Jacob. He remembered that feeling, the anger and the pain and Jacob knew at one time he would have been capable of that kind of revenge. And hadn't he by giving his approval on the purge? He'd implied to Richard and Alvar it was self-preservation, but it wasn't. There could have been another way.

And Alvar knew nothing about Layna. Because of the purge, they'd lost any information on her and it was Jacob's fault. Getting up, he decided he would talk to Richard about Ben, maybe see if there was a way to meet with him and undo whatever manipulations his brother had intended; see if there was anything more Ben could find out about Layna's time there and disappearance.

**1977**

When Jacob closed the cabin door behind him, he was back at the university. It was night and the dark windows in the hall reflected his image. How pathetic. Couldn't he control anything anymore? At first he thought he was leaving the meeting he'd been at earlier that day until he heard voices down the hall; he was grateful that one was Ilana.

When he noticed her hair was much longer he knew, he hadn't been here in years. He glanced at the others and saw Karen, two people he didn't recognize and...Daniel Faraday.

"It's worth the risk, if time travel could change the numbers," he said.

There was silence for a moment and then Karen spoke. "You need to work out _how_ first."

"I know... " Daniel said and walked around the room. When he rested his hands on the lab table facing away from Jacob the eyes of the others rose to focus on Jacob in the hall.

"Jacob!" Ilana said, jumping up. He took his daughter in his arms and she held him tightly. When she let go, she pulled him into the room. Daniel turned around, clearly distracted.

"I don't want to interrupt," Jacob said.

"It's fine," Ilana said. Daniel nodded, going back to the board. "Jacob, I want you to meet my friends... Karen DeGroot you know and saw briefly two years ago at graduation."

He was grateful Ilana knew to cover for his overlapping time traveling. He nodded to Karen and she said, "It's good to see you, again."

"This is Walter Dawson," Ilana said. The black man politely stuck out his hand and Jacob paused slightly as he shook it. He had the man's son and grandson on his list.

Then Ilana took in a deep breath and said, "And this... is Bram. My boyfriend."

Jacob almost fell over backwards and put his hands on his hips.

"Hello, Jacob," Bram said, sticking out his hand.

Shifting his open jaw, Jacob tilted his head and squinted his eyes as a thousand thoughts ran through his mind of what 'boyfriend' meant to them. Unsure what to do with his unaccepted hand, Bram clasped it with his other one and took a step back. The boy pressed his lips together and gave him a nod, glancing at Ilana.

Jacob took his focus off the boy and crossed his arms, looking at her. "When did this happen?" he asked. Ilana went to her purse and with what he could tell was embarrassed frustration, dug around in it until she took out a thick, white envelop. She handed it to him. "Since we aren't likely to talk much before you leave again, I wrote it all down."

He took it and put it in his breast pocket, regretting his spotty appearances in her life. "I'm sorry," he said. "I don't have much say..."

"I know," she interrupted. "Let's just make the best of it. Do you know why you're here?"

"Maybe," he said, glancing at Bram.

Through clenched teeth Ilana whispered, "Stop it."

"Uh... I'm sorry," Daniel said at the board. "I don't want to be rude, but I'm leaving tomorrow and I was really hoping to finish... Karen, can we... I really need to... try..."

"Of course, Daniel," she said. "But Jacob may have some insight, if he will share." To Jacob she said, "Daniel is a brilliant recruit who will be working with Dr. Chang on our Time Traveling experiments." Looking at who she didn't know was her great grandson she said with affection, "I'm envious of his talents and potential."

Daniel looked doubtful and Ilana said, "Really, Daniel. Jacob knows more about time traveling than anyone." Jacob scowled at her but she reassured him, "Just try?"

He thought it futile, but gestured for Daniel to ask.

"Well," he said. "Do you understand the..." he named a physics theory and when Jacob shook his head Daniel tried explaining it, coming from several angles. Karen was embarrassed by Jacob's ignorance and finally Daniel leaned a hand on the table and said, "Why don't you tell me what you _do_ understand about time travel?"

Jacob thought for a moment about it.

"Tell them like you told me," Ilana said. He lifted his eyes to her and she nodded.

"Alright," he said. He lifted a hand as he said, "There's a window and on either side of it, time behaves differently. On one side, it's a constant." He lifted his hand out to his side and slowly moved it in front of him as he said, "and it's like a steady, running stream of light that flows in one direction only."

Turning his hand over he gestured as he said, "On the other side, it's more like a giant sea where there is no time and yet there is _all_ time." Jacob pointed out into the hall where, through the doorway they could see the windows.

"We live on the stream side, but looking through the window into the sea, you can sometimes see reflections of other parts of the stream." Just as he finished a car drove by and it's lights reflected one direction and then back the other way. He looked on their faces and everyone of them showed varying levels of interest and confusion.

"At times," he said, "The window opens." He looked first at Karen and then at Daniel. "By going through when it's opened, it's possible to travel to another part of the stream." He folded his hands and lifted his brows, hoping he wouldn't have to describe bending space to move as well.

"How do you create and open the window?" Karen asked.

"Are there intervals," Daniel asked, "Or a way to predict or plan the time where you're going?"

Jacob shrugged.

"There's got to be some kind of science behind this metaphor," Karen said.

Jacob glanced at Ilana as if to say he told her so.

"She's right," Daniel said. "Without science how can you prove that it's possible?"

"Sometimes you have to leave science behind," Jacob said. "Science provides facts, but it only describes the truth, it doesn't prove it. You have to experience truth, to know it's real."

Daniel took a step forward and with an open mouth, he glanced at Karen who was completely exasperated and then said to Jacob, "Can I speak with you alone?"

In the hall Daniel whispered, "I"m going to just throw this out there... would you believe me if I told you that _I'm_ from the future?"

"Yes," Jacob said.

Daniel laughed lightly and grew excited, yet still secretive. "Before I got to the island, my thoughts were scattered. But I have some recollection of a woman I met who told me science can't give us truth, just facts." Jacob felt his heart flutter as he listened. "I've been searching for facts... to prove a truth that I've _already __experienced_. Are you saying that science can't explain it?"

Barely able to focus on the question, Jacob said, "Science might explain it someday, it's just not necessary." Then, after Daniel thought on that a moment, Jacob asked, "This woman, what was her name?"

"I don't remember, but she said my mother was her niece..." As the emotions welled up in Jacob he leaned a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Do you know her?" Daniel asked.

Jacob nodded. "Where, and when?"

"Los Angeles in an office at Widmore Labs... It was late summer, 2004."

"2004?" Jacob gasped. Slowly it sunk in; now he wouldn't find her before then. Thinking of the lost years between them, the separation somehow felt longer. But she was alive. "How is she?" was all he had left to ask.

"Uh... peaceful." Daniel said. "Though she wasn't making sense. She said she was going back to the island but she wasn't with the survivors of the crash."

"The crash!" Jacob said. He looked away realizing he knew exactly when and where that would be. He wanting to kiss Daniel but resisted and settled for a sincere, "Thank you."

Daniel's expression softened and he said, "Can, can I ask you something else?" Jacob nodded, willing to do probably anything for him at this point. "I've never been one to believe in anything after... after death. But..." The young man's eyes began go glisten and he stretched out his fingers and gestured as he said, "I need to know if there's more." He put his hand on his chest as if in pain. "I lost someone and... I keep feeling like I'm going to see her again. Is it possible?"

Jacob hurt for him. He didn't want to tell him he would have to die to be with her. And then a vision flashed in his mind of Daniel with Charlotte again, and it didn't seem like what Layna had described when she had died. He'd always believed it was beyond his power to give such a gift, and though overcome with his own doubts, Jacob wanted it so desperately for them. He'd had a vision, maybe it was possible?

"How much do you love Charlotte?" Jacob asked.

With droplets clearly forming now, Daniel said in a hush, "You know her name?" He let out a quick breath and said, "I want it more than anything..."

"Then make it," Jacob said. "Do what it is you're supposed to do."

"What... what is that?" he asked. "What am I supposed to do?"

"I can't answer that," Jacob said. He saw the doubt rising in Daniel's face and headed it off. "Daniel. The most powerful force I have ever encountered is a constant stronger than time. It's what's on the other side. It's the source of faith, hope... and love. Control and understanding of such things are just an illusion, but if you believe enough..." He touched Daniel's chest as he said, "you can tap into that power and find your own window of opportunity to cross over with the ones you love."

Daniel stopped breathing for as long as he stood frozen staring at Jacob. Unable to contain his affection, Jacob gave in, took him gently by the ear and kissed his cheek.

"Don't give up, no matter what happens."

Jacob walked around him back to his daughter. "Ilana, it's time to go. Say your goodbyes."

She frowned and came back out into the hall as Daniel, still mesmerized wandered back into the lab. "Leave?" she said. "Right now?"

"Unless you want to live out your time line from here and meet me in the future?"

"You're trying to get me away from Bram!" she said. As he glanced in at the boy, he didn't like that she had figured it out. "He come with us, if he wants to, right?"

"We don't have time to explain to him what he's getting into," Jacob said.

"I already told him everything," she said. "When you gave me the Egyptian scroll." She pointed at his pocket where the letter was and added, "I hadn't written it yet, but you said my letter was enough to convince you to help me prove to him I wasn't crazy."

"I haven't read it yet," he said. "What's supposed to convince me right now?" The hurt in her eyes brought back to him the vision of Alex and Ben and Jacob began to understand, though he didn't like it.

"Bram!" he called. The man came out and Jacob said to Ilana, "I'd like to talk to him man to man." When she went reluctantly back into the lab Jacob grabbed him, though he was slightly taller and much heavier, and pushed him against the wall out of the view of the others.

"Would you die for her?" he asked. The boy looked sideways and then back at Jacob as if he was crazy. "Answer me," Jacob demanded.

"It's actually pretty safe here on campus..."

Jacob tilted his head and said, "I thought she told you _everything_?"

"What, about the island?" he laughed. "You mean the smoke monster?" As Jacob stared him down Bram's smile faded. "Oh shit... it's not just metaphors?" Jacob backed up and let go. He watched Bram squirm, trying to make sense of it. "That Egyptian scroll she showed me, that was for real, not just mythology?" Jacob gave a single nod. "The statue... the temple... the cabin and growing up back in..."

"Real," Jacob said, impatiently.

Bram stammered and gently this time, Jacob pushed him to the wall to steady him. He met Jacob's eyes and said, "Far... out!"

"So?" Jacob said. "Is it too much for you?"

"Hell no," he said. "I thought Ilana was groovy before, just a bit crackers but now... so you really time travel? Did you tell Daniel that because..."

Jacob rolled his eyes and covered Bram's mouth. "I'm going to give you five seconds to answer my next question, and if you hesitate at all, your answer is 'no', got it?" Bram nodded with wide eyes. "Would you give up everything for her?" Jacob began counting down in his mind and when he got to two, Bram's shifting, thoughtful eyes met his again and he nodded. Jacob let him go and said with a smirk, "Then I hope she really likes you, Bram, because if she gets bored with you, I'm all you'll have."

He left the boy in the hall and went back in the lab. Ilana was looking at him worried and got up from her stool. When Bram walked back in behind Jacob, her eyes went to him and something good must have exchanged between them because she smiled.

He spent some time talking with Karen about what was happening with Dharma. Much of her passion was gone, but not her conviction. It seemed the wear of reality was getting to her and she was beginning to see that what they were doing wasn't reaching the goals they had set.

"It'll work out," he told her. She didn't like the vagueness of it, but one day, she would see, it was only because of her that he ever believed he could do any of what he'd done.

"Jacob," Walter said as Jacob was leaving. "I've gotta ask... what's my part in all of this? I knew I was supposed to be here, but... I can't leave my family to go to that island."

"Then don't," Jacob said. "I have a feeling we'll meet again and maybe you'll figure it out before then."

...

Jacob left Ilana and Bram with Eloise in 2001, moved between time lines working to set up what had to happen. He healed a patient of Jack's to help inspire the faith 23 would need, he went back to 1951 and opened a Swiss account under Richard Alpert's name, depositing gold Alvar had given Richard in 1970. In 1969 he opened a trust fund for Ilana and after reading her heart felt letter about Bram, he went back to the time the Egyptians were on the island to find the scroll.

The priest protectors recognized him through vision and had already begun to write the scroll for him. They told him of a hidden room in the temple where they would leave it and when he asked about the cave of light, they explained more clearly what his mother had said, and more importantly, how to find a priest who could perform, what they called, the New Day ceremony that would reset the Light if the guardian ever needed to be contained.

He then went to 1975, found the scroll, took it to Ilana and watched her graduate. When she gave him a book to read he told her about the letter she needed to write about her relationship with Bram. She said Bram was annoying and wouldn't leave her alone; she even blamed his gift of finding someone who liked to listen to her! The irony of causal circles never failed to amuse Jacob.

The more he traveled, the less he remembered from jump to jump and had to rely on reorientation when he arrived. When he thought he'd done everything and visited everyone he needed to he attempted to go back to the island in 2004, but ended up in in New York.

**2006**

"You," an elder black man said to him. Jacob was reading Ilana's book, sitting on the steps of the door the Light had sent him to, unsure what he was supposed to do. He looked up at the man and though he didn't recognize him at first, when he saw the boy with him, he put the pieces together and stood.

"Good to see you again, Walter," he said. He looked at the boy and said, "Hello Walt."

"Hi, Jacob," Walt said. Jacob was unaware that the boy would know him. "You don't remember me?"

"Let's go inside," Walter said.

They sat in the living room and Walter said, "I only have Walt for this week, he's been living with his mother... how did you know?"

"Can I speak with him alone?" Jacob asked.

"This is about Walt's ability to time travel, isn't it?" Walter asked. Jacob just looked at him and the older man left for the back of the apartment.

"I don't want to do it again," Walt said. "I still don't want any part of your island... especially after what it turned my dad into."

Jacob had seen the murder's Micheal would commit but he hadn't been shown what would happen to Walt. "What did it do to _you_, Walt?"

"It doesn't matter," he said.

"Just so I'm clear," Jacob said, "You don't care anything about the people you left behind?"

"I care, but I can't help them," Walt said. "Why are you here to make me another offer?"

"I don't know. I'm making this up as I go."

Walt was dubious. "So you run the island, and I'm supposed to believe you're that clueless?"

Jacob leaned back on the couch and a vision he'd had before came to him of the computer, the code and the explosion in the hatch. When he looked up he saw Walt's eyes were huge. "Did you see that?" Jacob asked. Walt nodded. "What are you going to do about it?"

"I don't know what to do!" Walt said. "_You_ do something."

"This isn't about me," Jacob said.

Walt disappeared and Jacob followed him, finding him in the middle of the ocean. As quick as he could, he grabbed hold of him. "It's okay," he said. Walt calmed down and Jacob said, "Try focusing on a person instead of a place, it's easier to find people you care about."

"Who?" Walt asked.

"Who on the island do you care about most?" he asked. "I'll meet you back at your grandfather's."

When Walt returned, Jacob handed him a towel.

"I picked Vincent," Walt said, drying his face, "But I saw Shannon, I guess because she was supposed to watch Vincent. So I told her... but... I don't think she understood me. I couldn't get the words out right... it sounded backwards or something."

"Strange," Jacob said. "There is a learning curve. You want to try again?"

"Not really," Walt said. And then he looked down and said, "Maybe later... it felt good to try to help them."

"Guess that's why I'm here," Jacob said. "And so you know, if I was less clueless, I might think _I_ was in control. And that would be really dangerous."

"Yeah," Walt said. "But wouldn't it be better if someone who knew what they were doing had these gifts instead of just you and me?"

At that Jacob tilted his head back and forth. "Hmmmm...Maybe." He threw his damp towel at Walt and said, "I'll look into it. Tell your grandfather I'm sorry for the mess."

**2005**

When Jacob arrived at the Lamp Post, Eloise was less than pleased to see him.

"Shouldn't you be with your wife and baby?" she asked.

"That was over twenty years ago for me."

She sighed heavily and said, "Well, Jacob. Maybe you should wear a sign around your neck with your current year." Jacob wasn't even sure what his current year should be. He gave her a sad smile, feeling bad for all the trouble he'd been to her. "Well, what do you want, now?" she asked.

"I need your help again," he said. Eloise closed her eyes and he said, "But I'll need to give you a gift in order for you to do it."

The corner of her mouth lifted. "What sort of gift?"

"To see through the window of time," he said. After all these years Jacob thought he caught a glimpse of the delight in her eyes of a little girl he'd known all those years ago.

"What is it you need me to do?" she asked.

"I have to find a priest... someone that the rules of time don't apply to, who isn't effected by the light. And once I do, I'll need you to help make sure he gets to the island."

Eloise was much more open to being trained than Walt, and the gift the Light gave her through Jacob enabled her to see as though she was reading a book; he guessed it was the temperament of the gifted that defined how the gifts were manifested. Watching her, Jacob was relieved that he... or, Walt, really, had come up with this idea.

And then when looking back in time, Eloise exclaimed, "You have to go, Jacob!"

"Why the rush?" he asked.

"Your priest, I found him. He is opening a pivotal window and if you aren't there, there will be _no_ survivors!"

Jacob had learned to trust the light and allow it to guide him and if he was supposed to be there, he would be taken there, but Eloise was insistent. "The rules don't apply to Desmond, he can change the future!" When Jacob hesitated she scolded, "Do you trust me or don't you?"

**September 22, 2004**

When Jacob arrived he was standing on top of one of the island mountains, there was a plane above him, breaking apart. Into his mind flashed multiple visions of various candidates dead, and then living, Jacob couldn't see what was going to happen anymore and he panicked.

"What do I do?" he said as the back of the plane fell towards the sea. On instinct he reached out with his hand and cried out at the power he felt leaving him when he put a buffer between them and the ocean. The front section was then falling to his right and though drained of anything he thought he had left, Jacob reached out for it as well. His entire body shook as he tried to catch it, to catch them all... As the pieces and the passengers fell, so too did Jacob, flat on his back, landing hard just as the people hit the ground. He had all of the wind knocked out of him and felt as if he too had fallen from the sky.

There was not one inch of him that didn't scream out in pain and he couldn't move. The only thing he could think to do was done for him; and he was taken back into his chamber where he closed his eyes and wondered at how he hadn't died. But he hadn't... and neither had they.

Not all of them at least.

"And so," he said as much to himself as the Light. "It's begun... the beginning of the end."


	50. Ben, The List and Jacob's Sacrifice

**2004**

Layna stood in line, ticket in hand and the names and numbers she had found written on a list in her pocket. Finding which airline and flight to take hadn't been nearly as difficult as convincing Libby to cut the trip short to take this flight. In fact, her friend was barely speaking with her anymore and Layna could feel there was a distance between them that hadn't been there before.

When she found a few more of the chosen here in Australia, even two at the airport in Sydney when they boarded, her heart felt even lighter. Walking down the isles she tried not to look at the faces of the people she'd met over the past decade, most too briefly to recognize her. Somehow they were going to the island. She could never have guessed how.

...

"You knew this one, didn't you?" she heard a woman ask. Layna couldn't move and lay there in the sand, wet, cold and hurting all over.

"Her name's Nancy... it's... a sad story," she heard Libby say. "When I met her she was too traumatized to speak about her past. I helped her fake amnesia and I got too involved. I thought becoming her friend might help, but I think I made it worse. There was a time I almost believed her, I wanted to. I took this last chance coming to Australia to help her find her husband... But she didn't even seem to care that we didn't... When we got back I was going to sign her up to a care center and try to move on with my life."

Layna could hear the relief in her voice and understood her plans, though grateful it hadn't come to that.

"Well, I'm sorry she's dead," the other woman said. "But it sounds like it's better this way. People suffering dementia like that... I don't know how they can take it."

"They don't know," Libby said. "She was actually very peaceful and not distressed about it at all."

"At least we have a name. We can bury her and you can make a..."

Layna opened her eyes and they both stepped back.

"Nancy?" Libby said. And came back to her. "Ana, she's..." Layna felt Libby's hand on her arm and then her face. "Are you okay? You didn't move for hours..."

Ana was angry. "I thought Eko checked them all when he pulled them out of the water!" She looked at the others laying there beside Layna as if she suddenly wasn't sure what to do.

Layna was able to sit up, with help from Libby, but she turned her aching head and saw the beach and then looked behind her and her eyes started to water. "We're home," she said.

"No, Nancy," Libby said. And then sadly added, "We crashed..."

Without even looking at her Layna said in a whisper, "That wasn't a question."

To Ana, Libby said, "See what I'm talking about?"

"Alright," Ana said, "Get her away from the dead and keep an eye on her. Let's not let her talk to anyone if we can help it."

They moved to a spot closer to the water and when she had convinced Libby she wouldn't say anything that would frighten the others, she was left alone.

At sunset a large black man approached her and it looked like Ana wasn't stopping him like she had many of the others who had tried.

Layna smiled at him and he squatted in front of her.

"My name is Mr. Eko. I pulled you out of the water," he said.

"Thank you," Layna answered. "My name is Nancy."

"I thought you were dead," he said. Layna looked back up to where Libby and Ana were glancing her way as they were getting people settled for the night. They must trust this man to talk with her so she tried to be honest, but carefully so.

"I wasn't dead," she said and looked back at him. Then she looked out over the dark sky. "That would have taken a miracle."

"How do you know it wasn't a miracle?"

"Did you pray for a miracle?" she asked.

Almost as if defeated he said, "No. I did not."

"Last time I died, someone prayed for a miracle," she said. "And I was in heaven and I came back to him. This time it was more like being asleep... there was nothing and then I awoke on the beach." She looked at his large eyes and asked, "Do you believe there will be nothing when you die?"

"No," he said. "I do not." Layna couldn't tell what he did expect to see. He put his hand out and said, "Come to the fire, you should not stay out here alone."

...

That night Layna wasn't surprised when the men were taken but she was surprised that more of them weren't hurt or killed. She remembered how hostile Jacob's people had been towards her at the temple and what he said had happened to the marines, the time travelers and the French Team.

If this was the time when Ben was in charge, at least he wasn't killing off everyone who landed on the island. But the people were certainly terrified, and she wondered if that was the point.

Layna wondered how Jacob could not know she was here, and part of her wanted to run into the jungle and just go to the places she knew he might be; but she felt safer with these people. They thought she was crazy, but they saw her as one of them. Sometimes that mattered more than anything else.

...

The next few days Layna showed the people what shellfish and plants were safe to eat, but she kept quiet on how she knew. She had told Libby she grew up on an island, but never once did her friend ask if this was that island.

And then one day, Goodwin began to follow her. He'd started when he heard her talk to one of the other women about a poison berry.

"They're good for dye only." She had let it slip. The woman didn't seem to notice, but he had. Instead of avoiding him, she took a seat in the sand and waited for him to approach.

"Hey, Nancy," he said as he sat next to her.

When she looked at him and he smiled, Layna felt a tingling. This was an other candidate. Her list was still in her pocket but she'd not yet found a pen to write over the ink that had faded.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"What do you want?"

"I'm just wondering how you knew that berry was poisonous," he said. "You seem to know a lot about this island... where the water is, what food to eat... how to make cups out of leaves."

Layna looked away and smiled. "I know plants and I was lucky with the stream."

"Lucky?" he asked. "You walked right to it."

Just because he was a candidate didn't mean he wouldn't try to kill her if he thought she wasn't on his side.

"I'm good at finding things," she said. "I always have been. It's a gift." She looked at him and asked, "Do you have any gifts?"

"Not that I know of," he said cautiously. "Are you scared of the people who took some of us?"

"I'd be crazy not to be," she said.

"Some of the people here say you _are_ crazy." It was the first time anyone had dared to mention it directly to her. "Are you?"

"If it's crazy that I want to be taken, then yes," she said.

That brought a strange expression to his face. "Why would you want to be taken?" he asked.

"Because I belong with _them_," she said. Layna looked at him and counting on his chosen status, took a chance. "Don't you feel it? We're supposed to be here, Goodwin."

"Yeah. You're crazy, alright," he said.

"Why?" she asked. "I'm forty-eight years old, I think I would know when I'm home."

"Forty-eight?" he asked with a laugh. "So am I..."

As he said it, she knew. That was his number. Without discretion, she took out the list from inside her shirt and said, "Do you have pen?"

He hesitated a moment and then took one out and handed it to her. She noticed him tuck a slip of paper that had come out back in his pocket before he handed it to her.

Layna wrote his name down with the number.

"What's that?" he asked.

"It's a list a list of special people that I find." She went over the other names to make them more legible.

"Can I see it?" he asked. Searching his face, she felt she should let him. He read it to himself and didn't say a word when he handed it back.

"Still think I'm crazy?" she asked.

"No," he said and got up.

...

When they came two people grabbed Layna and when she didn't struggle, she was left with one woman. She didn't recognize her at first, but after they'd traveled quietly for hours, she stopped and turned to Layna.

It was Harper. "Who are you?"

"Don't you remember me, Harper?"

She looked more closely and then stepped back. "You... you've..."

"I've aged, I know. I hope you aren't taking me back to Ben. He's already tried to kill me once."

Harper looked nervous and said, "I'll take you to the temple then. Lennon will remember you even though..."

"I don't want to go to the temple," she said. "I want to go to the cabin."

"Only Richard knows where it is," she said. "And he said Jacob doesn't want anyone to go there."

"I can find it," she said. "And I used to live there, so I'm pretty sure I'm allowed. You don't have to come." Without waiting for her answer, Layna began to walk. It would take her all night, probably.

"I could get in trouble for this!" Harper called out in a whisper. "What am I supposed to tell Ben?"

"The truth," Layna said. "I'm done lying."

...

It was early morning when she first saw the cabin through the trees. Unable to contain herself, she ran and shouted, "Jacob!"

She saw the ash was still broken and hesitated, wondering why he hadn't fixed it. Slowly now she stepped into the circle and felt ill at ease when she saw their home had become so run down. Stepping up to the door she said again, "Jacob? Are you here?" Inside she heard the creaking of their rocking chair and thought it was odd that he wouldn't come out. She opened the door and stepped in.

It had stopped rocking and she wondered if he had just traveled somewhere and she'd missed him. Layna swallowed and looked around at how much had changed. She walked to the table and the door behind her slammed shut. She turned quickly and saw one of the doctor's she'd seen in the hospital standing there in a suit.

"Hello, do you remember me?" she asked. "I didn't see you on the plane, just your son. I thought maybe I got the names mixed up and that he was 23 not you."

He smiled at her and without a word, disappeared, and then she knew; that wasn't Christian Shepherd. Jacob's brother was impersonating him now.

She ran to the door but it wouldn't open. She tried to get to the window and startled as the table moved to block her. "Stop it!" she shouted at his brother, trying not to be frightened. She ducked as a cup flew across the room at her and turned when a jar broke and splashed a spray of dye on her. "Is this fun for you?" she shouted. "What are you a two thousand year old child?"

The activity stopped and the chair simply went back to rocking. She went over and looked down at it even though it was empty. Standing her ground she remembered that Jacob's brother couldn't hurt her, he could only get someone else to do it and there was nobody else around. Or so she thought. As she started to demand that he let her go, she heard a footstep outside. Turning towards it, the door opened and then slammed, scaring whoever it was away.

Layna rushed for the door and this time it was unlocked. "Wait!" she shouted and ran after the man who disappeared into the trees. It wasn't Christian Shepherd and when she came into the clearing, standing there, eyes wide and frightened, was Ben. Layna stopped at the edge of the trees, fearful he might try to kill her again.

"Why couldn't I see him?" he asked, almost hysterical. She tried to remain calm, not wanting to inspire any more of his wrath. "What's wrong with me that he wouldn't let me see him?"

Not sure how much Jacob wanted Ben to know about his brother, she referred to what Harper had said. "I thought Richard said nobody was supposed to come to the cabin."

Ben took a step toward her and clearly hurting in his anger said, "I followed _you_! Because I know who you are now and how badly he wants you back!" Layna took a step away, and his face contorted. "I'm not going to hurt you, Layna," he said. "I'm _sorry_ for what I did. I was frightened, and young. I've _changed_. All I want to do now is make it right. To prove to Jacob... I can be trusted. I just... I want to meet him at least once." He took a stumbling step towards her and pleaded, "Will you tell him that for me?" He then blinked and added, "Or are you only going to tell him what I did ten years ago?"

His gift was deception and Layna had no way of knowing if this was sincere, but she knew to get to Jacob she would have to keep Ben from killing her. "If what you say is true, then he probably already knows how loyal you are. If he didn't, you wouldn't still be leader. I would say be patient. I don't know why he won't see you, but I'm sure there's a good reason."

"Is it because of what I did?" he asked. "Sending you away instead of rescuing you?"

"I don't know if he knows, even. But I won't tell him. The island holds no grudges, and neither do I."

As if stunned, Ben let out a light breath with a quick smile. He blinked and looked down, nodding. "Do _you_... have any directions for me? Any idea of what he wants me to do?"

"There's only one thing I've ever heard Jacob tell anyone to do," she said. Anxious, he looked back up at her. "Follow your heart. And I think if you do that, you'll find your way."

He didn't seem to like that, and Layna reached into her pocket and came towards him. She held out the list and said, "I think this is for you."

Ben unfolded it and read it. "Who are they?" he asked.

"Special people I found that Jacob needs... some he brought here to the island."

"What do the numbers mean?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said. She smiled at him as he looked up at her from it and added, "I've been collecting those names and numbers for ten years. I think I was meant to leave the island so that you could have them today." With an open mouth he looked at them again. "Protect those people until they're ready to do what the island needs them to do and I think things will go well for you."

"Protect them?" he asked with a laugh. "I know who some of these people are, I have their files. They're violent, _bad_ people! We're only supposed to recruit the _good_ ones. Does Jacob think we should just risk our lives for them without even knowing why they're here?"

"No," she said. "I doubt that."

"Then what," he demanded as any leader concerned for his people would be. "I don't want another Dharma type truce on our hands... What am I supposed to do?"

"Wait until the island gives you the opportunity to use your gift," she said. "That's what I do... that's what Jacob does."

"You said my gift was lying! That goes against the laws you wrote, and yet I'm gifted with it? I might as well be gifted for murder!"

Remembering the reason he'd been gifted, she said, "Deception to protect someone is forgivable, just like self-defense isn't murder. The reason for what you're doing is just as important as what you do."

As if judging her he said, "It would have helped me a lot if you had written that down too." He folded up her list and put it in his pocket. "Thank you, Layna. Please give my regards to Jacob as you see fit."

As he walked away she said, "Will you tell Richard I'm here?"

He stopped and turned. "I haven't seen Alpert in years. But I'll send a message to the temple... when I get a chance."

After he was gone, she took a long look at the cabin before heading for the statue.

It wasn't until she was half way there that Layna remembered, she hadn't put Jack Shepherd on the list, she had put Christian! If Jacob's brother was manifesting as Christian, he must be dead and 23 had to be Jack now. She thought to go after Ben, but didn't know where the barracks where exactly. So she decided, the Light would have to take care of her error, she needed to find her husband.

...

If Jacob wasn't in his chamber, she was going to have to stay and rest anyway. After traveling all night and all day, Layna was exhausted. She entered the open doorway and as soon as she saw the fire was lit, though low, her heart skipped.

She didn't call his name this time, but when she walked around the hearth and pillars, she saw he was lying face down on his bed, and his clothes were filthy. Slowly approaching, not wanting to startle him, she was troubled to see lines of dried blood on his hands and the linens were also stained dark crimson. Climbing in the bed on her knees she trembled, afraid to touch him, even though she could see from his back's shallow movement that he was breathing.

Carefully she reached out and lightly touched his muddy hair. His entire form gave a sudden shudder and she pulled back.

"Jacob?" she lightly cried. He lifted his head and slowly turned it towards her. When she saw his face, swollen and bruised as if he'd been beaten, she gasped. His eyes were both blackened, though not freshly so and he looked to be trying to focus on her. "Oh Jacob, what happened to you?" she asked.

He didn't answer, but as recognition came over his features, his shoulders began to shake and he started to sob. He drug his discolored hand towards hers nd she cradled it in both of hers and bent down to kiss it. She then lay down next to him so the their eyes were even to one another on the bed.

"I did it," he said, hoarsely. She nodded, her own tears coming now and he let out a sigh and closed his eyes.


	51. Jacob's Last Rights

**2004 - Days 11- 40**

Jacob couldn't remember ever being sick when he was young, or ever hurt; not badly enough to warrant his mother's attention, anyway. But his brother had. It wasn't nearly this bad, but more than once Jacob had beat him up enough to inspire their mother's doting on his injuries. Now that he was the patient, Jacob found it wasn't at all as enjoyable as he'd imagined and he found himself receiving Layna's care with a mixture of guilt for his grudge against his brother and humility to finally be given the nurturing he'd craved as a child.

Before she came he'd felt half dead and pathetic. The water jug by his bed was nearly empty and stale, but it sustained him. She had to do everything for him at first. It reminded him of John Locke's disability after his fall. Jacob had never experienced this kind of helplessness before and it was far from what he'd wanted for their reunion. Yet, Layna came exactly when he needed her most.

"It was surreal," he said when he was finally ready to discuss it. "I've caused tidal waves and storms and tossed boulders... Thank you," he said as she spooned him a bowl of vegetable stew. She carefully gave him only the ones he liked and sat down next to him. He blew on his first big bite and then took it, immediately spitting it back int his bowl. "Hot," he said. He could see from her expression that Layna, as always, graciously tolerating his bad manners. Ilana told him plainly it was gross to talk with his mouth full or wipe his mouth on his sleeve. His daughter would have made a big production out of what he'd just done, but that wasn't Layna's way. He lowered the bowl to rest on his leg.

"I missed you," he said.

"Me too..." She gestured with her spoon, "Go on..."

"Well," he said. "When it came to the plane, and the lives of the people on it, I didn't know what to do. I had all of this... anxious... fear of losing you and the candidates, so I just... tried to _catch_ everyone."

He dug back into his stew, looking for something small. He spooned out a rogue onion and offered it to Layna. She declined with a light shaking of her head and remembering that he had spit into his bowl, he smiled at her politeness and tossed it in the fire.

"Where did the blood come from?" she asked. "You had no wounds."

"My nose and mouth. It was internal, probably from the impact..." He stared into the flames as he said, "It felt like the plane landed _on_ me... I tried to save them all, but _I_ almost didn't survive." He felt he deserved a scolding but she ran her hand down his back. "It was really stupid," he said. "I should have had more of a plan."

"You did a good thing," she said. "You reacted quickly and followed your heart, the island took care of the rest."

Having spent so many years arguing with Ilana, being chastised by Eloise, doubted by Richard, and now hated by Ben, Jacob had forgotten what the unconditional support of someone he loved felt like. He gazed at her, feeling something different than ever before. No longer was he frightened of her youthful beauty and the excitement of her firm body. She'd aged, probably more than he was when time had frozen him, but she was just as perfect. Only now, studying her, did he realize Layna had grown softer and somehow lovelier. She was more familiar and comforting than anything he'd ever known... even that millennium old tin cup she'd teased him about when first he'd invited her into his home. Overcome with affection, Jacob leaned forward to kiss his wife, and spilled his stew, scorching his leg through his pants. He cried out and in his futile attempts to get away from the pain by kicking his leg, he spilled more.

Layna took the bowl from him, set it aside and grabbed on to the brown linen. He balanced on his hands and she yanked them off. She then got a cloth and dampened it in the spring water. He winced as she cooled down the burn with the cold water. "It doesn't look that bad," she said.

"I don't like pain," he said defending his reaction. She chuckled and he smiled, but looked away. As he did, a vision came to him of a raft, sailing off the island. It was happening now and his candidates were on it! "What in the... they can't _leave_!" He pushed himself up and when he stood he breathed out heavily at the ache in his back. He held it like he remembered Layna's father would and wondered if he should get himself a cane. "I guess I finally know what it feels like to get old," he said and started to limp for the door.

"You sure you want to go like that?" she asked him. He looked down and turned around, heading for his linen box. "Where are you going?"

"I have to bring the raft back," he said. "Someone might get time displacement." When he bent down to get into his clothing box a shooting pain went through his shoulders. "Ow!" Who was he fooling? "I hate for him to see me like this," Jacob said, easing himself down on the bed, "But I'm going to have to call Richard. Do you think you could give him a list for me?"

"A list of the chosen?" she asked. He nodded. "I told you I already gave it to Ben. I'm sure the island will tell him not to let them leave."

Remembering what she'd told him over the last few weeks, Jacob felt similar to when he was with Walt and Eloise;the Light used others just as it used him. As he watched her clean up his mess, it sunk in; he wasn't protecting the island by himself anymore.

"Do you think that list is going to be enough?" she asked as she settled back down with her dinner.

"Yes," he said. "Ben will know what to do... wait... was Walt on the list or Michael?"

"Both. Same number. I circled Walt and noted that he was gifted."

Jacob's emotions began to rise; the trust, the affection, the need to be with her. _This_ is what made everything he had done and still had yet to do worthwhile. And then, though he'd rather be here with Layna, his thoughts were invaded.

He twitched at the images of his candidates fighting on the beach that came to his mind. The memories of their past lives flashed as reminders of why they had so many issues getting along. Jacob laid down to relax and next he saw better moments, playing games, laughing together, comforting each other. Jack put Hugo in charge and Hugo rose to the occasion, Shannon found someone to believe in her; Sayid of all people! After being so lost and alone their whole lives, flawed and rejected by the people that were supposed to love them, here on the island they were finding a family; when they opened themselves to it. No matter which one took Jacob's job as protector, it was in this process that Jacob was most invested.

As he lay there, the Light also showed him what his brother was doing, scaring them and trying to kill them. It was frustrating, but Layna had said his brother was impersonating Jack and Claire's father and Jacob knew; that would start Jack down the road of believing in more than science! The images of him fighting with a _healed_ John Locke filled Jacob with as much hope as amusement. 23 _would_ change, he felt it in his gut and his brother was helping without even realizing it!

When Jacob saw Sun, weeping over her lost wedding ring, he remembered the loss he had felt when he realized his ring had been lost. Ilana was only five at the time and he had mourned it alone. He felt for Sun, but didn't even know why she was here.

"You said you found 'Jin' at the airport... you never met a woman named Sun?"

"No," she said. "He was with someone on the plane, though. Why do you ask?"

"My visions were only of Jin. I assumed, because Sun was unfaithful and he couldn't have children that he would end up here alone, to heal from it." Layna came to him and he looked up at her. "I planned to touch only him, but the Light took me to their wedding... and I thought of you... and... how we never had one. And how much I took our time together for granted." She knelt down beside him and he said, "So, I touched them both, hoping the island would bring them back together... maybe give them a child... Maybe they could be protectors, together."

"That's beautiful, Jacob."

"But he was on the raft, without her," he said. "And she's scared." He took a breath and closed his eyes remembering that feeling. "It's so hard watching people hurt..."

It had been a long time since he felt her lips on his and her kiss warmed him all over.

When she sat up she said, "What's left of your stew's probably cooled down enough to eat."

"I'm not hungry anymore," he said. "Do you still have your ring?"

"No," she said. "I lost it when I was taken from the cabin, I think." He opened his eyes and she said, "Did you lose yours too?"

"It doesn't matter," he said. "It was only a symbol." And then he whispered, "Do you think... you could be gentle?"

"I _have_ been gentle," she said.

He could see she thought he was being a baby again and he smiled. "That's not what I meant," he said, raising his brows.

Layna's expression turned to feigned confusion and as her fingers teased the inside of his bare thigh she asked, "Oh, gentle like _this_, you mean?"

**Day 58**

Just as Jacob finished edging the bottom of his tapestry, he was was shown a vision that startled him. Ben was being tortured! His first reaction was to do something about it, but every time he'd wanted to interfere he'd be shown a reason not to by the Light. As he sat there, eyes tightly shut, struggling with the vision, the door closed and Ben was alone and smiled. Was this what he wanted? Was it part of his plan?

His candidates were the opposite of typical recruits; they were independent, rebellious and every one of them had a grudge against authority in one way or another. He expected there would be conflict with his people, and hoped the list Layna gave them would be enough to keep them alive. Now he wondered; maybe he should have given the candidates a list of people they shouldn't hurt.

"Another vision?" Layna asked.

He nodded with a heavy sigh. When he turned around he saw her placing files on a box on the table. He then noticed that everything from the cabin that Richard hadn't wanted, as well as the notes he'd been making for himself, were no longer scattered about his chamber. He walked over to the neat piles and felt a chill.

"That tapestry is your best ever, you know," she said. When he didn't answer she said, "I found a couple envelops addressed to me. Did you leave them?"

"I must have," he said. When traveling he wrote a lot of things he didn't remember later. "Did you read them?"

"They said to wait until 'it's finished'," she said. "What does that mean?"

"I'm sure you'll figure it out." He pointed at the table and said, "I know I've seen that before." When the memory came fully back to his mind, Jacob laughed and went over and touched it.

When it disappeared, Layna said, "So you _do_ know how to clean up." He smirked at her and she asked, "Where did you put it?"

"Where it will get burned up in a tantrum I threw." Remembering something he brought a blue folder back and said, "I still have to deliver this one. It's plans I made after talking to the Egyptians controlling the source. The hatch plug controls the time windows that open every 108 minutes. I can't believe I almost forgot to deliver it!" Layna sat down in a chair and when he saw her expression, his heart broke. "I'll be _right_ back."

"You don't know that," she said. It was true, he didn't. He picked up the folder. He felt the time shift coming and knew, he wouldn't have remembered it if it wasn't important to do now.

"I don't want to go," he said. "I _have_ to go." She nodded, accepting it, but when she covered her mouth with her hand, he stepped closer and she wrapped her arms around his legs and pressed her face into his stomach. "Forever is coming, Layna."

"I know," she said. He squatted before her and she said, "I'm going to go the temple. I don't want to stay here alone." He nodded and then, right out of her arms, he disappeared to find himself on the beach. There was a big plume of smoke in the sky and his younger self staring at it.

Disoriented he looked at the folder in his hand and thumbed through it. When he saw the hieroglyphics in the back, he remembered the 'inside joke' and it all came back to him.

**(Scene from Chapter 38)**

**2007  
**

When Jacob left the beach he didn't go back to the island, he was in the Looking Glass. Standing there with crossed arms was Eloise.

"You've had your reunion and fifty days to enjoy one another but the holiday is over." She took a step towards him and asked, "Did you deliver the folder?" He nodded. "Did you notice that the window is getting smaller?" Reluctantly he nodded again. "That's because your actual time line is just one week before your priest destroys the hatch that has made your time traveling possible. And when he does that, you will no longer be able to tap into that power. Don't make the mistake of thinking it's all island magic. Just because _you_ don't understand the science behind what it is you do doesn't mean there aren't rules of physics that regulate why it's possible... and why it won't be very shortly."

"A week?" he repeated, understanding now why he felt the urgency. "How am I supposed to get it all done in time?"

"You hurry," she said, raising her brows. "Here," she said. "We found this among Layna's things, it's a tape recording of the numbers. I was unable to deliver it, perhaps you can."

He took it, knowing the Light would send him where it was he was to take it. After putting it in his pocket he asked "Is Ilana here? I want to say goodbye."

"She's in Russia. Training. Bram is here, recruiting. They've gone against your instructions."

Jacob paced, trying to keep his frustration contained. He thought having a husband would keep Ilana from wanting to return to the island and instead Bram had actually helped her pursue her defiance. His blunder reminded him of how the candidates had dropped the bomb trying to prevent themselves from crashing, but had actually made it possible for him. And then he realized the time skipping that sent them back was going to happen soon.

"Why are you still here?" Eloise asked.

"What happens if Layna is on the island when the wheel starts skipping?"

"I don't know, do you want me to look?"

"No!" he said, not wanting anything solidified. "Theorize... she'll move with the other candidates, won't she?"

"If she does, she'll be dead," Eloise said. "She has maybe one more trip in her and that's it." Eloise, tilted her head back, likely reading his expression. "I don't have time to babysit anymore, Jacob. She'll need intensive care if you bring her here... You need to just let her go. There are more important things for you to worry about... we all must make our sacrifices."

"Eloise," he said restraining the anger in his tone. "You do _your_ job, and let me do mine."

After Jacob's warning to Bram and the man's insistence that there was no arguing with her, Jacob was off to confront Ilana. His anger with her completely melted when he saw her injuries. Bram was right, Jacob didn't even try.

**2004 Day 99**

After he gave in to his daughter and asked her what she wanted him to ask, he went to the temple in Dogen's workshop. Lennon left to get Layna while Dogen told him why Richard was not there.

"They went to save Ben from a group of mercenaries," Dogen explained unhappily in Japanese. "Charles Widmore sent people here to try to take over. He wanted Ben alive and Ben turned himself in to them in exchange for letting your candidates live." Jacob couldn't help but smile. "What? You think that's good? Do you know the lives _we've _lost because Ben believes he's important enough to sacrifice your people? What kind of leader puts his own life before his people... what kind of father put his own life before his _daughter_?"

"Alex?" Jacob gasped. When Dogen nodded, Jacob felt as if his heart had been pierced by the news... and a flash of the future came to him, Ben's angry face, his brother was there... he felt it again, his brother would win. And there was fire... Ilana weeping.

"Jacob," Dogen said. "Do you want me to kill Ben?"

"No!" Jacob said and woke up to the here and now. "He is leader until he stands down on his own, do you understand?" Dogen's stone face inspired a fierceness in Jacob he hadn't felt in ages. "Do you understand!" he demanded. Finally Dogen nodded.

As Jacob contained himself again, Dogen dared to ask another question, "Shall we let _him_ kill _us_ then? Do these people mean so little to you compared to him?"

"Everyone here who has agreed to live here as one of us, connected to the island," Jacob said with control, "has done so with the expressed understanding that it's only for as long as the island _needs_ them." He glanced up at Dogen and said, "I don't decide and you don't decide. The island decides. And as I've promised, if we succeed, death isn't the end. Your lives here aren't perfect, but you have a family and everyone here is doing something that has meaning... more than they would have if they didn't live here." Dogen softened as much as his stern face could and Jacob leaned in with his elbows on the table and said, "If the candidates die before someone takes my place, all that meaning goes away. And that end I've promised everyone, that goes away too. We will either have to start over, or... we lose." Dogen knew enough about his brother's intentions to be shaken by the reminder. "So," Jacob said, "If Ben, who sacrificed his own..." Jacob choked up as he said it, "daughter to protect himself was then willing to risk his life to protect people on a list Layna gave him, then yes... Richard was right to go help Ben."

When Layna came in Dogen stood and left them.

"Jacob," she said, "Richard doesn't know about the candidates yet. Dogen said you wanted to be the one to tell him... so I didn't."

"I will, later," he said. "We have to go, Ben's going to turn the wheel and it will force all the candidates to time travel, including you..." Her eyes got big, knowing what that meant. "Where I'm taking you... I can't stay..." He watched understanding and courage come over her features. "We should say goodbye now, because you probably won't be conscious when we get there."

Layna looked to be forcing a smile as she said, "I've already said goodbye, Jacob. I love you... You'll see me again, before the end."

Jacob kissed her and as he did he felt her go limp in his arms and opened his eyes to see he was in a hospital emergency room.

**2007**

Layna was convulsing and he called out for a nurse who came and took over.

When they had stabilized her, he stood at her doorway, and tried to pull himself away. He backed out, bumping into a woman holding a toddler.

"Oh, sorry," she said. She looked into the room and didn't move. Jacob was trying to figure out how he could leave when the woman said, "Are you her husband?" He nodded. "She found you, then!" Jacob looked at the woman and she said, "I'm Penny, I met your wife years ago. I'd never forget her... she helped me find _my _husband. Is she alright?"

"She's in a coma," he said. "And I can't stay... I have... an emergency back home." He looked at Layna and hated that anything could be more important than her.

"This is about the _bloody_ island, isn't it?" Penny snapped. Jacob bowed his head, feeling almost ashamed. "Go," she said. "Do what you have to do. Desmond is next door, so I'm sure I was _meant_ to keep an eye on her." Her tone was antagonistic, but Jacob had no doubt she was right.

"Desmond is your husband?" Jacob said, looking at the child. He walked by her and into the next room to see his priest sitting up in bed, wounded. "Who did this to you?" he asked. "Was it Benjamin Linus?"

"He bloody hell shot me," Desmond said. "He was going after Penny. Who are you and how do you know him?"

Jacob looked at Penny and then at Desmond and felt himself wanting to curse the island. "I'm nobody," he said and walked out.

...

Back with Eloise he said, "Does it have to be him? He's got a family."

"I knew this would happen," she said. "You are a worse sentimentalist than Richard, Jacob. Both so predictable. And yes, it _has_ to be Desmond."

"Are you 100% sure there's nobody else on the island who can do it?" he asked.

"The only way for me to know that would be to test their blood and see which one doesn't react to electromagnetism... but how am I supposed to do that?"

"Give me the vials, and I'll get it," he said. Eloise made known her disapproval, but handed over the dated boxes of blood kits she had already made up.

Jacob scribbled himself a note and left it in the chamber with the boxes and proceeded to the time and dates to pick up the samples Richard and his people had collected over the years. Putting them on her table he watched as each person still on the island was excluded. The only one who could enter the source pool and remove the cork was Desmond.

"Do you feel better now?" she asked.

"No," he said. "I want people to have a choice."

"That's very noble of you, Jacob. So when Penny and Charlie die I'm sure Desmond will understand why you didn't force him to help them. After all, when the island forced you to do something for your own good, it was never worth it was it?"

Her sarcasm was annoying, but she had a point. "It's a good thing Ben didn't succeed then," Jacob said.

"If Ben was trying to kill him, he'd be dead," Eloise scoffed. "He is a spiteful, vengeful man, who was trying to hurt Charles through his daughter and Desmond got in the way. But he'd never have hurt Desmond if he knew how important he was."

"Ben turned on me," Jacob said."

"Yes, well... he won't turned on the island." Jacob shook his head confused and she went on to explain. "Your teacher's pet has taken out all threats to the island, everyone Charles told about the island; anyone who would use it for the financial benefit and power of his Enterprise is _dead_. The only people Charles has now are a handful of silly scientists whose understanding and curiosity is minimal and whose only interest is in a job... Charles is a mere shade of the man he used to be, even begging to help me, of all the _insane_ ideas... Seeing what Ben's done is why I've agreed to help him go back on the plane with the others... but I can't send Desmond on it. He must arrive by water, just like before."

"What do you mean?" he said. "Just like before."

"You really don't understand what you did?" she asked. Jacob shook his head. "When Desmond brought that first plane down, the energy you released saving it created a wave of conscious will that was sent out into... well, time, is the best way to explain it. That wave is returning to us in something similar to an echo or reflection. By recreating the first flight, the emotional baggage of the passengers and your interest in and love for who is on that plane, I'm theorizing they will be able to ride the echo safely to the island. If they go at any other time, or if you care any less or more about the people on the plane, they'll all crash and die... you can't catch them again, you have other things to do."

"Layna was on the first plane... I don't care for anyone like I do..."

"Ilana is going back," she interrupted. "And you don't have time to go through the balance of the rest of them. You must just trust me, Jacob. Can you not do that?"

So Ilana was meant to go all along, and Ben's rejection was personal against Jacob, he wasn't turning. They were both listening to the Light even in their defiance to him. Looking at Eloise, Jacob said, "Do what you have to."

"Even if that means enlisting Charles help?" she asked. He nodded and she sighed. "Well, we all have our crosses to bear, don't we?"

**2007 "The Substitute"  
**

Back on the island, Jacob stormed through the jungle. He didn't know what he was supposed to do next and decided that if the Light would let him, he would see how things turned out. As he was walking he saw a flash of the fire he always saw of the end of his life and he stopped in his tracks. Jacob was dead here, he could feel it, and... there was no other protector! No wonder he was allowed to come here. He had to pass the job on to someone else... but what if he ran out of time before that happened?

Frightened and unsure of what to do, he kept walking towards his statue until he came across someone hanging in a tree. Touching the rope, he knew exactly who it was. Did his brother have to follow the rules? Was Richard's life still being protected? He was about to lower him when he heard the clicking of the smoke. Jacob didn't want his brother to see him, so he hid.

His stomach turned until he heard Richard reject his brother's offer. Such devotion, so unwarranted! It inspired Jacob that the Light could still win. Even Richard believed in it more than he believed in Jacob! He thought quickly on the only way he had ever won a game of strategy against his brother; distraction. As kids it was terribly annoying how he would rub it in that Jacob was stupid, and any gift Jacob had would be mocked.

And that was when it hit him what he was going to do... what he had already done! The memories lifted his spirits and gave him energy to carry on despite everything that was happening.

**69 AD**

"Jacob, do you want to play a trick on your brother?" he asked himself. The child turned around, startled and he said, "Do you recognize me from your visions?"

"You're me when I'm old?"

"This is like a vision, only real. Where I come from, your brother is an old man and we're playing a game that I made up. He's breaking the rules. Do you want to help me teach him a lesson?"

**2007**

Using Ilana's old clothes, and dye from the cabin, Jacob set his younger self up and like Ilana had been with red on her hands and put him where his brother would see him. He didn't want to scare superstitious Richard, so he took him quickly and then, since someone burned the cabin before they got back to it, they reconvened in it at a different time.

**2004**

"Did you see his eyes?" his younger self said, laughing in the dark as he sat in the rocking chair. "Can we do it again?"

"When you're older," he said and started to open the door. He heard Hugo's voice begging for the cabin to be gone.

Jacob felt bad and closed the door, moving them to an earlier time and another place.

"What's wrong?" his younger self asked.

"I think I just scared someone that I care about."

"Who?" Behind him there was a sound and Jacob startled, looking out. Again it was Hugo! And again he ran off.

"I better take you home," Jacob said. "I'll come back when you're older."

**2007**

When Jacob got back, he found Hugo talking to someone and realized, it was his own ghost! So, he didn't need to worry about him and Jack, that was a relief.

He followed his brother and seeing him talking with James, at the right time got himself as a young teen, to mess with him again. He was fast and brave at that age and he enjoyed outrunning the old man as much as Jacob liked watching it. When his brother shouted not to tell him what he couldn't do, Jacob knew, it was working. His brother had no idea what was going on. Dying his young self's hair darker really confused him and they had a good laugh about it together.

Jacob didn't take his younger self home right away, but took the time to talk about the island. He didn't remembered the conversations from his past, but he knew by this age, he wasn't sharing it anymore and didn't believe it was real. He did remember a vivid dream of knowing what it felt like to have a father figure to look up to and as they walked along talking about controlling his temper and when he should listen to his mother verses when he should decide for himself if something was true, he sincerely wished they had more time. For his sake, more than his younger self.

He was looking at the young teen, assuring him that people weren't all bad when he saw a vision that crushed him and he gasped.

"What is it?" his younger self asked him, concerned.

Sitting down, Jacob said, "Someone I love... has left."

"Who? Mother?" he asked. "Brother? Hugo?"

"No. My daughter, Ilana." Jacob looked at the confusion on the boy's face and said, "I raised her like your mother has raised you. Loving a child is like all of the love you can imagine existing in a small person who loves you like you're the whole world to them." He shook his head and tried to hold back the tears as he said, "You can't believe it until you feel it... I can't believe she's gone..."

"You're crying," he said. "Why love someone that much if it hurts when they leave?"

"Do you wish you never met me, even though I have to send you back?"

"No," he said. The understanding came to him and he asked more questions about Ilana and Layna. Jacob answered in metaphor only, not wanting to spoil the discovery. When he knew it was time and he could feel the window was closing he realized, he had put it off too long. Jacob didn't know if it was true, but theorized, if there was nothing left of him in the future, he couldn't return to it, even if the window was still open. Eloise would probably tell him it was silly, but it gave him a deadline that he needed.

"Hugo's coming. You need to go get my ashes that he took from Ilana... and once you give them to me, you're going back and I'll never see you again... but you'll become me, and you'll see you again. You'll like you too. You're a good person." The boy smiled and nodded. "And Jacob," he said to himself. "Don't be so hard on your brother, okay? He can't help it that he's the favorite... and we're going to win the game that matters."

"I'll try," he said. "But he doesn't make it easy."

"Oh, I know!"

**"What they died for scene"**

**1977**

Answering to the candidates that were left was cathartic. Normally he hated being put on the spot, but Jacob had watched them for so long that he felt like he knew them and longed for the chance to explain everything.

Leaving them with the task undone was frightening, worse by far than leaving Ilana at college with nothing but a bank account and a campus map. But he trusted Jack now, his faith would lead him and everyone believed in him. And more than that, Jacob had seen, they loved each other. Having Kate challenge him the way she did, Jacob knew she had learned to care about others more than herself. She was hurting, but she now knew what love was, and that was a gift only the Light could give.

Jacob didn't expect he would end up in the cabin afterward, he knew he would die in the statue, but he couldn't go anywhere else when he tried. He reasoned the Light would move him when it was time. Looking through his things Jacob found a notebook and a pen and began to write down a message for each of the people he'd met with, to tell them how he felt about them, and how proud he was of them. When he was done, he ripped out the pages and sealed them in an envelop with Layna's name on it. Smirking he wrote the message, "Read when it's finished".

He then thought it might be helpful if he wrote down the names of the four of them and at the top wrote to himself, "Protect at all costs." He stuck the note in one of the folders Richard would take. Then he thought to write Richard a note telling his nephew everything. Everything. But what would it do to him to know about his parents? He wrote "Layna, Read First. Share if appropriate". Jacob wasn't good at judging these things. He wrapped them together with a rubber band and put them in a book he knew would make it to his chamber for her to find.

When the sun went down, Jacob lit the lantern and looking on the bookshelf for something else to do, he saw the book Ilana had given to him. His bookmark was in the place it had been only a few years after he had it and he pieced together why, realizing this was the year Ben was shot.

On impulse, he went to the door. It was his fault that Ben had turned out the way he had and despite everything he knew about course correction and changing the past, he reached for the doorknob. His hand trembled and into his mind flashed Ben speaking to him before he turned the wheel, "I hope you're happy, Jacob."

Jacob didn't want to be hated. His brother had legitimate reasons to hate him based on what he had done to him, but Ben, he tried to _help_. Jacob didn't know what was worse, being guilty or misunderstood. Closing his eyes Jacob pressed his hands over his mouth and remembered what he had said to Widmore, "The question is, can you forgive yourself? In the end, that's all that matters."

This was it, this was the end for him. He couldn't stop what Ben would become anymore than Sayid could. He had tried to be what he thought he needed him to be and yet all the people who mattered most to him had learned not to rely on him; to rely on the Light instead. And there was no undoing that. There was only accepting who he was and that he had done the best with what he had been given.

Another flash came to him, of Ilana. "I'll have you," she said. His little girl... Jacob backed up and sat down in the chair. He wept thinking of how much he had learned from her. She was gone. The island had taken her and he was both angry and relieved. He remembered the vision of her crying at his death. But death wasn't the end...

Looking at the book sitting there that he had never finished, he picked it up. She asked so little of him and when he saw her again, he didn't want to have broken his promise.

Just as he finished the last page, he looked up, to see Layna, just as she had said. She was young and at her most beautiful; pregnant with their daughter. All those years she knew how it would end and she never told him. There were things he wouldn't tell her; how hard it was, how much it hurt, and how it was worth every tear. All that he could tell her were the facts and they didn't matter. Truths mattered, and they had to be experienced... they had to be suffered... they had to be lived through so that when death came, it could be faced.

**Chapter 35 - death awaits**


	52. Where Do We Go When It's Over?

**Author's Note: This is my final chapter in this story. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with it this far and read to the end! The beginning section may get a bit confusing, in that it is my attempt to describe a dimension outside of space and time, but hopefully it will at least be fun and maybe answer even more questions. Be sure to read my final note at the end of the story!**

2007

Layna couldn't feel herself in her body anymore, but she still felt tethered to it. When she had died, she had been completely free and had only been able to see darkness and light. This time, as she lay in a coma at the hospital, her consciousness was able to leave her body and she found herself able to explore a place she'd only heard described in metaphor.

In this dimension, the windows Jacob had talked about weren't made of glass or flat squares. They weren't solid at all but spacial diamonds reflecting points in time on their multiple facets. When she focused her attention on one she didn't feel herself traveling towards it in space, but would instead, by her will, become an observer, or enter into it.

As she passed through and about them, each specific place would rotate in it's points in time, individually and yet also in unison with the others so when she focused on more than one, they looked like a river of light was flowing over the surface of the diamond windows.

The further she focused from the individual points, the more she could see how the windows were structured in a sphere around a great light as if the universe of space was an inverse globe. Her thoughts returned to her wedding night with Jacob when she had said from that mountain top you could see everything.

"Not everything," he had said.

Layna wondered if here is where he had seen everything.

Just when she thought she understood Layna noticed another layer of connections she could only liken to threads anchored within the diamonds points until she followed one and saw that these connections that stretched across this multi-dimensional space linked consciousnesses together. They weren't static either, but rather criss-crossing in and out of each other, pulling and being pulled like a living web of will and desires.

Though tethered to her body, Layna felt herself pulled to follow the threads attached to her own heart and what she saw as she drew closer to where they led was both beyond what she could ever have imagined and yet perfectly everything she would expect it would have been. The island.

It wasn't like the other diamonds, set in a defined place along the outside perimeter, connected to others beside it, rather it hovered over the surface of the light, facing away from it.

Circling the island Layna saw that unlike the others, it had a side that didn't reflect light as she moved, as if it were a physical plane in this spiritual dimension that did not move in time. Curious, she focused closer and saw drips, streams and rivers of light flowing from the island to the central Light. Focusing on a stream, thin as a needle, she saw it was anchored to this dull surface where it touched...the wheel! Following to where the thin stream led she saw the end of it went through the light to a window along the surface. When she focused on it she recognized the desert as where she and Jacob had landed in, Tunisia.

"I can't decide where I'm going if I'm not conscious," Jacob had said.

Another beam pulsed and sent tremors along certain threads in intervals that reminded her of Jacob's description.

"Another shift is coming... I can only travel every 108 minutes". That's how it was at first, like the Lighthouse, he needed to see it could be done before he believed he could do it.

Following to where it led she changed her perspective until she saw the building of and then the destruction of the Swan. In those explosions she witnessed what could only be described as a mirror image of the diamond that was the island, separating from it, moving towards the light. Those that were on the island during this strange event were connected to threads that shown brighter than any of the others in this dimension; like the golden strands she had spun!

Finding where they converged Layna saw; each strand passing through the Lighthouse and standing there in the center of all of these brightest of strands stood Jacob.

Too overwhelmed to know when this was, Layna took in the beautiful sight of him from this dimension. His consciousness felt different to her than the others, possibly from being tied to him by a thread that wonderfully remained despite their time and spacial separation. As she had witnessed other threads, she felt pulled by his emotions.

Layna stood right behind him, and spoke. "Jacob..." But he didn't hear her. She walked in front of him and he didn't see her. He was looking into the mirror, and gazing down she saw her number on the wheel.

"Why can't I see her?" he shouted, gripping the telescope as if he might destroy the device.

"I'm right here," she whispered, staying his hand. He turned to look for her, but didn't see her. "I love you," she said. She could see on his face, he felt her presence, but didn't believe it.

She could have stayed there forever, she knew, but it seemed to torture him more for her to be there and not there, so she pulled away. As she did, Layna saw that not only was he connected to all of the candidates by the golden threads, there was also a bright and glowing thread directly to Jacob from the Light!

Watching facets of time Layna observed his connections to the candidates had started unruly, like fiber in a basket before it was spun, tangled together, needing to be sorted. But as time passed and he touched each of them, the golden strands wound tight and he formed a strong connection and through him, they were connected to the island and the light.

She saw her own connection to each of them, and though not as bright as Jacob's, when he brought them to the island she felt a wave that shot out from him through them. During that short time while it was flowing out and coming back again, she watched other threads appear between the chosen people.

By the time the echo reached the island, the candidates connections had been woven into a thick and tight tapestry that tied them together and wrapped around the island like a glowing shield.

Even when the people died, the consciousnesses remained and their connections held fast and bright. She watched as they one by one, passed on until something amazing happened, they all, together floated into the reflection of the island that they had created waiting for them by the light.

Layna also felt pulled to this place, and while she couldn't smile in this place, her heart felt joy in seeing how Jacob's consciousness had worked to protect the island through the love he had and that had developed from the light, through him and through the candidates.

Confused, and enlightened all at once, Layna suddenly needed to know why she was here witnessing this. She had no interest in going into the light as she had when she had died and she felt there was a purpose beyond following them to this other place.

And then suddenly she heard a voice that was familiar and there was a light tug on a thread of her own that felt to come right from her heart.

She turned her attention and found, Libby. She couldn't see her face or body, she looked only as a breath of mist, but within her Layna could feel her friend.

"Libby?" As her attention turned away from Hugo and communicated only in emotions at first until she slowly found a voice like a whisper.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"I think it's more important to ask, why are we here?" Layna said. After she spoke she felt another pull and without warning was removed from Libby by the forced switching of her attention to Eloise, at her bedside.

"I can see that you can hear me now," she said. "Don't be alarmed, Layna, I know where you are and I'm not going to let them turn this machine off until you've done what you need to do. Now, there are some people you have to enlist to help you because you're alive and Hugo won't be able to see you and wouldn't likely listen to you, for that matter."

Eloise provided a list of the souls Layna needed to find and who they were supposed to visit and what they were supposed to say, but she gave Layna no indication of what she was supposed to do when she was done.

So when she had done what Eloise asked, Layna went back to the island and out of her own curiosity, looked for the Source. Her first guess was to find the largest river of light flowing into the island, but each one she investigated showed her nothing of the cave. And then her attention was drawn to a solid connection, dark and unlike the other threads and rivers, she could neither pass through it or see into it.

She focused into where it led on the island to find a horrifying sight that drew her in to a time far, far in the past when the light was in a pool of water. She watched from a distance as the priests Jacob had described to her drained it and attempted to dig. When they did there was a flash and, just as she had seen with the swan, there were suddenly two islands time diamonds one from this first moment and another later. Caught between them was a man, the man she had met on the beach, Jacob's brother. He was pulled and his spirit, a black mist was pulled out of the realm where she was and into the island diamond.

He couldn't leave and come to where she was, even after he died. He'd been sent back in time to live from the beginning of the first breach of the source and focusing her view through time she witnessed when Jacob had thrown him in and he'd become aware.

"It was always you," she whispered.

Instantly Layna found herself on the island as if her words had drawn her into it. The smoke ticked around her, having heard her and she now saw the reflections of the dimension she had just come from were in his view as well; that's how he saw people and knew the people he judged!

"I see you," his voice echoed in her ears. "You didn't die here, but you will be stuck here now, just like I am."

Suddenly she heard whispers around her and try as she might to pull her attention away from this place, Layna was caught by him, and as he pulled her down and under the temple, through it to the source, the tether on her body yanked tightly as he tried to rip her life away.

She had traveled enough in time to know it could be done, and though it would have killed her were her body here, Layna willed herself away from him through time to a place in the future. Free of his grasp she saw a man entering into the source, pulling the stone from it. Nothing happened at first, but then the mist of Jacob's brother's tortured soul slipped back out and through it, causing a bright red light to shine out. Layna felt herself pulled towards the red glow, like a suction that she couldn't fight.

She heard voices calling down to the man, "Desmond!"

"She's waking up," she heard someone say.

"Desmond?" she said. He looked up at her and squinted her eyes. He reached out his hand, but she couldn't take it.

"Layna," a woman said.

As her vision of the source and the volcanic light began to fade into the darkness that she remembered from when she had died, just like before, she heard Jacob's voice. He wasn't speaking to her, though.

"Let go, it's the only way to save yourself." She looked over to where she heard him and Jacob was a mist, like Libby and the other dead souls had been. She couldn't see his face, but he said to her, "I'll be waiting for you."

She saw him floating away and wanted to go with him, but felt herself being pulled back and as she did, she watched the plug being replaced by Jack, 23 and Desmond was being lifted out of the source.

Opening her eyes, Layna took a deep breath and beside her she saw the woman she had met by the dock. She called the doctor's in and after they checked her over and left, Penny came to her side again and said, "Did you... did you see... Desmond?"

"He did it..." Layna said.

Crying Penny pleaded, "Did he survive?"

Layna nodded and took her hand, shedding tears for Penny's joy and sorrow for the knowledge that Jacob hadn't.

...

They both believed that finding the island was only a matter of setting sail this time. Their faith was confirmed by a call Penny received when they they were approaching but unable to find a way in. When Penny heard the name, she put the cell on speaker and Layna listened with her.

"Hey, yeah, well, you don't know me... buuuut, I got your number off a list of names that someone... that I found and... I just wanted to tell you that Desmond's here and we're..." He paused and Penny and Layna exchanged glances as Hugo seemed to be shushing someone in the background. Quietly he said, "I told you, I got it, dude, Its cool, I'll protect you, just chill..." Then he came back louder, "I'm trying to... figure out how to get him off the island and I was wondering..."

"We're here," Penny said.

"Really?" he said with a laugh and then off the phone he said, "See, I told you, just to call... you gotta start listening to me, dude."

"Is that Desmond you're talking to?" Penny asked..

"Uh... not exactly. Desmond's kind of... asleep. I think he's okay, but... We're... _I'm _not sure what to do. We gave him some island water, but... I'd kind of like him to see a doctor to make me feel better."

"I've got a doctor on my boat, we'll bring him in. We might need some help, though."

"Uh, I don't know...," There was a pause and some whispering and then he came back on confidently with a set of coordinates that he sounded to be reading.

...

When they arrived it was only Hugo who greeted them and while he wasn't exactly surprised to see Layna again, he was very quiet when he drove them and the doctor to the barracks. Desmond woke and the doctor went to another bunker to look after a few others who had survived. Emma and Zach hardly looked excited to go home, but Cindy was reassuring them their time on the island was over.

Standing outside on the porch with Hugo during Penny and Desmond's reunion, Layna said, "He wanted it to be you, you know."

"Who, Jacob?" he asked. "Well it wasn't it was Jack. I'm just who he had to settle for cause everyone else left."

"That's what he thought when he became protector too," Layna said. "It was probably supposed to be you. The island picks, not the protectors."

"Says the crazy lady I met in a psyche ward," he said. Layna laughed and he pressed his lips together nervously.

When Desmond came to the door and stepped out with Penny, Hugo said, "So I guess you'll all be going now, right?"

It was more than Layna could take and she asked, "You really want to be stuck here on the island, all by yourself? That doesn't seem like you."

When he shrugged and looked to be trying to come up with an excuse, Layna felt a tingling and looked over at one of the bunkers. She glanced at Hugo and then started to walk towards it.

"No!" Hugo said, waddling after her. "I forbid you to go in there." Layna smiled and kept walking. "You have to listen to me, don't you? Cause I'm like the protector now and all."

"I want to see who survived," Layna said. "I lost a lot of people I care about."

Hugo stopped in place as she walked up on the porch. Without knocking she opened it and sitting at the table in the kitchen, Ben sat up straight with wide eyes. He stood slowly and behind her Hugo walked up and said, "I tried, dude, but... I haven't figured out how Jacob got people to do what he wanted yet."

Staring at Ben Layna said, "He didn't tell people what to do, Huto, he let them figure it out or gave them a choice." Ben looked away and she said, "Hugo, do you mind leaving us alone?"

"You going to kill him?" he asked. "Cause... I kinda need him."

"She's not going to kill me," Ben said. "I'm sure it'll be worse than that." When Hugo hesitated, Ben said, "I'll be fine."

Once the door was shut behind her, Layna came in and sat down at the table and Ben nervously sat across from her. "May I ask you a few questions?"she asked. He nodded. "Did Jacob touch you?" Ben's chin quivered and again he nodded. "I think... he may have gifted you when he touched you." She looked at her hands and said, "I can feel it when people are special or gifted. But I don't always know why... you're going to have to discover it, I think." She glanced up and Ben was staring down at his own hands as he sat frozen.

After a long while he said, "You said my gift was deception. I never asked for that gift... I never wanted it. It's plagued me my whole life."

"You did ask for it, when you were a child," she said. "He spared you from the trauma of remembering the darkness he had to show you when he healed you... But I was there and I remember... And maybe..." When he looked at her she said, "Maybe he took it back?" When confusion flitted over his features she said, "Would the old Ben have trusted Hugo to cover for him and let himself be caught? Either you weren't even trying and you wanted me to find you, or you may have lost something of your cleverness."

Thoughtful, Ben didn't answer and she couldn't tell, maybe he hadn't lost the gift, or was having second thoughts about wanting to. It didn't matter. Layna pushed onward. "Can you tell me what happened to Ilana?"

"She died," he said.

"How?" she asked. "Did the smoke..."

"No. The island... with the help of her temper and a stick of _dynamite_," he said. When he saw her distress, he whispered, "It was an accident."

Soberly Layna said, "There are no accidents on this island."

He swallowed and said, "I didn't do it... if that's what you think."

"I wasn't accusing you. I mean I don't believe in coincidences. It was meant to happen," she said. "Do you know who she was?"

"One of Jacob's hired body guards," he said. "Not exactly the cream of the crop, unfortunately for him." He looked to almost continue, but bit his lip.

"She was our daughter," Layna said. Ben's mouth dropped open and Layna said, "I believe the island took her because he asked it to put an end to her suffering back when she was still a child inside of me." Layna wiped a tear and said, "He knew what was going to happen. He didn't know everything, but he knew it would be you."

Ben pulled his trembling hands beneath the table. "I... am," he started and let go a breath before he finished. "So... sorry."

"We've both lost everyone we love," she said. He squeezed his eyes shut. "But they are still out there, waiting for us." She could see he didn't believe it, and Layna took a deep breath and wiped another tear. She didn't have the heart, or think it was even possible to convince him. She stood and said, "I hope you'll help me talk Hugo into letting me stay? The island is the only family I have now."

She walked to the door and Ben stood as she was opening it and said, "You knew Richard Alpert, right? He said he lived with your family when you were young."

"Yes," she said softly. "I didn't ask about him, because after such a long life, I'm sure he was ready..."

"He didn't die," Ben said. Slowly she turned and he said, "A plane left the island." He came around the table and said, "I'm 99% positive Albert was on it. And I'm sure I could find him for you. I know all his contacts... it's the least I can do."

Unable to believe it or hide her relief and excitement, Layna hugged Ben and cried, overwhelmed. He didn't seem to know what to do and just stood there making it very awkward for both of them. When Hugo came in to check on them, the sight of her letting go of Ben scared him at first until she said, "We should talk. I need to tell you what you're protecting."

"Cool," he said. "You okay with that Ben? You wanna here?"

"I know what it is," Ben said with a small, stiff smile, and walked out.

...

Her long talk with Hugo, giving him Jacob's letter and telling him what she knew about the island, the light and what she'd seen when in the coma didn't go very well. When she was done he seemed to give up thinking he needed to understand everything to do the job, and she realized, that attitude is probably why he was chosen for it. When Layna left the island with Penny, Desmond and Ben's list of numbers for her to call, including his own, she felt a loss. But she didn't think she had any connections there anymore, and wanted to find the one person she loved who was still alive.

It took her several months, even with help from Penny's resources, before Layna was able to find someone who trusted her enough and had heard from Richard. It just so happened that he'd kept in contact with Kate, Claire and the others and he suggested she deliver all of their letters first. Each of them reacted differently, but all well and grateful. Especially Kate who wept with her and insisted they keep in contact. Layna also spoke with Eloise and found her just as difficult as before and decided not to visit her niece; she would only feel like a burden.

When she did sit down to talk to Richard about what Jacob had left for him, she got a surprise.

"I don't want to read it," Richard said. His tone was cool. "In fact..." he took it out of her hand and went over to the stove in his efficiency apartment. Turning on the gas, he lit the corner of it and tossed it in the metal sink where it burned up completely. He sat down satisfied.

Layna covered her mouth, watching him tap his finger on the table. She hurt for his wounded heart and wondered if it would ever heal.

"It's good to see you, though," he said. "None of this was your fault... So where will you living?"

She shook her head, not expecting this either. "You're my only family, Richard..."

"Eloise isn't..." he started and then looked down, "No, of course she isn't. She probably wants to forget too."

Searching his face, Layna realized, Richard couldn't look at her without thinking about the island and Jacob. He didn't blame her, but seeing her brought up the pain.

"He meant to talk to you, Richard," she said. His face twitched and he looked in her eyes. "He was very busy..."

"Busy?" he said with a laugh. "My life was busy, working for _him_. You can have the illusion that he cared for us all you want, but I was loyal to him until the end just as everyone of us was who stayed in that temple." When he began to choke up, Layna looked down. "Do you know what happened to them? They all _DIED_."

"Death isn't the end," she said. Richard leaned back in his small kitchen chair exasperated as he had been with her when she was a child even though she looked older than him now. "He loved you like a son." When he shook his head and stood she pleaded with him, "Don't you know that you're the one who changed him?"

Richard turned from her, looking out the tiny kitchen window as she went on. "You might not have seen it, but I did. And I know he admired you... He wanted to be _like_ you." Richard didn't move. "It would break his heart to see you like this... to know he hurt you."

When she stood and went to his side she Said, "I read the letter, and if you _ever _change your mind about it's contents..."

"I won't," he said in a tiny voice. And then after letting go a small sob he said, "I should be stronger... I know you need me... I just..."

"I'll be fine," she said and kissed his cheek, relieving him of any more burden or responsibility. When his eyes turned to her, uncertain she said. "Ben will help me."

THE END

**Authors Note: My next story "The Others Ever After" will be a 5 chapter 'Sideways' to give these characters and those in Wheel of Fortune their due like the Losties got in "The End". Keep an eye out for it! And if you haven't read WoF go to it! These are companion stories and the final story will make so much more sense if you've read both. :)**

**PS. Any final reviews would be much appreciated, after spending so many months of my life on this story in every spare moment, I'm ready to move on soon to my original novel and knowing what you liked or didn't like about this will help me so much with that!  
**


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